Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Kim Kardashian wants a little privacy for her next wedding (stop laughing)
THE last wedding Kim Kardashian had was televised in her reality show, prompting a marriage that lasted around the same length of time it takes a mayfly to live and die. Everyone cried ‘SHAM!’ at her and Kris Humphries, Kim K’s beleaguered and incredibly dimwitted husband, got all stompy and upset about it.
Kim clearly didn’t understand why everyone loathed her so much (being rich and of no-fixed-talent never helped anyone to be loved) and burrowed away and had a long thing about her next move.
And so, here she is, talking about getting married again.
“When I saw Khloé and Lamar get married — and they had their wedding on TV — I thought, ‘Oh, my gosh, that’s so exciting! That’s what I want!'” Kardashian told Allure magazine. “If you were to ask me now, that’s not what I want … I would just want it to be so special, with our family and close friends, and that’s it. Somewhere on a deserted island, very private. No cameras.”
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Posted: 15th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Russell Brand arrested for iPhone rage incident
RUSSELL Brand has been arrested for allegedly chucking a photographer Timothy Jackson’s iPhone through the window (closed) of a New Orleans law firm, repots TMZ. Even if it is true, Brand still has some way to go.
Lest we ever forget:
Posted: 15th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Sam Faiers new breast tattoo – TOWIE star’s saucy shocker
THE Only Way Is Essex star Sam Faiers is unveiled as the face of Swimwear365.co.uk, in Kensington, London. But what’s going on with her chest? Has she opted for la ight beige tattoo of a knob amid her nut-brown box-fresh bosoms? Or is a co-star reaching for the scourer..?
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Posted: 15th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Insane student asks Justin Bieber to be his ‘wingman’
CELEBRITIES like Justin Bieber tend to be quite busy. When they’e not working, they’re promoting. When they’re not promoting, they’re being chased by the press. When all that subsides, there’s the whole issue of franchises, merchandise, interviews and, of course, having sex with your adoring fans. Visiting family comes last, no doubt.
So then, what did the little berk who asked Justin Bieber to act as his wingman at his high school prom via YouTube expect?
Some dufus called Leon Purvis has asked the Baby singer to be his “bro”, noting that he doesn’t expect the pint-sized superstar to reply to his video invite as “he is a busy guy” but he’s hoping that, if he relentlessly tries, he’ll get Bieber to be his right-hand man.
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Posted: 15th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Price fight Gabby Logan in Celebrity Mum unification bout – photos
THE winner of the Celebrity Mum of the Year for 2012 is…Katie Price.
Voiceover: Katie has three children by two different men, neither of whom she is with just at the minute. She last received the honour in 2007, beating shortlisted contenders Kate Moss, Jade Goody and Heather Mills McCartney. In 2012, Katie has seen off Holly Willoughby, Victoria Beckham and Amanda Holden.
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Posted: 15th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Whitney Houston’s daughter Bobbi gets romantic with… her brother Nick?
UH-OH. Whitney Houston was not a woman you could describe as ‘together’. The same goes for Bobby Brown, as the pair lived out a tempestuous relationship that swirled around mistreatment, drugs and generally looking stoney-dead behind the eyes.
When Whitney died, it looked for all the world like Bobby was going to go completely insane. However, catching everyone on the blindside, it was their daughter Bobbi Kristina who raised eyebrows so far that people are now frowning with their buttocks.
And Whitney’s mother, Cissy Houston, is not happy about it all.
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Posted: 15th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Eric and Donald Trump Junior kill wild animals for fun – photos
DONALD Trump’s children Donald Jr. and Eric went to Zimbabwe and killed a lot of animals: elephant, civet cat, big wild pig. Rumours suggest they went hunting for new sources of Trump hair.
Experts at Psychology Today opine:
Since the 1970″s, research has consistently reported childhood cruelty to animals as the first warning sign of later delinquency, violence, and criminal behavior. [sic]
The BBC notes:
People who participate in a system that treats animals cruelly, and that kills animals to provide trivial pleasures to human beings, are behaving selfishly, and not as a virtuous person would.
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Posted: 15th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)
The Beatles Butchered: How The Beatles Were Carved Up
THE Beatles albums are the cornerstones of the popular music canon. Please Please Me, With The Beatles, A Hard Day’s Night, Beatles For Sale, Help!, Rubber Soul… They sold in their millions all over the globe.
In America, however, things were very different. The group’s early material was owned by different labels, leading to an unseemly scramble as different Beatles singles were released in competition with each other.
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Posted: 15th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities, Flashback, Key Posts | Comments (11)
Katie Price leaves off Hunger Games premiere for the sake of her kids
“How many parents of children/disabled children know the importance of being able to be contacted if something happens in an emergency???“
Posted: 15th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Coronation Street Ken’s 1,000 Women – Bill Roache’s nickname is ‘Cock Roache’
WILLIAM Roache, Coronation Street’s Ken Barlow, has slept with 1,000 women – and not all of them as part of the plot.
To the Daily Mirror, Ken’s confessions on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories is front-page news:
Corrie Ken sensation: I’ve slept with a thousand women, claims actor Bill Roache
The “claims” is the tabloid’s narrowing of the eyes and sideways glance. But Ken lives with Deirdre, says the Mirror. Ken is boring. Sure he’s been married four times – twice to Dreaery; once to Valerie Tatlock (1962) and Janet Reid (1973) – and has cobbled Wendy Crozier, Alma Sedgewick, Maggie Redman, Susan Cunningham, Marion Lund, Pip Mistral, Jackie Marsh, Yvonne Chappell, Norma Ford, Elaine Perkins, Rita Littlewood, Janet Reid, Gaynor Burton, Peggy Barton, Wendy Nightingale, Sally Robinson, Sonia Price, Sally Waterman, Sue Jeffers, Anita Scott, Martha Fraser, and Denise Osbourne – but Ken’s bored them into bed. They only shag him to shut him up and to see if he’s alive.
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Posted: 15th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (12)
Hunger Games: A Map of Panem
THE Hunger Games is here (Twilight met Columbine). In the dystopian post-USA north America, demonic leaders living in Capitol City get taught-skinned, photogenic teens to kill each other on the TV. But where is Panem? Well, one man has investigated. Capital City is in Denver. District 12 is in Appalachia. Lots of bits are underwater or just gone. And Canada is full of trees… Fanciful, we know. But you can’t argue with fictionalised visions of the future.
Click the map. It’s massive.
More here.
Spotter: WOW.
Posted: 14th, March 2012 | In: Film | Comments (2)
Hunger Games Premiere – Twilight meets Columbine
TO the premiere of the Hunger Games, the new teen sensation. Elizabeth Banks was there, showing her backside to rows of men with cameras. (Also, there were Michelle Heaton, and Katie Price, both dressed.) The Hunger Games are based on the triology by Suzanne Collins. In the not-too-distant future, America is finished. The demonic leaders select 24 teenagers to fight each other to the death for a TV show. It’s the TV news bulletins on London kebab shop knifings, only more ordered and better lit. It stars Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen, a simple 15-year-old who is who fancies two macho hard-bodied lads Peeta and Gale. Of Gale, she says in the book: “His body is familiar to me … but this is the first time I really feel it, lean and hard-muscled against my own.” This is Twilight set amid the Columbine Massacre. It can’t fail…
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The 10 sexiest One Direction Gifs ever
OK. Girls. Ready? These are the 10 sexist, most suggestive One Direction gifs ever. One Direction are totally checking you out… Liam, Niall, Harry, Louis and Zain are her to say hi*:
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TOWIE’s Lauren Pope is the face of PIP implants
WHEN the PIP implants story hit the news cycle we knew it would not be long before the story of industrial silicon breasts garnered a celebrity face. And so today the Sun serves up Lauren Pope.
