X Factor: John & Edward Perform Live Duet With Miming Britney Spears
X FACTOR Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance looks at X Factor in the news: Louis Walsh mocks Cheryl Cole’s singing, Simon Cowell vows to spend more time in the sun, and John & Edward do Britney Spears too well.
Daily Mirror (front page): “YOU’RE TWIN FREAKS – Cowell savage John & Ed”
Savages? He’d never risk his teeth.
“This X Factor is the hardest one to call,” he says, still reeling from Danyl deffo-not-a-bully-deffo-still-would Johnson being in the bottom two last weekend. “The twins are completely deluded and live in fantasy land but they are lovely. They thought Britney would watch their performance and wanted to invite Robbie to their party.”
John & Edward performed a live version of a Britney Spears song. The performance was every bit as good as the original, save for the boys failing to dry hump the stage, not miming and omitting the Max Wall tribute.
The irony is that it was Britney Spears’ appearance on the X Factor that taught us how with the right package, sound engineers and bra, Simon Cowell can be as good as Britney Spears, as can any number of X Factor crowd, Britney’s driver, The Chuckle Brothers, Big Mo from EastEnders and Cheryl Cole.
Programme choreographer Brian Fieldman, who has worked with the world-famous star, has decided to send her a copy of the boys’ performance, so she can check out their inimitable moves for herself.
“It’s a beautiful homage,” he said. “Britney will definitely love them — they’re two strange, somewhat masculine, versions of her.”
Says Simon Cowell:
“I’m praying that John and Edward don’t win but there are reports they might be in the lead. You have to live with the public vote. If they win it would be a complete disaster. I would get on a plane and leave the country then sulk for about six months and Louis will be in serious trouble. It is a singing contest and they can’t really win. They are not the act we are looking for when we started.”
If Jedward wins Simon Cowell will be forced to leave this cold country for six months, as he pretty much does every year. Simon then tells us a joke:
“We have got to raise the game now and explain it is a singing competition.”
Which is why Cheryl Cole the act he hailed as “incredible”, lip synched her new song and then sat own to just wannabe singers doing it live? Of course, when Simon Cowell speaks he needs to punctuate each address with a metaphor:
“Danyl is trying to be an entertainer and put on a show. He is not cocky, he is not confident. He just wants a break. I don’t want them to all just stand there and do nothing. Like Stacey has been stood there for three weeks, she is like a singing candle.”
Whereas Jedward just get on your wick.
Of course, what the X Factor is is telly for tabloid readers, who can overlook a glaring contradiction so long as all the angles are covered. In this way the death of Stephen Gately can be mourned and a matter for gross speculation. So long as it fills the space, the quality matters not. So after Cowell calls the X Factor a singing show, the singing show’s Louis Walsh tells us:
“Pop music is not just about singing: Kylie, Robbie Williams, neither of them can sing. And at least the twins are singing live, unlike some of the people at the top of the charts at the moment.”
The X Factor – an audio version of the tabloid press.
John & Edward
Britney Spears!
Jedward: X Factor John And Edward Look Alike Gallery
Posted: 30th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink
