THE message on the dildo is clear:  “Ralph Is A Dick!!” and “Tractor Supply. Don’t come back!!”

Who posted the hate dildo to Ralph Polnicky? He points the finger at the  Tractor Supply in Shawnee, Oklahoma, with whom he had argued. Says Mr Polnicky:

“We were aghast, I mean, we were absolutely shocked by what’s in this box. My wife was, just, ‘Oh my God! What, who is this? What do they want? What are they going to do next?’”

The mind boggles. But the Polnickys might sue. This is, after all, America, land of the lawyer. Attorney Ed Blau said it’s not a crime to send someone a package containing a marital aid but a civil suit could be filed for emotional damages.

Meanwhile, shoppers at so-called Tractor Supply are advised to check the blades on their ‘harvesters’ and consider the firm’s range of novelty handbrakes in the downstairs bookshop. We’re off to the ‘dog track’…