Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
The Twin Peaks Archive. 10 hours of rare and unreleased tracks from the TV series and FWWM.
By Angelo Badalamenti and David Lynch. you can buy it here. And here.
David Lynch & Angelo Badalamenti – The Twin Peaks Archive (Track Listing)
Deer Meadow Shuffle
Deer Meadow Shuffle (film version)
Just You (Instrumental Baritone Guitar)
Twin Peaks Theme (Alternate Version)
Annie and Cooper
Nightsea Wind
Freshly Squeezed (Bass Clarinet)
Twin Peaks Theme (Nostalgia Version)
Twin Peaks Theme (Harp and Guitar)
Twin Peaks Theme (Solo Rhodes)
Mysterioso #2
Mysterioso #2 (film version)
Mysterioso #1
Mysterioso #1 (film version)
Love Theme (Alternate Version)
Love Theme (Solo Rhodes)
Americana
James Hurley (Outtake)
Mister Snooty
Freshly Squeezed (Fast Cool Jazz Version)
Picking On Country
I’m Hurt Bad (Industrial Symphony No. 1 Version)
Western Ballad
Preparing for M.T. Wentz
Secret Country
Dark Mood Woods (Full Version)
RR Swing
Great Northern Piano Tune #1
Great Northern Piano Tune #2 (Truman and Josie)
Great Northern Piano Tune #3
Twin Peaks Theme (Solo Piano)
Girl Talk
Birds In Hell
Audrey’s Prayer (Synth Version)
Audrey’s Prayer (Clarinet & Synth)
The Norwegians
Sneaky Audrey
Freshly Squeezed (Solo Vibraphone)
Miss Twin Peaks (Piano Rehearsal)
Miss Twin Peaks Theme
Lana’s Dance
Lucy’s Dance
Miss Twin Peaks (Finale)
Sycamore Trees (Instrumental)
South Sea Dreams
Hula Hoppin’
Love Theme (Piano and Rhodes)
Owl Cave
Slow Speed Orchestra 1 (24 Hours)
Slow Speed Orchestra 2 (Unease Motif/The Woods)
Slow Speed Orchestra 3 (Black Lodge Rumble)
Half Speed Orchestra 1 (Stair Music/Danger Theme)
Half Speed Orchestra 2 (Dark Forces)
Half Speed Orchestra 3 (Windom Earle’s Motif)
James Visits Laura
Harold’s Theme (The Living Novel)
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Ethereal Pad Version)
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Ghost Version)
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Guardian Angel Version)
Dance of the Dream Man (Solo Sax)
Solo Percussion 1
Solo Percussion 2 (Grady’s Waltz)
Solo Percussion 3
Audrey’s Dance (Percussion & Clarinets)
Northwest Gulch
Dance of the Dream Man (Drums and Bass)
Dance of the Dream Man (Solo Clarinet)
Dance of the Dream Man (Solo Clarinet 2)
Dance of the Dream Man (Solo Flute)
Dance of the Dream Man (Solos Bass)
Just You (Instrumental)
Bookhouse Boys
Bookhouse Boys (Solo Guitar)
Hank’s Theme (Version 2)
Earle’s Theme
Hank’s Theme
Invitation to Love Theme (Bumper)
Half Speed Orchestra 5 (Leo’s Theme)
Invitation to Love Theme
Invitation to Love (Lover’s Dilemma)
Lana’s Theme
Horne’s Theme
Wheeler’s Theme
Harold’s Theme (Josie’s Past)
Freshly Squeezed (Complete Version)
Freshly Squeezed (Clarinet)
Freshly Squeezed (Flute)
Freshly Squeezed (Mid-tempo Version)
Freshly Squeezed (Fast Cool Jazz Version 2)
Freshly Squeezed (Fast Cool Jazz Solo Bass)
Freshly Squeezed (Solo Bass Clarinet)
Freshly Squeezed (Solo Clarinet)
Freshly Squeezed (Solo Flute)
The Mill Deal
Josie and Jonathan
The Mill Fire
Theme from Twin Peaks – Fire Walk With Me (Saxaphone)
Teresa’s Autopsy
Phillip Jefferies
Back to Fat Trout (Unease Motif/The Woods)
Laura Visits Harold
Behind The Mask
Wash Your Hands
It’s Your Father
Jacques’ Cabin/The Train Car
Circumference of a Circle
Dark Mood Woods (Studio Version)
One Eyed Jack’s Parlour Music
Twin Peaks Christmas Greeting
Dance of the Dream Man (Fast Soprano Clarinet)
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Baritone Guitar Punctuation)
Leo Returns
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Dark Synth)
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Solo Piano)
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Vibraphone)
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Letter from Harold)
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Caroline)
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Clarinet Bridge)
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Clarinet Strings Bridge)
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Piano Bridge)
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Piano A) TK1
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Piano A) TK2
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Piano A) TK3
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Piano A) TK4
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Piano B) TK1
Laura Palmer’s Theme (Piano B) TK2
Abstract Mood
Abstract Mood (Slow Speed)
Slow Speed Orchestra 4 (White Lodge Rumble)
Harold’s Theme (Harpsichord)
Audrey’s Prayer (Flute)
Audrey’s Dance (Clean)
Audrey’s Dance (Drums and Bass)
Audrey’s Dance (Solo Rhodes)
Audrey’s Dance (Synth and Vibraphone)
Audrey’s Dance (Clean Fast)
Audrey’s Dance/Dance of the Dream Man (Saxophone)
Audrey’s Dance/Dance of the Dream Man (Clarinet)
Audrey’s Dance/Dance of the Dream Man (Flute)
Sneaky Audrey (Audrey’s Investigation)
Sneaky Audrey (Solo)
Sneaky Audrey (Alternate)
One Armed Man Theme (Solo Clarinet Improvisation)
Great Northern Big Band
Wedding Hymn
Wedding Song #1
Wedding Song #2 (‘Stranger Nights’)
Wedding Song #3 (Accordian)
Attack of the Pine Weasel
Great Northern Piano Tune #4
Twin Peaks Theme (Harp)
Ben’s Battle
Ben’s Battle (Solo Percussion)
Ben’s Battle (Solo Flute)
Ben’s Battle (Solo Trumpet)
Ben’s Lament
Half Speed Orchestra 4 (Dugpas)
Half Speed Orchestra 6 (Bob’s Dance/Back to Missuola)
Half Speed Orchestra 7
The Culmination
Distant Train
Laura’s Dark Boogie (Clean)
The Red Room
Love Theme (Dark)
James & Evelyn
Evelyn’s Mourning
Evelyn’s Mourning (Extended)
La Speranza
Trail Mix
Dark Intro #1
Dark Intro #2
Dark Intro #3
Dark Intro #4
Dark Intro #5
Dark Intro #6
Packard’s Theme
The Mill Durge
Jean Renault’s Theme (Solo Bass Clarinet)
One Eyed Jack’s Country
Dick Tremayne’s Swing
Llama Country
‘Such Stuff as Dreams are Made of”
Earle’s Theme (Audrey’s Walk)
Leo Attacks Bobby
The Pink Room (Extended Version)
Half Heart (Solo)
Dance of the Dream Man (Original)
Great Northern Piano Tune #2 (Full Version)
One Armed Man’s Theme & Jean Renault’s Theme (TV Mix)
Audrey (TV Version)
Voice of Love (Slow)
Log Lady Presence
Love Theme (Light)
Wheeler’s Theme (TK 2)
Solo Percussion 4
Freshly Squeezed (Fast Cool Jazz Version 2 Clean) *partial
Solo Percussion (Arbitrary Cymbals)
You Killed Mike
Falling into Love Theme (Demo)
Love Theme Slower and Darker (Demo)
Slow Cool Jazz (Demo)
Chinese Theme (Demo)
Wide Vibrato Augmented Chords (Demo)
Night Walk (Demo)
Low Wide and Beautiful (Demo)
Wide Vibrato Mood to Falling (Demo)
Love Theme to Falling (Demo)
Love Theme Light (Demo)
Questions in a World of Blue (Demo)
Love Theme from ‘On The Air’ (Take 4)
Love Theme from ‘On The Air’ (Slow Jazz Version)
Love Theme from ‘On The Air’ (Clarinet Strings)
LBC and Katie Hopkins have agreed that Katie will leave LBC effective immediately.” writes @Lbc over on Twitter.
Rejoice!
No. The sensible move was to ignore her. It’s the ratings game. If you don’t like her, don’t mention her. Do the reverse Candyman.
For those of you missed the tweet but got the fallout, Katie Hopkins tweeted in response to TV presenter Phillip Schofield, petitioning him to be strong in the face of terror. She tweeted: “Do not be a part of the problem. We need a final solution.”
Yeah, that bad. She knew what she was doing. She knew it would antagonise. She hoped it would place her at the centre of the conversation over the heinous attack in Manchester. Revolting stuff from the tabloid’s to-deadline controversialist. And then Twitter erupted with outrage and demands for her sacking. A woman with all the relevance of a loon shouting at the pigeons in the precinct became important.
Tom Slater finds a reason for it. It’s not her. It’s us:
Why have some of those born and raised among us – as Abedi was – grown to hate us? Why, among a minority of Muslim youth, is this nihilism brewing? And what might we have done to foster it, to cultivate it? These are questions they’d rather not answer. To do so would be to inflame, in their minds, the only hate they really care about – the hate of lumpen plebs, the sort of people they imagine lap up Katie Hopkins’ every tweet.
Hopkins tried to make Manchester all about her. But through the response it generated, it told us more about the mainstream, about the cowards who tell us to treat Islamist terror like a natural disaster, a time only for sympathy and thanking the emergency services; the cowards who would rather shriek at cretinous columnists than reckon with the real hatred in our midst; the cowards who seem to get more exercised by tweets than bombs.
I don’t think the tweeters are cowards. I think it’s a question of impotence: Katie Hopkins you can get; the West’s navel-gazing you can’t.
Being the social media manager for Walker’s crisps is a doddle. Just get Gary Lineker to hold up a card and invite crisp enthusiasts to tweet a photo of their head which can be added to the former England footballer’s message. It would form a big Mexican Wave of crisp lovers. What could go wrong? Well, Walkers became endorsed by such lovelies as Osama bin Laden, Josef Fritzl and a bloke with a huge penis. And Jimmy Savile, Rolf Harris, Fred West and more.
Walkers will delete that Rolf harris video I bet so I've downloaded it & uploaded it. No, thank YOU. pic.twitter.com/OUfYm2yfkR
Sir Roger Moore was top bloke. He was a terrific James Bond, an incarnation most closely aligned to Ian Fleming’s literary creation. When the Daily Maily mocked him, Moore responded with exquisite style and trademark grace:
Around 50 years ago The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album featured a brilliantcover. On it were the likes of Bob Dylan, Edgar Allan Poe, William S. Burroughs, Albert Einstein, Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, HG Wells, Shirley Temple.
In a tribute to people who died in 2016, Muhammad Ali stands where boxer Sonny Liston did in the original. the reworking also features. George Michael, Prince, David Bowie, Leonard Cohen, George Martin, Glenn Frey and Alan Rickman.
Victoria Coren shares her views on motherhood in theGuardian:
I’m not complaining about the time spent. That’s how I wanted to spend my time. Different people react to parenthood in different ways. Many of my closest friends, who love their children immeasurably and certainly as much as I love mine, need space from them. Quite apart from the financial imperative, they need for their own sanity to create separate professional achievements, maintain separate relationships or just have quiet days off.
That’s not how it’s been for me. To my surprise, it turned out that I find childcare infinitely interesting. It’s more rewarding than anything else I do and there’s no real peace or pleasure in being away from her. I’ve kept working a bit, but only to try and have some sort of skeleton career going for the future.
One other important factor in keeping a media career going is to give your nippers a leg-up and an insider’s views on what is a very competitive business. The Independent noted in an article headlined “Media Families”:
Victoria Coren was born in 1972. By the time she was 14, she was writing a column for The Telegraph on … what it was like to be 14.
Talented Victoria Coren’s father was the late Alan Coren, the esteemed journalist who edited Punch magazine, worked as a television critic for the Times and wrote the Arthur series of children’s books.
As well as being a joy, children give journalists something to write about.
In 2011, Victoria’s brother, Giles Coren, told SundayTimes readers “how to be a dad… Despite thinking parenthood might have passed him by, at 41, Giles Coren is now father to five-month-old Kitty. Here he rewrites the Dad Rules.”
Alan Coren said of his children:
“I’m delighted that they’re successful because they’re very good. They’re smart and charming. They both wrote well from an early age, I suppose because they grew up in a house where a lot of writing was going on – that, coupled with the genes.
“Had they gone into journalism and not been any good at it, that would have been a shame. They haven’t realised their potential yet, but they’re on their way to realising it and I’m very pleased for them.”
The Indy noted in 1997: “Neither is married, so no third-generation wits are yet in the production line.”
Today Is Art Day’s Kickstarter is raising money to make a Frida Kahlo figure. At 5 inches tall, fashioned from quality plastic, Frida Kahlo action doll features a monkey on her back and a detachable surrealist heart.
The backing tracks to this slice of Russian 1980s culture was published by Melodiya. It’s brilliant and as horribly catchy as the man-made fibres on those leotards:
Abby Lee Miller, the yelling, industrial sander-voiced leader of TV’s Dance Moms, has been sentenced to 366 days in prison. She is guilty of fraud, having concealed around $755,000 of assets earned in 2012 and 2013, after she filed for bankruptcy in 2010.
Abby Lee was also sentenced to two years of probation following her release from prison, and ordered to pay a fine of $40,000.
You think Abby would revert to type and shout at the judge until he agreed to do what she told him. But that only works on the under 12s. Reports say she cried. And that failed, too.
So Abbey Lee Miller heads to prison, where she’ll trade in her Comfy Slax and Cardi-gown for on an orange jump suit, and work out how to make her big comeback. The recipe is simple: Jail House Rock. No, not Abby Lee sat in a cell, self-cradling, rather a bunch of felons and rocking to and fro. This is the big dance number in which Abby Lee turns a bunch of felons and mothers into a dance troupe.
Call me , Abby, I have ideas. But not on the that phone. Best give it a rinse first.
“Leonard Nimoy Speaks Out on LSD, Religion and Dirty Movies” in a 1968 TV magazine article. It is an “unblushing honest confession” made by the Star Trek actor.
Nimoy was open about the value in LSD. In a June 1968 interview, he opined:
“Waste not the smallest thing created, for grains of sand make mountains, and atoms infinity. Waste not the smallest little in imbecile infirmity, for well thou knowest that seconds form eternity.”
Truthful words that sum up eloquently Leonard’s philosophy. And the red-tape and bureaucracy of big government certainly conglomerate into a massive, time-consuming and delaying mess. But waste can also hit people via the indiscriminate use of LSD which Leonard abhors. “It really serves only a limited useful purpose,” he said. “If administered under strict medical supervision, then perhaps some benefit can be derived but only then.”
Today’s mash-up has been created by Palette-Swap Ninja. They’ve combined Star Wars and the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album. Each song corresponds with a scene from the film:
Princess Leia’s Stolen Death Star Plans (Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band)
Luke Is In The Desert (Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds)
Being From The Spaceport Of Mos Eisley (Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite!)
In a “showbiz exclusive” the Sun leads with news that Cheryl Cole has named her baby…Sophie. No, only joking. It’s Bear Payne, the surname born of the baby’s dad Liam Payne, formerly of One Direction, and the first name inspired by an animal famed for shitting in the woods and time spent “getting to know their baby”.
Happily, Cher and Liam have loads of money to equip each of their bathrooms with a copse, so making Bear feel very much at home and preventing the bairn suffering any undue embarrassment.
is everything a famous name does worth preserving or owning? When the owners of John Lennon’s former home found one of the singer’s old sketchbook they noticed it contained a small sketch of the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album cover. It’s for sale at auction, where the 4 1/4 by 4 1/4 inches doodle is expected to fetch up to $60k.
An ink on paper sketch by John Lennon of the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album cover with Lennon’s handwriting of the album’s title on the central bass drum in the image. The drawing was found in a sketchbook left in Lennon’s former home, Kenwood in Surrey, England, and recovered by the new owners. The design of the album cover is known to have been executed by artist Peter Blake based on drawings provided by Paul McCartney. All of The Beatles contributed to the design of the cover in some way. It is unknown how this undated drawing figures into the history of the album cover and Lennon’s involvement.
At the same auction you can buy a Paul McCartney signed copy of The Beatles Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band for $1,000.
To mark the 70th anniversary of jazz publishers Blue Note Records, the label animated Reid Miles’ fabulous era-defining album covers.
And The Bella Vista Social Pub, looking to promote its own summer jazz concerts in Siena, Tuscany, came up with a smart idea. Why not pay tribute to Blue Note (and promote the Italian concert series) by animating the cool cover designs that graced Blue Note albums during its heyday.
The Sun invites its readers to experience the full width of Kim Kardashian’s backside. “How do you measure up to reality beauty’s booty?” asks the paper. You might need to undress and sit on the Sun to gage things fully.
The Sun is not printed on soft, absorbent, three-ply paper and the good people of Liverpool should shower before use (surely a good hose down after – ed).
“It’s Kim Kardashian as you’ve never seen her before.” throbs the Daily Star on its front page. “Wait until you see the rear view,” ploughs the Sun on its cover. Both tabloids lead with the same picture of Kim Kardashian in:
a) a burqa
b) an orgy
c) a Job Centre
d) a bikini
e) panto
It’s ‘d’, which is a disappointment for all of you who’ve seen Kim K. in a bikini more than you’ve seen your own feet.
As for the story, well, on Page 7 the Star dubs the reality TV star Kim “Lard-Ashian”, on account of her figure. The Sun calls it a “rear treat”.
One oddity about the Sun’s ogling is that on April 10 the paper was aghast at the BBC’s perceived sexism. In “SKIRTY OLD MAN”, the BBC’s golf commentator Peter Alliss is admonished for making “disgraceful” comments about the length of Masters winner Sergio Garcia’s fiancee’s skirt.
Paul Revoir writes:
Peter Alliss caused a sexism row by referring to the short skirt worn by golf hero Sergio Garcia’s fiancee… As images were shown of Angela Akins, 31, reacting to Sergio’s win, Alliss’s muffled voice was heard saying: “She’s got the shortest skirt on the campus”…
This is the latest in a string of sexism rows to engulf the long-serving commenter.
The Sun’s outrage was supported by no fewer than 6 photos of Angela Akins in her short skirt. Indeed, you can read about the BBC’s sexism alongside two stories based on photos of Kim in her bikini:
Take it away, Dolly Parton. Her she is belting out a death metal version of her timeless hit, Jolene. It was created by Andy Rehfeldt – check out his Mary Poppins singing Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
