Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
America Idol star Adam Lambert smacks Miss Helsinki Sofia Ruusila (photos)
ADAM Lambert, former American Idol runner-up and man most likley to replace Freddie Mercury as the Queen frontman, has been arrested in Finland for fighting with his lover Sauli Koskinen.
The pair were fighting outside the Don’t Tell Mama, a Helsinki club. And in the maelstrom Lambert, reportedly, smacked former Miss Helsinki, Sofia Ruusila. She says it was an accident.
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Posted: 22nd, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kardashian family unhappy about sweatshops which might be making their stuff
WHAT would you get a member of the Kardashian family for Christmas? Obviously, they’ve got the money to buy anything they want in the whole world, including you probably.
Well, how about accusing them of contributing to human rights violations by hiring a sweatshop? That’d be a nice present for them wouldn’t it? You may think not, but it gets them attention and, let us be honest here, that’s all they live for.
That’s right! Someone has accused the Kardashian family of using a Chinese sweatshop and now they’re preparing for war!
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Posted: 22nd, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kim Kardashian’s disaster tourism trip to Oprah’s Haiti therapy suite
KIM Kardashian has been to Haiti. The National Enquirer watches the earth move and screams:
“OUTRAGE AS KIM MEETS EARTHQUAKE ORPHANS!”
The NE says the trip to Haiti was all part of Kim Kardashian’s plan to make herself look good. During a 48-hour stay, Kim and her mother Kris Jenner checked into the $1,000 a-night Presidential suite at the Karibe Hotel, “the best lodging in Port –au-prince” – a title akin to being the poshest woman in Wayne Rooney’s harem. Most damaging of all, Kim and her momager met orphans bussed in to meet her and after shaking hands, reportedly, wiped her paws with hand sanitizer.
This is compared and contrasted to the goodness of Oprah Winfrey, who visited the J/P HRO settlement camp and passed the time “talking with some of the refugees through an interpreter”. Like Kim, she was well photographed.
A source says:
“Oprah believed Kim went down to Haiti to soley repair her image, and not to help out with the relief effort.”
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Posted: 21st, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Mournfully fold your best knickers away: Justin Timberlake is engaged to Jessica Biel
YOU may well fancy the very pants off Justin Timberlake and, as well you might. He’s obviously talented, charming, self-deprecating and – if rumours are to be believed – in possession of a rather large ‘lad’.
However, that doesn’t mean you needy fans are getting any closer to wooing him. In fact, you’ve never been further away because, sadly for you and your best frilly knickers which you were saving for JT, he’s apparently engaged to Jessica Biel.
That’s right. He was supposed to propose to you, but he’s gone and done it to someone better looking and much, much wealthier than you. Someone who doesn’t scream constantly at the very mention of his name.
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Posted: 21st, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Ignored Miley Cyrus fan calls her an ‘asshole’
MILEY Cyrus continues her metamorphosis from teen star to confused adult by getting superior with fans in Costa Rica waiting to have their photo taken with her. This is what happens when grow up playing the role of a normal teenager whose aunt is Dolly Parton and whose an international popstar in her school downtime.
Miley: Babe, babe, I gotta go, honey.
Fan: Asshole.
Miley: What da fuck?! Are you fur rill?
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Posted: 21st, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Bill Murray defecates on Ghostbusters 3 script
WHAT does Bill Murray think of Ghostbusters? What is Ghostbusters? Sadly, it’s not a film about the ample bosom of sexy female spectres, but rather (as you damn well know) a caper involving some near-useless blokes in boiler suits getting giddy in the face of gate-keepers and goo inducing thimgummies.
Oh, and in the first Ghostbusters, Ray is fellated by a ghost in a montage, but no-one ever mentions that.
Either way, pretty much everyone loves both Ghostbusters films and a third one wouldn’t go amiss. We can all revel in nostalgia and all collectively fawn over Bill Murray who is possibly the coolest man on Earth.
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Peter Andre And Katie Price reunite for 2012 reality TV show
KATIE Price and Peter Andre are to become “close again”. Not only close to each other but, one imagines more vitally, close to the paparazzi. Katie Price and Peter Andre may even become close enough to play each other’s spouse in twin reality TV series.
The Sun says Katie Price and Peter Andre are “planning to take their kids out together as a family in the New Year”. It’s a two week heads up to all photographers.
A family friend is on hand to tell the Sun:
“They’re ready to move forward together and have discussed being seen in public again. It’ll be day trips with the children — working things out generally and taking those important steps to improve the relationship.”
And what better place to improve their relationship than in the media glare? And they might be quids in. As heat magazine told us:
“Pete spends more than £600 a week on beauty products, tanning, haircuts and manicures.”
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Posted: 21st, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Kim Kardashian admits marriage mistake at long last
KIM Kardashian, star of the Kim Kardashian & Ko 3D Christmas card, admits marriage was a mistake.
MARRIAGE! What a beautiful, rare and precious thing, right? Well, apart from the fact everyone gets married and that loads of them end in divorce. But still, huzzah for matrimony!
Of course, someone who got married for all of ten minutes was America’s First Lady, Kim Kardashian. So short was the marriage, that everyone pointed at it and shouted “PR STUNT! BOO! YOU’VE RUINED THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE AND NOW THE GAYS ARE GOING TO USE IT AS A JOKE AGAINST THE CHRISTIANS!”
Which they duly did.
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Posted: 20th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Dead Jon Bon Jovi warns living that heaven looks like New Jersey
JON Bon Jovi Is not dead. He’s just been living in New Jersey, which might be the closest approximation outside of Lowestoft to actually being dead. Says Jon Bon Jovi on his note from the great beyond:
“Heaven looks a lot like New Jersey.”
In which case we are all fu**ed.
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Posted: 20th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Red Hot Chilli Peppers Flea does The Simpsons Mo Photos)
FACE of the Day: Flea from rockers The Red Hot Chili Peppers performs during a concert in Barcelona, Spain, while doing his famous impression of Mo from The Simpsons.
Courtney Stodden does Santa – literally (photos)
DEMURE teen bride Courtney Stodden, 17, has followed her Pumpkin Patch outing with a Santa Claus photoshoot. It’s classy stuff from La Stodden, who we last saw having her breasts authenticated on Dr Drew’s magic box. Stodden’s husband, 51-year-old barely known actor Doug Hutchison, is attempting to turn Santa’s beard into a merkin. What has Santa done to deserve this? What has Christmas done to deserve this? Why didn’t Heidi Montag insist all her offcuts were incinerated? Has the Easter Bunny be warned?
Posted: 19th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
The Sun Military Awards In Photos: Prince Harry Dodges The Tampon
THE emotive Sun Military Awards at the Imperial War Museum, in Lambeth, featured such fighting personnel as: The Only way Is Essex Falklands veteran James ‘Arg’ Argent and Lydia Rose Bright dressed in a massive doily; human beacon Amy Childs, David Beckham and sons Brooklyn and Romeo; Lord of the Rings singers Little Mix; Ola Jordan (insert shiver); Prince Williams; Kate Middleton; Prince Harry; Prince Charles disguised as an explosive suppository (Camilla’s tampon has aged); and lots of soldiers being offered the therapy of fame…
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Posted: 19th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Father Christmas doesn’t exist says unreal Justin Bieber
SEEING as Justin Bieber’s fans are all roughly the same age as a mayfly, you’d think he’d be willing to keep the magic of Christmas in their hearts so him and his team could fully exploit the festive monetary gifts straight out of their pockets and into his.
But no. Justin Bieber is a massive spoilsport.
See, he’s very keen to point out to his army of infant fans that Father Christmas isn’t real. In fact, it was his mother who didn’t even give him the chance to believe in Santa Claus.
During an interview with Aol Music:
“My mom always told me there wasn’t a Santa. That was her logic: She thought if I grew up knowing about Santa then finding out he wasn’t real, that it would be like she was lying to me”.
“I didn’t tell my friends or ruin it for anyone – I was a good kid!”
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Posted: 19th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Little Mix’s Cannonball doesn’t sell many records
UNSURPRISINGLY, Little Mix’s cover of the Damien Rice track Cannonball is the lowest-selling single from an X Factor winner since 2004. Why is that unsurprising? Well, in the first instance, Little Mix’s Cannonball is one of the worst excuses for a piece of music ever committed to wax and, secondly, everyone kinda wants a new girlgroup to release something uptempo as a first track.
Girls Aloud got Sound Of The Underground. Little Mix got a song that contains despairingly woeful lyrics. 2011 has been a gloomy, gloomy year – the last thing you want someone to sing to you is
The four-piece girl band, who triumphed in the final of the reality show earlier this month (December 11), claimed the Number One spot in the Official UK Singles Chart last night (December 18) and outsold the rest of the Top Five put together.
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Posted: 19th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Petra Ecclestone is a victim in Flaunt magazine
TAMARA Ecclestone cannot spunk all of her dad Bernie’s money on her own. Until the moon is hollowed out, given a bag handle, lined with gold leaf and tiger genitals and out on a plinth in Sloan Street window, Tamara will toil at the coalface of shopping to lighten dad’s wallet but, like a buffed tangerine-styled Sisyphus carrying her shopping up Mount Street, she will never make it. Tamara Ecclestone needs help. Which is where Petra Ecclestone step in. Petra, 22-year-old owner of an $85 million mansion in LA, wants us to know that she is not spoilt.
She proves this by living in said house, having a £12m wedding to 1980s-themed James Stunt that Midas considered OTT, and now posing in Flaunt Magazine holding bundles of cash.
Petra says “people will get to know the real her”. Lesser people keen to show strangers the real them might get qualifications and letters before and after their name, write a book or blog, or invite people over for a chat – Petra has the room to address all of Flaunt’s readers at once and put them up for the night. But Petra prefers to suck in her cheeks, suck on a Starbucks coffee and tells us:
“With time, people will get to know the real me and realize that I’m not going to parties and falling out of my dress and getting drunk and all that.”
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Posted: 19th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Panto stars The Krankies used to be swingers – who knew?
THE Krankies used to be swingers. Who could have guessed that Ian and Janette Tough, who play father and son act The Krankies were into unusual sex? Who? Who????
Says Janette, star of kids TV show Crackerjack and panto:
“We went out for Sunday lunch one day and got a bit romantic out at sea. We nearly ended up in France. I couldn’t make it last that long now.”
All together now, kids: I see Paris, I see France, I see… France might be euphemism?
Says Ian:
“It was never involved, lovey-dovey stuff with the others.It was just these incredible parties that would get out of hand. Janette might ask, ‘Where’s Ian?’ and they’d happily tell her I was in the room next door with a dancer with my trousers around my ankles.”
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Posted: 19th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Daily Mail says ‘At Last’ Etta James is going to die
ETTE James has cancer. She is terminally ill. Etta James, fabulous singer of wonderful songs, might not have long leftin this world. So. How does the Daily Mail report on her condition? Why, with this. All news organs like to be first with news that a star has died – but does the Mail need to be obvious in its enthusiasm?
Posted: 18th, December 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Scarlett Johansson is now known as Loobum: ScarJo is dead
SCARLETT Johansson wants us to know that she hates being called ScarJo.In conversation with USA Today, ScarJo says:
“Oh, it’s awful. It’s a laziness. People can’t actually say the whole name? It’s just bizarre. How come Daniel Day-Lewis isn’t subjected to like, ‘DaDay’? So Cate Blanchett is not, like, ‘CaBla’? Why is that? Why do I have to get stuck with a mangled moniker?”
Usually the abbreviated names are saved for people who are entertaining and leave you comfortably numb, like Tamagotchi Pets that cry real tears: Jedward (John and Edward Grimes), SuBo (Susan Boyle), SyCo (Simon Cowell), The Hoff (David Hasselhoff) and LiLo (Lindsay Lohan).
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Posted: 17th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
How I fell asleep with Cheryl Cole and her 4,000 shoes
LAST week Heat magazine’s fashion presenter Mark Heyes sat down with Cheryl Cole and tried to make a wet noodle sound interesting.
Mark didn’t exactly bust an ass bone here by trying to trip this pop tart up with poignant and soul searching questions designed to enlighten us with how totally interesting Cheryl is.
No this interview was to bland as uncomfortable is to watching a nurse trying to keep her straight face while asking questions before an STD test.
Are you still awake? I’m sorry for this boring post about this boring woman, perhaps I should have put up a picture of a boiled cabbage instead.
You know what, I think in a head to head interview I would come out more interesting than Cheryl.
Let’s see.
