Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Occupy Ellen Barkin: Rich actress joins the 99%
ELLEN Barkin is the latest multi-millionaire to join the Occupy Wall Street Movement. The 1% are also the 99%. The rich really do want it all. Ellen Barkin is upset at the police arresting an Occupy Wall Street protestor. She then claims that NYPD cop shoved her out of the way. Parts of the action were recorded by Sam Levinson, Ellen Barkin’s boyfriend. No, he doesn’t step in to defend his lady. Sam Levinson films her and posts it on the web. We are each of us heroes in our own way.
The NY Post records the Barkin v NYPD smack down thus:
Cop: “Sidewalk, Miss”
Ellen Barkin: “Get your motherfucking hands off me”.
Yeah that’s what I thought. How that cop must have wished he’d have said Ms.
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Posted: 2nd, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Why Katy Perry and Russell Brand divorced – the truth
KATY Perry and Russell Brand are to divorce. Wan to know why? Want to know what they’re going to do next? Well, read on:
Katy Perry – Where Next?!
The Sun: “Rihanna comforts sad Katy”
“Katy was embarrassed about calling her parents as they’d been so against Russell in the first place, but Rihanna was a great support for her and she really helped to calm her down. When Katy told her the news, she suggested flying down to Barbados to stay with her and her family.”
Or as the Daily Mirror says:
CRUSHED Katy Perry is being whisked away to Mexico by Rihanna following her split from Russell Brand – Daily Mirror
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Posted: 2nd, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Russell Brand and Katy Perry defile sanctity of marriage
RUSSELL Brand has filed for divorce from Katy Perry. Russell and Katy have been married for 15 month. It was never going to last. Unlike Brangelina, Jedward and SuBo, Russell Brand and Katy Perry never gelled as a tabloid abbreviation. Rerry, Berry and Puss had their champions, but no one name was settled upon.
Brand is the man Kerry described as:
“He’s like a cross between Charles Manson, Jim Morrison, Jesus and Elvis Presley.”
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Posted: 30th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Billy Corgan: Wrestler And Tea Room Opener
CLEARLY out of musical ideas, Billy Corgan has forgotten all about that whole Smashing Pumpkins thing and decided to branch out a little.
So what’s he up to? Painting? All musicians think they can paint. Or maybe he’s scoring a musical? Nope. He’s not smart enough. Acting then? Imagine Billy Corgan in the lead role of a film, with his little cue-ball head and shrill voice. Not on your Nelly.
Oddly, Corgan is moving into the world of tea-cups and greased men pawing at each other in their swimming trunks!
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Posted: 30th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Punchy Chris Brown back with Rihanna? Surely not!
REMEMBER when everyone was thoroughly disgusted with Chris Brown’s using Rihanna as a punchbag? That was a pretty lousy celebrity story to read wasn’t it?
Of course, Team Breezy (the ridiculous moniker given to Chris Brown fans) were incredibly quick to forgive the toothy R&B dudester, while the rest of the world looked on thinking “Wait. He’s a woman puncher. Not only that, when someone had the temerity to mention it to him, he tore his shirt off and tried to throw a chair through a window. What a prize idiot.”
Then he posted a picture of his long, thin penis online for everyone to gawp at. Whaddaguy.
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Posted: 30th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Did Kim Kadashian trade her wedding gifts for Rolex watches?
KIM Kardashian traded some of her wedding presents for Rolex watches for her family, claims the National Enquirer. Kim’s marriage to Kris Humphries was a short-lived match made in TV heaven – she and her backside made use of the wide screen; he and his height filled your home IMAX. But the 72 day wedding provided not only a way to test the limits of your TV screen but also a neat way for Kim to receive gifts.
The NE says Kardashian did not send back her wedding toasters, Hermes dishware and Swarovski Crystal chastity belt but “cashed in some of her presents…and bought her family Rolexes with the proceeds“.
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Posted: 29th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jennifer Aniston promises a grandchild for John
JENNIFER Aniston’s womb is finally ready to deliver a hair ball after a decade of waiting and watching. The National Enquirer says Aniston is to marry Justin Theroux. At the “dream” wedding Jen will be given away by her father, John Aniston. As the NE says:
“Jen then sealed the deal by promising John… that she’d make him a grandfather.”
For Jen, the post-Brad Pitt years – oh, hell, the pre-Brad Pitt years too – have been a rom-com about a middle-aged women with nice hair tilting her head to one side, doing a Stan Laurel look of bemusement and being the most chucked celebrity in the world not to have had a child.
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Posted: 29th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Sinead O’Connor wants three men and some skins please
MARRIAGE is, quite obviously, not a serious vow for Sinead O’Connor. She split with one husband back in April and then, just before Christmas, got married for 16 days and decided enough was enough.
After a caper around Vegas looking for a bit of weed and being handed some crack (the opposite of craic), Sinead realised that her drug-counsellor husband probably wasn’t happy about the whole thing. And then, kazowee! it was all over just like that.
So what next? Well, obviously, Sinead realises that marriage is not something she’ll want to repeat, and so, she’s looking for three men to fulfil her needs. Hardly surprising if you consider that she was soliciting for sex in an Irish newspaper column and asking people to go bum her via requests on twitter.
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Posted: 29th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Frankie Cocozza gives up drugs for Big Brother
CELEBRITY Big Brother returns to Channel 5 for season 2. And the hot news is that nails-down-blackboard-voiced X Factor shagger, snorter and cavorter Frankie Cocozza has “ditched drugs in a bid to win Celebrity Big Brother”.
Some news, indeed. Anorak had hoped that Frankie’s one luxury item in the house would be pound of cocaine. But it turns out he’s cancelled the order and will be entertaining us instead with his tales of having taken cocaine, and if he’ll have sex with one of his housemates, like Ryan Giggs’ estranged sister-in-law Natasha Giggs or Katie Price impersonator Nicole McLean.
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Posted: 29th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
A private message from Jubilee Shalom Duggar
CAN the Duggar family turn their miscarried baby Jubilee Shalom Duggar into a celebrity? The Duggars (mum Michelle, her husband Jim Bob and their 19 reality show children) have posted a four and a half minute video tribute to Jubiliee Duggar on their website. Is it a personal message to a lost loved one? Or does Jubilee Duggar have a message for us all?
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Posted: 28th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Victoria’s Secret supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio is pregnant, okay? (Photos)
WHEN famous, attractive people like Victoria’s Secret Alessandra Ambrosio get pregnant, we’re all supposed to be thrilled for them. It’s a good thing to let them think that this is the case because it means they’ll continue to be needy for the rest of their lives, finding new ways to get our attention.
However, we don’t really care. What we do like is good looking humans in states of undress. Yeah, Demi Moore shared her babybump with us all, but really, everyone was looking for a bit of areola.
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Posted: 28th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Taylor Lautner is massively not gay
GAYS! Sadly for you, it appears that Taylor Lautner is not down with the Wang Clan, despite the “out and proud” cover of People magazine which circulated around various social networking sites over Christmas.
You see, sadly for those of us who like more gays in the world (or at least the whispered mutterings that accompany such news), the cover has been outed itself as a raging fake.
The cover itself said: “Out and Proud: Tired of rumors, the Twilight star opened up about his decision to finally come out.” You can see it here for yourself.
People magazine had to come along and spoil the fun by setting the record straight, saying it’s “100 percent fake.” People spokeswoman Julie Farin told Reuters, “This began as a ridiculous Twitter joke that went viral.” Even Lautner, star of the Twilight films, himself spoke about it, tweeting: “So false!!! Don’t believe everything. Rumours = Lies.”
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Posted: 28th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cailtin Moran and me – The Times interviews its star columnist
CAITLIN Moran is the British Press Awards Critic of the Year, Columnist of The Year and Interviewer of the Year. But to prove that Moran is the Times star, the paper gets Valerie Grove to interview the “gobby teenager” she discovered. The Daily Mirror waited until its columnist Sue Carroll had died before giving her a front-page story. Calltin Moran is in rude health
Valerie Grove writes:
I am awash with pride. Caitlin Moran is my protégée, my discovery. I presented her with her first award for writing, in October 1988.
She was a podgy little girl of 13, with a clear-eyed and candid gaze, and her name was Catherine, not Caitlin, but everyone called her Tatty. She’d come from Wolverhampton with her rock-musician dad because she’d won £250 of book tokens in a Dillons young readers’ contest, for an essay on Why I Like Books. It was the first time she had been to London, the first time she’d been on a train.
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Posted: 28th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Sinead O’Connor’s wedding was ended by a weed hunt
SINEAD O’Connor is no longer with her cock-tastic yam of a husband Barry Herridge. The Las Vegas marriage was great. Three hours later the end began. And on Christmas Eve it ended. As Sinead O’Connor tells it:
Within 3 hours of the ceremony being over the marriage was kyboshed by the behaviour of certain people in my husband’s life. And also by a bit of a wild ride i took us on looking for a bit of a smoke of weed for me wedding night as I don’t drink. My husband was enormously wounded and very badly effected by that experience and also by the attitude of those close to him toward our marriage. It became apparent to me that if he were to stay with me he would be losing too much to bear. And that being with me was not going to serve him positively , career wise or any other wise. I saw his life leave him because of how people close to him reacted. And I can’t take anyone’s life. And a woman wants to be a joy to her husband. So.. U love someone? Set them free.
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Posted: 27th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Lady Gaga poses for Terry Richardson: Photos
WHEN Lady Gaga met Terry Richardson the result was these photos – a kind of history of sex stills from the 1950 to the present day:
Posted: 27th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Elen Rivas And Christine Bleakley row about Frank Lampard’s kids on twitter
CHELSEA player Frank Lampard is at the centre of a twitter spat between Elen Rivas, his ex fiancée and mother to his two daughters, and shiny TV presenter Christine Bleakley.
Rivas has used the privacy of twitter to accuse Bleakely, now engaged to Lampard, of “trying to stop his children from speaking to their mother over Christmas”. Rivas says this is “sad“.
From her holiday retreat in India, Rivas, apparently, wanted to get in touch with her daughters, six-year-old (Over La) Luna and Isla, aged four, on Christmas Eve. She snipes:
”You would have thought the girlfriend would have a little maternal understanding…”
Bleakley rises above it by, er, retweeting a tweet from a pal of hers called Jill Morgan:
“Looks like someone is up to their old tricks again, telling lies!! Have an amazing Xmas @clbleakley with frank & the girls! C u nxt wk xxxx.”
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Posted: 26th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Mel Gibson sends wife Robyn to hell with half his Reformation Church
MEL Gibson has given his ex-wife and mother to his seven children Robyn £272.5million. That’s half of all the cheating, apparent anti-Semitic (“f***ing Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world”), nigger-spouting (he, reportedly, told Oksana Grigorieva.: “If you get raped by a pack of n*****s, it’s all your fault”), alleged coiner of student T-shirt slogans (again to Grigorieva: “I’ll burn the goddamn house up but blow me first. I DESERVE it”) actor’s assets.
Assets such as the £9 million private Mago island in Fiji, £19 million ranch in Costa Rica, £26 million Catholic Holy Family Chapel in Agoura Hills, California. Yeah, a church. It’s not a divorce, it’s a schism. No, it’s the Reformation.
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Posted: 26th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Santa Claus blows smut up Kerry Katona’s chimney
WHAT’S Kerry Katona up to this Christmas? Well the good news is that Santa Claus has the inside take – literally – on the Queen of own-brand ketchup. In reply to OK!’s probing questions “Who has the dirtiest chimney?”, Santa answers: “I used to dread Kerry Katona’s, but she’s cleaned up her act lately.”
Turns out Santa is a fan of the obvious gag, and is very possibly related to smut-meister Danny LaRue. This is why Santa has jokes written for him in pieces of paper inside crackers that open with a bang.
Ooer. Now we’re at it…
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Posted: 24th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Green Gisele Bündchen’s home Ark has room for all the elephants
SUPERMODEL and environmentalist Gisele Bündchen is ready to take up residence in her new green $20 million “super-mansion” / Ark in Los Angeles. Gisele is the greenie who buys night-time sun cream, advocates “a worldwide law…that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months“ and says things like “My children, they are like white canvases. When Benjamin eats broccoli, he thinks it’s dessert”, advises one and all to “seek green alternatives” and pontificates: “The most important thing about all this is that we understand the importance that each of us has in the process, and are aware of the fact that it is our duty because we are also part of this world.”
Her new home has a six-car garage, huge lagoon-shaped pool, wine cellar and a staff wing “connected by a bridge”.
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Posted: 24th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kutcher begs Demi to let him have Christmas dinner at hers because he can’t work an oven
CAUGHT with his pants down on his wedding anniversary, you can imagine that Ashton Kutcher wasn’t that surprised Demi Moore promptly went about divorcing his famous arse. However, a little thing like that ain’t gonna stop the Kutch!
Just weeks after filing for divorce, Demi Moore has decided to try dating again, which is perfectly reasonable.
“Now she’s filed for divorce, Demi wants a bit of fun to make herself feel good again,” a pal reveals. That said, Ashton is willing to take her a step back and begged to be invited over for Christmas lunch! We assumed it was because he can’t be trusted with sharp knives and an oven full of gas, but it appears it’s a little more wholesome than that. And we know how Ashton loves a turkey (see acting career.)
“He’s told her he wants to spend Christmas with her and the girls,” says a source. “It’s a bit of a cheek but she’s weighing up what’s the right thing to do.”
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Posted: 24th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
TOWIE sexy Santa Christmas photos
THE Only Way is Essex (TOWIE) stars and strumpets dresss up as sexy Santas. How did Santa Claus turn from being a chubby old man into a vajazzled sauce pot for whom “shut up” is a catchphrase? And does it matter so long as the birds are fit? Altogether now: all I want for Christmas is me two front teeth (dipped in Tippex)…
Posted: 24th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
George Michael and Prince Philip locked in newspaper death match
GEORGE Michael and the Duke of Edinburgh are two sides of a tabloid death coin. Will the singer or Prince Philip, for it is he, die first and give the media a Christmas croaker?
The papers make their choice. Those that lead with George Michael are:
The Sun: “It Was Touch And GoGo”
The Independent: “George Heals The Pain”
Daily Star: “It Was Nearly My Last Christmas”
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Posted: 24th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
On Piers Morgan, Heather Mills and Louise Mensch’s vanity
PIERS Morgan’s performance at the Leveson Inquiry has pricked Heather Mills. She takes to her website:
For the avoidance of doubt, I can categorically state that I have never ever played Piers Morgan a tape of any kind, never mind a voice message from my ex husband.
Piers Morgan is doing all he can to deter the Leveson enquiry from finishing their important job.
Morgan is using me as his scapegoat and I would be more than happy to answer any questions that the inquiry would like to put to me.
As stated in a press release by my ex-husband, he has never insinuated that I have leaked tapes of him to the media.
Feel the vanity.
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Posted: 23rd, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comments (2)
JWoww’s stick-on bikinis for female suckers and male ‘gluesticks’
JERSEY Shore’s JWoww has a new range of bikinis and poached egg boilers that stay on by suction power:
As we are told:
Q. How Does Your Bikini Stay On and Work?
A. The Inside of our bikini top is lined with Stick2U, our patented silicon based adhesive. Stick2U is activated by your body temperature so the warmer you get in the sun the more it stays in place. Have no fear, the top will stay securely in place. Our motto is, Stays on and Stays Put!
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Posted: 23rd, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Kirsten Dunst and the Christmas Restraining Order!
IMAGINE stalking someone who isn’t that famous. How sad would you have to be to follow the every move of someone who hasn’t really done anything good with their lives? Well hello stalker of Kirsten Dunst!
That’s right. Unfathomably, she’s got an extension of a restraining order to keep a French fan away from her until the new year. A man. A French man. Stalking her from Spiderman.
That man is Jean Christophe Prudhon and he’s completely mental. Apparently, he’s sent her more than 50 love letters and flew to the US in a bid to meet her, even confronting the actress’ mother on the doorstep of her home. Yep. Barking mad.
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Posted: 22nd, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
