SUMMER is coming. You can hear it arrive at Croydon magistrates’ court, where a plant rage case is up before the Beak. Margaret Perry admits to the crime of “hydrangea rage”. The 87 year-old was upset that her neighbour Brian Kelly had cut back her “pride and joy”. Perry called Kelly a “menace”, threatened to cut his internet cable and, allegedly, has told the Irishman to “go back where they came from”.

Mr Kelly said he had trimmed the bush because it was overgrown and blocking light reaching his tomatoes.

Perry tells the bench:

One word: vase.