In “I was terrified my PIP implants were a ticking timebomb. I just wanted them out”
TOWIE’s Lauren Pope reveals all – literally. Says the Sun:
At a slender size 8, with razor-sharp cheekbones and flawless skin, it is hard to imagine the former glamour model turned DJ being unhappy with her body. But Lauren had longed for bigger boobs since she was a teenager.
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Posted: 14th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kerry Katona: ‘Stacey Solomon’s smoking Silk Cut – it’s not a real cigarette’
KERRY Katona says her fellow former celebrity mum of the year Stacey Solomon did nothing wrong in smoking throughout her pregnancy because:
“Let’s be honest, Stacey’s smoking Silk Cut – it’s not even a real cigarette.”
It’s a fake ciggie, a toy, if you will.
This is Katona who slurred her words on ITV’s This Morning, made bipolarism the go-ahead celebrity mental illness, lost her job advertising Iceland’s frozen squirrel Boozy Brownies for taking cocaine, was filmed apparently takin cocaine in her en-suite bathroom, was held up in armed robbery at her home, shagged behind a Tesco (allegedly) and featured in the telly show Kerry Katona: Crazy in Love in which she and now ex-husband Number 2 appeared dressed in a straight jacket.
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Posted: 14th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Marie Osmond wets herself – a video
YOU know you are getting old when Marie Osmond has a senior moment and wets herself on stage. Marie was with poster-boy Donny for the Donny and Marie Cruisin’ With Friends tour, when a man in the crowd asked the 52-year-old a question. Marie laughs. Maries yells:
“I just peed my pants!”
Cue clapping, whooping and cheering. Will Marie go for an encore and lay a starry tue on the stage? Save it for the telethon, Marie. Don’y peak too early. You can only go so far with this.
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Posted: 14th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Rihanna marries Chris Brown and Kim Kardashian adopts in the National Enquirer
THE National Enquirer takes disingenuous headlines to new height this week:
“SHOCK WEDDINGS! – RIHANNA & JLO: The Biggest Mistakes of Their Lives”
Rihanna is marrying Chris Brown?
The NE is “inside the secret ceremony”.
Only the ceremony has not happened. There has been no wedding. But there might be.
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Posted: 13th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Celine Dion’s throat is regrettably healing
TERRIBLE news. Just when you thought it was safe to leave the house again (unless you live in Syria or you’re an Iraqi emo), devastating newsbombs are dropped in your path. And it falls on us to deliver such savage and depressing news.
Celine Dion is on the road to recovery and is expected to be singing again by the end of April after a viral infection forced her to cancel a number of concerts.
Sweet muscular Jesus! What have we done to deserve such a cruel, brutal fate? There’s violence on the streets, protests, the NHS being dismantled and a recession that won’t quit. AND NOW THIS? We’re going to have our misery not only soundtracked, but compounded, by the inane warbling of Canada’s worst export (and yes, we include Bieber and The Crash Test Dummies in that).
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Posted: 13th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Raquel Welch says internet porn pre-fab breasts rot good sex
RAQUEL Welch has been speaking with Men’s Health magazine – magzaine obsessed with sex. Welch is number #2 in Men’s Health’s Hottest 100 Women of All Time list, beaten by Hilary Clinton. No, it was Jennifer Aniston, which is only slightly less incredible. Conversation turns to sex and the lack of the erotic mystery:
“I think this era of porn is at least partially responsible for it. Where is the anticipation and the personalization? It’s all pre-fab now. You have these images coming at you unannounced and unsolicited. It just gets to be so plastic and phony to me. Maybe men respond to that. But is it really better than an experience with a real life girl that he cares about? It’s an exploitation of the poor male’s libidos. Poor babies, they can’t control themselves… I just imagine them sitting in front of their computers, completely annihilated. They haven’t done anything, they don’t have a job, they barely have ambition anymore. And it makes for laziness and a not very good sex partner. Do they know how to negotiate something that isn’t pre-fab and injected directly into their brain?”
