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kittychesterz - Author Archive

Mum’s The Word

‘THE Sun has a story this morning that is guaranteed to embarrass the England coach no end. Like an anxious mother rushing to defend her son from the loudmouth bully … (read more)

Posted: 20th, August 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

Can’t Reed, Can’t Rite

‘WHILE Anastasia Fedotova enrols on a crash course in juggling, or learns whatever skills might help her get into Oxford, the Independent looks at the 40,000 pupils who will leave … (read more)

Posted: 20th, August 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

It’s Been Emotional

‘JUDGING by the headlines in today’s back pages, Ashley Cole is playing the wrong sport – perhaps he ought to swap his Arsenal kit for a pair of speedos after … (read more)

Posted: 19th, August 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

Don’t Go Down To The Woods Today

‘FROM one type of rare breed to another now, as the Guardian shines a searchlight on the village of Sawley, Lancashire, venue of the BNP’s annual picnic and rant. Doing … (read more)

Posted: 19th, August 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Can’t Pay, Won’t Pay

‘TIPPING is a notoriously difficult business – at least, that’s what we are always being told by newspapers keen to create still more anxieties among their troubled readership. Yet for … (read more)

Posted: 16th, August 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Holy Odd Couple!

‘AS Bruce Wayne and his youthful ward Dick Grayson, aka Batman and Robin, actors Adam West and Bruce Ward were a byword for teamwork. Some even suggested that their close … (read more)

Posted: 15th, August 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

Dog’s Breakfast of Champions League

‘DAVID Beckham’s bottom lip is probably visible from space right now, so prominent is it after Manchester United’s shock loss in Budapest last night. Pout, pout, let it all outBeneath … (read more)

Posted: 15th, August 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

Sophie’s Choice

‘COLD feet before a marriage is nothing unusual, and if one is about to marry into royalty there must be even more cause for nerves. Certainly no-one would blame Sophie … (read more)

Posted: 15th, August 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

‘THE news on Jenna Jameson and Britney Spears has no doubt cheered men up considerably, but the Enquirer’s report on Pamela Anderson could bring them back down to earth again. … (read more)

Posted: 14th, August 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

Moon In June – And July, And August…

”’NOBODY parties like the British,” announces the Star in its influential editorial column. ”On holiday we have a fierce reputation as hell-raisers.” Quite so. We’re still fighting them on the … (read more)

Posted: 12th, August 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

It’s A Dung Deal

‘ALL out of cow dung? Got a heap of dung, but it smells bad? Then we’ve got the product for you. An Indian dairy firm has started marketing instant Holy … (read more)

Posted: 7th, August 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

A Marriage Made In Hell

‘RICHARD and Gail’s smugness levels, in the run up to their wedding, threaten to engulf Weatherfield like an outbreak of Foot and Mouth disease. Gail’s hen night took place in … (read more)

Posted: 30th, July 2002 | In: Strange But True | Comment

No Sex, Please

‘IT is men like Ian Beale and PJ who give Englishmen a bad name.

The only Englishman to pass Leah’s stringent testing

And women like Leah McLaren, an ”acknowledged Canadian beauty” who … (read more)

Posted: 30th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Kiss Me, Kate

‘IT’S just what you need after two months cooped up inside a house with a dozen strangers – to get to marry Ian Beale. But that’s the prospect facing Big … (read more)

Posted: 30th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

All Style, No Substance

‘SPENCER Smith challenges the defining doctrine of OK! magazine: ”Being a celebrity is all about looking good”. He proves that sometimes, it can be about hilarious bodily emissions as well.

Brooklyn’s … (read more)

Posted: 30th, July 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

It’s The Pits

”’THEY were hauled out of the earth one by one, covered in a black sludge of coal dust and dirty water, raised to the surface in a yellow metal cage … (read more)

Posted: 29th, July 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Writer’s Block

‘ONE man who has also tasted freedom for the first time in a long while is Lord Archer, who is pictured arm in arm with his fragrant wife Mary while … (read more)

Posted: 29th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Old Boys’ Club

‘POOR old Terry Venables. He phoned Peter Lorrimer, Norman Hunter and the rest of the Leeds old boys, but they all had other commitments, what with the pubs, the after-dinner … (read more)

Posted: 26th, July 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

Ready, Aim, Duck!

‘THIS is just the start. They want our monkey on Gibraltar. They catch our fish. And now they want to slaughter our ducks. How long is it before the Spanish … (read more)

Posted: 26th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Dyke A L’orange

‘YESTERDAY Jade ate her whole fist. In fact, yesterday Jade managed to eat herself. Which is more than pop did.

The identity of the waitress was kept secret for her own … (read more)

Posted: 26th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

What A Racket!

”THERE is only so far you can get standing in front of your mirror with a tennis racket,’ says Billy Bragg. ‘You’ve got to get out there in front of … (read more)

Posted: 25th, July 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Mel’s Hell

”I HAVE never been talented at dating. But now that I am out and about again, four years after having had a child, I’m a walking disaster area at the … (read more)

Posted: 25th, July 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

Laugh ‘Til He Cries

‘THERE’S no nice way of putting this, so we won’t try. Jamie Oliver spent 29 grand on a pair of David Beckham’s boots at the auction during Posh ‘n’ Becks’ … (read more)

Posted: 25th, July 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

Kabbalah, Kabbalah, Ka-blah-blah-blah

”KABBALAH, a mystical branch of Judaism, is filling a spiritual gap for a growing number of A-list celebrities,’ reports Hello!

‘Everything I believe has come from the Kabbalah’

And opening the door … (read more)

Posted: 25th, July 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

O Tempora! O Mores!

‘YOU can almost feel the pillars of the Establishment creaking as more news reaches us of the decline of the ruling classes.

The Earl corrects Louis’s frightful Latin grammar

It started with … (read more)

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

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