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Mof Gimmers - Author Archive

Troll Kid: The Best Thing To Emerge From Kim Kardashian’s Pointless Wedding

WE know that you don’t care a hoot about Kim Kardashian’s wedding to hoop bothering Kris Humphries. We know that you couldn’t care less about who made her dress, how … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Celebrity Big Brother Review: Day 1, Where Everything Felt The Same

SOME things had changed in the skewed landscape of (Celebrity) Big Brother. First off, there was no Davina. It was also on a different channel, getting shunted sideways from Channel … (read more)

Posted: 19th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Beautiful Helen Mirren Doesn’t Like Ugly Young People Getting Plastic Surgery

EVERYONE fancies Helen Mirren. Even the gayest of gay men kinda fancy her. She’s just achingly beautiful, despite being older than three Mumm-Ras.

And so, when it comes to looks, you … (read more)

Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Gerard Depardieu Decides To Take A Wazz On A Flight, Which Is Understandable

WHAT would you do if you really needed to go to the toilet, but you found yourself stuck on a plane that wasn’t moving? You’d ask a steward/ess if you … (read more)

Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)

Jedward Will Be In The Celebrity Big Brother House, Of Course

THERE is absolutely no surprise that John and Edward (or Jedward from now on because they really don’t deserve to have separate names really, given that, together, they equate to … (read more)

Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Tulisa Gets Called A ‘Scumbag’ During X Factor Auditions (Video)

BOOMING voices and flashing lights! That’s what makes the X Factor impossible to turn over once you start watching it. It’s a cartoon version of an already horrific industry and … (read more)

Posted: 16th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Louis Walsh Called Simon Cowell A ‘Fool’: It’s Like Chosing Between Illnesses

TAKING sides is never easy. However, as humans, we’re preprogrammed to do exactly that. Whether it’s football teams or pooh-sticks floating down a river, we need to back someone because … (read more)

Posted: 15th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Get Your Big Pants Ready! Bridget Jones 3 Is Coming!

HEY! Curvy women! The actually-thin-but-puts-weight-on-because-someone-pays-her-to Renée Zellweger is coming back to play Bridget Jones in an attempt to pretend she’s one of you, thereby making your worthless lives that little … (read more)

Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Cher Lloyd Advises That X Factor Hopefuls Should ‘Get Out, Now!’

REASONABLE verse, terrible chorus. That’s the honest, non-emotive review of Cher Lloyd’s recent number one, ‘Swagger Jagger’. See, someone needs to be emotionless about it because, for some inexplicable reason, … (read more)

Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Demi ‘Bruiser’ Lovato Talks About Punching A Dancer

ROLLER COASTER is a way of describing the past year that kids’ fave Demi Lovato has had. She’s dated a Jonas Brother (who cares which one? Seriously. They’re all grown … (read more)

Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

PJ Harvey Doesn’t Like New Bands And Thinks New Music Is Dull (Which Is Rich)

FOX-HUNTING supporter and Mercury-nominated (we’re legally obliged to write that in sadly) PJ Harvey has branded modern music ‘dull’ and ‘unoriginal’ despite making tedious LPs that lean far too heavily … (read more)

Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Music | Comments (3)

Justin Bieber To Star In Dirty Dancing Remake?

WOMEN! You like Dirty Dancing don’t you? Of course you do! It’s got love and dancing in it! It’s got Patrick Swayze’s muscles in when they were alive! It’s got … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment (1)

Alec Baldwin To Challenge Kesley Grammer In Surreal Mayoral Race

AMERICA is stupid. Brilliantly stupid. They’ve got guns, burgers and robot teeth. They also have celebrities in positions of power. Ronald Reagan was president ferchrissakes!

And now, we’ve got a fabulously … (read more)

Posted: 10th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Should Sesame Street’s Bert And Ernie Get Married?

SESAME STREET is one of the most forward thinking, progressive shows around. It’s featured civil rights speeches, tackled racism, people talking about their AIDS, poverty… and now, people are calling … (read more)

Posted: 10th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Outkast’s Big Boi Has His Viagra Swiped By The Cops

RAP is a very, very macho world. And so, the news that Outkast tunesmith Big Boi has been arrested in Miami for possession of drugs – including Viagra – won’t … (read more)

Posted: 8th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Marilyn Monroe Film Opens In New York, Reminding Us All That She Was Pretty Fit

PRETTY much everyone on Earth has lusted after Marilyn Monroe at some point. It’s actually become a law that you have to have sexual thoughts about her, even if you … (read more)

Posted: 8th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Rowan Atkinson Crashes Supercar Into Supertree

LEGEND of British comedy, Rowan Atkinson, has decided to give us all a laugh today by crashing his supercar into a tree. Then a lamppost. Then it caught fire.

Seriously. That’s … (read more)

Posted: 5th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Kelly Osbourne Calls Christina Aguilera ‘Fat’ While Everyone Bites Knuckles

REMEMBER when Kelly Osbourne was some kind of (self proclaimed) voice for the disaffected kids of the world. Y’know, those kids who were a bit different or those that got … (read more)

Posted: 4th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Lady GaGa Is Going To Show You EVERYTHING In Her New Book (One Star One Cup)

THERE have been many comparisons between Lady GaGa and Madonna. No bad thing. Rock bands don’t mind being compared to rock’s great and good, so why should it be any … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Kim Kardashian’s 15 Year Old Sister To Make You Feel Like A Perv In Swimsuit Shoot (Kendall Jenner Photos)

LOOKING at people in states of undress is the most natural thing in the world. However, we feel kinda bad about it, which only adds to the illicit thrill.

However, you … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Pamela Anderson And Charlie Sheen Linked To Big Brother: Full List Of Housemates So Far

BAYWATCH! Playboy! Boobies! And that sex tape, PETA with Tommy Lee. These are the things Pamela Anderson is famous for. Not much else, unless you happen to be a really … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Frasier To Go Into Politics, Which Sounds Funny, But Is Probably Quite Frightening

FRASIER! You remember that don’t you? Kelsey Grammer played a funny, but clearly useless man and got into all kinds of japes with his daft family. Well Grammer is looking … (read more)

Posted: 1st, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Miley Cyrus Has Some Gay On Her Finger And Angers God Botherers

DISNEY stars are always expected to be wholesome and Christian. If you get up to mischief, then you’re a ‘disgraced Disney’ alumni. If you are not a Christian, then you’ll … (read more)

Posted: 1st, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Mark Your Hats! Kim Kardashian’s Wedding Date Is Confirmed!

HAS everyone bought a hat? It doesn’t matter what type of hat you buy. A bobble hat will do. Even a verruca sock stretched over your bonce as a makeshift … (read more)

Posted: 29th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

The Heavens Rejoice As Lindsay Lohan And Paris Hilton Seem To Be Friends Again!

THE celebritiest people on Earth – Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton – were once bestest of pals, but alas, they did what all Typical Girls do and fell out over … (read more)

Posted: 29th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

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