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Posted: 13th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Bobbi Kristina duets with Whitney Houston on Oprah Winfrey’s Milking records
WHITNEY Houston’s daughter Bobbi Kristina has met with Oprah Winfrey in the kitchen, for obvious reasons. (Milking human suffering is hungry work.)
Says Bobbi Kristina:
“Throughout the house lights turn on and off, and I’m like, ‘Mum, what are you doing?’ I can still laugh with her and still talk to her. I can hear her voice telling me, ‘Keep moving, baby, I got you.’ She’s always with me. I can always feel her with me. She would say at 5am the saints start praying. I wake up now and look at the clock and it’s five o’clock. I start praying. Her spirit is strong. I feel her pass through me all the time.”
Stitch that, Graceland! Does Elvis sing to the tourists as they pass though his mansion? Does he put on light show? No and no.
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Posted: 13th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
George Takei will now perform his Happy Dance
STAR Trek space driver George Takei will now dance for you. George is delighted that his theatre show about Japanese internment camps in World War 2 is a go. If Allegiance features a dance, it will go a bit like this…
Spotter: D-listed
Posted: 13th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Tulisa, Jack O’Connell and Mark Wright Caught In A Tabloid Threesome
MOMENTS on from being linked by twitter and tabloid to Mark Wright, X Factor judge Tulisa Contostavlos is back in the Sun – the official X Factor PR organ.
News is that Tulisa is not dating Wright but dis dating Jack O’Connell, who starred in the now canned Skins TV show – Channel 4 will axe Skins after the last six episodes in 2013.
Tulisa likes Jack because Jack is a) on TV and has an agent?; b) can tie his own shoelaces?; c) a bit “ruff around the edges”?; or d) a really good listener?
The answer is, as “source” says, c.
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Posted: 13th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Stephen Hawking to appear in unswervingly awful Big Bang Theory
SWITCH him off now! Stephen Hawking has clearly lost his mind completely! He’s clearly not well! Why? Because, according to rumours, Professor Hawking is about to make a guest appearance in CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory.
Seriously. It’s the worst show ever aired and Hawking can only redeem himself if he single-handedly kills the entire cast, everyone associated with the show and everyone who ever watched it and enjoyed it.
Apparently, Hawking will appear in a scene with Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Hawking is the next big name associated with this geekgasm of a show, with an imminent show featuring the voice of Leonard Nimoy from Star Trek.
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Posted: 12th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Madonna chides Karl Lagerfeld over Adele comments
MADONNA is a woman who has courted controversy for gain in the past, just like a stream of celebrities have done before and since. However, she’s obviously feeling a bit sensitive at the moment, taking time about to lambast controversial fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld.
See, Karl recently said that Adele was ‘a little too fat’. Now, of course, he also said that she had a ‘divine voice’. We’re not sure which is more debatable. She is clearly ‘a little fat’ and her voice is… well… ‘often in-tune but quite often bellowed and abrasive’.
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Posted: 12th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
John Carter is not as good as Avatar – it’s so terrible you might die watching it
IS John Carter the film any good? Peter Bradshaw reviews in the the Guardian:
John Carter is one of those films that is so stultifying, so oppressive and so mysteriously and interminably long that I felt as if someone had dragged me into the kitchen of my local Greggs, and was baking my head into the centre of a colossal cube of white bread. As the film went on, the loaf around my skull grew to the size of a basketball, and then a coffee table, and then an Audi. The boring and badly acted sci-fi mashup continued inexorably, and the bready blandness pressed into my nostrils, eardrums, eye sockets and mouth. I wanted to cry for help, but in bread no one can hear you scream. Finally, I clawed the doughy, gooey, tasteless mass desperately away from my mouth and screeched: “Jesus, I’m watching a pointless film about a 1860s American civil war action hero on Mars, which the inhabitants apparently call Barsoom. I can’t breathe.”
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Posted: 12th, March 2012 | In: Film | Comments (2)
