Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Amy Childs Opens Up Beauty Salon In Brentwood, Essex: Motherwell Branch On Hold
THE Only Way Is Essex, it turns out, is not the work of fascists seeking to debase an entire strand of the population and give cause for a death camp in Basildon. It turns out out that the people on the show are real, and that includes most of Amy Childs. And now you can be as real as Amy because the reality telly star has lent her name to the Amy Childs salon in Brentwood, Essex. Now anyone who does not already look like Childs can get the look. Of course, Essex Face is not for the whole country ,and we expect the stars of Made in Chelsea, Dalston Superstars and Geordie Shore to open their own salons for locals in pursuit of regional uniformity – although the talent on MTV’s Motherwell Mums have pushed back the envelope and are taking their look to the max…
Posted: 24th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Hugh Grant’s Thought For The Day: Incest With Liz Hurley
HUGH Grant’s thought for the day, as not told to the Leveson Inquiry:
“Sometimes, when Liz and I check into hotels we pretend to be brother and sister and then we share the double bed. The whole idea of incest is quite appealing. I find that for a month at a time I’m a eunuch. And then for the next month I’m a rapist. I never know which way it’s going to go.”
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Posted: 24th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jimmy Carr Takes Shots At Down Syndrome Sufferers
COMEDIANS love tackling taboo subjects. Many stand-ups see their job as mirth maker, coupled with freedom of speech activists. In the case of the latter, many use their freedom to say what they like to make audiences squirm with hard truths or contentious topics..
However, there are those who just do it to shock, for shocking’s sake, picking on the soft target who can’t fight back. And so, we’ll let you decide what angle M5 death gag teller Jimmy Carr took when he decided to have a pop at Down Syndrome sufferers. (Just like fearless Sun columnist Frankie Boyle’s funnies aimed at the handicapped, and other people less likely to fight back. He’s no Bernard Manning.)
While performing in Warrington, the 8 Out Of 10 Cats host threw this at the audience:
“Why are they called the Sunshine Variety coaches when all the kids on them look the f**king same?”
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Posted: 24th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
George Michael Has Pneumonia In Austria
SAD news that George Michael is suffering from pneumonia. The better news is that he’s been laid low in Vienna, Austria, and the country’s medics are working on his wellbeing.
Not too long ago, Michel was schooled off cannabis by being locked up in prison with lots of desperate, sweaty drugs dealers. We supposed the punishment was a break from touring and PR junkets in soulless hotels, and hanging around in the park waiting to get laid. If he could catch up on some daytime telly and smoke some cracking weed in the ‘Joint’ then so be it. Let no man say the UK does not treat its stars well.
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Posted: 23rd, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lady GaGa’s Version Of White Christmas Is Leaked AND SHE’S ADDED HER OWN VERSE
SHE may be better known for making barnstorming enormopop and wearing outfits that Grace Jones may get jealous of, but to anyone who has even vaguely followed the career of Lady GaGa, you’ll know she’s got a sappy side.
And with that, there’s been a lot of talk about a Christmas EP coming our way from Mother Monster called A Very GaGa Holiday. Guess what? One of the songs from it has leaked online.
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Posted: 23rd, November 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
The Best Jesus Albums Ever: Now That’s What I Call Christmas
THIS Christmas why not eschew the X Factor’s cynical recording and other novelty songs for some good old fashioned Jesus music? We’ve pulled together a Crusade of albums for your musical enlightenment. Take it away, The Faith Tones, The Christian Crusaders, The Handless Organist, The Copper Family, The Ministers Quartet and all the way from the stables Butch Yelton and Upbound singing songs from Swing That Gospel Axe…
Posted: 23rd, November 2011 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)
Hugh Grant Knew Amanda Platell’s Mother
HAS all the attention from phone hacking and the Leveson Inquiry gone to Hugh Grant’s head? In his testimony, Grant wants to expose what he says are the myths of celebrity hypocrisy and their addiction for publicity. He has spoken well.
Of course, he did tell a BBC interview back in 2003 (spotter: Natalie Peck):
“When I think about actors I know, I’d much rather hear about who they’re shagging than what film they’re doing next.”
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Posted: 23rd, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Antonio Banderas Pulls And Salma Hayek Feeds Germany At Puss In Boots Premiere Germany (Photos)
ANTONIO Banderas and Salma Hayek (aka Kitty Softpaws) pulled faces for the media as they arrived for the Germany premiere of the film Puss in Boots in Berlin. For reasons Anorak cannot be bothered to research, both shared the red carpet with a large golden egg. Anorak expects it to contain someone small, like Jimmy Krankie, Silvio Berlusconi or a small child, like that one from Sierra Leone Hayek breast-fed. That’s the thing with Hayek – her considerable boobs serve purposes…
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Demi Moore Gets Double Wrinkly From Spending To Long In Ashton’s Hot Tub
THE National Enquirer reports that “marriage woes are making Demi Moore look old and wrinkly“. She is, thus, not hot-tub ready – the quality her estranged husband and verrucca-phobic Ashton Kutcher reportedly desires in his women – but hot-tub overdone. The NE says Moore has “double wrinkles”. Get out of the hot tub, Demi – he’s not coming home…
Posted: 22nd, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Single Jennifer Lopez Drives A Roomy Fiat: Test Drives Backseat With Dogger (Photos)
JENNIFER Lopez performed at the 39th Annual American Music Awards, and reminded everyone that she is no longer being bounced off by ex-husband Marc Anthony by shoving her massive backside into the crotch of a passing male dogger called Pitbull. She then told us that the new Fiat Virginia that downsized divorcee mums are driving is roomy enough to J-Lo and her backside.
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Posted: 21st, November 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Lady GaGa: Wazzes In Bins
DULL people who blight this ailing planet of ours look at Lady GaGa like she’s the weirdest thing to ever walk the planet. Alas, they’ve never seen Grace Jones in a corrugated iron dress with a mad hat on, playing skiffle on her own boobs with hula-hooping for entire gigs while frightening everyone with that fixed snarl of hers.
That said, GaGa is obviously quirkier than your average popstar. Compare her to James Morrison. Exactly.
Away from the peculiar dresses and hatching out of eggs at award shows, Gaga also likes to pee in unusual places. Instead of running to the toilet during her shows, she relieves herself in the bins backstage.
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Posted: 21st, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Springsteen To Do Sunderland – Which Reverses The Usual Process
It is to be hoped all his stage gear and off-stage bling is properly Post Coded and the Roadies’ vehicles and campers have the under-nourished Pit Bulls from Hell on guard inside.
The above comments have nothing at all to do with the fact the writer had a car nicked, used for an off-licence ram raid and burned out in the aforementioned car crime capital of Europe. The no-claims bonus took a hammering.
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BBC Says Gok Wan Uses Large Wooden Plugs To Stretch Himself But Fails To Specify Where
IS Gok Wan, the TV’s clothed expert on female naked beauty using earlobe stretching plugs on his body? The BBC writes:
Flesh tunnels and flesh plugs, which are solid, have become more visible on our screens. Dougie Poynter from British band McFly is currently sporting some flesh tunnels in the Australian jungle, where he is taking part in ITV1’s I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.
American rapper Travie McCoy and American singer Adam Lambert are also stretching devotees. British fashion expert Gok Wan is also partial to large wooden plugs but it is not known if these are being used to stretch his lobe.
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Posted: 21st, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Photos Of 39th Annual American Music Awards: Bieber’s Unter Alles Hair And All The Winners Listed
THE 39th annual American Music Awards, presented at the Nokia Theatre, featured Justin Bieber wearing new unter alles hair, David Hasselhoff dancing in his knickers (unsoiled), and an interesting photo of Gene Simmons seemingly showing us how he retrieved his wedding ring from Shannon Tweed:
The Photos:
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X Factor: Charitable Kitty Brucknell Rides Britney Spears’ Camel In Bluewater Kent: Photos
X FACTOR has-been Kitty Brucknell has turned on the Christmas lights at the Bluewater shopping centre in Kent while dressed as Britney Spears riding a camel’s toe. If anyone sees the Three Wise Men, tell them to keep their eyes on the star. Of course, Kitty ingested her catsuit in support of Children In Need – it being what the kiddies would have wanted…
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Posted: 20th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Natalie Wood, Robert Wagner And Dennis Davern As Lionel Stander: Cos When They Met It Was Murder (Allegedly)
NATALIE Wood, nee Natalia Nikolaevna Zakharenko, is back. Robert Wagner’s wife drowned on November 29 1981 when she fell off a yacht, Splendor, anchored off Santa Catalina island. It was night. She’d been drinking. It appeared that at some point she’d tried to tie a dinghy and accidentally tumbled into the briny.
Prince Valiant, the inflatable dinghy, washed washed up on the rocks on Catalina Island, Calif., on Nov. 30. Patrolmen discovered the actress’s body 100 yards away from the boat after a seven hour search.
The boat’s captain was Dennis Davern. In Marti Rulli’s mawkishly titled book Goodbye Natalie, Goodbye Splendour (published September 2009), Davern claims Wagner and Wood had rowed. He says the Hart To Hart actor had smashed a wine bottle after yelling “What do you want to do, fu*k my wife? Is that what you want?” at Christopher Walken, her co-star in Brainstorm. Davern says he heard “a loud argument and thumping sounds” from the couple’s room.
Davern goes on the telly:
“I made some terrible decisions and mistakes. I did lie on a report several years ago. I made mistakes by not telling the honest truth in a police report… We didn’t take any steps to see if we could locate her. I think it was a matter of, ‘We’re not going to look too hard, we’re not going to turn on the searchlight, we’re not going to notify anybody right now’.”
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Posted: 18th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Tori Spelling’s Boobies Get Leaked Online By Accident! Photos
REMEMBER Tori Spelling from Beverley Hills 90201 (the original series)? She was the blonde airhead one who we weren’t supposed to like. Well, the apple didn’t stray too far from the tree because Tori is the airhead daughter of the very famous American TV producer, Aaron Spelling.
He gave us Love Boat, Hart To Hart, Starsky & Hutch, Fantasy Island, Charlie’s Angels and, you guessed it, Beverley Hills 90210.
Anyway, Tori’s husband decided to tweet a picture of his child with a rolling pin on its head for some reason and, blammo! There they are! In the background! What appear to be the vaguely famous Tori Spelling’s breasts.
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Posted: 18th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Chantelle Houghton Launches New Moon Glo Tanning Creams
CELEBRITY Quote of the week was supplied by Paris Hilton impersonator Chantelle Houghton, the newly pregnant lover to Katie Price’s estranged husband Alex Reid (try to keep up). Says Chantelle in OK! of her life with Reid:
“We don’t argue. There are no issues. Me and Alex are just like kids, two peas in a pod. He was laughing at me earlier because I thought the sun and the moon was the same thing. Turns out they’re not.”
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Posted: 18th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Chantelle Houghton Is Pregnant By Alex Reid – But Does She Know How?
CHANTELLE Houghton is…11 weeks pregnant. To prove it Chantelle holds up a pregnancy test kit, allowing OK! readers to see that it has turned bright orange, indicating that either she has mated with an Oompah Loompah or else estranged Mr Katie Price Alex Reid is the daddy.
This is “amazing news“. This is her “miracle baby”, who will show those glow-in the dark-cats that the future is bright and children can come with night lights built in, thus saving mum and dad a few bob.
As Chantelle cradles her tummy, as all celebs mums must, she tells us that she will be “milking it”. Someone needs to have a word with the ambulatory Katie Price off-cut. You don’t milk them, they milk you. Mums do not suckle on the child’s teet unless they are a Kardashian.
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Posted: 18th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Bieber Paternity Case Takes A Kicking With Incriminating Text Messages: Mariah Yeater Meets John
THERE’S a whole host of reports floating around about the paternity case involving Justin Bieber and Mariah Yeater, some of which say that everything’s been dropped while others note that DNA tests are still go.
However, TMZ have broken some news which may show what really happened.
Sadly for those of you who really wanted Bieber to have sired a child with a backstage 30 second fumble, it doesn’t look good. Alas, pictures shown allegedly show Yeater to be pulling a fast one.
Through images of text messages sent, Mariah Yeater seems to have asked a friend to erase an incriminating text that says that her mother is under the impression the baby belongs to someone who isn’t Bieber.
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Posted: 17th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
@Mrs Kutcher: Demi Moore Stars In First Twitter Divorce
DEMI Moore announces her divorce from under-talented actor Ashton Kutcher.
It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life. This is a trying time for me and my family, and so I would ask for the same compassion and privacy that you would give to anyone going through a similar situation
So says the press release issued by a woman whose husband tweeted a photo of her bum.
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Posted: 17th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Gervais’ ‘Holocaust Or Pedophile Material’ For Golden Globes
Of course, Gervais has courted controversy lately with… umm… shall we call it ‘mong-gate’ for ease? It’s obvious that the creator of The Office wants to push his luck as far as he can. And he may as well. We have to assume he’s made enough money to retire with, so he might as well cause some trouble.
Last time around, Gervais ribbed Scientology and gave Johnny Depp abuse, which seemed to be taken pretty well. Let us not forget that Hollywood popularised ‘the roast’ (no, not that kind, you mucky bugger), so it’s not a great leap to see why they asked him back.
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Posted: 17th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Rihanna Says Spurs Defoe Is Off To Arsenal
WHEN Rihanna met Spurs reserve striker Jermain Defoe at the London O2 to meet Rihanna, she gushed:
“Oh, Jermain, you play for Arsenal, yeah? I’ve heard all about you.”
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Posted: 17th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Studio Killers: Ode To The Bouncer Is This Year’s Party Anthem
THIS
Christmas you will be dancing to Studio Killers – Ode To The Bouncer. Cherry (Lead Singer), Goldie Foxx, and Dyna Mink are Scandi pop masters:
”No, I haven’t had no dope, lift up the velvet rope, Mr Doorman stop teasing, I’m freezing out here.”
LYRICS
Ooh, let me in or I’ll get physical with you
I just gotta dance right now, it’s critical to do
No, I haven’t had no dope
Lift up the velvet rope
Mr doorman stop teasing
I’m freezing out here
See, I’ve got friends inside
It’s my birthday tonight
And I’m not wearing trainers
Not to mention knickers
It’s futile to debate
With St Peter at the gate
Made of protein milkshake
And low carb intake
Cause all in all you’re just
Another prick at the door
Ooh, let me in or I’ll get physical with you
I just gotta dance right now, it’s critical to do
Bouncer, hey bouncer,
Bouncer, bounce bounce bouncer
I just gotta dance right now, it’s critical
Bouncer, bouncer
Bouncer, empowered and aroused
I see it in your trousers
And in the way you browse her
Look she’s in!
What?! Her dress is up to waterline
That b*tch is clearly borderline
Nose as white as Snow White’s, in moonlight
We stand in awe in front of
Another prick at the door
Ooh, let me in or I’ll get physical with you
I just gotta dance right now, it’s critical to do
Bouncer, hey bouncer,
Bouncer, bounce bounce bouncer
I just gotta dance right now, it’s critical
Bouncer, hey bouncer
Bounce bounce bouncer
Ooh, let me in or I’ll get physical
I just gotta dance right now, it’s critical
So you can play karate
You thick illiterati
I’m a black belt in life
So go home to your ugly wife
You forgot in your wisdom
The window to the ladies room
A whole new possibility for a cat like me
Ooh, let me in or I’ll get physical with you
I just gotta dance right now, it’s critical to do
Bouncer, hey bouncer,
Bouncer, bounce bounce bouncer
I just gotta dance right now, it’s critical
Bouncer, hey bouncer
Posted: 16th, November 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part One London Premiere Photos: X Factor Dross And The Pope’s Flasher
OFF we went to spot stars at the Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part One UK Premiere at the massively ugly Westfield Stratford City, in massively ugly Stratford, London. Something has gone wrong with film premieres in the UK. Films were once about glamour and escapism. Now they are products you go to see in big shops. And Twilight London got the stars it deserved: Holly Willoughby, Lauren Pope and the X Factor dross on an outing with happy-slapping Tulisa. Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner are earning their millions the hard way…
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