Do Or Dye

‘CLOSE your eyes and conjure up a picture of Kerry McPudding.

Has she not, er, balance?

Is she not blonde? Is she not as fragrant as a vat of cockroach poo and fly larvae? Is she not chubby in a way many British women find non-threatening?

Now open your eyes and look at the sensational new Kerry, as seen in the Express.

Yes, that is her! We can’t vouch for her smell, but she has, as the story says, lost a stone in weight!

And that’s not the only amazing news, since Kerry has also dyed her hair a dark brown.

If it were not for her constant chatter about her Brian, her kiddies and her crown, she would be utterly unrecognisable as a celebrity of any sort.

Kerry could walk in the street and no-one would bat an eyelid.

But the Express’s canny editor, keen to fill a slow news day when Liz Hurley hasn’t worn a dress and gypsies haven’t overrun Kent, knows a story when he sees it.

So here is Kerry – brown, tanned and not quite as big as she was, but still not as slim as a celebrity usually is.

And there she goes, on her way to polish her crown, talk about her kiddies or – who knows? – perhaps even dye her hair back to blonde…’

Posted: 29th, November 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink