X Factor: Bon Jovi Sign Jamie Archer, Alexandra Burke Urinates And Jedward Fix
IT’S Saturday and that means it’s X Factor Day in the tabloids. Well, it’s always X Factor Day in the tabloids but today they get to spice our quotidian offerings with the thought that it might be the last time we see John And Edward Grimes perform like fame’s singing testicles wired up to the car battery.
That news:
Sun (front page): “It’s the X Factor Bust Up”
It’s “JAMIE AGGRO”
Jamie is “Livid On A Prayer”
X FACTOR star Jamie Archer is threatening to QUIT after his relationship with mentor Simon Cowell hit a new low. The singer, who calls himself Jamie Afro, fears he is being stitched up by judges on the ITV talent show. It comes after he was BANNED from going on tour with rockers Bon Jovi – whose hits include Living On A Prayer.
Hold on a moment. Bon Jovi wanted Jamie Archer to join them on tour? As what? A roadie? And he didn’t go because…
Band leader Jon Bon Jovi invited Jamie after both performed on the show last week. But producers blocked the move, claiming rock fan Jamie, 34, is under contract to X Factor.
The inference is that pub singer Jamie Archer is so fantastic a talent that Bon Jovi wanted him to get a light finger perm and join the band but Simon Cowell ruined his big chance. If you swallow that you may well have a jaw bigger than his. And that bit about Jamie “treatening” to quit::
“He feels Simon gives him rubbish songs to make people vote for Olly Murs and Danyl Johnson. He calmed down and decided to stay as he realised it’s incredible exposure.”
So he’s not threatening to quit.
Over in the Mirror, more exposure for Jedward:
Mirror (front page): “THROW IN THE TOWEL COWELL”
Twins blast Shut it Simon
Jedward hit by “cheat” storm
Dannii walks out in seat row
First up is that “X FACTOR FIGHT”.
It seems that Dannii Minogue is not at all happy that she’s been moved to the edge of the judging panel – so unhappy, in fact, that she stormed off set at rehearsals this week.
Dannii Minogue is now at the edge of the four-person panel, thus forming a barrier of pure white light around them when she and Simon Cowell, who sits at the other end, bare their teeth.
“She was told she was moving seats just moments before she went on air last week and no-one has really explained to her why. She didn’t know if it was a permanent thing or not so automatically went to sit in her old seat. She usually sticks around to watch some of the rehearsals from the studio but she left in a hurry once she was told she wouldn’t be moving back to her old seat. She feels like she is being pushed out.”
When the music stops there will be one less seat and so on, until only Simon Cowell is left sitting on a chair.
Monsters and Critics: “Alexandra Burke only realised she was famous when Timbaland heard her urinate.”
Wales Online: In Wales with Jean Davies.
“I went into a Tesco Express and I gasped when I saw Lucie on the front of a magazine,” she said. “Someone asked what was the matter and I said: ‘That’s my grand-daughter.’
“The staff then asked whether they could have their picture taken with me”
The Columnists:
Alison Boshoff, Daily Mail: X Factor: Who do you think you’re kidding Cowell? Clearly, Simon DOES love Jedward and HAS setup Danyl as a fall-guy
In a long rambling piece, Boshoff does introduce one thing of interest: Those who know the show well suspect that the Jedward phenomenon is down to the canny instincts of TV guru Alan Boyd, a veteran of shows including Blind Date, who advises X Factor producer Richard Holloway. Boyd, who is the executive who first said yes to the X Factor idea when he was at Talkback Thames, speaks weekly to Holloway about issues such as ‘getting the casting right with lots of personalities’ and told him they needed more personalities this year.
The finalists are picked on how well they fit into a preordained slot. Well, yes. big Brother has a script editor. It’s telly. Discuss.
Daily Express: SIMON HAS THE X-PRESS FACTOR
SIMON Cowell says Olly Murs should win The X Factor and it would be a “major upset” if the Jedward twins steal ¬victory.
Dressed in his usual clothing combo of jeans and a V-neck sweater, the music supremo said: “The Daily Star has definitely got the X Factor.”
And:
Meanwhile twins Jedward boasted last night: “Nothing can beat us now – apart from zits!”
Zits – by which they mean Danyl Johnson….
Posted: 7th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
