Turkey Roasted

‘WHAT’S sauce for the goose may be sauce for the gander – but the same cannot be said of turkeys. Not, at least, of Bernhard Matthews turkeys.

”Oi, fat mouth!”

The Guardian reports that English pupils are still being served products from the farm of the man who knows more about turkeys than Ben Affleck, despite their being banned in Scotland.

It seems that even the Scots, aficionados of the deep-fried Mars bar and world-leaders in heart disease, have turned up their nose at Mr Matthews’ products.

Not because they taste crap (although they do), but because meals like Twizzlers contain 21.2% fat when cooked – more than twice the maximum recommended.

His burgers are 19.8% fat, while the nuggets are a comparatively healthy 17.3%.

But, below a particularly unappetising front-page picture of the aforementioned Twizzlers, the Guardian reports that all three meals are still served up to English kids.

Gillian Kynoch, Scotland’s health tsar, said the Government needed to raise its game and put pressure on food manufacturers to improve their products.

”I would go so far as to say that England is holding us back,” she says.

Or at least it would be if it could get close enough.

But diet is not the only route to a healthy life – so is marriage. At least, in the singular.

Researchers in the United States have concluded that men are healthier when they are married, but that remarriage is a mixed blessing.

Married men eat more fruit and vegetables (and fewer Twizzlers) than divorced or widowed men, says the Times, they smoke less and they drink less.

While the diet of men who go on to remarry improves, however, exercise decreases and weight increases – ”suggesting that, after snaring a second spouse, men may let themselves go”.

Or the sex stops as soon as they reach the far end of the aisle…’

Posted: 14th, December 2004 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink