Taken For a Ride

‘DANNY Baldwin’s always sailed close to the wind – shacking up with his son’s babysitter and going bankrupt through dodgy dealings – but even by his standards his affair with Leanne is beyond the realms of decency. The fair Frankie almost caught the grubby pair in a hotel in Manchester this week.

‘I heard you were a bit of a nag’

Danny had sent son Jamie to Holland to drop off some knickers so that he could drop off some knickers of his own – those of Jamie’s girlfriend Leanne. The minute Jamie had set off, Danny was on the phone to Leanne to tell her that he’d booked them into a hotel in Manchester.

Unfortunately for Leanne, Vera ‘Dumbo’ Duckworth was listening in and promptly told Frankie that she’d heard Leanne arranging a date for that evening. Frankie hopped into her car and followed the hussy, dressed in her best pelmet skirt, into the hotel Leanne had arranged to meet Danny in.

Frankie pulled out her mobile and dialled up her husband: “Babe – what’s the best way of emptying out a hotel?” she asked him. “Simple,” replied her cheating husband as he removed Leanne’s top with his teeth, “set off the fire alarm.”

It didn’t occur to Danny to ask quite why his wife wanted the information and seconds later the fire alarm was ringing throughout the hotel. Quick as a flash, Leanne was back into her clothes and calmly sauntered down into reception where she bumped into Frankie. “Gotcha!” gloated Frankie, only to be told by Leanne that she’d gone to the hotel for a job interview. “I’m so sorry Leanne,” blushed Frankie, “I should never have doubted you.”

Perhaps if Frankie had been a bit more doubting then she’d have realised that a man who runs off with his teenaged babysitter isn’t going to bat an eyelid at pulling his son’s girlfriend.

Elsewhere in Weatherfield, things are hotting up between Maria and new mechanic Nathan. “What does a girl like you see in Tyrone?” he whispered to her in the Rovers, “you could do so much better.”

Maria popped in to the garage the next day and Nathan just happened to have his top off, doing his impression of the diet coke bloke. “Tyrone’s out,” he purred, “anything I can help you with – you would like a servicing?” Maria’s overheating under her bonnet and it’s clear that it’s not going to be long before Nathan’s giving her pipes a very good clear out.

More sexual frustration boiling over at The Rovers as Shelly caught Charlie having a lock in with a mystery brunette. In true Charlie style, though, he’s managed to turn it around so that the dumbest blonde in the universe actually ended up apologising to him for “forcing him” into it. “I can change,” she whined to Charlie. Change into what? She’s already a doormat.

One woman who never takes anything lying down (she much prefers it up against the wall) is Liz McDonald. Liz had been dating one of Ken’s teaching colleagues, Bob.

He suggested that Liz come round one evening to his house so that he could photograph her, “to capture the true essence of beauty through art.” Which should have been enough to sound warning bells – Liz McDonald is more Venus De Manchester Ship canal than De Milo.

And sure enough, the real reason that Bob had asked her to pose for him became clear. “Why not slip off that dress,” he oozed, “and jump onto this?” pulling out a horse’s saddle. Liz’s face hadn’t looked more horrified since she was given an OAP discount in Anne Summers.’

Posted: 19th, August 2005 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink