Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
God’s Eye View: A Montage Of Film Scenes From Above
THE “God’s Eye View” puts the cinema audience in the Heavens. The world is shrunk; humanity reduced:
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Justin Bieber’s Baby Photos: Mariah Yeater Presents Tristyn Anthony Markhouse Yeater
MARIAH Yeater says she has given birth to Justin Bieber’s son Tristyn Anthony Markhouse Yeater. The child was born on July 6. She filed a paternity lawsuit against the singer on October 31. As Star magazine reports, she wants Bieber to “provide adequate support for my baby‘”. Will Bieber splits his collection of pull ups in half?
On the Star magazine cover, above the allegedly Mini Bieber, is a picture of thirtysomething Kim Kardashian, the star of reality TV show who was once photographed splashing with Justin in the surf. He was presented as the love-struck teenager. She was the.. Well what? Revolting? Predatory? Servicing? Helping teenage boys to forgo porn in favour of a flesh-and-bone walking sex training manual?
Yeater says the sexual encounter lasted “30 seconds”. Yep, that long. Kim’s work was not for nought.
Yeater says thay met on October 25 of last year. She was 19 (years). He was playing at L.A.’s Staples Center.
Radar Online reports her telling a judge:
“When I later realized I was pregnant with Justin Bieber’s baby, I tried to contact him through his representatives but no one ever called me back.”
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Posted: 2nd, November 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Jimmy Savile: On Dog-Faced Jodie Marsh And Elvis Presley (Photos)
JIMMY Savile fans will be able to say “Now then” to the charismatic DJ and telly star when his coffin goes on display at the Queens Hotel in Leeds centre. The coffin will be closed. He will then be buried at the North Yorkshire seaside resort of Scarborough.
Anorak has delved into the archices and can now deliver a few wonderful photos of Sir James meeting Elvis Presley, and this from the Jersey Evening Post Aug 12, 2006:
FORMER Bergerac star John Nettles has told the JEP that he would have been delighted to appear at the Battle of Flowers if he had been asked. And veteran DJ Sir Jimmy Savile, a former Mr Battle, says that he would have done it for free. ‘I would have been enormously flattered to be asked, and, if available, I would have been very happy to do it,’ said actor John Nettles, who is again one of Britain’s favourite TV detectives thanks to the hugely popular Midsomer Murders. And he added: ‘I would have given any fee to charity.’ The decision by the Battle of Flowers Association at the last minute to spend £22,000 of their extra States grant of £90,000 on Jodie Marsh and X-Factor runner-up Andy Abraham has been widely criticised, but Sir Jimmy has leapt to Jodie’s defence after hearing that she had been booed by the crowd.
‘It’s not the Jode’s fault,’ he said. ‘She can’t help being what she is. If someone is going to offer you £22,000 or whatever it was, you are not going to turn it down. The Jersey organisers should not have put her in a position where she was going to get booed at the Battle of Flowers. Is Jersey the right sort of Island for somebody like the Jode? I’ve met her, and she’s a nice girl, but whoever asked for Jodie to come to Jersey did not make a good move. ‘If you get bitten by a rottweiler you can’t blame the dog. You know what they’re like. You shouldn’t be in a position where you get bitten.’
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Posted: 2nd, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
When Gavin Henson Met Carianne Barrow Ashley Cole Was Nowhere
GAVIN Henson would like OK! readers to see the new lover he won on The Bachelor game show. She’s called Carianne Barrow, and such is the limited space in the celebrity Petri Dish that she can tell us about ” Her Night With Ashley Cole”, the Chelsea footballer once married to Cheryl Cole.
This is Henson’s third reality TV show, his having reached the semi-finals of Strictly Come Dancing and the final of 71 Degrees North. Both times the top spot eluded competitive Henson, who must have one day dreamed of holding TV’s Triple Crown. Understandable, then, that Gavin should take the easy silverware by being The Bachelor, a role that guaranteed success and a love interest for his ready-to-shine gym-honed body.
Indeed, pulling was once the stated aim of Henson’s rugby playing career. When wooing Charlotte Church, the player offered:
“I was going into games thinking, ‘I’ve got to make loads of headlines. I can’t let her forget about me.“
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Posted: 2nd, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Quote Of The Day: Tamara Ecclestone Is Not a Complete Moron Because…
QUOTE of The Day, presented in the Radio Times by Tamara Ecclestone, daughter to Bernie Ecclestone boss of Formula One motor racing:
“I presented Formula 1 on Sky Sports Italia for two years, so I can’t be a complete moron.”
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Posted: 1st, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Timberlake and Fallon Team Up For History Of Rap 3
GOD. Justin Timberlake is irritating isn’t he? Talented, good looking, wealthy and, worst of all, he seems like a really decent bloke.
Sadly, he’s not too keen on making another album as he makes his way in Hollywood, leaving us with a load of pretty terrible male popstars who just won’t do.
And to remind us how much fun he is, JT has tag-teamed Jimmy Fallon again to bring another of their The History of Rap skits.
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Posted: 31st, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kris Humphries Emerges From Kim Kardashian After 72 Days: Divorce Looms
AGAINST all the odds, Kim Kardashian is, reportedly, filing for divorce from Kris Humphries.
When they married in a magazine-TV tie in 72 days ago, no-one in their right mind would have thought their marriage would end in divorce. The pair seemed perfect. She had a bikini wax; he breathed through his mouth and had a name that started with a ‘K’. It could not fail. Even cynics thought it would take Kris a year to navigate Kim backside.
Their sham marriage looks to be over after a paltry 72 days and Kimmy will be filing for D.I.V.O.R.C.E. as soon as she can get some lackey to fill the forms out for her.
TMZ reports that Kardashian will not seek an annulment and that she’ll be going for the “garden variety divorce, in which Kim cites “irreconcilable differences.””
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Posted: 31st, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
So, Alexandra Hall, What’s It Like To Have Sex With Jeremy Clarkson In A Reasonably Priced Car?
JEREMY Clarkson and his wife Frances once sat on a super-injunction that prevented his ex-wife Alexandra Hall from ever talking publicly about her life with the Top Gear presenter and Sunday Times columnist. This was not to save Hall the infamy of being that woman who had found the pre-fame Clarkson sexually attractive and had had intercourse with him, rather it was to gag Hall from making claims that Clarkson was sleeping with her behind his wife’s back.
This all follows the false rumours that Clarkson had been shagging Jemima Khan – the intern and minted daughter of late money man James Goldsmith intern who recently became the anti-nepotism, equal opportunities campaigning New Statesman’s associate editor.
Responding to the Khan story, Clarkson wrote a newspaper columns in support the new injunctions, which are brought on the basis of European human rights legislation. As he said:
“It is said only the rich and famous can afford a gagging order. But only the rich and famous ever need one.”
Once again, as with Clarkson’s BBC colleague Andrew Marr, the rich journalist would seek to gag the press.
Now Clarkson is of the opinion:
“Injunctions don’t work. You take out an injunction against somebody or some organisation and immediately news of that injunction and the people involved and the story behind the injunction is in a legal-free world on Twitter and the internet. It’s pointless.”
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Posted: 31st, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Metallica Rock Bangalore After Delhi Riot: Photos
WHEN Metallica cancelled their gig in Delhi fans among the 25,000 crowd rioted and smashed the stage up. Anorak finds this encouraging. Isn’t that what rock fans ought to do?
Police have now arrested four executives of DNA Entertainment Network following allegations that refunds were not forthcoming fast enough.
The band stated:
“Once we, along with DNA, the promoters of the show, determined that there was a failure of a security barricade in front of the stage that could not be adequately repaired, the promoter reluctantly announced the postponement of the show until Saturday. Unfortunately, on such short notice the promoters were unable to secure a permit for a show on Saturday.”
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Tweeting Derek Acorah Sees Mass Death In Ireland And Tsunamis In Bournemouth
DEREK Acorah, the shiny-suited TV spiritualist, has had some notable triumphs. Thanks to him, Lisa Manning’s family know that the poltergeist moving about a pink chair at their home in Lilley Close, Holbrooks, Coventry, is called Jim.
We know that Cheryl Cole and Ashley will have a baby in 2011.
He told us that Michael Jackson is communicating.
He told us that the wags at the World Cup might end up in jail.
He, allegedly, channelled a fictional character in Bodmin jail.
In this week’s OK!, Derek tells readers of “massive cataclysmic changes next year… Look at the tsunamis and the volcanoes. Many, many people’s lives will be taken, all in one go…. It will between spring and summer and it will hit around Ireland , and then spread to Central America …The weather will go haywire. It will be like going back to the Ice Age. The South Coast will be hit, but not as far as London.”
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Posted: 30th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
RIP Jimmy Savile: A Life In Photos
JIMMY Savile has died. He was 84. He died at his home in Leeds. He was a Radio DJ, professional wrestler, Sir Jim and star of Jim’ll Fix It. He also raised lots of money for charity.
“Now then, now then” – that was your catchphrase. Now was… Now was…
The photos are brilliant:
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Posted: 29th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Sinead O’Connor And Debbie Harry Make Adolescent Dreams Come True: AmFAR Gala Photos
TO AmFAR’s Inspiration Gala in Los Angeles, where Anorak spotted the walking moist dream of Sinead O’Connor and Deborah Harry in a clinch. If looking at Sinead as not enough reason to love her, her writing is. Read it here:
Suicidal Sinead O’Connor Gives It Up The Arse
Sinead O’Connor Is Looking For Filthy Anal Yam Sex With A Hairy Man
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Posted: 28th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Madonna And Lourdes Speak About Material Things, Fruit And Learning To Be Disliked
THANKS to Guy Richie’s divorce, the US got Madonna back. Guy…thanks:
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Posted: 28th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Supermarket Uses Amy Winehouse To Sell Cheap Booze?
AMY Winehouse died from alcohol abuse. The Independent tells its readers this news right alongside a big advert for cheap booze at Sainsburys.
Perhaps this is what George Monbiot meant whan he told Guardian readers and advertisers:
“I detest this poison, but I also recognise that I am becoming more dependent on it. As sales of print editions decline, newspapers lean even more heavily on advertising. Nor is the problem confined to the commercial media. Even those who write only for their own websites rely on search engines, platforms and programs ultimately funded by advertising. We’re hooked on a drug that is destroying society. As with all addictions, the first step is to admit to it.”
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Posted: 28th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Bruce Willis Has 31 Children, Says Daily Mirror
BRUCE Willis’s current lover, Emma Heming, is expecting his 32nd child, says the Daily Mirror. Bruce is 56 – although the Mirror says he looks somewhat older…
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Posted: 28th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Noel Gallagher Bans Music Journalist Who Wrote Unflattering Review From Gig
NOEL Gallagher has reacted to a review in the Edinburgh Evening News’ by banning the paper’s chief music writer, Gary Flockhart, from his gig at Usher Hall.
Flockhart says Gallagher’s latest work, High Flying Birds, is a “letdown” and a “big disappointment”.
The request for tickets was met replied to by Gallagher’s PR agent, Simon Blackmore of Black Arts PR.
“Sorry Gary – not going to be able to spare any (is ridiculously oversubscribed and can’t fit everybody in). That piece you wrote about him last week didn’t exactly help your cause to be honest.”
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Justin Bieber And Busta Rhymes Kill Christmas: Little Drummer Boy Must Die
HOW dead do you think Christmas can be? If you’re thinking that it’s already a bloated corpse, thanks to over-commercialisation and the like, you have to admit that it’s still pretty cool because at least you get a decent feed and some free stuff just for being alive on the day itself.
However, you’ll probably want to end your life in case there’s a slender chance that someone buys you the Justin Bieber Christmas LP.
And, aside from the obvious, what’s so bad about that?
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Michael And Lindsay Lohan Open Father And Daughter Prison
MICHAEL Lohan and daughter Lindsay Lohan’s drive to open up a chain of father and daughter jails is moving on apace as dad heads back to choky.
Michael Lohan has been arrested in Florida for breaking the terms of an earlier parole and contacting lover Kate Major, the wolmen who alleges he roughed up. TMZ says he tried to escape arrest by by jumping off a 3rd-story balcony. His fall was broken by some wooden chair. He then limped off into the trees.
His alleged original offence was to threaten to toss Major off a fourth floor balcony when she “wouldn’t give him a ‘blow job.’”
Fourth floor. Third floor… He’s going down in the world…literally.
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Posted: 27th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Courtney Stodden Is The Organic Pumpkin Patch Princess (Photos)
WHAT news of Courtney Stodden, 17-year-old bride to 51-year-old Doug Hutchinson?
When we first encountered Stodden we thought 17 was the mean age of her surgical attachments. But its turns out it is her actual birth age.
And then Courtney told us that her chest is 100% organic. Hard luck, indeed, that they should look so false. Or maybe it is good luck for the surgeons who can now point to your massive gob-stopping pumpkins and say: “No, you’re worrying over nothing. They do look real. Just look at this photo of 100% organic Courtney Stodden. See. Just like yours. Perfectly normal. Next!”
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Posted: 27th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Amy Winehouse Was Five Times Over Lying On A Bed Limit When She Died
AMY Winehouse was five times over the drink drive limit when she died. This fact is dutifully reported on the front pages of the Daily Star and the Sun.
And had she been driving when she died, it would be relevant.
Posted: 27th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Jeremy Clarkson Places Sex Gag On Ex-Wife: Each To His Own
JEREMY Clarkson has placed a sex gag on his ex-wife? Will she reciprocate?
Posted: 27th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Steve Buscemi Is Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead…
STEVE Buscemi is dead…dead…dead…dead…dead…
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Amy Winehouse Was Killed By Legal Alcohol: Ilegal Drugs Did Her No Harm
AMY Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning. After all the illegal drugs, it was legal booze that killed her.
St Pancras Coroner Suzanne Greenway recording a verdict of death by misadventure, saying:
“She had consumed sufficient alcohol at 416mg per decilitre (of blood) and the unintended consequence of such potentially fatal levels was her sudden and unexpected death.”
After all the drugs, her vital organs were healthy.
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Posted: 26th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Peter Andre’s Life Is ‘Destroyed’ By Not Being ‘Able To Perform’
PETER Andre is with Princess TenaLadyMeeeee and Junior Peter on the cover of OK!. Single dad Peter has taken his kidzzzzz to work with him, as he must. This week, the little stars of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnez: The Child Years help Pete illustrate the OK! headline:
Devastated Peter’s heartbreaking confession – ‘My doctor says I am unable to perform’
Steady on, Pete, not in front of the kidzzzz, eh, mate. Leave the sex stuff for Peter Andre’s Tough Stuff, a made-for-TV multi-media production in which the sentimental singer explains the miracle of life using song, footage of Katie Price in a sauna, stills of mum and dad drying humping on the magic box, furries and a range of soft toys.
This is:
“THE SHOCK DIAGNOSIS THAT’S DESTROYED PETE’S LIFE”
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Posted: 26th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Rosemary Conley’s Delivers A Hello! Magazine Boast Card
SOMETIMES Anorak would like to just transcribe the entire Hello! or OK! magazine interview. Picking out the choices cuts and trying to lampoon the beyond parody is hard yakka. This week, Hello! visits Rosemary Conley at her Leiecestershire pile. It begins:
Walking up to the imposing wooden front door, the peace of the Leicestershire countryside is broken only by the barking of a dog and the cheerful, familiar voice of fitness guru Rosemary Conley as she welcomes Hello!. “No, no, don’t worry at all,” she says as we offer to remove our shoes to protect her cream carpets. “Our dogs don’t their shoes off. And this a house to live in, not a show home.”
Rosemary then says of her 1600s home dressed in ten acres of formal grounds and gardens and 37 acres of agricultural land:
“I couldn’t begin to tell you how many rooms there are. I’ve never counted them.”
Adding:
“But put it this way, I don’t need a gym.”
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Posted: 25th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
