Toxic Shock

‘BRITNEY Spears has always made more headlines than memorable hit records.

Indeed, this week she makes such a long headline that it might serve as chorus to her next hit: “Fears over BOOZING BRITNEY – SHE HIT BOTTLE JUST WEEKS AFTER BABY.”

The Enquirer’s front-page headline, delivered in its trademark acidic yellow and red ink, sounds every bit as bad as some of Britney’s tunes.

Inside the magazine, we hear sources say that Britney is drinking and smoking to help her deal with the stress of having a new baby.

For those among us who don’t know what drinking and smoking look like, there’s an instructive shot of Britney doing both at once. In the language of the showbiz circuit she is a cross-over artiste and multi-talented.

Of course, we have every sympathy with a new mum who finds her changed role in life stressful and draining. Hormones are raging and strange tings occur.

But not all of Britney’s stresses are, apparently, down to little Preston. As one source says: “She hasn’t lost the pregnancy weight and she’s desperate to get back in superstar shape and resume her career. She has turned to drinking wine to relax, washing away her stress.”

If only her superstar shape was of Kirsti Ally’s dimensions, then surely Britney would be overjoyed, perhaps even contemplating another pregnancy.

But so much of Britney’s allure is down to her flat stomach that without it there’s some chance that her carer will shrink as her waistline expands.

“Now the weight just hangs on her belly,” says the source. “She must feel like a she has the figure of a middle-aged woman.” And not middle-aged woman like Demi Moore or Susanne Sarandon, but that of just about any British mother.

So she’s eschewing her usual meals of fried chicken and hamburgers and opting for Slim Fast shakes.

But this alone may not be enough. She needs to exercise, but her keep-fit regime is down to walking pace. And the doctor’s ban on Britney engaging in strenuous activity extends to her sex life.

“Britney and Kevin were having awesome sex, mind-blowing sex during her pregnancy,” says an insider. “Now her sex drive is practically non-existent.

But helpful husband Kevin, pictured in his role as “Mr Mom”, is doing his best to get Britney in the mood by, as one source claims, “demanding” that Britney allow him to rent X-rated movies on cable.

But why bother with them when he can just slide a few of Britney’s raunchy DVDs into the player – unless she’s already using them as coasters for her drinks…’

Posted: 21st, October 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink