Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Target refuse to stock Frank Ocean’s album… nothing to do homosexuality, obviously
EVEN though Frank Ocean’s ‘coming out’ was a huge relief for some (for others, not so much because he’s far from the first non-straight person to be involved in the world of rap), there are problems that come with it. These problems surround the kind of berk who has a massive issue with other people’s sex lives.
And so, to US megachain, Target, who have decided that they don’t want to stock Ocean’s new album – Channel Orange – despite the fact it is, quite possibly, the best soul record since D’Angelo and Erykah Badu started cutting wax. Yes, really. He’s that good.
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Posted: 13th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Justin Bieber sued for $9.2m by ear-owner – Stacey Wilson Betts has heard enough
PEOPLE with fully functioning ears have been complaining about Justin Bieber for some time now. The gyrating foetus is responsible for a series of songs that are baffling to the adult earhole, only understood by the pubeless and the creepy.
And now, Bieber is being sued for $9.2 million by an Oregon woman who claims that her ears have suffered permanent damage, thanks to the singer with the squidgy fontanelle.
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Posted: 13th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kate Middleton and Prince William: No ‘sex for months’
ARE you one of those people who preoccupies themselves with how much and what kind of sex other people are having? Is this because there’s so little of it in your life you like to live vicariously through the groins of others? Or is it just a case of being a nosey bugger who gets loads either way?
Well, genital enthusiasts, you’ll be thrilled to learn that someone is saying that Prince William and his glamorous commoner wife, Kate Middleton, aren’t getting any, at all, for ages. The poor lambs. No Royal Baby for you braying flag-wavers, that’s for sure.
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Posted: 13th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lady GaGa: S&M pipe smoker
COMPARATIVELY speaking, Lady GaGa has been off the radar for a while now, making the alarming decision to ‘concentrate on her music’. This means we’ve got seen her in an outrageous outfit or heard about her promiscuity for at least 10 minutes.
However, that’s all about to change as we ready ourselves for news so shocking and wild that the entire planet may suck up the oceans as we collectively gasp!
Lady Gaga has been photographed smoking a pipe that resembles one used for cannabis abuse.
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Posted: 12th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lily Allen reports racist soldier to MoD
THINGS have been a little quieter since Lily Allen became a mother. Shame really, given that we actively need a controversial, erudite popstar about the place. Mercifully, we didn’t have to wait long before Lily got back in the saddle and started getting caught in a shitstorm.
And once more, it is a twitter scandal.
It all started when a man claiming to be a soldier serving in the British Army sent her an abusive message, which read “just seen you bought shit, I mean adopted a child from Africa.” The man in question removed the message but, alas, it was too late because it had already been reported on by NME.
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Posted: 11th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Kanye West has a press-induced breakdown on stage
IT is fair to say that Kanye West is a highly strung man. At times, he’s unbearably sweet, while at other times, he’s absolutely barking mad. He switches between gloomy, accusatory and hyped to A.D.D., doing somersaults, look-at-me-everyone with the blink of an eye.
In short, he’s pretty fascinating to have around.
So after showing everyone his winkie online and disturbing Taylor Swift at an award ceremony, he’s now going insane at the press he so often courts. This time, his sights are set squarely on MediaTakeOut.
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Posted: 11th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes divorce settlement and the Suri Clause
PRETTY much everyone wants the divorce between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to result in a public mudslinging event, complete with harrowing fallout of despicable behaviour. We thrive on it. And besides, Scientology is involve which always adds a little spice to the gossip mix.
And of course, with this pair being high profile and filled with unswerving hatred for each other, the divorce settlement is rather complicated, outlining things both Tom and Katie can and cannot do with their daughter (unless you believe the rumours) Suri.
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Posted: 10th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Gloria Vanderbilt introduces gay Anderson Cooper jeans
WHEN Anderson Cooper emerged from the racks of purple, mauve and indigo jeans in his closet and declared himself a heterosexual homosexual, the world gasped. His mother Gloria Vanderbilt is, sadly, unavalable for comment. But they were close…
Posted: 10th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Buy 10cc of Stone Roses Heaton Park perfume
DID you go to the Stone Roses show in Manchester’s Heaton Park?
Reader Percy writes:
Parts of the park are still a filthy stinking mess over a week after the event.One things for sure …the Stone Roses don’t smell so sweet..unless you like the scent of piss or happen to be a dog. Is it unreasonable to expect that with the amount of money the Stone Roses made from the people that paid a packet to see them …they could tidy up the mess themselves…or at least hire an au pair to clean up the park?…or were they just too pissed to care…it certainly sounded like it.
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Posted: 9th, July 2012 | In: Music | Comments (6)
March 21, 1956: The Oscars, as presented by Grave Kelly
FLASHBACK to March 21, 1956: Award presenter Grace Kelly, center, poses with Oscar winners at the 1955 Academy Awards held at the RKO Pantages Theatre in Hollywood, Calif., March 21, 1956. From left are, Jo Van Fleet, best supporting actress for “East of Eden”; Jack Lemmon, best supporting actor for “Mister Roberts”; Kelly; Ernest Borgnine, best actor for “Marty”; and Marisa Pavan, accepting the best actress award on behalf of Anna Magnani, who is in Rome, for “The Rose Tattoo.”
When the Sex Pistols toured the USA and hit Cain’s Ballroom
IN 1978, the Sex Pistols went to the USA. Tony Schwartz, of Newsweek, saw the opening show at the Great Southeast Music Hall. It left an impression:
“Johnny Rotten’s stare was demonic, his expression sneering, and his shoulders ominously hunched. Sid Vicious, pasty-skinned and anemic-looking, seemed more catatonic than cantankerous, rousing himself only to blow his nose stage right. Guitarist Steve Jones and drummer Paul Cook looked clean-cut enough to have played in the ’50s style band that opened the show.”
NBC did the PR:
The Sex Pistols hit Cain’s Ballroom in Tulsa, Oklahoma. This was a mostly Country crowd.
Photographer Bob Gruen told us:
“We had a long drive from Dallas to Tulsa through five inches of snow and ice. Sometime in the night we pulled into a gas station where there was a restaurant. I went in with Sid and sat at the counter. Before I knew it Sid had started a conversation with a cowboy and his family. They invited him to sit with them and Sid carried his eggs to their table. After the cowboy heard that Sid’s name was Vicious he started to challenge him. He crushed his cigarette out in his own hand, then he asked Sid what could he do. Sid just took his knife, cut his own hand and kept on eating as blood flowed on his eggs like ketchup. The cowboy grabbed his family and ran out.”
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Justin Bieber upgrades to a pedal car
WHY-oh-why-oph-why did no-one look at the death of Pricness Diana and demand that all cleberoties and VIPs travel by milk float, or Sinclair C5? Justin Bieber has been pulled over by the police for driving in a “reckless manner” on an LA freeway. Bieber says he was being chased by paparazzi.
The pull-ups poster says he was doing 80mph. The California Highway Patrol officers says they spotted at last one car following Bieber, which drove off when the singer was stopped. Which is odd, because if the point was to get a photo of Bieber doing something, a snap of him getting told off by the police would have been worth any fine.
City Councilman Dennis Zine says 10 people called 911 to report the erratic driving. He tells the LA Times:
“Any time you do 90, the paparazzi are going to do 90.”
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Posted: 8th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In photos: the Barclaycard Gangster Wireless Festival 2012
TO the Barclaycard Wireless Festival 2012 to see Nicki Minaj rub, Tulisa smoke, Drake swoon, Rihanna grind, Deadmau5 wow, Jessie J do the stage school schtick, Calvin Harris press ‘play’ and Example bounce. It’s hard not be cynical when you see the cool kids paying out for a gig sponsored by Barclaycard, part of the tossers at Barclays Bank. But, then, gangster music needs gangsters…
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Katie Holmes still a Scientologist, but Tom Cruise treated her like Pinocchio
THE break-up of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes is not your average celebrity split. For the most part, couples use it as a promotional tool with various front-pages running stories like My Heartache: And The Truth About That Awful, Awful Bastard. However, with this one, there’s a space-religion involved and it’s tickling every pickle on Planet Earth.
And the latest news is that Cruise is a controlling swine, acting as a puppetmaster to Katie Holmes who everyone used to think was ‘alright’, but has since become everyone’s source of pity. We all assumed it, but now sources are backing it up. Basically, Cruise controlled every aspect of Holmes’ life. Allegedly.
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Posted: 6th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Dawson spares a few thought on Katie Holmes’ and Pacey’s wedding (a meme is born)
DID Katie Holmes leave Tom Cruise over Dawson’s Creek? Was Cruise so unnerved that Joey Potter (Holmes) was set to finally marry Pacey in a Creek special and live forever a magical halcyon summer in Capeside? Was Tom trying to save us from Dawson, the idealistic sensitive bore who gave us heamorrhoids as we waited for him to finish ordering lunch or giving full throat to a soliloquy on his shoelaces or ears. (Dawson also gave us Twilight, which is Dawson’s Creek with pointy teeth and fur.)
Odd that Holmes, who rose to fame playing one of a group of teen who loved shooting to breeze by analysing themselves, whould marry a Scientologist for the free audit. Maybe she misread the marriage contract as “FREE AUDI!”
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Posted: 6th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment
Dappy gets in trouble for showing support to the murderer of Philip Lawrence
HEY! You know what’s a good idea? Being a celebrity and sticking up for someone who murdered headteacher Philip Lawrence! In fact, it is such a good idea to show support for a murderer that you should probably dedicate your pop video to him!
Isn’t that right Dappy?
That’s right. The bluntest spoon in the drawer and former N Dubz warbler, Dappy, in his new single Tarzan 2 (no, honestly), has the message “Free Leo Chindamo” in the opening credits. That’d be Chindamo who was jailed last year after breaching the terms of his licence by meeting a gang member, breaking a curfew and failing a breath test… oh, and stabbing Philip Lawrence outside his school in west London in ’95.
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Posted: 6th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Tori Spelling on the Hollywood curse of Southern fried poodle
HOLLYWOOD insight of the week emerged via the pout of Tori Spelling, who gave us hint of what the next big thing in accessory pets will be: pocket chickens.
Coco…is a silkie bantam chicken. She is white and fluffy and is often mistaken for a poodle. I call her a pocket chicken because she loves to be held and go places with me. They know her by name at our local Michael’s craft store. What? A chicken can’t craft too? I make her outfits to mimic my vintage dresses. She also has little capelets! I turn vintage brooches into fascinators for her. Right now I’m knitting her a chicken poncho for those cool summer nights.
The poncho will render Coco nothing like a poodle, who as any Hollywood star knows, only ever wear sleeves. Very soon Kentucky Fried Poodle will be off the nation’s menus…
Posted: 6th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Daily Mail ogles ‘thin’ and underage Kylie Jenner
HAVING highlighted the dangers of objectifying thin women and sexualising the underage female, the Daily Mail looks at Kylie Jenner’s twitter feed and spots a photo of her in a bikini. It says:
Kylie, 14, meanwhile appeared a little more coy, hiding her face beneath her hair in an artsy shot. As she dangled her legs into the pool, she leaned back on her arms while displaying her equally trim figure for her two millions Twitter followers to ogle at.
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Posted: 5th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
DC Talk were Straight Outta Lynchburg – when Christian rap rocked
MOVE over Eli Porter, rap had bigger stars. DC Talk – that’s Decent Christian Talk to you squares – were once ready to rock the ages with their “Explicit Christian Lyrics”. Meet Toby McKeehan, Kevin Max and Michael Tait. Together they were the Holy Trinity. Rap. Rock. Soul. Hats. The Fresh Prince on VHS. A Beastie Boys cassette. And brogues. Hey wer putting the big C on Rap.
