Off The Rack

Winners

Sir Clive Woodward, the former England rugby coach, says footballers should work on their penalty taking. He wants penalty shoot-outs at the end of every match.

Academics at the Cass Business School have come up with a formula to determine how well a nation should perform at a World Cup. Taking into account key factors – the number of internationals who play abroad, the number of men who play football regularly, climate and the number of years the nation have been a member of Fifa – England should be the fourth best team in the world. Scotland the 34th best, Wales 37th and Northern Ireland 48th. Brazil came in at 18th.

Losers

There’s no room on Fifa’s Golden Ball awards for England players. Fifa’s technical study group have selected the ten players from which the tournament’s most valuable player will be selected. The finalists are: Gianluigi Buffon, Fabio Cannavaro, Andrea Pirlo, Ginluca Zambrotta (all Italy), Thierry Henry, Patrick Vieira, Zinedine Zidane (France), Michael Ballack, Miroslav Klose (Germany) and Portugal’s Maniche.

A Manchester United fan has put Cristiano Ronaldo up for sale on eBay. The ad reads: "Cristiano Ronaldo cheating goofy England hating portugezer, requesting first class ticket out of England. Unfortunately not welcome within 120 miles of Manchester. Requires good accommodation with torture chamber and enjoys 23.5 hours a day on the rack. Will never be allowed access to the UK ever again so if purchased, a holiday to England is out of the question. If you are the unfortunate successful bidder your life will not be worth living…….we will find you!!!!"

Italy’s Alessandro Del Piero has told his friend Liam Gallagher, of pop band Oasis, to wear exactly the same clothes he was wearing for the semi-final win against Germany.

Posted: 8th, July 2006 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink