Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Chantelle Houghton names baby Minnie, like Katie Price’s vagina
CHANTELLE Houghton cradles her “Mini-Me”, born on June 17, and tells OK! readers: “I love every single minute of being am um, it’s like nothing else matters.”
This is Chantelle who rose to fame as a fake star on Celebrity Big Brother (she won), where she assured the actual stars (e.g. Maggot and Faria Alam) that she was an actual VIP, swearing on her mother’s life that she was telling the truth. Chantelle’s ruthless ambition to be famous has been glossed with flashes of replaceable primary sexual characteristics (the first Chantelle doll will have body parts sold separately) and a neat line in vapidity: “You could be married and go to the baker’s because you’re feeling hungry — and then fall in love with the baker”; and “Alex was laughing at me earlier, because I thought the sun and the moon were the same thing. Turns out they’re not!”
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Posted: 27th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
BBC Rogue Traders presenter Dan Penteado is a benefits cheat – blame Matt Allwright
DAN Penteado, 40, from Westbourne, Bournemouth, is a presenter on BBC TV’s Rogue Traders. He’s the one on the bike who hardly ever speaks. He might well be the best presenter the BBC has. At Bournemouth Magistrates’ Court, Penteado has admitted eight offences of dishonestly or knowingly claiming housing and council tax benefits. Yep, the man who exposes wrongdoing and rip-off merchants on the telly is a rip-off merchant. He’s been robbing from you, the taxpayer. He’s claimed benefits ( £24,077.60 in housing and council tax benefit he was not entitled to) whilst earning £56,000 for his work on Rogue Traders from 2008 to 2011.
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Posted: 26th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
2012 Isle of Wight Festival in photos
THE 2012 Isle of Wight Festival in photos. Were you there? Then, you might be here in our gallery:
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Adele’s music can be blamed on her gay chum getting off with her boyfriend
UNFATHOMABLY, Adele’s ’21’ went and conquered the world. It’s not a bad album per se, but it isn’t exactly any good. It’s the musical equivalent of a baked potato with only butter. It does a job, but doesn’t in any way excite. Still, Adele won’t mind that, what with it making her fantastically rich and famous.
But what event inspired the ’19’, the album that paved the way for ’21’? Or indeed, who can we blame for the existence of Adele’s fantastically successful career?
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Posted: 25th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kim Kardashian: Potential is more lucrative the marriage
POTENTIAL is a funny thing. If you never fulfil it, you’re always in a position where you can be interesting without the fear of failure or ridicule. And Kim Kardashian’s apparent relationship with Kanye West is going to be one based entirely on the promise that it’ll get more serious, thereby giving them both the chance to stretch it out into as many paychecks as possible.
A wedding would only put a fullstop on the whole thing, so why stop the chatter and resultant rolling money? And in an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Kim K is keen to point out that this Yeezy relationship is not a “publicity stunt.”
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Posted: 25th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Clive James and his Unreliable Memoirs – what every adolescent boy should read
CLIVE James is not dead. Twitter lit up with news that the writer and raconteur was dead. He isn’t But he is ill. I read one of his books when younger. James has leukaemia, kidney failure and lung disease. James, the TV reviewer who went on to make great telly, told the BBC:
“I’ve been really ill for two-and-a-half years. I’m getting near the end. I’m a man who is approaching his terminus.”
If you like “Twin miracles of mascara, Barbara Cartland’s eyes look like the corpses of two small crows that had crashed into a chalk cliff“, I urge you to read Unreliable Memoirs, an account of his early years. It’s a cracking read that any adolsescent boy needs to look at. Adult males should look at it again.
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Posted: 24th, June 2012 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comments (2)
In photos: Radio 1’s Hackney Weekend 2012
RADIO 1’s Hackney Weekend sees Hackney Marshes, turn from the usual football (82 pitches) to music. For those of you not holding tickets to the Olympic gig up the road in Stratford, the Hackney Weekend features an alternative chance to catch pop music Olympians in action: Jay-Z, Rihanna, Rita Ora, local girl made good Leona Lewis, the Hackney Empire Community Choir, Nicky Minaj, Florida and local rappers Dizzee Rascal, Tinchy Stryder, Chipmunk and – nice name – Cheekie Bugga and the ubiquitous Florence + the Machine. (Gary Barlow is away.)
Face of the day: The Spanish glow paint party
FACE of the day: A reveller in Spain reacts during a glow paint party in the early hours on Saturday June 23, 2012. Around a thousand hip young things danced to techno music while spraying each other with paint, while the organizers sprayed the party goers from the stage. Foam is soooo 1990s…
Pat Paulsen plays The Beatles Hey Jude
PAT Paulsen and the Pat Paulsen Players will not perform their cover version of The Beatles Hey Jude. You may recall the star of Pat Paulsen’s Half a Comedy Hour, whose satire was lightning up the airwaves.
In 1968, The Mothers Brothers put Paulsen forward to be president of the USA as a member of the Straight Talking American Government Party (S.T.A.G. Party). Said Paulsen, who would run seven times, of his bid for the presidency: “Why not? I can’t dance.”
He died in 1997.
Take them away without mercy, Pat Paulsen:
Spotter: DM
Posted: 23rd, June 2012 | In: Flashback, Music, TV & Radio | Comment
Isle of Wight Festival 2012 in photos: fans, bands and muddy legs
RAIN? Check. Young women is short shorts walking in wet mud? Check. Young men wallowing in wet mud? Check.The Charlatans performing at Spitbank Fort in the Solent? Check? Trench foot? Working on it. It’s the Isle of Wight Festival 2012. And we’ve got the photos of the bands and the fans:
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Travolta gay claims crop up again, this time, with added libel
GAY or not, John Travolta is being put through the media mangle at the moment while everyone speculates about his sexuality. All we need now is an invite from Oprah for Travolta to have a little cry and tell us how hard it all is, and we’re done.
Previous stories around this have featured large chefs flipping burgers, masseurs rejecting Travolta’s sexual advances, powerful Jews and helicopter pilots. It’s ticked many boxes. And now, the latest addition, is some libel! Robert Randolph, who wrote a book about his alleged gay encounters with John Travolta has filed a libel lawsuit against the actor and his attorney.
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Posted: 22nd, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Emma Stone pretends to be flattered at creepy declaration of love from Jim Carrey
CELEBRITIES, as you know, are thoroughly mental. The more famous they become, the weirder they get. Take Jim Carrey for example. For some inexplicable reason, he decided to take to YouTube and declare his love for actress Emma Stone.
In the clip, he said that he wanted to have “chubby little freckle-faced kids” with her, adding: “Emma, I think you’re all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but smart and kind-hearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you,” Carrey said in the video.
“Every day, for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I’m not. I’m 49. I have lines of my face, sometimes a little gray in my heard, and it takes me a little bit longer to pee than it used to,” he said.
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Posted: 21st, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Reincarnated: Leonardo DiCaprio used to be Judy Zipper (photo)
IN the 1960s, Leonardo DiCaprio was called Judy Zipper.
Posted: 21st, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kanye West to make animal noises album, which is fine, clearly
SUPREME attention-seeker (self-proclaimed, obviously) Kanye West is sometimes brilliant (“My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”) and sometimes complete dreck (“Watch The Throne”, Kim Kardashian) is reportedly about to embark on a most peculiar endeavour.
Kanye West is going to make an album made entirely of animal noises.
Apparently, Yeezy has “become obsessed with roars, barks and jungle noises” and believes that making an album that is made of nothing but animal noises is “an ingenious plan”.
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Posted: 21st, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jimmy Carr fluffs his lines
JIMMY Carr has become the face of the wrong-minded tax-dodger. You’d think that a satire-mined comic would revel in this, using it as a chance to be the baddie, goading the right-minded with his legally earned cash and how he and Take That are being blamed for the collapse of the financial system. “Sod it,” says Carr. “I’ve hit the easy liberal-friendly targets (women, Christians, bankers), been BBC compliant and made a mint as the on-message TV panel show stalwart.” Now I’ll do the risky stuff. I won’t be on the telly, for sure, but I’ll make you laugh.”
It gets better when marketing man David Cameron calls Jimmy Carr “not morally right”. Has there ever been better badge of honour? Wear it with pride, Mr Carr. Use it as slogan for your nationwide tour. Jerry Sadowitz is knocking on a bit. It’s time for a new pariah.
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Posted: 21st, June 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Alec Baldwin speaks out about lamping photographer
PAPARAZZI photographers are, to all intents and purposes, scumbags. However, most people in Britain are awfully interested in what they do, making absolutely everyone scumbags by default. And who has no time for scumbags? Alec Baldwin! If you don’t count his brother, Stephen!
That’s right! Our Alec got into a tussle with a paparazzo and now he wants to tell us all about it.
“There was a person in front of me, and he was blocking me, and the [photographer] lunged and he almost hit me in the teeth with the lens of the camera. So, I just pushed the guy away.”
“But of course [the paparazzi] make it like, they all – my favorite line is John Malkovich’s. He said, ‘They all scream like they’re political prisoners.’”
