Pees & Qs

‘GERMAN Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder has no need of a bandana – he is blessed with a full head of luxuriant black hair with ne’er a trace of dye.

‘I’ve just been for a pee and I haven’t washed my hands’

So when Russian president Vladimir Putin was casting around for a present to give his friend and fellow leader, he eschewed headwear and the normal trinkets that oil international diplomacy.

Instead, he gave him a three-year-old orphan from Pavlovsk Orphanage No.4 in St Petersburg.

While Tony and Cherie Blair breed like incontinent rabbits, the Telegraph says that Herr Schroeder has collected wives rather than children.

He is step-father to his 13-year-old Klara, daughter of fourth wife Doris, and now the adopted father of little Victoria.

Living in a house of all women cannot be easy for the 60-year-old Chancellor, particularly when it comes to toilet etiquette. Does he pee standing up or sitting down?

This is apparently a big issue in Germany – as evidenced by a new £6 voice alarm (called WC Ghost) which reprimands men for standing up to deliver.

It is triggered when the seat is lifted and a voice (impersonating Herr Schroeder) issues the following reprimand.

‘Hey, stand-peeing [stehpinkeln] is not allowed here and will be punished with fines, so if you don’t want any trouble, you’d best sit down.’

The fact that the Germans have a single word for standing up to pee is discovery enough, but even better is that they have a word for those who sit down.

It’s sitzpinkler…and it means wimp.’

Posted: 18th, August 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink