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Mof Gimmers

Mof Gimmers - Author Archive

Demi Moore goes to hospital to find cure for ‘exhaustion’ (or, if you prefer, ‘substance abuse’)

SINCE Demi Moore got with Ashton Kutcher, her life has been pretty rubbish. She’s leaked her boobs on Twitter and become increasingly thin while Kutch gallivanted around inside young women … (read more)

Posted: 25th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Whitney Houston: Broke thanks to crack investment

IMAGINE how much money Whitney Houston has made in her lifetime. She’s been around since time began and had a string of gigantic hits as well as starring in some … (read more)

Posted: 25th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Vanessa Paradis and Johnny Depp split: Irritatingly cryptic

THE split between Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis has been something of a shock. No-one saw it coming. Most had forgotten they were married in the first place, thanks largely … (read more)

Posted: 24th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis, no more?

REJOICE! Well, rejoice through crocodile tears because, you people who have a fantasy about somehow getting Johnny Depp or Vanessa Paradis to fall in love with you, will have to … (read more)

Posted: 20th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Bruno Mars: Arrested with bag of cocaine but law doesn’t care

INSIPID, vapid pop-goon Bruno Mars has done very little for this planet apart from sell millions of awful records that have utterly polluted the air and damaged the brains of … (read more)

Posted: 19th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Mark Wahlberg says sorry for his bizarre 9/11 comments

HEY! Marky Mark, aka, Mark Wahlberg, aka Really You Should Never Ever Speak Unless Scripted! How are you? Thing is, Wahlberg is currently trying to take all the feet in the … (read more)

Posted: 19th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

George Lucas: quitting movie making to make Howard The Duck: Strikes Back

BEECHAWAWA! Have you heard that George Lucas is quitting the movie industry?! Kinda. Of course, many of you could well be pleased to see the back of him thanks to … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Marine sues ‘prostitute’ Lindsay Lohan to be sued over her role in Osama bin Laden’s death (?!?!?!?!)

HURRAY! When Lindsay Lohan stopped all that Getting In Trouble Almost Constantly thing, we all feared she’d become something of a dullard. Some even feared she might find God or … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Ashton Kutcher tries to punch thin-air as he swears to catch hacker

NOT the sharpest spoon in the drawer, Ashton Kutcher is having a rough few months. He’s shagged a young woman on the night of his wedding anniversary, which saw Demi … (read more)

Posted: 17th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Madonna takes on Elton John and just about everyone else in the world. Again.

NOW that Madonna’s pop-crown is slipping Lady GaGaward, largely thanks to her taking herself far too seriously and spreading herself too thinly, she’s remembered that nothing gets you column inches … (read more)

Posted: 17th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Kim Kardashian arranged her own proposal from Kris Humphries

ROMANCE. What do you make of it? Is it a beautiful, spontaneous thing that captures not only the moment, but your heart too? Not if you’re Kim Kardashian (and we thank … (read more)

Posted: 16th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Mariah Carey makes soup and becomes an instant hero!

JUST over a week after posting one of the most unintentionally funny photos online, and of course, being hospitalised for “mild kidney failure”, Mariah Carey’s husband, Nick Cannon, stepped out … (read more)

Posted: 16th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Vanessa Hudgens Wants Young People To Watch More Films

YOU may now her as That Disney Girl Who Appeared Naked On Your Internet After Some Self Taken Pictures Were Leaked, but Vanessa Hudgens is actually a serious thespian. And … (read more)

Posted: 16th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Madonna notices Lady GaGa fondness for her (with added MIAOW)

REMEMBER when Lady GaGa released Born This Way? Everyone had an opinion on it. People said it was brilliant, others said it was awful. The subplot to it all was: … (read more)

Posted: 13th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Banner to be Star Spangled by Kelly Clarkson at Super Bowl

AMERICA! The land of the free! The land of the burger! The land where sports events are billed to be worldwide, despite being only open to American competitors!

One such event … (read more)

Posted: 13th, January 2012 | In: Sports | Comment

$94k of unpaid taxes says Lindsay Lohan isn’t trouble-free just yet

AWW! Just when it looked like Lindsay Lohan was going to get her life back on track, a whole bunch of stuff keeps tapping her on the shoulder to remind … (read more)

Posted: 12th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

One Direction’s Harry Styles in nude photo leak? Really?

WOAH! There’s a picture that is supposed to be of Harry Styles, with his wang-direction hanging out, floating around online. Effectively, it’s what every child in Britain has been waiting … (read more)

Posted: 11th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Russell Brand and Katy Perry reveal ordinary, boring, spiteful marriage

RUSSELL Brand and Katy Perry are getting divorced.

Marriage is supposed to the union of two people who are perfect for each other. A union of souls! Two hearts entwined! Alas, … (read more)

Posted: 10th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Justin Bieber Likes To Talk To God – God To Blame For Dreadful Music

MAYBE it is down to the fact that Justin Bieber is roughly 4 years old that he likes to talk to his imaginary friend. Lots of children have them don’t … (read more)

Posted: 9th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Snooki wants to “rape” Lady GaGa

RAPE. Hardly a laughing matter (quick! Someone tell those 6th form comedians who are under the assumption that saying ‘rape’ is a quickfire way to look ‘edgy’). In fact, there … (read more)

Posted: 9th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Ricky Gervais – the uncensored Golden Globes promise

MONGS! Does Ricky Gervais still like that word? We can’t remember. Either way, there’s a chance that Gervais will be hatching some other ill-advised impishness when he takes to the … (read more)

Posted: 6th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Adele to lose weight to ‘Sex Up Imagine’ Or, ‘Becomes Less Real’

CURVY women are a very modern construct. They like to tell you that they’re ‘real women’. Not like those thinner women we’ve been imagining all along. Of course, ‘real women’ … (read more)

Posted: 6th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)

Sinead O’Connor: No longer getting divorced (this’ll end well)

MARRIAGE is a daft idea in the first place, but some people are determined to do it, which is fine and all. One person you’d probably advise away from it … (read more)

Posted: 5th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Benedict Cumberbatch to play Khan in Star Trek 2

SHERLOCK is what Benedict Cumberbatch is best known for, but soon, he’ll be tackling the legacy of the mighty Ricardo Montalban (mighty mainly because of his funny name and the … (read more)

Posted: 5th, January 2012 | In: Film | Comment

Mariah Carey hogs illness limelight of ailing husband Nick Cannon

THE shock of Mariah Carey being seen in hospital was one thing, but what really surprised us was that she was so willing to bask in the reflected glory of … (read more)

Posted: 4th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

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