Anorak

Anorak

Anorak - Author Archive

Daily Star: ‘huge rats ate our Christmas’

The Daily Star has news on rats. This week they are eating Christmas:

 

 

News is that “monster rats” ate the Christmas presents “dad Duane Williams” had left beneath the Christmas tree … (read more)

Posted: 16th, December 2015 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment

Back pages: laughing at Chelsea, mocking Manchester United and dreaming of Leicester

In today’s tabloid football round-up, we look first at the Sun, which leads with news of “Revolt” at Manchester United and “Blue Murder” at Chelsea.

“Chelsea’s flops are turning on boss Jose … (read more)

Posted: 16th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment

Transfer balls: Luis Suarez to Manchester United and other Arsenal and Liverpool clickbait

 

Transfer balls: and now for a Daily Star masterclass is utter tosh:
Luis Suarez to Man Utd, Real eye all-star Arsenal duo, Liverpool deal close
 

Story 1: Suarez to Manchester United:
BuzzSport report, … (read more)

Posted: 16th, December 2015 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Liverpool, manchester united, Sports | Comment

Buy the cat lady in your life seamless cat printed knickers

The perfect gift for the cat lady in your life crazy cat ladies in your life: cat panties.
 

 

Spotter: Stylebrity

  … (read more)

Posted: 16th, December 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Hugh Jackman in Eddie The Eagle is Wonderful

Undated: Ski Jumper Eddie Edwards of Great Britain poses for the camera during a feature in his home town of Cheltenham, England. Mandatory Credit: Allsport UK … (read more)

Posted: 16th, December 2015 | In: Film, Sports | Comment

The Sun takes on Leicester City – and loses

A few words from The Sun’s Charlie Wyett, who has noticed that Claudio Ranieri’s Leicester City are top of the Premier League. Can they win the thing?

Writes Wyett:
Ranieri continues to build something special … (read more)

Posted: 15th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Laura Carter: a topless calendar, a Mentos advert and Justin Bieber is huge in bed

What do we make of the news that glamour model Laura Carter had amay-zing sex with Justin Bieber? Carter is represented by model agency Profile Talent. Her 2016 calendar was released in October.

 

 

It … (read more)

Posted: 15th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Former Chelsea player finds cure for baldness

Former Chelsea player David Luiz is worried about going bald. He’s been researching how it can be prevented. Short of dying young with his ringlets still inserted in his scalp, he could do as … (read more)

Posted: 15th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Transfer balls: Manchester United and Chelsea start bidding war for Everton’s John Stones

The Daily Express says this January Chelsea will return with a £40m bid for Everton’s John Stones. This is, of course, a complete guess, based on the Chelsea’s failed moves for Stones … (read more)

Posted: 15th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Chelsea, manchester united, Sports | Comment

The Indepedent said a French kindergarten teacher was stabbed by ISIS: He wasn’t

Did you read the story on the Paris kindergarten teacher stabbed in the neck by a jihadi who told her this “was for Daesh”?

The Independent reported the news as fact, even … (read more)

Posted: 15th, December 2015 | In: Broadsheets, Reviews | Comment

Hull man keeps rubbish in garden to deter thieves

At Hull Magistrates’ Court, Michael Willby says he keeps his garden looking like a Haiti slum to deter thieves. He explains:
“If I lived in a nicer area, then I would … (read more)

Posted: 15th, December 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment

Chinese restaurant charges diners for breathing

 

Anyone eating at a restaurant in smoggy Zhangjiagang city, Jiangsu Province, was charged one yuan (10p, $0.15) to cover the cost of breathing air fit for human consumption.
Diners complained to the local … (read more)

Posted: 15th, December 2015 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment

Sarah Vine channels Jesus in an attack on Kate Middleton

Today’s woman being pulled to pieces by Sarah Vine is Kate Middleton, aka the Duchess of Cambridge, who had the temerity to go shopping with non-bouncy hair, “eyes puffy and … (read more)

Posted: 14th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Royal Family | Comment

Louis Johnson wins Strictly Come Dancing

No sooner has the X Factor ended than the Daily Star is talking abut next season’s show. The front-page new is that George Michael is to be one of the … (read more)

Posted: 14th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment

Jurgen Klopp gets the party started as plucky Liverpool draw 2-2 with mighty WBA

When plucky Liverpool drew 2-2 with big-spending West Bromwich Albion, Reds manager Jurgen Klopp got the party started at a jubilant Anfield. They’ll be talking about his at Anfield for … (read more)

Posted: 13th, December 2015 | In: Liverpool, Sports | Comment

Leytonstone terror witness: I sets new standards for heckling like a hero

“Oi! You ain’t got no ticket, bruv”

What do we think of ‘John’, the man who can be heard declaring “You ain’t no Muslim, bruv” as suspected … (read more)

Posted: 13th, December 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Transfer balls: Arsenal buy Aleksandr Kokorin (but don’t)

Transfer balls: Arsenal have bought Aleksandr Kokorin. Well so says the Daily Telegraph:

 

 

Only, they haven’t. The paper reports:
Aleksandr Kokorin has been linked with Arsenal throughout the summer and autumn but finally seems … (read more)

Posted: 13th, December 2015 | In: Arsenal, Sports | Comment

Transfer balls: Arsenal swap Calum Chambers to Everton’s John Stones

Rumours abound that Arsenal are making moves for Everton’s John Stones. The Sunday People adds a layer to the story by claiming Everton manager Roberto Martinez is keen on replacing Stones with Arsenal defender … (read more)

Posted: 13th, December 2015 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports | Comment

Magic mushroom grown poses for delightful mugshot

To western Pennsylvania, where police have arrested David Klab for allegedly growing psychedelic mushrooms in his rented apartment.

Police are unable to say if Mr Klab was under the influence at the time of his arrest … (read more)

Posted: 13th, December 2015 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Arsenal balls: Giroud ‘axed’ and ‘threatened’ for his own good

Arsenal striker Olivier Giroud is playing very well. Having scored a hat-trick in Arsenal’s 3-0 win over Olympiakos in the Champions League, the Frenchman is feeling confident. But the Daily … (read more)

Posted: 12th, December 2015 | In: Arsenal, Broadsheets, Sports, Tabloids | Comment

Transfer balls: Klopp reveals Liverpool targets

Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp says he will buy…no-one on the January trasnfer window. He wants to give his existing players a chance.

Well, so says the Telegraph – which is wrong. 

But what Klopp … (read more)

Posted: 12th, December 2015 | In: Broadsheets, Liverpool, Sports | Comment

Manchester United: Van Gaal seeks excuses in money but the figures prove him wrong

 

Manchester United manager Louis Van Gaal has news for the club’s fans: your team isn’t as good as it was when it was winning things season on season.

Man United no … (read more)

Posted: 12th, December 2015 | In: Broadsheets, manchester united, Sports | Comment

Rita Ora hit by X Factor robbery gang

“COWELL Gang Rob Rita,” yells the Sun from its front page. Pop star Rita Ora looks out at readers, who gnash their teeth, clench their fist and curse Simon Cowell, … (read more)

Posted: 12th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Best News Bloopers 2015

… (read more)

Posted: 11th, December 2015 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

X Factor: Cheryl goes solo as marriage news runs thin

In trailing the X Factor final, the Sun has focused on the show’s judges, regaling readers with a tale of Rita Ora’s breakaway breasts and now claims Cheryl Cole (as she … (read more)

Posted: 11th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Contact Us Writers