Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Javier Bardem To Try And Kill James Bond
HAVE you seen No Country For Old Men? If you have, you surely agree that Javier Bardem is one of the most sinister humans to ever grace a screen.
He’s so good at playing a dead-eyed killer, that it is more than easy to actually convince yourself he actually partakes in murderous activities away from the screen.
Brrrr.
Well, Javier is to take his menacingly blank gaze supernova as its been officially announced that he’ll be playing the villain in the as-yet-untitled 23rd James Bond film.
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Nappy Days With Jessie J
QUOTE of the Day: Jessie J, the singer:
“My fashion mantra is usually to wear something you can go to the loo in, I need to remember that.”
Nappy days, readers. Nappy days…
Posted: 12th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Hilary Swank Upsets Already Upset With Visit To Chechnya
JUSTIN Bieber look-alike Hillary Swank has been celebrating the 35th birthday of Chechnya’s president, Ramzan Kadyrov, who took over the land when his dad was murdered.
She was not alone. Swank was with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Seal in Grozny.
All good showbiz stuff. But then a US-based group called The Human Rights Foundation told us the actions of Kadyrov’s regime constitute “crimes against humanity“.
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Posted: 12th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Beyonce Names Baby Ikea
BY now you will have read all about Beyonce’s flat-packed baby bump that she showcased on Molly Meldrum’s Sunday Night program.
The internets looked away from 9/11 explosions and Paul McCartney’s hair to study the bump that’s seemed to fold in half. Theories abounded:
It’s twins who don’t get along!
It’s a fake bump designed to defelct eyes from the real child growing inside Jay Z’s other woman. When that child is born, and the mother paid off, Beyonce will reach up her skirts and pull out the kid and present it as her own!
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Posted: 12th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall Wants To Eat Your Puppies
FACE it. TV chefs are scum. They harangue you through your television set to tell you that you’re doing it all wrong. You aren’t growing your own vegetables, despite the fact there’s no allotments in your area and you live in a one-bedroomed flat three stories up. You’re not making things with celeriac, even though it looks like something tested on in Roswell and tastes like hell.
Basically, you are a lousy human-being who should be ashamed of wanting a Big Mac now and then.
And the latest crusade is from Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall (something of a surprise, no?) who says we should all eat puppies.
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Posted: 11th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Katie Price Kickstarts Great Britain’s Pussy Economy With TV Talent Search
BY now you’ll be wondering what ever happened to Katie Price, the glamour model who shagged Dwight Yorke and Gareth Gates? Well, after two successful marriages (with ad breaks) she is still called Katie Price. Right now she is dressed in stocking and suspenders in her role of talent spotter for the Sky Living series Signed By Katie Price.
On the magic box, Katie will search for a new talent to sign to her own model agency, Black Sheep Management. Once again, Katie has nailed it. At the launch she showed us how all women should all dress in the office dress, using their primary sexual organs to drive deals and create the UK’s go-ahead answer to the Far East’s Tiger Economy.
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Posted: 11th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Win Free Tickets To See Calvin Harris At London Club All-Nighter
Follow Anorak on Facebook are win Calvin Harris tickets. Lynx are offering Anorak readers the chance to win 10 pairs of tickets to see Harris at the Coronet Theatre in London on November 12th. Also there: Alex Metric, The Japanese Pop Stars and more.
Just follow Anorak on Facebook and be in with chance to win. Click here to enter.
Posted: 10th, October 2011 | In: Music | Comments (2)
The World’s Worst Michael Jackson Waxworks
THIS display of a wax likeness of Michael Jackson has been inspired by his “Bad” . It is a Bad waxwork, literally.
You can see the Bad Waxwork at Madame Tussauds D.C. October 27, 2009 in Washington, DC.
Or you can save yourself the expense and see it from all angles here. They say his eyes follow you around the room – literally…
Posted: 9th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Why Kim Kardashian Cashed In On Her Wedding: She Did It For You
SO. Now we know why Kim Kardashian sold her wedding to a reality TV show and photos to People magazine for $1.5m: she did it for the fans.
As Kim tells InStyle Australia, she slack-jawed husband Kris Humphries, 26, once had a “really big discussion”.
“That was a really big discussion, we took weeks to decide if we were going to film it or not, but I felt like my fans – everyone that has gone on this journey with me, seeing different relationships that I’ve been in – would feel cheated if I didn’t film it.”
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Posted: 9th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Paul McCartney’s Nostalgic Marriage To Nancy Shevell: Photos Without Heather Mills
ON the day John Lennon would have marked his 71st birthday, 69-year-old Paul McCartney married a 51-year-old heiress named Nancy Shevell at Marylebone Town Hall, where Macca married Linda in the 1969. Stella McCartney did the outfits. Beatrice McCartney carried flowers. Then it was back to Sir Paul’s home in St John’s Wood – where Abbey Road studios is based – for veggie eats and much righteous joy. This was a wedding laced with nostalgia.
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Posted: 9th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (8)
Ashton Kutcher And Demi Moore’s Divorce: Infectious Monkey Sex In The Kabbalah Centre Hot Tub
ASHTON Kutcher’s alleged extra-marital sex with a blonde named Sara Leal – following news of alleged extra-marital sex with a brunette named Brittney Jones – has resulted in rumours that he and Demi Moore are to be divorced.The story is a big news because:
1. Kutcher is alleged to have cheated on the night of his sixth wedding anniversary.
2. Kutcher is alleged to have pulled two women at a club called Fluxx (silent ‘l”).
3. An “onlooker” at Fluxx said Kutcher and two pals cruised the place for women who were “hot-tub worthy”. We are not told any more than that and wonder what hot tub worthy means?
Is it:
a) Women who are less likely to “prune”after long exposure to hot bubbles?
b) Non-incontinent women?
c) Women with no signs of skin contagions, such as cold sores and veruccas?
d) Women with massive breasts which will bob enticingly above the waves?
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Posted: 9th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Paul McCartney Marries Nancy Shevell: Beatle’s New Young Wife Is Reassuringly Rich And Boring
BEATLE Paul McCartney, 69, is getting married to Nancy Shevell, 51. The younger American is getting an easy ride in the press on account of her being an heiress, a fact mentioned in pretty much every report on her. As such, she is not in the least bit like entertaining Heather Mills , 43, who had the temerity to marry a Beatle who fancies younger women while not very well off. The story is best told in puns:
Ticket to bride – Star on Sunday
Ticket To Bride: Macca Set To Marry Again – Sky
McCartney expected to say ‘Love me do’ today – Indy
Photo: Nancy Shevell outside Sir Paul McCartney’s home in north London on the day before their wedding.
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Posted: 9th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Michael Jackson Tribute Concert In Photos: Milking Jacko In Cardiff
WHAT coincidence that with Michael Jackson’s name high on the news cycle there should be a Michael Forever Tribute Concert in Cardiff, a city so close to MJ’s heart? Fans, of course, loved the show that featured detective Latoya Jackson (and Tito), Yolanda Adams, Ne-Yo, Christina Aguilera, Smokey Robinson, Gladys Knight, Leona Lewis, Jackie Jackson, Marlon Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Christina Aguilera and her big knickers, Cee Lo Green, Paris Jackson, Prince Jackson and little Blanket Jackson yet to add his name to a range of bed wear…
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Posted: 9th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)
The Salvation Of Cheryl Cole: Nation’s Sweetheart Shows She’s Changed
CHERLY Cole is no longer a god on television’s Mount Olympus. The X Factor and the nation’s sweetheart parted company; Cole replaced by Tulisa, a less pretty London version of her pre-Cowell-ed former self. The show would go on and Cole would… Well, what?
The talk is of ‘what next?’ for Cheryl, a woman whose star rose on the telly. The story has been of a lip-synching woman hiding her pained eyes behind big glasses – a woman for whom fame has been a cruel mistress.
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Posted: 8th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
TWAT: The Wanted Arena Tour Does Not Lie
HAPPENING boy band The Wanted are embarking on an arena tour. It’s called The Wanted Arena Tour. Yep: T.W.A.T.
The Twatters are excited:
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Posted: 7th, October 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Jedward Warn Kids Against Voting For Terrorists In Irish Presidential Elections
THE Week According to Jedward features the McDonald’s chip-headed Irish horrors discussing things of great import in OK!. Highlights are:
On the Irish presidential election:
“Our advice to them [candidates] is don’t wear a balaclava…”
You got that, kids. Vote for Eurovision survivor Dana and not for terrorists. Rebellion and murder are overrated.
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Posted: 7th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)
Coronation Street’s Kevin Webster Arrested For Alleged Sex Offences
WAAAAH, waw whoa wha-whoa-waaaah… yep, that famous brass that signals that start of an episode of Coronation Street is really quite difficult to write down.
Not as difficult though, as the morning that Corrie star Michael Le Vell, who plays Weatherfield veteran Kevin Webster, is having.
He’s been arrested by police on suspicion of sexually abusing a schoolgirl.
