A Tongue Lashing

‘IT’S not often a voice sticks up for Jamie Oliver, and let’s not make ours the first.

Jamie suffered a fat lip in the fracas

It’s only right and proper that when the Star says the National Consumer Council has ”slammed” supermarkets for selling junk food, it illustrates the piece with a shot of Oliver eating.

The man hired to give Sainsbury’s a pukka edge is now credited with owning and running said purveyors of crap, as the caption to the picture makes clear: ”RAPPED: Jamie Oliver’s Sainsbury’s.”

But, as the Sun says, Oliver is a ”mild-mannered fella” and will not take unkindly to being handed over a huge corporation, even if it does sell rubbish.

Even he can be pushed too far, however, and we read with no little shock – and more than a smidgeon of pleasure – that he has had a fight with 1950s throwback Mark Lamarr.

We will never condone fighting here at Anorak Towers, although surely an exchange of handbags between two Mockney wideboys like Wiltshire hard man Lamarr and Essex likely lad Oliver is a win-win situation.

But, as is the way with the papers, they still like to tell us the story, to give us some facts by way of background, to put this fight in some kind of context.

So, before we call gather round in a circle and call upon the pair to beat the living daylights out of each other, we are introduced to the setting, which happens to be an exhibition of Ronnie Wood’s paintings at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane.

It seems that for some time now the cretinous Lamarr has been ragging the generously tongued Oliver about – get this! – the way Jamie speaks.

Having had a few drinks at the bar, and buoyed up by a chortling gang of lickspittles, TV presenter Lamarr staggered over to Oliver to give him a piece of his mind.

The first few snide remarks Oliver laughed off, but Lamarr would not stop there and threw another insult at his rival.

And that was when the nice boy snapped. Jumping off his scooter – he always sits astride a scooter – Oliver lunged for the odious twerp and grabbed his massive, oversized collar.

At this moment, Jools, Oliver’s sidekick and employee at his Sainsbury’s stores, began shouting and telling her husband to stop it.

But Oliver wasn’t having any of it, and ‘forgetting’ to remove his trademark scooter helmet, he threw back his tousled bonce and headbutted Lamarr’s grinning, syrupy face.

Or, rather, he didn’t. Oliver did as his wife implored and let Lamarr go. It could have been nasty…but it wasn’t. No-one was hurt.

Which, as we are sure you will agree, is a very good thing…’

Posted: 14th, December 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink