Jo Wood Markets Her Home In Hello!

JO Wood, of the BBC’s Stritcly Come Dancing, hopes her estranged husband Ronnie Wood will “come over for Sunday lunch”.

Hello! records the invitation on its front page, alongside a picture of Jo looking as if the fuse has just blown on her lights. Jo is so in the dark she that she could pass for Ekaterina Ivanova, Ron’s current flame, or pretty much anyone else.

Inside the magazine, and inside Jo’s gigantic home in Kingston Vale, which is big enough to suggest that she’s not only expecting Ronnie but so too his lover, her family, the rest of the Rolling Stones, their families, any of the 70,000 or so fans who saw the Stones last play at Wembley and her next door neighbours, plus pets.

“If the walls of Holmwood House could talk, what stories they could tell,” says Hello!.

Well, they can’t talk. But they can echo. If they could talk, the place may be more homely and be filled with noise. The house is vast and empty of life. In it, Jo cuts a rather lonely, small figure. Hello! calls it “idyllic”, and it is if you want to be alone, save for a few figures of reclining and seated Buddhas by the pool and a suit of armour. And Jo.

Hello! calls it a “cosy nest”, in much the same way Hitler’s nest was cosy, or a barn is cosy to a mouse. It’s so cosy that Jo’s daughter Leah, lives next door in a cottage with her husband Jack and her baby. Tom, a friend of Leah’s brother Tyrone is living in the gatehouse.

Jo is opening the doors of her home this November for a “re-run of the successful ‘pop-up’ organic restaurant, Mrs Paisley’s Lashings“.

Jo is using her home as an eatery. Do come over. There is plenty of room. There are tens of chairs and tables. Do come. Say you will…

And then we learn that Jo is selling the property. Why? “It’s too big for me.”

And it becomes clear that his is not an ‘at home with Jo’ but ‘Buy my home”, an estate agent’s viewing organised by Hello!, in which prospective purchasers get to see the immaculate pile and learn a little of its history.

And if you pop over, you might see Jo, and get to talk to her…