Going Ape

Winners

The scores so far – brought to you in conjunction with German tabloid Bild – now follow: Coleen McLoughlin is the top spending Wag (footballers’ wives and girlfriends) so far. She has spent £2,290 on: a Fendi handbag (£1,440), Gucci sunglasses (£154), a pair of Roberto Cavalli shorts (£300) and two Louboutin stilettos (£395). Wine and other alcoholic beverages are not included.

German striker Miroslav Klose has been getting in his eye for goal by hitting a ball at light switches in his home. Klose says the switches are quite big, but not big enough to stop him breaking a vase and a picture.

A priest in Oberhausen, Germany, has kitted out his church with goals and artificial turf. Father Bernd Walhard says the “worst thing that can happen is for a candle-holder to fall from the altar”. As the saying goes: “Jesus Saves! But Satan heads in the rebound.”

Losers

Baboons at Merseyside’s Knowsley Safari Park have been getting in the spirit of the World up by snapping England flags off cars driving through their compound. “This is hardly surprising,” says the park’s manager. “All the baboons were born on Merseyside so they are probably as football-mad as everyone else.” (Insert terribly unfair, cruel and misguided joke about them not being able to reach the tyres here.)

Nancy Dell’Olio has had to step in to stop the bitching among the Wags. She hosted a banquet at a mountain-top castle and told the girls: “Sven’s got the men fighting as one – we must do the same.” Of course, the men all have to wear the same thing – what happens when the girls see one new top that all want? It could be carnage.

Posted: 23rd, June 2006 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink