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Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph
Good Lourdes: Ingrid Betancourt And Liz Jones
THE Observer leads with a picture of Ingrid Betancourt giving thanks for her release from captivity at the Catholic shrine of Lourdes.
Observer readers may not be aware that Betancourt looks very much like Liz Jones, the Mail’s fashion expert. Cold they be related. And what odds that the Colombia’s Alvaro Uribe got the wrong woman.
Picture (via) shows Betancourt at a squalid camp, although the image is widely thought to be a fake…
Posted: 13th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Sepp Blatter And Why Cristiano Ronaldo Is No Darren Ferguson
SEPP Blatter, the FIFA president, is musing on Cristiano Ronaldo’s move from Manchester United to Real Madrid:
“I think in football there’s too much modern slavery in transferring players or buying players here and there, and putting them somewhere.”
The Sun is outraged and in “Sepptic Blatter” says the FIFA boss is a “disgrace”.
“To say that [Alex] Ferguson has treated the pampered multi-millionaire Ronaldo as a slave is a disgusting insult. Sir Alex has treated Ronaldo almost like a son…”
Almost, but not quite.
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Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (18)
Gazza 2008: Bianca Gascoigne’s Tribute To Paul
GAZZA 2008 might be over, but the tabloids are still talking about the big summer footy battle, and now its got its first Wag.
Step forward and drop your shorts, Bianca Gascoigne. Says the Star’s front-page headline: “BIANCA – I love dad and he’s doing brilliant.”
Anorak readers versed in the highs and lows of the Gascoigne career, will realise that Bianca’s exposed backside is a tribute to her dad’s dropping of fellow England player Paul Ince’s shorts; her chest might be the same chest Gazza strapped on in his pomp; her over the shoulder look ape’s the filial glance Gazza gave Vinny Jones all those moons ago.
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Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Fernando Torres Is On A Hat-Trick
THE Star says that Spain and Liverpool striker Fernando Torres is “addicted” to the number 3.
Torres is turns out does every thing three times, everything three times, everything three times.
Torres has three sets of shorts, tops and socks laid out before each game. He recites the Frankie Howerd mantra “Nay, nay and thrice nay” three times before meals.
He envies England players with their three lions on their chests.
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Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)
London Olympics Torch Protest
THE London Olympics sets the capital ablaze…
Image: Monkeon
Posted: 10th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comment
Football Referee Too Drunk To Whistle
TO a Belarusian Premier League match between FC Naftan and FC Vitebsk.
The half-time whistle blows and FIFA appointed referee Sergey Shmolik heads to his room for a restorative.
The second half gets underway and Shmolik is drunk.
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Posted: 10th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (12)
Mad About English: A Film About China
THe Olympics are coming to China and the locals are getting ready. Mad About English is a 60 minutes documentary by local production house Journey Pictures. It’s going to be a hit.
File under: Humanising the Chinese
Posted: 9th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)
A Free Sausage With Every Daily Star
THE Daily Star has been at the vanguard of building site-newspaper relation for years.
Not for nothing has it been the official building site paper.
And today Star readers are offered a “FREE CUMBERLAND SAUSAGE BUTTY”.
The Cumberland sausage is the meat product that when overcooked looks not enough unlike a joke shop doggy doo-doo.
It is delicious, and very possibly the most patriotic and British of sausages, rivalled by the Lincolnshire, the princely Saveloy (batted and smooth) and the Rennet.
Vegetarians are offered the alternative pork pie…
Posted: 9th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)
30 Reasons To Watch China Olympics
THE China Daily has “30 reasons to watch the Beijing Games” – once the smog clears, naturally.
Want to know why you should watch? (Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Website)
12. “English, English”
A 170-page Chinese Menu in English Version is seen as exemplary of one success of the English-speaking campaign throughout the city.
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Posted: 8th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comments (4)
A Judge And Durex At The Max Mosley Case
THE story so far: Max Mosley, motor racing boss, is suing the News of the World for invading his privacy.
Mr Justice Eady sat stony-faced as he heard that the woman was known for arranging bondage sessions involving a man dressed in a judge’s gown and girls.”
– Times
Posted: 8th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets | Comments (5)
The Rafael Nadal Volley
RAFAEL Nadal has won the Wimbledon tennis rubber and the Sun’s Nick Francis puts his achievement in perspective:
The boy who never made it as a footballer
Back of the net!
Posted: 8th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment
Henman Wins At Wimbledon
ANORAK is returned from Wimbledon where Old Mr Anorak, our patron, was delighted to observe that after years of effort Tim Henman made it to a Wimbledon final.
He more than held his own against the brattish American mouth John McEnroe and showed Boris Becker up for the swivel-eyed German banger he truly is.
OMA spent the greater part of the outing with a transistor radio pressed to his good ear and rooting for our Tim.
(That do? – Ed)
Posted: 7th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (4)
Cheryl Cole Passes Diamonds
ASHLEY Cole, vomitous footballer to Wag Cheryl Cole, is wooing his allegedly cuckolded wife with loadsa prezzies.
For the occasion of Cheryl’s 25th birthday, C-Ashley bought her a villa in Spain, a plate of tofu in champagne sauce, and a cake shaped like a handbag and studded with “£5,200 of edible diamonds”.
Can a Wag live by lo-cal diamonds alone? And if not, should she throw them up?
Posted: 2nd, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities | Comments (6)
Football Crazy: The Summer Game Is Here
WITH the football season at an end, it’s time for the Star to feature the English summer sport: football.
“GAZZA TO WED SHEZZA” – Googly-headed Paul Gascoigne has bowled a maiden over
“Ronaldo’s babe gets even hotter” – Testing time for Nereida Gallardo as she proves her top order is in top order!
“HARRY COL” – Harry Kewell is Kewell-ing off in a swimming pool with his belter of a wife showing some leg-by
“Barton is branded disgrace by judge” (Sun) – Bad leg-break for wrong un Joey Barton who cut an off-break by escaping another jail term for his slog…
More football throughout the summer…
Posted: 2nd, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)
Euro 2008 With Adrian Chiles, Professional Football Fan
“THEY were coarse, noisy, excited and exuded a slight air of menace. That’s what football’s all about.”
So says BBC football presenter Adrian Chiles, writing in the Sun, on those Russian fans upholding the spirit of England.
This is Chiles “who loved Euro 2008 …despite the corporate circus”.
“The trouble with the tournament,” laments Chiles, from his airplane seat, “is that, the longer is goes on, the less it seems to be for proper football fans”. Corporate types in football. “Mad, mad, mad, mad,” says Chiles.
This is Chiles who writes for News International (part owner of the Australian National Rugby League, investor in the Premier League; former owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers; sometime stake holder Manchester United, Leeds, Chelsea, Sunderland and Manchester City).
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Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Newcastle United Sack And Don’t Sack Joey Barton
FOOTBALLER Joey Barton has admitted a charge of assault occasioning actual bodily harm on former Manchester City teammate Ousmane Dabo. Barton is currently serving a six-month jail term for an attack while on bail in which he punched a man in Liverpool.
The Sun:
Soccer yobbo Joey Barton dodged a second jail term for thuggery yesterday – as Newscastle United finally gave him the boot… the £5.8million midfielder’s career in football “IS effectively over”.
The Mirror:
Joey Barton is ready to pick up his career with Newcastle and return in time for pre-season training – despite pleading guilty to assault yesterday for a second time… Toon manager Keegan is happy to have Barton back…”
Such are the facts…
Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment
Liverpool Rings Bells For Fernando Torres
ENGLAND and Liverpool’s Euro 2008 hero Fernando Torres is having trouble at home. Says the Star:
Euro 2008 match-winner Fernando Torres has been keeping his neighbours up – because he can’t turn off his house alarm.
And he needs one.
Five Liverpool footballers have been burgled in the last 18 months in what appear to have been targeted robberies, it has emerged.
Plus Steven Gerrard, and his Wag-tastic wife Alex Curran. That’s no mere alarm, Fernando, it’s the sound of the city and acceptance…
Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Oil Crisis Hits Auto Trader
AUTO Trader magaxine responds to the oil crisis:
Posted: 30th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)
How Many BBC Hacks It Takes To Cover The Olympics: Update
HOW many BBC staff it takes to cover the Olympics: update?
