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Mof Gimmers

Mof Gimmers - Author Archive

What are the worst things about modern life? This is the Top Ten

MODERN life, as Blur told us, is rubbish. There are so many things to get worked up about, especially those of us count ourselves in the number of bloated Western … (read more)

Posted: 8th, July 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Police issue warning after burglar cooks eggs in the nude

THE problem with most criminals is that they’re boring. Mere smash ‘n’ grabs aren’t good enough in 2013. Our current crims won’t ever match the glamour of Hollywood diamond thieves … (read more)

Posted: 5th, July 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)

Reporter embarrasses videobombers on TV

WE’VE seen a number of news reporters snapping and shouting at videobombers (those people who wave and mug behind presenters and mouth ‘hello mum’), but what about those who want … (read more)

Posted: 4th, July 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

James Kingston’s Cambridge parkour tour underlines how hopelessly inadequate we all are

THERE’S no hiding from the fact that people who can do Parkour are really, really cool. It is dangerous, dynamic and makes us all look like wobbling, wheezing pedestrians in … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2013 | In: Reviews, Sports | Comment

Man sells coffin. One problem – it has a skeleton in it

SELLING a coffin is problematic at the best of times. Imagine your glee when someone finally takes you up on the offer, but you’re a dumbass and crucially, you forget … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2013 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment

Postmen frightened of pensioners ‘aggressive’ raspberries

IN the age of the internet, the Royal Mail seem like a delightfully antiquated company, who must only deliver spam leaflets and postcards from elderly relatives these days.

However, they might … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment

All hail the life-sized Dexter cake!

DEXTER’S ‘dark passenger’ allows him to throw off the shackles of humdrum like in the ‘burbs and go around stabbing folk through the heart while they’re wrapped in clingfilm. Of … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, July 2013 | In: Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment

House of Lords proving good value with new £100k toilets

WHAT do you think of the House of Lords and peers in general? Pointless aren’t they? Old gits with hairy noses all going on like they have even they vaguest … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, July 2013 | In: Politicians | Comment

Welsh government to send locals into prostitution

TIMES are hard in Wales. With that, a Welsh government-backed careers website offered advice about jobs in the sex industry. People have to pay the bills right?

Business Wales published tips on … (read more)

Posted: 29th, June 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Reporter drops double F bomb, which is nice

NEWS reporters dread the phrase “Kent countryside” for fear of getting their tongue tied. Sometimes, reporters just turn the air blue because their brains switch off.

And so to the Fox … (read more)

Posted: 28th, June 2013 | In: Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment

All hail the coat made from human chest hair (Chelsea FC launch new fashion range)

HEY fashionistas! Want a unique piece of clothing that will make everyone else green? Okay, they might go green with nausea rather than envy, but that’s the price of fashion … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2013 | In: Fashion | Comment

Toddler wishes for ‘big boobies’ – blame mother and video games

KIDS say the darnedest things don’t they? Well, one girl will make you coo/vomit when you see her at her birthday party (which doesn’t look great if we’re being honest … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment

How would John Lennon & Bob Dylan fare on The Voice?

PEOPLE who sneer at shows like The X Factor and The Voice often wonder how singers of the past would fare. Would Screamin’ Jay Hawkins get Simon Cowell’s approval? Would … (read more)

Posted: 26th, June 2013 | In: Music, TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Bakery puts cat on student’s head

GRADUATION should be one of the proudest days of your life, but one student found it to be one of the most surreal after a baker got all mixed up … (read more)

Posted: 24th, June 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment

Amazing moment as toddler hears for the first time

SHALL we all have a lovely moment? How about a really great video of a young boy called Grayson Clamp, and the exact moment he heard his father’s voice for the … (read more)

Posted: 24th, June 2013 | In: Reviews, Technology | Comment

Girl Guides are now all Godless maniacs

IF you were a Brownie, Cub, Scout or Girl Guide, you will know that God and Jesus loomed large in proceedings. Not to mention those horrible badges for sewing and … (read more)

Posted: 24th, June 2013 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)

EGADS! This giant albino snake knows how to open your bedroom door

WE are doomed. We are so doomed that it isn’t even nearly funny.

Basically, snakes have worked out how to open doors, which means, they’ll be able to escape from zoos, … (read more)

Posted: 20th, June 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Toddlers are more stupid than chickens – birds outperform kids in numeracy and logic

YOU’VE cooed and coochied at your darling little baby, posting endless identical photographs of them on Facebook and heard your friends tell you barefaced lies about how beautiful it is, … (read more)

Posted: 19th, June 2013 | In: Strange But True, Technology | Comment

Magician turns dollar bills into hundreds for the homeless

SNEER all you want, but now and then, it is great to put a little sunshine in that grey brain of yours. Mocking celebrities, laughing at misfortune and all that … (read more)

Posted: 18th, June 2013 | In: Money, Reviews | Comment

Judge doesn’t like lawyers in short skirts

LAWYERS, as we know, are all shark-eyed monsters. Another thing we all know is that judges are worse. The law is filled with dreadful humans, all jockeying for position constantly … (read more)

Posted: 18th, June 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Derek Acorah cancels gig thanks to “unforeseen ­circumstances”

GET ready to mock a man who thinks he can talk to the ether. TV psychic Derek Acorah cancelled a show earlier this month due to “unforeseen ­circumstances”.

Just brilliant.

Acorah, and his … (read more)

Posted: 17th, June 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Man sells wife’s wedding £15,000 for £6

HUSBANDS, as we know, are all stupid. TV adverts constantly tell us so. And so, to a tale of a man who sold his wife’s wedding ring for $10 (£6) when … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Farmer arrested for this dead alien in his freezer

WHY do aliens only seem to go for people who live in the sticks? UFOs, extra terrestrial beings and such don’t tend to appear in cities, where everyone would film … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Teacher suspended after showing 11 year-olds Saw

REMEMBER the thrill of your teacher telling you that classwork was going to stop in favour of watching a film? Well, one teacher in France decided he’d do that with his … (read more)

Posted: 12th, June 2013 | In: Film, Reviews | Comment

Moonwalking pony in paternity battle

REMEMBER that terrible commercial with the moonwalking pony, where a team of marketing ‘creatives’ got together and tried to make something that looked like an internet meme? They melded hipster … (read more)

Posted: 12th, June 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

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