Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Did Tom Cruise turn Nicole Kidman’s children against her?
SCIENTOLOGY may not have destroyed Tom Cruise’s career, but everyone does think he’s weird now. And in fairness to him, he’s been acting very oddly since he leapt around on Oprah Winfrey’s sofa like an excitable simian. Katie Holmes has of course left him, leading everyone to talk about the recruiting process of the church in his bid to get himself a new wife (like the good-looking, incredibly wealthy Tom Cruise needs help!).
But what about his other ex-wife?
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Posted: 6th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Naomi Wolf gets slaughtered on Mumsnet (best and worst comments)
NAOMI Wolf has been chatting about her new book Vagina – A New Biography to the women on Mumsnet. Wolf has made a connection between brain and vagina. She might have also made a link between brains and arse.
Wolf says things like:
“Some people have a lower baseline autonomic nervous system and in lovemaking, something that heightens it like spanking or hair-pulling or some scenario that is threatening – as long as you are in control – that heightens some women’s autonomic nervous system, and in turn heightens their arousal and their orgasm.”
“When you understand that, it’s much less alarming.”
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Posted: 6th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)
Amy Childs sells diamante vaginas and chafe-proof underwear in Brentwood (photos)
ONCE Amy Childs was famous for appearing on The Only Way Is Essex on ITV2 and having a hobby that involved sticking shiny beads onto her vagina (aka The Sugar Hut nightclub). Now the hobby becomes the job as Childs opens her new boutique in Brentwood, Essex. Wise fashion heads should now be planning to open a store selling chafe-proof knickers and vajazzle templates that let you lights up your genitals with your own birth sign or silhouettes famous faces and Michael Jackson’s glove. Call us, Essex, we have ideas…
Posted: 6th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Who stole Simon Cowell’s head No. 34b?
MISSING: Simon Cowell’s head. Have you got it? If you have, Alan Love is offering a £500 reward to anyone who can help catch the thieves who stole from atop his scarecrow in Bothwell, Lanarkshire.
The Bothwell Scarecrow Festival aims to raises money for Glasgow’s Yorkhill children’s hospital. Mr Love says he will donate a further £500 to charity if the head is returned safely.
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Posted: 6th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
So, Michael Jackson was a hopeless drunk was he?
EVERYONE pretty much thought of Michael Jackson as a troubled child trapped inside a troubled genius’ body. For a period, he was pretty much untouchable and then, in later life, pretty much in a state where no-one really wanted to touch him unless it was absolutely necessary.
However, the childlike quality remained and you could picture him, floating around his house like Peter Pan (only with a frightening face). You certainly couldn’t imagine him indulging in adult activities like jerking off or getting hammered.
Concerning the latter, that seems to be the case as someone has said that MJ was a hopeless drunk.
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Posted: 5th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Chantelle Houghton is dying to talk to her Dolly
CHANTELLE Houghton showcases Baby Dolly to the greater OK! readership and tells us:
“I always say to her: ‘We’re best mates, Dolly!’ And she gives me the nod.”
And then she falls faces first into her mushed up banana.
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Posted: 5th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Nicki Minaj is voting for Mitt Romney, which he’ll be pleased about
TO paraphrase, the Republican Party aren’t racist, but they are number one with racists. They don’t make many non-Christian white people happy. Over the years, the Republicans have been accused of acting too slowly when a lot of black people are in trouble, started wars with a lot of brown nations and, in more recent years, they’ve spread their target to include rape victims too.
Of course, big cheese Republican Romney nodded and winked at Obama, cooing about no-one needing to his birth-certificate, which sees him as a birther at best (a racist at worst). Obviously, Romney is less keen to mention the fact his family illegally entered America after running away from Mexico, but that’s another story.
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Posted: 5th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The GQ Men of the Year Awards 2012: Photos, red trousers and tinfoil hats
TO the GQ Man of the Year awards 2012. We took photos of the lads and the liggers. We also wondered how you can be a Legend of The Year? Legends last just 12 months? Sir Tom Jones won that gong. Louis Smith said lookatmyfuckingredtrousers. Aaron Sorkin wore Shane Warne’s hair. Lots of Olympians arrived. Grace Jones was fabulous. Mo Farah did Robbie Williams’s tinfoil hat. And Bradley Wiggins looked, well, cool…
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Posted: 4th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong rushed to hospital! He’s going to die! Probably!
GREEN DAY are one of those mystifyingly popular bands that have conquered the world with three chords. Basically, they’re Status Quo with safety pins. However, you can now add ‘mystery illness’ to their charms as Billie Joe Armstrong was rushed to hospital, forcing Green Day to cancel shows.
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Posted: 4th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Big Brother: The Situtation is bigger then Jesus, says The Situation
YOU been watching Big Brother on Channel 5? If not, you missed The Situation, crossover star of MTV’s Jersey Shore, telling the world that he is bigger than Jesus:
“[I am] the fourth most Googled person on the planet, in 2011… Tenth was Jesus Christ.”
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Posted: 4th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment
Chuck Norris: #ChuckNorrisFacts – America tips evil
ONCE you get past the hair and the robotic voices, Chuck Norris and his wife tells us: “We’re at a tipping point and, quite possibly, our country as we know it may be lost forever.”
Did you get past the hair and the soothing robotic voices?
PS – If you kick enough people in the faces for a living, you might also believe people will do as you tell them to:
Posted: 4th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Suri Cruise gets her imaginary friends from Shiloh Pitt’s spider cemetery
THE National Enquirer leads with news that Suri Cruise, six-year-old daughter to sofa-jumper Tom Cruise and his estranged Stepford wife Katie Holmes, has a separate bedroom for her imaginary friends.
Did one of these make believe sell their story to the Enquirer? It can’t be the nanny. She’s on a watertight contract that means we never get to hear what Tom reads in the toilet (House and Garden) and how Angelina likes to turn down the thermostat in winter, which drove Tom bonkers.
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Posted: 4th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Daily Mail comes to rubbish Max Bygraves
MAX Bygraves is dead. Let’s see if the Daily Mail can rubbish him. The paper produces:
“The one story Max Bygraves DIDN’T want to tell you – The public adored him – and so did his wife. But behind the facade of a happy marriage lay some very troubling secrets“
Now we can learn the truth. Christopher Stevens tells Mail readers that Bygraves was a bully who had a “string” of illegitimate children and kept them secret from his “suffering” wife Blossom. You can read all about it in Bygrace’s autobiography, Stars in My Eyes.
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Posted: 3rd, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
A short history of fake bands created for film and TV (video)
YOU know those bands you saw on the telly or at the cinema, the ones made up of actors pretending to be music stars? Some of them were more than pretty good. A bright spark has compiled them into a video. This one features:
1. The Mosquitoes – “Gilligan’s Island”
2. Android – “Buck Rogers In The 25th Century”
3. The Looters -“Ladies And Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains”
4. The Flowerbuds – “Carry On Camping”
5. Drimble Wedge And The Vegetations – “Bedazzled”
6. Steven Shorter – “Privilege”
7. The Bugaloos – “The Electric Company
8. Tom Monroe – “SCTV
9. The Queen Haters” – SCTV
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Posted: 3rd, September 2012 | In: Film, TV & Radio | Comment
RIP Rev Sun Myung Moon: The Washington Messiah is dead
RIP Rev Sun Myung Moon. AP reports:
The Rev. Sun Myung Moon, the self-proclaimed messiah who turned his Unification Church into a worldwide religious movement and befriended North Korean leaders as well as U.S. presidents, has died, church officials said Monday. He was 92.
Lest we forget how rich he was:
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Posted: 2nd, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
John Smith’s The Girl Chewing Gum – A 1976 film
JOHN Smith directed 32 episodes of Grange Hill between, 1985 and 1990. He also produced Play Away in 1971. In 1976, Smith created The Girl Chewing Gum. In it he directed everyone:
End Of The Road Festival 2012 – photos
THE ‘End Of The Road’ Festival 2012 – Larmer Tree Gardens, Dorset. Photos of the country’s most tranquil festival:
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The most ridiculous rap lyrics
RIDICULOUS Rap lyrics:
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Posted: 2nd, September 2012 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)
RIP Hervé Vilard: Capri c’est fini
RIP Hervé Vilard (nee René Villard, 24 July 1946 in Paris, France). He sang Capri c’est fini in 1965:
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Posted: 1st, September 2012 | In: Celebrities, Flashback | Comment
Toxictastic! Troma movies are on the net
TROMA has put its archive of movies on the internet. One highlight is the 1985 smash The Toxic Avenger.
Troma’s latest film, Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead, is a satire about the fast food industry.
It is over 18 and NSFW.
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Chris Brown to wisely avoid Rihanna (and Drake) at awards
AFTER the news about Chris Brown and Rihanna presenting an award together at the MTV VMAs trickled out, some people were rightly miffed. For a man to appear with the woman he beat the crap out of without at least an arched eyebrow from the entire world, not to mention his deafening silence on the whole ‘saying sorry’ thing, it seems someone has whispered sweetly into that dense skull of his and given him decent advice.
Apparently, Breezy is going to avoid any confrontation with RiRi (not to mention Drake who had the world’s lamest scrap with him) at the Video Music Awards next month by not appearing… AT ALL.
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Posted: 31st, August 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Ana Amemiya is the half-human half-anime model (photos)
THIS is Ana Amemiya, a 22-year-old Japanese glamour model who always wears a cartoon head. (Think Frank Sidebottom’s wayward sister.) Ana is the half-human half-anime idol. A bikini-clad mo-del wearing a big man-made head? It’s been before, but not to cheaply. Forget Jordan and all the comstic surgery. Papier-mâché is the future:
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Posted: 31st, August 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
LeAnn Rimes checks into rehab for ‘anxiety’
CELEBRITIES love a bit of rehab don’t they? In our godless society, rehabs are the next best thing where famous folk can ostensibly show some kind of redemptive attitude for their nefarious ways. Basically, rehab is a confession booth without having the sore knees.
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Posted: 30th, August 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kurt Vonnegut’s letter to his pregnant wife
THE author Kurt Vonnegut wrote his wife a letter. It’s dated January 26, 1947.
They had been married for 16 months. She was pregnant. It appears in Kurt Vonnegut: Letters, a book:
I, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., that is, do hereby swear that I will be faithful to the commitments hereunder listed:
I. With the agreement that my wife will not nag, heckle, or otherwise disturb me on the subject, I promise to scrub the bathroom and kitchen floors once a week, on a day and hour of my own choosing. Not only that, but I will do a good and thorough job, and by that she means that I will get under the bathtub, behind the toilet, under the sink, under the icebox, into the corners; and I will pick up and put in some other location whatever movable objects happen to be on said floors at the time so as to get under them too, and not just around them. Furthermore, while I am undertaking these tasks I will refrain from indulging in such remarks as “Shit,” “Goddamn sonofabitch,” and similar vulgarities, as such language is nerve-wracking to have around the house when nothing more drastic is taking place than the facing of Necessity. If I do not live up to this agreement, my wife is to feel free to nag, heckle, and otherwise disturb me until I am driven to scrub the floors anyway—no matter how busy I am.
II. I furthermore swear that I will observe the following minor amenities:
a. I will hang up my clothes and put my shoes in the closet when I am not wearing them;
b. I will not track dirt into the house needlessly, by such means as not wiping my feet on the mat outside and wearing my bedroom slippers to take out the garbage;
c. I will throw such things as used-up match folders, empty cigarette packages, the piece of cardboard that comes in shirt collars, etc., into a wastebasket instead of leaving them around on chairs or the floor;
d. After shaving I will put my shaving equipment back in the medicine closet;
e. In case I should be the direct cause of a ring around the bathtub after taking a bath, I will, with the aid of Swift’s Cleanser and a brush, not my washcloth, remove said ring;
f. With the agreement that my wife collects the laundry, places it in a laundry bag, and leaves the laundry bag in plain sight in the hall, I will take said laundry to the Laundry not more than three days after said laundry has made its appearance in the hall; I will furthermore bring the laundry back from the Laundry within two weeks after I have taken it;
g. When smoking I will make every effort to keep the ashtray I am using at the time upon a surface that does not slant, sag, slope, dip, wrinkle, or give way upon the slightest provocation; such surfaces may be understood to include stacks of books precariously mounted on the edge of a chair, the arms of the chair that has arms, and my own knees;
h. I will not put out cigarettes upon the sides of, or throw ashes into, either the red leather wastebasket or the stamp wastebasket that my loving wife made me for Christmas, 1945, as such practice noticeably impairs the beauty and ultimate practicability of said wastebaskets;
i. In the event that my wife makes a request of me, and that request cannot be regarded as other than reasonable and wholly within the province of a man’s work (when his wife is pregnant, that is), I will comply with said request within three days after my wife has presented it. It is understood that my wife will make no reference to the subject, other than saying thank you, of course, within these three days; if, however, I fail to comply with said request after a more substantial length of time has elapsed, my wife shall be completely justified in nagging, heckling, or otherwise disturbing me until I am driven to do that which I should have done;
j. An exception to the above three-day time limit is the taking out of the garbage, which, as any fool knows, had better not wait that long; I will take out the garbage within three hours after the need for disposal has been pointed out to me by my wife. It would be nice, however, if, upon observing the need for disposal with my own two eyes, I should perform this particular task upon my own initiative, and thus not make it necessary for my wife to bring up a subject that is moderately distasteful to her;
k. It is understood that, should I find these commitments in any way unreasonable or too binding upon my freedom, I will take steps to amend them by counterproposals, constitutionally presented and politely discussed, instead of unlawfully terminating my obligations with a simple burst of obscenity, or something like that, and the subsequent persistent neglect of said obligations;
l. The terms of this contract are understood to be binding up until that time after the arrival of our child (to be specified by the doctor) when my wife will once again be in full possession of all her faculties, and able to undertake more arduous pursuits than are now advisable.
Spotter: Harpers
Posted: 30th, August 2012 | In: Celebrities, Flashback | Comment
Vennu Mallesh sings It’s My Life What Ever I Wanna Do
SONG for the day: It’s My Life what ever I wanna Do, as given full throat by Vennu Mallesh.
It’s not a song…It’s my life!
People think that I am somewhat mental
They don’t know I am very sentimental
He rhymes education with education:
