Three Lions On Her Chest
‘FOR the past seven years Nancy DellOlio has been Sven Goran Eriksson’s main strike partner.
Despite his brief flirtation with a very forward blonde from his native country, the nippy Italian has remained Sven’s first choice and has continued to play alongside the coach of England’s football team.
On Tuesday we saw the pair limbering up for a bout of something or other. The Karma Sventra, said the Suns front page. A Sven and Nancy guide to holiday love.
Over a double-page spread, readers who want to learn what it is about wealthy Sven that sends a secretarys pulse racing got to see the silver ferret going through the motions with his Nancy.
Play in any position, said the headline, as the Sun invited readers to watch Sven engage something between yoga, the Karma Sutra and allin wrestling with his flexible friend.
We dont dare give this workout a name, but do give our heartfelt thanks that Sven chose to do whatever it was in a pair of shorts and not a thong.
In any case, Svens love life was to get more interesting. Another of his conquests, the thrusting Faria Alam, had taken the stand at an employment tribunal she claims to be the victim of a constructive dismissal from her post at the FA.
We heard how the England manager had seduced her away from then FA chief executive Mark Palios with the come on, Youve never tried me, give me a chance. And that FA executive director David Davies tried to tap her up.
Alam alleged that Davies, a former BBC reporter, had come on to her, made advances, tried to woo her. Faria didnt want three lions on her chest, and claimed to have rebutted his unwelcome advances.
Davies, for his part, denied any wrongdoing, calling the allegation cruel, grotesque and callous.
The case goes on. A sordid tale full of cheeky one-twos around the office, mazy runs through the legal system and FA own goals.
The only surprise is not how many men were interested in Alam, but that the moneymen at Chelsea were not.
And neither was Charlotte Church. She was busy elsewhere. On Tuesday we learnt that shed been away and had flown 12,000 miles to be with her lover, ruby star Gavin Henson.
In New Zealand for just three days, Charlotte had travelled light, taking along the bare essentials: chocolate body balm, naughty lingerie and a bathtime love potion.
But Church wanted more, and on Wednesday we read what she likes to do when she isnt turning her man into a finger of fudge.
The Telegraph lined up 10 shot glasses full of vodka and a glass of Charlottes early evening livener of a Cheeky Vimto (two shots of port, and a bottle of WKD original blue vodka) to show how much she can down in an evening.
In excess of the Government-approved 21 units of booze a week in a single session, the clear minds at Alcohol Concern were aghast.
Over 10 units and the chances are you are going to be intoxicated, said the papers expert knowingly. We sat back in amazement.
But by Friday, Church was doing a passable impression of the Crazy Frog and going potty in Cardiff.
We heard that police had to break up a huge row between Church and her former boyfriend, Kyle Johnson. Johnson, you will remember, sold secrets of he and Charlottes love affair to a newspaper. So when they bumped into each other in a Cardiff bar, words were exchanged.
Bad words were said. Two men exchanged blows. The bouncers threw the singer and Johnson out. Police then arrived and told the exes to calm down. Then the pair went into her flat in Cardiff and the row continued.
It was too, too much. The Voice of an Angel behaving in such a terrible fashion… Had the world gone mad? Whatever next?
Good job weve got Tim Henman to uphold the values of a decent society. Come on, Tim…
Paul Sorene’
Posted: 25th, June 2005 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
