This Week’s National Enquirer: Jennfer Aniston Beats Angelina Jolie And Surgical A** To Mouth
IN this week’s National Enquirer – we read it so you don’t have to: Jennifer Aniston has got Angelina Jolie “RUNNING SCARED”; David Hasselhoff “refuses rehab”; Britney Spears is not dead but is in a “Psycho Ward” drama; Heidi Montag does arse to mouth and Robert Pattinson’s “baby”.
Jen & Ange
News is that Aniston is feeling “sexier” and “more confident than ever”. And that gives her the “upper hand” in her “feud” with Angelina Jolie, who is “miserable” and “skeletal”.
The source says Ange has “very few friends” and is “the skinniest she’s ever been”. On the positives, Jolie has a huge family, Jen’s ex-husband in her bed and is thin enough to make Aniston look fat.
Heidi Montag Is Plastic
Heidi Montag has had a mini brow lift, Botox in the forehead, a nose “revision”, fat injections in her face, her neck lipo-suctioned, ears pinned back (to her head), breast made huger, lipo on her waist and thighs, and her arse “augmented” – to appear just below that re-visaged nose on the face.
Cher’s face
That’s nothing, Montag – Cher is “shelling out” 45,000 to “save her face”. For the nation? No, for her head!
David Hasselhoff Is America’s Talent
The Enquirer says Hasselhoff was “FIRED” from being a judge on America’s Got Talent because he “refused to go into rehab” to sort out a drinking problem – he says has quit booze. Hoff says he left on his own accord to “do my own TV show”. In a room on his own?
Britney Spears Nuts?
Asks the Enquirer: “IS BRIT HEADED BACK TO PSYCHO WARD”
Let’s have a heated debate on Britney Spears’ mental health. The Enquirer says Spears is “troubled” and “in dancer of spiralling out of control”. “Loved ones fear” she may need to be “committed to a psycho ward”.
Can we have a show of hands?
AaaaghPattz and Kristen Stewart
Robert Pattinson’s mother “wants him to have a baby with his Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart”.
Another Twilight sequel? Are they acting out the books? It sounds like a terrific idea. Can’t fail.
More from the NE every week…
Posted: 19th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