God is doing’ a new thang. A brand nooo thang.
In 2002, the Encyclopedia of Contemporary Christian Music went on the record to state that DC Talk are “the most popular overtly Christian act of all time“.
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Pudsey the dog signs his own death warrant with warts and all autobiography
THIS Christmas, you can read Pudsey the Dog’s autobiography. Pudsey is the winner of Britain’s Got Talent. Pudsey has been signed by Little & Brown for £350,000.
The dog has talent to burn.
Perhaps Pudsey has been wearing the Bowlingual Voice microphone that translates a dog’s barks into human speech?
Of course, what we love bet about our pets is that they cannot talk. We get to humanise them. Dogs and cats know what they want. And the fun is in believing you are giving it to them. To learn that your dog is unhappy with its bedding or your cat prefers your blue dress to the green would be problematic. Worse if your pet thinks you to be stupid. Goldfish owners would be shocked to learn that they think humans are dim. The humans who stare at them opening and closing their moths and fill their bowls with sunken wrecks.
Dogs will wonder why humans are so obsessed with throwing a ball. Humans give cats balls of wool but no knitting needles.
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Posted: 5th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Eric Sykes – a life in photos
ERIC Sykes has died. He was the comic actor who always seemed old; the uncle who made you laugh, in spite of yourself and your cynicism. His life in photos includes soem terrific pictures of the greats of the magic box:
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Posted: 4th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Tom Cruise: Highest paid actor and general monster to Katie Holmes and Dawson’s Creek shark
UNFATHOMABLY, Tom Cruise has been announced as the highest paid actor in the world, according to Forbes magazine’s annual list. Surely he’s been in bugger-all films for some time now, thanks to that whole Scientology Business?
According to Forbes, he earned an estimated $75m (£48m) over the last 12 months, thanks largely to the rampaging success of Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol. However, while he’s been earning coins, it is also rumoured that he’s been a berk with his soon-to-be-ex, Katie Holmes.
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Posted: 4th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Beckham hates Spice Girls ‘bad vibes’
EVERY woman in the mid-twenties went barking crazy when the Spice Girls got back together to launch their musical. However, the reunion was laced with undiluted hate and the gloves are coming off.
Apparently, Victoria Beckham confessed to friends that their were “bad vibes” when the girls reunited last week and she finds it all very “amusing” that they “pretend to get on so well”. On camera, Posh Spice said that she was pleased to be back with the girls, but obviously, the photographs from the event told a different tale with Victoria standing away from the rest of the group.
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Posted: 4th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Katy Perry: Part of Me 3D Premiere! in photos
A WET night in July cold only mean one thing: the premier of Katy Perry Part Of Me 3D at the Empire Cinema, Leicester Square, London. This is a fly-on-the-wall look at Perry’s 124-date 2011 tour. In one scene, we see Perry hear the news that her marriage to Russell Brand is over. She hears this as she’s preparing to go on stage in Brazil. The cameras roll. Katy rolls into a ball and sobs. A voice tells us what’s going on. Then she snaps out of it and goes on with the show. What a trooper! What player! And you realise that when Katy professed a liking for Brand’s beloved West Ham United she meant it. You’ve not seen a comeback like that since Julian Dicks went down in the box…
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Posted: 3rd, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Alex James sells grated cheese in Pudsey – Alan Partridge has a cousin
ALEX James. He lives in the same area as David Cameron, Jeremy Clarkson and Rebecca Brooks. Rumour has it – any Iranian and Chinese readers should look away now – Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire, is also the secret headquarters of all the UK’s military weapons’ systems. One bomb and – kapow! – the UK is fallen.
Anyhow, back to the main event. Alex James, who found fame with Blur, was once selling his cheese in Asda, Pudsey. As the last nodding head observer, wrily: “Really, really special.”
Asda has now dropped most of James’s cheeses. An Asda spokesperson informed the Daily Star: “Clearly some of them were ahead of their time.”
Posted: 3rd, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
