Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Courtney Love’s debut gallery how – photos
COURTNEY Love, deceased Nirvana front-man Kurt Cobain’s erstwhile love interest, has created a portfolio of art for her debut gallery show. Well, critics, what do you think? And would she get a GCSE in drawing…
More.
Posted: 10th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Against Me! singer to change gender even though America can’t handle the idea of gay marriage
WHILE half of America shouts loudly about how much it hates the gays, it is with unimaginable bravery that Against Me! singer, Tom Gabel, announces that after years of living with gender dysphoria for years, he is to become she and start living life as Laura Jane Grace.
Gender dysphoria is not a laughing matter (despite the hooting that surrounded Lady GaGa’s non-penis) and changing your sex is surely one of the most difficult decisions a human can make. Yet, you can almost hear the catcalls from those who are steadfast in their unwillingness to understand the situation.
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Posted: 10th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Lana Del Rey sings in Lindsay Lohan’s mouth – gifs
WHEN Lizzy Grant failed to make it pop, her managers, stylists and money men recreated her as internet sensation Lana Del Rey. And Lana Del Ray is a big star. The stage persona works. And then she sang on Saturday Night Live. And it was like Lizzy Grant had never gone away. She sang. And she danced. Well, less danced than swayed like a lazy eye. And one bight spark set about creating a chronicle of her dance moves. The best are here. And they are brilliant:
Spotters: nursejack, incendiare,chandler-dances-on-t,selinakylesansweringmachine,houseofthedevil,govthookr,
The Greatest Slaps in movie history: Volumes I and II
THE Greatest Slaps in movie history: Volume 1 and the sequel Volume II: Slap and Slapier:
Rip Vidal Sassoon – a life in photos
RIP Vidal Sassoon, the world’s most famous hairdresser. He was 84. He was, was he not, head and shoulder above all other hairdressers. As the man who was worth a few bob told it:
“When I first came into hair, women were coming in and you’d place a hat on their hair and you’d dress their hair around it.”
Bald men can dream that such a style will one in vogue for both sexes…
“We learned to put discipline in the haircuts by using actual geometry, actual architectural shapes and bone structure. The cut had to be perfect and layered beautifully, so that when a woman shook it, it just fell back in.”
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Posted: 9th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
More masseuses to accuse Travolta of indecent proposals
JOHN TRAVOLTA has invariably had a rough 24 hours after being accused of molesting some poor masseuse in one of the most hilariously worded legal complaints in history. The length of his wang, the state of his pubes and a man cooking burgers were all accounted for in the accusation.
And now, more masseurs are coming forward with tales of randy run-ins with Travolta and may well join a federal lawsuit in California.
The lawyer dealing with the case – Okorie Okorocha – says a number of masseurs are now apparently suing the star for sexual assault, and he said: “I’m getting tons of calls. If we weren’t dealing with statute of limitations, I’d say about 25 (potential plaintiffs) have contacted me. He’s done it everywhere, and the laws are very different in different states.”
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Posted: 9th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Chantelle Houghton exposes the lying press in OK!
CHANTELLE Houghton points a strawberry towards her lips, turns her head toward the camera, flutters her eyelashes that are covered in the deep shag pile skins of dead bubble bees and tells OK! readers: “MY LIFE’S A TOTAL MESS, I want Alex to come back to me.” Inside, the mag we are told that Chantelle is mad about Alex and Alex is crazy about Chantelle. Phew! Chantelle just wants her Alex Reid to hurry up and come back from work.
OK! then spends its time exposes a naive and rubbish media that publishes unfounded celeb stories as fact to seduce slack-jawed readers.
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Posted: 9th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Hey Ya? Hey Joe? OutKast’s André 3000 to play Jimi Hendrix
LOOKING out at the world, there’s not many people who have matched Jimi Hendrix’s joy of raiding the dressing-up box and living life as a pop star peacock, with wild hair, irresistible hips and effectively looking like they’ve just dropped in from Planet Funk.
After Jimi came Parliament with George and Bootsy, then Rick James and Prince and more recently, Andre 3000 who is a man who likes to play with sound just as much as a pair of stacked heels and floor-length fluorescent coat. With that, it makes perfect sense that the OutKast harlequin should be given the nod to play Hendrix in a new biopic.
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Posted: 8th, May 2012 | In: Music | Comment (1)
All This And World War ll – Watch how The Beatles lost the war
FANS of The Beatles hated All This And World War ll, a film that mashed up actual 1940s World War 2 footage with Hollywood actors pretending to fight in war films and set it to people singing songs by the Fab Four. This 1976 flick was not the work not of a Japanese fan in his mum’s basement but the mighty 20th Century Fox.
So, which song and signer went with what footage? You might enjoy the bit where the German charge into Poland as Ambrosia sings “Roll up for the mystery tour”. Peter Gabriel’s belt out “Strawberry Fields Forever” – “living is easy with eyes closed” – as Neville Chamberlain shows off his worthless peace treaty. Tina Turner covers “Come Together” – “choo choo eyeballs” – is the Japanese march up and down. Gawd, those Beatles were significant.
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Posted: 8th, May 2012 | In: Film, Flashback, Key Posts | Comment
John Travolta sued for allegedly trying to fiddle with the wang of a masseuse! (photos)
YOU’VE heard the rumours about John Travolta right? The rumours are so loud that these days, they pretty much drown out the day job. One author has been very vocal about Travolta’s supposed secret sexual liaisons, noting how much the Pulp Fiction actor liked to please Middle Easterners with large weaponry.
Alas, these are mere rumours and we don’t want any lawyers coming after us. Just thought we’d clear that up. Anyway, in unrelated news, John Travolta is being sued for $2 million by an unidentified masseur after the Saturday Night Fever actor allegedly made inappropriate sexual advances towards him during a massage. ‘Inappropriate advances’ it would seem, means touching a penis uninvited.
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Posted: 8th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
When Top of The Pops had the tunes and the girls
BRING back Top of The Pops. And bring back those Tops of The Pops albums, the discs that featured all the top sounds dressed in a sexually provocative woman.
The Top of The Pops albums began life in 1968. Alan Crawford approached Pickwick Records with his idea for an album of 12 hot songs played by session musicians and people who sounded like the stars. The idea was to pump out a disc every 6 to eight weeks. If listening to the hottest sounds priced at a discount on your home stereo was not enough, consumers were further seduced by the cover art, which always featured a studio portrait of an up-and-coming model. The “Best Of” the year albums featured a model on a poster and calendar.
Pickwick’s MD Monty Lewis told the art team to create a cover that “could be seen from the other side of Victoria Station”. It was simple and effective marketing, aided by the fact that the BBC had not protected its brand – Pickwick could legally call its albums Top of The Pops.
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Posted: 8th, May 2012 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Music | Comment
Tom Cruise in Rock of Ages is our photoshop mons of the day
THAT is Tom Cruise on the cover of W’ magazine. He’s in the guise of his Rock of Ages character Stacee Jaxx.
If you’ve never seen photoshop before, you’re looking at it now. We commend your attention that Animal Planet neck on the girl to Cruise’s rear; Tom Cruise’s stomach – it’s tighter than his hairline; and the look on the woman on the left’s face as she rubs her hand over Tom’s baby-smooth mons and wonders if her forehead can double as Xenu’s landing pad …
Spotter: Towleroad
Posted: 7th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Voice singer Ruth Brown is a flat as Gwyneth Paltrow’s chest, say trolls
RUTH Brown, star of BBC’s The Voice, has been targeted by “internet tolls”. The Daily Mail is upset. In the paper’s article, we hear Ruth Brown say she has had to put up with “sickening” comments about being black and her weight. With the Mail on her side, Ruth Brown cannot fail to beat the trolls.
Yes indeed, readers. The Daily Mail has seen the light. It was only few days ago that the Mail spotted Kate Bush winning a South Bank Arts award for her album 50 Words For Snow. It noted that her “waiflike” looks had “gone”. It quoted the words of an unamed “American interviewer” that the singer was “more like a soccer mom than a Brontë character come to life”.
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Posted: 7th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Sam Faiers’ guide to having sex in Essex
SAM Faiers, pneumatic, varnished star of The Only Way Is Essex tells us via the Sun’s front page that sex with her former co-star Mark Wright is “forgettable“. She tells us about the forgettable sex in her new book How To Be Famous for Having Brief Encounters With Co-Stars And Hang About A Sticky Provincial Nightclub Waiting To Be Papped. The shorter titles is Living Life The Essex Way. The book will do for Essex with HG Bates did for Kent, Peter Mayle did for Provence and Enola Gay did for Hiroshima.
It turns out that Living the Essex way is not all getting the Central Line to Liverpool Street station, digging shallow graves in Epping Forest, weekend’s in Basildon and catching craps from a Southend FC reserve in Saffron Walden. Faiers, whose satsuma skin tones clash hideously with the Sun’s bright red masthead (one of them has to yield to oncoming traffic), tells us that aside from shagging Wright she has also shagged Joey Essex.
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Posted: 7th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Fox Uses Trayvon Martin’s death to market Ben Stiller’s Neighborhood Watch film
THE makers of the film Neighborhood Watch have reacted to the death of Trayvon Martin – the teenager shot dead in Florida by Neighbourhood watchman George Zimmerman – by renaming their product The Watch.
Fox Studios, the makers, explain that the renaming has nothing to do with Trayvon Martin, which makes us wonder why the internet is alight with news that it is? Says the Fox spokesperson:
“As the subject matter of this alien invasion comedy bears no relation whatsoever to the recent tragic events in Florida, the studio altered the title to avoid any accidental or unintended misimpression that it might.”
Good-oh. Sensible, indeed, to use the death of an unarmed black teenager to explain that the NEW film starring Ben STILLER (not black) and Vince VAUGN (also not black) – coming to ALL cinemas SOON – has nothing to do with the death of unarmed black teenager TRAYVON Martin, his name currently riding high on the news cycle and in search engine keywords.
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Coldplay’s Beastie Boys tribute to Adam Yauch is plain terrible
WHAT’S that awful humming noise? Is it Chris Martin trying to drive out the tinnitus in his ears with another drippy melody?* Here’s Chris and the Coldplay ensemble paying trubite to Adam Yauch, the Beastie Boy who died this week.
Tributes are great, aren’t they. They show the world that the living loved the dead star and understood them. In this case, however, they show the world that a great protest song by a band that made you smile and go nuts is no longer a great protest song when Coldplay get hold of it. It becomes a novelty records that just makes you wish you were watching the Beastie Boys.
Sad.
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Star Wars fans celebrate May The Day with these Japanese movie posters
IT’S May the Fourth, as in “May the fourth be with you”. Yep. It’s Star Wars Day. To celebrate the pun – and while we wait for International Anti-Semitic Day (every July), National Strike Day (March 1st) and Germany’s anti Declan Donnelly Day of action (Dec 9), here are some photos. To mark this auspicious occasion you should take a look at George Lucas’s robots and these Japanese movies posters, which turn Star Wars into a madly-drawn cartoon…
Cheryl Cole’s new tattoo: tupped by Rolf Harris or a toilet accident?
WHEN you’re not shagging, you’re not pregnant and you’re not under arrest, the celebrity becomes newsworthy by way of a tattoo. And that’s what the tabloids are saying Cheryl Cole has, a new tattoo that begins somewhere under her knickers and runs down the back of her thigh.
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Posted: 4th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Adam Yauch: MCA RIP
THE triangle is the strongest of all the shapes, so it was fitting that hip hop powerhouse The Beastie Boys were three sides strong. However, the trio… nay, the whole world of rap… is weakened by the sudden loss of Beasties co-founder MCA, aka Adam Yauch.
One third of the team behind hip hop masterpieces like Ill Communication, Paul’s Boutique and Check Your Head, Yauch was a charismatic, smart and supremely talented member of one of the most important groups of musicians of any genre.
It only seems like yesterday that he was saying “I’ve got more rhymes than I’ve got grey hairs” yet now, the world discovers that Yauch has been taken, aged only 47 years old, by that bastard cancer. He’d been in treatment since 2009, but so superhuman and comic book hero were the Beasties, it always seemed like he’d pull through somehow.
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Posted: 4th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Adam Yauch tribute – the Beastie Boys Puppets (featuring Frank Sidebottom)
RIP Adam Yauch, the Beastie Boys’ MCA. He sang the protest song of our youth: you gotta fight for your right to partyyyyyyy.
Another dearly departed singer pays tribute. Take it away, Frank Sidebottom:
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Lady GaGa dumps vampire boyfriend
COMPARED to other gigantic popstars currently, Lady GaGa has been refreshingly quiet. Relatively speaking, she’s been away from the spotlight long enough for people to stop being reminded how irritating she is. However, something must be afoot commercially because here she is!
Apparently, GaGa has split from her boyfriend, Taylor Kinney. No, that’s not the American riot grrrl outfit, we’re talking about vampires. That’s right, Taylor is a star of the Vampire Diaries and he’s allegedly been in bed with GaGa – NAKED – for the past 10 months after they met on the set of the ‘You and I’ promotional video.
Lady Gaga – Before She Was Famous
However, we’re going to have to man the helplines because according to various sources, the couple are now “on a break”. One source who obviously can’t keep their mouth shut, said: “She will be touring non-stop until next year and has found she can’t have a relationship at the same time.There’s just no room for anything else. Her work is all-consuming”.
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Posted: 4th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Michael Jackson to give Pepsi some corpsey goodness again!
WHEN you think of Michael Jackson and Pepsi in the same sentence, you’ll invariably get a whiff of burned hair and flesh on the wind. Of course, MJ is pretty dead these days, so we don’t have to worry about him sullying our junk food anymore.
If only that was the case.
See, Pepsi have decided to try and breathe life into Jackson’s corpse and put some deathstink on their drink as they’ve announced that they’ll be putting Michael Jackson’s silhouette on their packaging. No wonder everyone buys Coca Cola instead. Of course, Pepsi aren’t grave-robbing at all as they nod to the promotions that will include live events, music and digital opportunities for fans to get special-edition merchandise. No. Not a singed wig.
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Posted: 4th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Amanda Seyfried reveals all as Lovelace (photos)
THE role of Linda Lovelace, the starring role in new biopic Lovelace, was initially supposed to go to Lindsay Lohan, but alas, she has all those ‘legal woes’ shall we say? As such, she was pulled from the project, opening the door for Amanda Seyfried.
And now, we’ve all got the chance to look at the actress in a state of undress as she plays the centre of everyone’s attention from one of the most notorious films ever made – Deep Throat. Appearing in little more than a bright red bra, we have to assume that she’ll be showing a lot more in Lovelace. Emotionally we mean. Of course we mean that. It isn’t our fault you’ve got a dirty mind.
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Posted: 3rd, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Is Ashton Kutcher a massive racist?
CLEARLY it wasn’t enough for Ashton Kutcher to break the withered heart of Demi Moore by throwing his wang up a young woman on the night of his wedding anniversary. It obviously wasn’t enough for him to mistakenly defend an American football coach who had helped cover up a load of sexual abuse to young men.
Now he wants to be thought of as a bit racist.
Why? Well, he’s starred in an online ad for some crisps which was pulled offline on the day it was released after viewers complained it was racist.
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Posted: 3rd, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Record of the day – The Beatles and Jesus Christ
RECORD of the day – The Beatles and Jesus Christ. Yeah, not Jesus Christ and The Beatles. John Lennon was right about the Fab Four being Bigger then JC.
If only Floyd Hazen were here to inject some “interesting comments”…
Posted: 2nd, May 2012 | In: Music | Comment (1)