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Posted: 21st, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Prepare to vomit: Jodie Marsh sending mucky texts to Frankie Cocozza
THAT feeling of nausea you feel every single second of every single stinking day is about to erupt out of your eyes and nose in a disgusting, almost beautiful, flowing arc.
Jodie Marsh has revealed that she and Frankie Cocozza share dirty text messages with each other.
Just picture that. Cocozza, with his head that looks like a Cabbage Patch doll peering out of a bear’s arse, feverishly thrashing away at texts sent from Jodie ‘looks like she’s made out of varnish and boiled sausages’ Marsh. It’s enough to make you lose every single lunch you’ve ever eaten.
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Posted: 20th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Wham! reunite for one last school disco dance
WHAM! are back. Those of you who bought tickets for The Final, that Wembley concert on June 28 1986 (and I was there) can think about getting their money back. George Michael is ready to stap on his shoulder pads hair and Andrew Ridgeley re-inflate his Fisher Price guitar. The Mail (yeah, we know) says the boys from Bushey are back for one last school disco dance with Pepsi and Shirley:
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Police raid Surrey pub looking for music from 4am – the band not the time
WHEN police heard that The Feathers in Laleham, Surrey, was to feature live music “from 4am” they swooped. Playing so late was not allowed. Music must be stopped. Music must be licensed. Four coppers raced to the scene. There, they were told that 4am was the name of the band.
The pub’s licensee, Kate Dillon says:
“They made idiots of themselves really.”
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Posted: 19th, June 2012 | In: Music, Strange But True | Comment (1)
The Sounds of Silence, Seventies style censorship
THE re-release of the Sex Pistols’ God Save the Queen, 25 years after its last Jubilee disgrace, has set the cat among the pigeons once again.
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Posted: 19th, June 2012 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)
Tour for The Voice gets cancelled, unsurprisingly
REMEMBER The Voice? Do you remember the winner? Did you even hear the song? Chances are, the only thing you had to do with The Voice, was continual puzzlement at people on social networking, saying they fancied Will.I.Am. That’s right. There’s people out there who want to have sex with someone who looks like a Lego Tron figurine, complete with simpleton grin.
Of course, The Voice was the latest show to proudly proclaim that It Wasn’t The X Factor, which is a dangerous dance. That’s because The X Factor has a habit of being much better than competitors because it knows full well that it is little more than trashy television. It is to music was WWE is to professional sport. So when The Voice comes along, trying to pass itself as ‘more real’, it was asking for trouble.
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Posted: 19th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Tax avoider Jimmy Carr says tax avoiders are pigs killing the country (video)
JIMMY Carr is best known for his jokes about Rupert Murdoch contracting genital diseases from a demonic louse. In other news, Jimmy Carr is on the front page of the Times (prop. R Murdoch), the subject of a story about tax avoidance.
Alexi Mostrous writes:
Thousands of wealthy people in Britain pay as little as 1 per cent income tax using “below the radar” accounting methods, part of a tax avoidance industry that costs the country billions of pounds.
Tax loopholes are not always accidents. Whisper it: they are part of the tax structure. They might even be deliberate:
An investigation by The Times into tax avoidance begins today with the exposure of a single Jersey-based scheme that shelters £168 million a year from the taxman. Jimmy Carr, the comedian who performed for the Queen at the Diamond Jubilee celebrations this month, is understood to be the largest beneficiary of the K2 tax scheme.
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Posted: 19th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comments (3)
Lovebox 2012 in photos: Grace Jones keeps up
IN Photos: the Lovebox Festival at Victoria Park in London. Grace Jones gives it some welly as Lana Del Rey stands and sings…
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Jack Osbourne has Multiple Sclerosis – Sharon Osbourne and things sent from God
JACK Osbourne has multiple sclerosis. It’s the Sun’s front-page news. Well, not quite. The Sun has taken the story from Hello!. And because not enough of us knwo who Jack Osbourne is, the tabloid yells:
“OZZY’S SON JACK: I’VE GOT MS”
That’s a tough break for a 26-year-old who just become a father to Pearl Clementine.
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Posted: 18th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Madonna meets the Islamic Creationist Adnan Oktar and his audience of sex bots
THIS is great telly. Adnan Oktar on on the magic box in Turkey telling the River Yarra racers about the time he met Madonna. Oktar is a Turkish Creationist and, alleged, Holocaust denier. Oktar says the meeting was arranged by Yehuda Berg of the Kabbalah Centre. PS – Oktar looks like George Galloway after an episode of 10 Years Younger:
Posted: 18th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
