Miley Cyrus’s Foam Finger Absorbs Whatver You Toss At It

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AT Z100’s Jingle Ball 2013 – New York, singer Miley Cyrus was dry humped by Santa Claus. A few days later and Miley was once more grinding Santa’s sack at the Hot 99.5 Jingle Ball at Washington DC’s Verizon Center.

And that’s fine. Dolly Parton, who is in real life Cyrus’s godmother and TV grandma, says the singer is in “complete control”. She assures us: “The girl can write, the girl can sing, the girl is smart. But no one would let her grow up, so she thought ‘drastic times call for desperate measures’.”

Previously this year, Cyrus has frotted a giant foam finger, a happening that created the epic Daily Mail headline: “‘She degraded an icon!’ Foam finger inventor Steve Chmelar’s anger as Miley Cyrus ‘misrepresents’ his creation.”

Maybe the foam finger should come with a legal warning stating that it should be use only to point into the upwards direction and is not all that good as an emergency tampon, nose picker or prosthetic hand.

By and large the patriarchy is happy to watch women gyrate and fellate anything so long as they get a cut of the proceeds. The odd thing about Miley is that her booty shacking is so newsworthy. Justin Bieber wanders around with his shirt off and, allegedly, hires prostitutes and he’s experimenting and being a lad. Miley waves her bottom and she’s a victim. Discuss.

Most people make their own decisions on what image they want to portray, especially wildly successful rich singers. And not all young female singers are gyrating and aping an Art Frahm original. Women like Nina Nesbitt and Nadine Shah are taking a different tact. Good for them. Women can be what they want to be. If Miley wants to be suggestive and use her arse for something other than sitting on, she can. She’s no fool: if her antics distract us from listening to her songs, then go for it.

You can always stick the foam finger in your ears.

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