The BBC will send 437 staff to Beijing, a level essential, it says, for extensive programming. They will deliver 2,750 hours of coverage from 28 Olympic sports across 31 venues. Six channels on the BBC Sport website will provide constant live feeds.
And how many athletes is Team GB sending to China?
Around 300…
Posted: 30th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets | Comments (2)
French Understatement Of The Day
OVER in Carcassonne, members of a marines parachute regiment are demonstrating a hostage liberation exercise to visitors.
Bang go the bullets. And fifteen civilians, including five children, and two soldiers are injured.
The senior official for the Aude region where Carcassonne is located, Bernard Lemaire, said that investigators believed the deadly ammunition was loaded by mistake.
“The question being asked is ‘Did the soldier engage in a criminal act or not?’,” Lemaire said. “For now, no one can answer that, but the theory being worked on is one of error.”
Such is the investigation…
Posted: 30th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (7)
Good Clean Fun With Glasto, Euro and Brillo
EURO 2008 is at an end and the papers have had to make do with the lack of rioting, anthem booing and stories of police brutality with news of a football match.
An image of Spain’s Fernando Torres celebrating his decisive goal in the Euro 2008 final occupies the front pages of the Star, Guardian, Sun, and the Times.
He is so very clean.
On the cover of the Telegraph there is also a picture of goings on at Glastonbury, a sea of smiling and above all clean faces giving full throat to the music.
Inside, and the Telegraph has a report from Glasto by London Mayor Boris Johnson’s father, Stanley Johnson.
As dawn breaks on my first Glastonbury morning, I find myself wandering through a still-sleeping encampment like Henry V before the Battle of Agincourt.
Hard to imagine that before glorious battle the legions were so well scrubbed.
Given the mud and the tension with Wino at Glasto and Fernando at Euro, Anorak marvels at the cleanliness of the main players who seem to have been washed by brillo.
Posted: 30th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)
Euro 2008: Let’s Mention The War And Cellars
AUSTRIAN. In the cellar:
The Ernst Happel Stadium in Vienna will play host to the crowning glory of the European football season when it stages the Euro 2008 final on the 29th of June. However, the stadium has a sinister past. In 1939, more than 1000 Jews were imprisoned in the catacombs under the stands while they waited to be deported to Buchenwald. Despite that, ” the football continued as usual”.
Two halves and one Spanish goal, doo-dah, doo-dah…
Posted: 29th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment
Euro 2008: England Expects The Usual Final
IT’S the morn of the final of Euro 2008 and the papers are celebrating in traditional fashion, as they must for every major football tournament:
STAR ON SUNDAY (front page): “WAG HOLIDAY SECRETS REVEALED”
OBSERVER (front page): “BRAVEHEART – MURRAY GOES THROUGH”
NEWS OF THE WORLD: David Beckham is smiling
Picture: Anorak’s live cam of Vienna ground staff preparing the pitch…
Posted: 29th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comment
The Ronaldo Tabloid League
RONALDO is heading to Real Madrid (all papers). Ronaldo is not heading to real
Ronaldo is on the beach and in case he goes to
TEAM SCORE (with lover Nerida Gallardo) POINTS
| Daily Star & Garter |
Yes |
11 |
| The Sun-ning |
Yes-Yes-Yes |
8 |
| Yes |
6 |
|
| Daily Mirror Wanderers |
Yes |
6 |
Pool dividend: Very likely
Posted: 26th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)
Euro 2008: America Embassy In Berlin Calling Germany
THE American embassy in Germany, tells its peoples:
“Because of the high fan interest in this prestigious semi-final elimination game between Germany and Turkey, there exists the possibility that disturbances, including violent disturbances may occur before, during or after the match, which begins at 20:45”
Take care, under uber alles:
At a minimum, post-game celebrations will likely result in traffic congestion in larger cities. Crowds celebrating previous German and/or Turkish victories have blocked streets and rocked vehicles attempting to pass through them.
Deutsche Welle concludes:
The embassy’s statement makes downtown Berlin sound a bit like Falluja or the Gaza Strip, but DW-WORLD has learned the potential threats run far deeper.
For you ze var ist nofink…
Posted: 25th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comments (4)
