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Mof Gimmers

Mof Gimmers - Author Archive

Cliff Richard’s music kills plants – Black Sabbath makes them thrive

THE relationship between music and plants has been long muttered about, despite the fact plants don’t have ears. Prince Charlies plays songs to his shrubbery and even Stevie Wonder dedicated … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, April 2013 | In: Music, Reviews | Comments (5)

Weather forecasters to be sued for wrong reports

PREDICTING the weather is like trying to catch rain with dentures. Endless figures are crunched and the end result is a vague idea of what could happen, coupled with a … (read more)

Posted: 20th, April 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

MI6 safehouse features on Google Maps

THE Secret Intelligent Service will be having kittens this morning as one of their buildings appeared on Google Maps, complete with sarcastic reviews.

Somehow, one of MI6’s safehouses in central London … (read more)

Posted: 19th, April 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Two-tonne bell falls on man, just like in the cartoons

THERE are a number of injuries suffered in cartoons that would be unbearable agony in real life. How funny would it be to see a loved one getting hit by … (read more)

Posted: 19th, April 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Laugh as Toronto’s mayor walks into camera full tilt

YOU have to be hard-nosed to survive in politics and Toronto’s mayor – Rob Ford – found this out the hard, literal way as he walked at full tilt into a … (read more)

Posted: 19th, April 2013 | In: Politicians | Comment

Men deported for being too good-looking

HANDSOME people have dreadful lives don’t they? All those sexual advances, grooming and deportation! You’re querying the latter? Well, that’s what happened to three fellas from the UAE who were … (read more)

Posted: 19th, April 2013 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment (1)

Louisiana bans saggy jeans

PEOPLE, for some reason, get the hump about the way other people wear clothes. Be it too much cleavage, a hijab, a comedy slogan or the tightness of trousers, people … (read more)

Posted: 16th, April 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Massive wuss of a policeman has a massive cry thanks to marijuana cake

THUNDERING wimp, Mike Berkemeier, a policeman from Ohio, has been chilled to his core after he accidentally ate a cake filled with marijuana which belonged to his daughter.

The additional ingredient … (read more)

Posted: 15th, April 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Bras are useless, so burn them (take them off first)

SCIENTISTS are always discovering brilliant things and curing all manner of awful diseases. Some, however, focus on any old crap in a bid to justify their jobs.

Take, for example, a … (read more)

Posted: 15th, April 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment

Your dead gran, recycled into road signs

PEOPLE who say old-folks are useless clearly are idiots aren’t they? For a start, old people are the main source of institutionalised racism and without pensioners, the makers of fig … (read more)

Posted: 12th, April 2013 | In: Reviews, Strange But True, Technology | Comment

Pet owners are dreadful… and here’s the proof

PET-OWNERS online are, without doubt, worse than fascists. Endless photographs are taken of their pets doing very little, accompanied by captions like “Oh LOOK! He’s TOTES ADORBS!” while a dog … (read more)

Posted: 12th, April 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Fast food joints! Beware the headless driver! (video)

IMAGINE you worked for a burger chain and someone drove into the drive-thru… without a head. Would your blood chill to icy levels or would years of watching schlocky b-movies … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Couple caught having sex on Street View (5 of the Best)

A COUPLE have been caught on Google Street View, doing the sex outdoors while the Google car drove by.

The Australian couple were caught mid-clinch, having a beer and waving frantically. … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (2)

New England rugby kit plans victory through steady vomiting

RUGBY has always done okay when it comes to their kits, preferring to go plain and simple. This has led to much derision being aimed at football with its silly, … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2013 | In: Sports | Comment

Man puts live eel up his bum, with predictable results

WE’VE all read the stories about bizarre sex, like the guy in Spain who got killed by a rockslide while forcing himself onto a chicken, or indeed, the vicar who was … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comments (2)

Remember the game Snake? Want to see what it looks like to complete it?

NOKIA made the game, Snake, as popular as Tetris and infuriated mobile phone users the world over. Controlling the near formless blocky greedyguts was a nightmare once you got stuck … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2013 | In: Technology | Comment

Woman divorces husband because he has a little wang

WHILE it is completely fair that women complain about pressure from media outlets to look a certain way, one fact remains: you ladies can do something about it either way. … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Liverpool and Uruguay’s Luis Suarez punches opponent in the face

TALISMANIC. That’s what we call people who are talented in football, but are thundering dickheads, right? Well, massive talisman Luis Suarez is in trouble again after punching someone in the … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2013 | In: Sports | Comments (3)

Which gamers are best at sex?

GAMERS are derided for their social skills, often depicted as lonely people, sat in their mum’s spare room, pale and wan. However, that’s a complete nonsense. That’s like saying movie … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2013 | In: Reviews, Technology | Comment

All hail the drunk Russian tank driver!

REMEMBER during the Cold War, everyone being thunderingly terrified of the Russians? They were efficient like Germans, but brutal like they were feral! And they had gnarly scars and punched … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Crime is dead: 5 tonnes of Nutella stolen

IN a break from Margaret Thatcher’s death news, this just in: Crime isn’t what it used to be. Remember when people tried to steal trains filled with money? Remember diamond … (read more)

Posted: 8th, April 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Thatcher’s death isn’t the only huge news story of the day

WHILE everyone is talking about the death of Margaret Thatcher, there has been another HUGE news story today, lead by Brightons’s The Argus, who always have their finger on the pulse.

While … (read more)

Posted: 8th, April 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Traffic warden sacked for taking photos of his victims

NO-ONE likes traffic wardens. All they do is creep around and cost you money. They’ve got hearses clamped and probably smell like rotten fish.

And so, to Steven Jarvis, a traffic … (read more)

Posted: 5th, April 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

After watching this video of Omar Von Muller and Jumpy, you’ll hate your own dog

PEOPLE who have pets are amusing people, mainly because they think that their cats and dogs have empathy for their owners. Pets have two thought processes: ‘I want to shit’ … (read more)

Posted: 5th, April 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Brighton wants football to take homophobia seriously

ALL the football chatter at the moment is focusing on fascism, thanks to Sunderland’s appointment of Paulo Di Canio. However, elsewhere, Brighton & Hove Albion are battling on another front, … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, April 2013 | In: Sports | Comment

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