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Posted: 17th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Jesy Nelson’s brother Johnny in cocaine sting: Little Mix star attacked
JESY Nelson’s brother has, allegedly, sold cocaine to a reporter. (Well, it is Christmas in Wapping.) The Sun’s front-page news is that Little Mix singer Jesy Nelson’s brother Johnny Nelson, sold the Sun’s reporter “Class A drug cocaine from his Smart car“, allegedly. Not a bicycle. Not a BMW 3 series with blacked out windows and furry dice. A Smart Car. The Sun is damning in the details.
And do not doubt that it is damning. As the Sun says:
Our probe will be a blow to Jesy, 20, and Little Mix who are proud of a squeaky-clean image.
Image? What image? The X Factor winners Little Mix look like four extra from Lord of Rings. The apparent blow to Little Mix is that the tuneless foursome are front-page news.
Teetotal Jesy and X Factor-winning bandmates Perrie Edwards, 18, Leigh-Anne Pinnock, 19, and Jade Thirlwall, 18, have made a stand against drugs and booze.
How? By not shagging Frankie Cocozza?
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Posted: 17th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Christian Bale gets roughed up in China
KAPOW! Batman met his match in China as government security goons decided to rough up Christian Bale while he was trying to visit a blind lawyer. That’s right, a blind lawyer. Bale, star of the Dark Knight, said to unified Chinese officials in funny hats:
“I am here to see Chen Guangcheng.”
Then, a tiny scuffle ensued. See, why Bale didn’t say “I just want to visit a particularly lovely cafe I’ve heard about” is beyond us. Think about it. A tiny village is guarded by goons because of Mr Chen. What’s the stupidest thing to say when approaching them? ‘HELLO! I’M HERE TO DO SOMETHING YOU CLEARLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO! IS THAT OKAY? I’M A THESPIAN YOU KNOW? I WOULDN’T LIKE ALL THIS TO ATTRACT ANY ATTENTION TO ME! OH, IS THAT A FILM CREW FOLLOWING ME?‘
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Posted: 16th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Tariq Ali hammers the tin lid on Christopher Hitchens coffin: audio
CHRISTOPHER Hitchens has died. The journalist’s brother, Peter Hitchens, has written a moving eulogy in the Daily Mail. It’s well worth a read.
But in every death an opportunity arises. On BBC World At 1, Tariq Ali, a “leading figure of the international left” (source: Guardian), appears to stick the knife in, labelling Christopher Hitchens a failure and a hypocrite. It’s charming stuff to end the debate with self-aggrandising comments, to put the tin lid on your argument when someone is putting a lid on your adversary’s coffin. It really is revolting:
Says Ali:
Posted: 16th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Courtney Love to be evicted but she’ll shoot her weird mouth off first
IMAGINE being a very wealthy rockstar. First thing you’d do is buy a house, right? Financial security in bricks and mortar and all that. Well, if you’re Courtney Love, you’ll just not bother and squander your time instead making enemies of everyone you ever encounter.
Courtney Love picks on her own fans at shows, she lambasts the living members of Nirvana, she’s fallen out with her own band, she’s hated by her own daughter… it’s little wonder that her landlord hates her as well.
See, a few months ago, she set fire to her NYC townhouse and now her landlord wants her out. Like now. They’ve also said she owes a load of rent. She thinks otherwise.
Donna Lyon, who reportedly paid $8 million for the townhouse, started eviction proceedings against Love this week, claiming that Cobain’s widow was two months behind on the $27,000 monthly rent and had made unauthorized alterations to the property – which Lyon is currently trying to sell.
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Posted: 16th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Tamara Ecclestone finds a new way to spunk her dad’s money: the dog’s lover
TAMARA Ecclestone’s thought of the day, and possibly the week. The rallying point for a revolution against greed contemplates her chihuahua Duke and tells Hello!:
“He looks so handsome…I really want to get him a girlfriend for Christmas.“
Anorak suggests she does. If it cost lots of money, Tamara, and you can show it off then do it. Finding news ways to spend your dad’s cash is a full-time job.
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Posted: 16th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Mark Wright is man of the year
WELL Now! magazine have named Mark Wright their Man of the Year.
In interview, Louise Gannon seems determined to get Mark come on out and admit he’s gay.
Louise asks Mark about his “Bromance in the jungle” with Dougie Poynter. Mark replies: “If I click with someone I get close to them and I love that relationship with my mates.” Maybe I should ask the folks over at Gaydar what in the name of shameless sluttery any of this nonesense means.
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Posted: 16th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
