Sriracha Factory Photos: Worldwide Panic As Hot Sauce Apocalypse Nears

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YOU may think this trivial, but there’s worrying times ahead for humankind as a judge as valued human suffering over Sriracha – the most wonderful hot sauce in the universe. If you’ve never tasted the sauce, you’re living half a life. To those who have, they put it on everything – meat, chips, toothbrushes, cereal. The little bottle, with that comforting rooster on the front… everything is better with a gallon of hot sauce.

Well, some judge has ordered that the company that makes Sriracha hot sauce has to shut down because local residents reckon the plant that makes it has produced fumes that burned their eyes and throats.

Of course, if they’d been gorging on this sauce in the first place, they’d learn to love the feeling of burning throats and eyes. The stupid great idiots.

The decision from Judge Robert H. O’Brien came after a hearing filed against Huy Fong Foods and the judge has ordered the company to halt any kind of operations. What kind of Judge would value the lives of humans over the miracle that is Sriracha? Again, anyone who hasn’t had it is probably thinking this all seems a bit hysterical, but it is so fine that we suspect it actually powers the internet and holds space and time together.

Worse still, humanity is at risk even though O’Brien acknowledged that there was no evidence that the fumes posed a health risk and said in his ruling that there was a “lack of credible evidence” that the factory was posing a health risk, but it does create an odour that appears to be “extremely annoying, irritating and offensive to the senses warranting consideration as a public nuisance.”

With that, a state of mourning across the entire world commenced, with people drinking yard glasses of hot sauce while weeping like a bereaved mother.

The company sold 20 million bottles last year and already struggles to meet demand and Sriracha has an expiration date, so stockpiling it in your hot sauce bunker is no use. This year’s peppers have already been harvested and they’re ready to be mixed and bottled… but with nowhere to finish the job, it might lead to a shortage.

Want to see behind the scenes? OK:

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