Britney Spears Moves To Her Own Island
2009
BRITNEY Spears tells MTV, in the documentary Britney: For The Record of her desire to live on an island.
“That would be heaven – to have my kids on an island, and a man, and nobody can get to us.”
It’s the kind of comment that makes we Britons, an island race, count our blessings.
But having successfully exported Madonna, are we ready to be invaded once more by another strutting, thrusting American?
The idea of Britney coming over and dry humping our might oaks is terrifying.
Thankfully, 14 is here to blow a kindly wind on the Spears life raft and send it towards an island far, far away.
The sun drenched white sands of Possum Island, located near the Sea of Frappuccino is where Britney spends most her time sunning and enjoying the nearby Taco Bell tiki hut. To make herself feel more at home when nature calls, she’s installed a replica of a filthy gas station bathroom. Her bothersome father lives in a tent out near the Strait of Y’all.
Britney island is fully towable, tax deductable and with a prevailing wind and jagged rocks in the harbour soon home to a tribe who worship the mighty Starbucks and consider sun-damaged hair the apogee of beauty.
2009 Brintey Island News Ledger headlines:
January:
“No!” Britney announces that she is NOT pregnant.
February:
“Yes!” Britney tipped to sweep board BI Oscars.
March:
“Where’s Britney?” Britney not seen on island for weeks. Says Britney to celebrity reporter Britney: “I’ll be back, y’all.”
April:
“Britney Tired & Emotional” – Britney Spears spokesman B. Spears says the island’s number one star is taking some much-needed me time at The Coconut Spa and Therapy Clinik.
May:
“Tour!” Britney announces Island tour!
June:
“Brit’s new man!” Spears seen frolicking in surf with a new man. Do you know the name of the mystery man with the brown head, straw-like hair and empty head?
July:
“Phew!” Britney joins global warming march. Sys Spears: “Fuck me it’s hot.”
August:
“I’m Bi-Hemisphere.” Spears admits bi-hemispherism on daytime telly.
September:
“Fmph!” Spears forget lines and mumbles through breakfast.
October
“Controversy!” Spears tour ends on sour note as audience migrates. Spears forced to perform before shimmering pool of water.
November:
“Revolution!” Jayden sets fire to Starbucks altar and declares himself the one true Barrista.
December
“Yaaaaay!
Britney towed to Australia, but withy access denied the star is forced to bring in the New Yea with the boat people.
Posted: 19th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink
