HEY, kids, worrying news. Herbert Jones, better known as Santa Claus,  has been arraigned in a Massachusetts court on an indecent assault and battery charge. Free on $1000 bail, Jones is next due in court on Christmas Eve. Should things go badly for Santa, presents this year will be available on his release. And then he might not be allowed to travel out of State.

As for the alleged crime, Santa, 62, is charged with pinching the buttocks of an 18-year-old female elf at the Hanover Mall. Santa says he’s innocent. He says she “walked by and brushed her buttocks against his hand”.

He admits to telling her, “I wish you were a few years older and I was younger”, but “only stated that he wished he was young again so he could make different life choices and meant nothing else by it”.

Whatever could Santa mean? Did he choose the job or did the job choose him?

But enough of the big questions. Here’s hoping he’s free on the Night to come into your bedroom when you’re sleeping and check if you’ve been gooood. Ho-ho-ho, Santa. Get a ho-ho-ho: