Chip Shape – Kerry Katona On Victoria Beckham
“I’VE done absolutely nothing this week…” And so begins another look at Kerry Katona’s OK! Diary.
We could leave it there. But nothing is what Kerry does so well. Whether it is doing nothing in the I’m A Celebrity Jungle, doing nothing in rehab, or doing nothing in OK!, nothing is what Kerry does. She is, famously, the celebrity who is about nothing.
So having secured our interest, we read on and learn that Kerry has been pulled over by the fuzz. This is no joke. Kerry has been caught using her mobile phone while driving.
“I was only calling Mark to see if he wanted anything from the chippy so it was a stupid move,” says Kerry. “Indeed, the £30 fine represents a waste of money, and by our estimations at least 15 portions of chicken and chips with curry batter and complementary gherkin.
And Kerry has learned her lesson. “You’ll never see me doing that again,” she tells us. We don’t doubt it. Chances are we’ll never see Kerry doing anything again. As is her wont.
But Kerry has been reading. She has been listening. And she reads that she’s been “secretly texting Brian”. Brian is, naturally, Brian McPudding, Kerry’s former husband who once supported the rest to his Boyzone band like a large barely mobile bollard.
“What a load of c**p!” says Kerry. And before we can agree, she asks us: “Where to the press get his s**t from?” Well, not from your diary Kerry, which, as she’s noted, is full of nothing.
Kerry then reveals that she doesn’t even own a mobile at the moment. Which implies that the one Kerry was using when she was spotted by the police wasn’t hers. Which opens up an entire new arena of debate and discussion.
But before that, we leave you with a vision. Kerry’s diary is a multi-media experience.
Kerry has seen Victoria Beckham out and about in Paris for Paris Fashion Week. “I wouldn’t like to get up every morning and have to put all that c**p on. I’d live to see her walk out of the house in pair of trackies, one of her bloke’s T-shirts and no make-up – just like I do.”
Nothing more to say. Nothing.
Posted: 1st, February 2007 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