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Posted: 6th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Gaia Saving Cate Blanchett’s Occasional Use Of Helicopter Fuel
CATE Blanchett says we can save the planet if we cut down on stuff. She’s saving the world as only the candlle-lit rich can:
Cate Blanchett went to great lengths to hide herself from the photographers awaiting her return from James Packer’s country estate this week. Could that have something to do with her eco unfriendly mode of travel?
The controversial environmentalist – who was attacked by Tony Abbott and other opponents to a carbon tax following a polarising TV campaign in May – was without the eco-friendly hybrid vehicles that take her everywhere in Sydney, instead opting for Packer’s private helicopter.
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Posted: 6th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Rihanna Plays London’s O2: Photos In The Men’s Club
RIHANNA was at the O2 in London. It was all good, clean family fun… Sort of:
Posted: 6th, October 2011 | In: Music | Comments (3)
Mark Wright’ And Lauren Goodger’s Abort ‘n’ Tell: Life Under A Scraped Barrel
FOLLOWING last week’s OK! news that Lauren Goodyer had aborted Mark Wright’s baby, the magazine turns to Mark Wright, who tells us in headline form:
“Tearful Mark Fights Back – Our baby was my little David Beckham”
A cash cow with a range of signature scents, location tattoos and a sweet right foot? Why, Lauren? Why did you abort little David Beckham? Was it to prevent him from marrying a little Victoria Adams? The abortn ‘n’ tell goes on to feature tearful Mark’s face by another headline:
“Lauren’s Sick In The Head”
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Posted: 5th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Celine Dion Grows Her Own Rosary Beads
CELINE Dion is talking to Hello! about life with her son Rene-Charles, aged 10:
“When he was little, every time he saw a leaf or stick, he’d say: ‘Mum, this is for you.’ And then you can’t get rid of them of course. So I put the leaves in shoeboxes…but they’ve all started to disintegrate. I found a way to preserve the leaves, Somebody in the family knows nuns who use a solution to roll them into rosary beads…”
Amen.
Posted: 5th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jodie Marsh: Bodybuilder – Photos Of Hardest Brownest Woman In Celebrityville
JODIE Marsh has worked out that her body is her fortune. Having been fleshy and busty, tattooed and busty, almost clothed and bust, and busty, Jodie is now taut and busty with a stomach that sources claim communicates the braille message “You’ve not seen anything this hard and brown since Terry Waite’s first post-captivity dump”.
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Posted: 5th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Liz Hurley Is Too Late To Save England From Shane Warne
ONCE upon a time Shane Warne was a great cricketer with sun-kissed pro-Aussie hair, a lit ciggie and a cheeky wave as the stands harried his ears with affectionate rolling cries of “Warney…. Warney…”
Then cricket became a sport you can only watch on Sky TV or in Sri Lanka, and after years of having his head ruffled by teammates Warne became famous for peeping out of newspaper back pages to tell YOU that YOU can have hair like his and Graham Gooch’s if you use the same hair restorer. Warne told us that Advanced Hair Studios “can save you”.
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Posted: 4th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Immortal Michael Jackson In Tasteful Legacy Shocker!
WHILE Michael Jackson’s manslaughter trial descends further into farce with Lou Ferrigno throwing his flabby biceps around and Dr Conrad Murray’s many mistresses being paraded before the jury like cows at a farmer’s market, something most peculiar is happening around the corpse of the King Of Pop.
Someone is actually doing something with his legacy that not only looks like a whole heap of fun, but also, something he’d invariably approve of.
Instead of the usual grotesque circus of bottom feeders and snarks, this time, we’ve got an actual circus.
Forget the nonsense going down in Wales this weekend, which will see luminaries like Alien Ant Farm, 3T and Craig David taking to the stage of the worst timed tribute show in history. This is all about Cirque du Soleil who will be giving everyone The Immortal World Tour.
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Posted: 4th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Bunnyman McCullogh Surprises Everyone By Acting Like A Complete Tool During Gig
ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN frontman Ian McCullouch is a berk of the highest order. Long before Liam Gallagher was spouting off about being the best band in the world, McCullouch was swaggering around like he invented music itself.
Which of course, they didn’t. In fairness, they did peddle some cod-psychedelic indie for a while, before sloping off into the middle distance, only to return in the late ’90s with a bunch of songs that sounded like Starsailor b-sides.
Good for them. Still, it hasn’t stopped Our Ian from preening and posing, as well as causing needless bother in the name of ‘rock ‘n’ roll’.
During a show on Wednesday in Glasgow, McCullouch stormed off-stage and challenged some poor sod to a fight.
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Posted: 4th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
