Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Jacko Chimp Fingers Killer Doc: Daily Sport Sums Up Michael Jackson Case
CAN the Daily Sport sum up the Michael Jackson Dr Conrad Murray death case in one headline? Pretty much, yes.
Now, can someone please bring back the News of The World…
Posted: 4th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Mash Up Of The Day: Velvet Underground, Tammy Terrell And Marvin Gaye
MASH Up of The Day: Marvin Gaye, Tammy Terrell and the Velvet Undergound:
Spotter:
Katie Price’s Face Translator Gives Leandro Penna The Heave-Ho
KATIE Price and Leonardo Penna are no longer an item. The Sun says he’s “dumped her Argentinian toyboy”.
Why?
“…because he could not keep up with her sex drive, The Sun can reveal.”
And:
The model, 33, paid a TRANSLATOR to break it to Leandro Penna that he wasn’t satisfying her.
That’s what happens when you have too much Botox and surgery – your face fails to convey the full range of boredom and lack of stimulation. She might be having a good time. She might be having a great time. She might be catatonic. It’s so very hard to tell.
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Posted: 4th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Jodie Marsh Is More Muscle And Silicon Than Fat: Photo
GOOD news for those of you who thought Jodie Marsh was terrifying – she’s got even more terrifying. Jodie, 32, has just finished fifth in a qualifier for the Natural Physique Association British championships.
Says Jodie:
“This is the best I’ve ever felt — and the best my body’s ever felt. In 50 days I have gone from 25 per cent body fat to ten per cent, gained 8lb of muscle and lost 20lb of fat. I’m really happy I’m going home with a trophy. If I can do this in a few weeks then what else can I achieve with more training time?”
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Posted: 4th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)
Harrison: Living in the Material World – Scorcese’s Focus On The Quiet Beatle Is A Joy
WAS George Harrison the best of The Beatles? Was he a better singer than Paul McCartney and better songwriter,than John Lennon? Could he play the drums better than Ringo Starr. Ok, the last one’s a given – but was Harrison the true star? Paul McCartney said The Beatles were “four corners of a square – without any of those corners, you collapse”. The square is a perfect shape, but it also confining and dull. As Harrison wrote in his diary one year before the Fab Four broke up:
“Got up went to Twickenham rehearsed until lunchtime — left The Beatles — went home, and in the evening did King of Fuh at Trident studio, had chips later.”
Rock and roll, people, for the biggest squares in pop.
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Phone-Hacked Jade Goody Was A Tax Dodger But The Sun Can Save Her Children
JADE Goody is back. The Sun declares:
“JADE’S CASH WIPED OUT BY £1.8M DEBTS” – Tax and bills swallow up sons’ inheritance
Well, quite. Tax a bills tend to swallow up most people’s money. Maybe – just maybe – it can be proved that Jade’s phone was hacked by the Sun’s former sister paper the News of The World and tragic Jade’s children can get a huge payout? Jade Goody is front-page news on the Sun. Maybe the paper can investigate this latest tragedy to befall Jade in a series of paid-for interviews with her surviving kith and kin that form Jade Goody Inc.?
Emily Nash reports:
TRAGIC Jade Goody’s £2.2million fortune was nearly wiped out by massive debts — leaving less than £400,000 for her young sons, The Sun can reveal.
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Posted: 1st, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Tamara Ecclestone’s Anti-Socialite Life Of Baths
TAMARA Ecclestone, biscuit-hued, lad’s mag model daughter to Bernie Ecclestone, reclines by an immaculate pool. To her side are two men: one with arms folded as if about to fight you for the yellow sunbed (with actual pillows and sheets); the other with shorts straining against his appreciation of all things Tamara.
Tamara is at the “casino floor” of the Planet Hollywood resort in Las Vegas. Hello! says she “looks like she has the world at her feet“. She does. From Tamara’s top floor vantage point you can see Paris, New York, the Pyramids of Egypt, Medieval England, a sign pointing to a chlorinated Venice and the statue of Liberty.
Hello! tells us that Tamara is building a dog spa at her £45m London home. It will have a dog bath, leather bunk beds and special dryers. She has just taken delivery of a £1 million crystal bath for her £45million home.
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Posted: 30th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Cliff Richard Speaks For The Young Ones About His Golden Alcoves
CLIFF Richard is talking to OK! about being cool – “because I’m still alive” – and not being able to beat a good chicken tikka masala. His interview has two other highlights:
OK!: “The young ones of today took criticism after the recent riots…”
Cliff: “I feel a small minority group have let us sound.”
Cliff was ever an expert on the Young Ones. Now, Cliff, what about all those awards?
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Posted: 30th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Courtney Love To Write Not-Mental-In-Any-Way Autobiography
SHE may have a face like Janice from Dr Teeth’s band, but that hasn’t stopped Courtney Love from draping herself over various pieces of furniture and accidentally tweeting naked pictures of herself for all to see (see below).
She’s great isn’t she? That’s with the caveat of enjoying watching very long, slow nervous breakdowns.
And so, with that, you’ll be thrilled to learn that she’s writing her “no holds barred” memoir, which will once again see the Hole frontwoman digging up Kurt Cobain’s corpse and leaning on it so hard it snaps in two.
Let’s not forget her fondness for hoovering up drugs, her dependency on prescription drugs and the fact that her daughter, Frances, absolutely despises her, allegedly.
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Posted: 30th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Sly Stone Is Living In A Van: With A Dead Baboon And A Dog Called Gun
IS Sly Stone, of Sly And The Family Stone, homeless and living in a van?
The New York Post say he is:
Today, Sly Stone — one of the greatest figures in soul-music history — is homeless, his fortune stolen by a lethal combination of excess, substance abuse and financial mismanagement. He lays his head inside a white camper van ironically stamped with the words “Pleasure Way” on the side. The van is parked on a residential street in Crenshaw, the rough Los Angeles neighborhood where “Boyz n the Hood” was set. A retired couple makes sure he eats once a day, and Stone showers at their house. The couple’s son serves as his assistant and driver…
“I like my small camper,” he says, his voice raspy with age and years of hard living. “I just do not want to return to a fixed home. I cannot stand being in one place. I must keep moving.”
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Posted: 30th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Demi Moore Can See Though You
ARE Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher splitting Twitter accounts? Did he really squire another woman named Brittney Jones? We don’t know. All we know is that rather than ignoring the story and laughing it off, the couple are grandstanding their elite sense of self:
She tweets this from the Greek philosopher Epictetus:
“When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”
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Posted: 29th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
RIP Sylvia Robinson Mother Of Hip-Hop: The Sugar Hill Gang Tribute
STEPHEN Saban remembers Sylvia Robinson, the mother of hip-hop:
RIP Sylvia Robinson, frequently credited as “the mother of hip-hop,” died early this morning of congestive heart failure in a New Jersey hospital. She was 75. Before she and her husband Joe Robinson formed Sugar Hill Records in 1979, Sylvia had a pretty nice career as an R&B singer, partnered with Mickey Baker in the duo called Mickey & Sylvia, whose “Love Is Strange” was a #1 hit in 1956. In 1973, without Mickey, she wrote and performed the song “Pillow Talk.”
In 1979, All Platinum, the pre-Sugar Hill label she founded with husband Joe, was in serious financial trouble when, according to the New York Times, a lightbulb lit up over her head the night she went to a party in Harlem and heard people rapping over the instrumental breaks in disco songs. Using her son as a talent scout, she hired three young New York City rappers – Big Bank Hank, Wonder Mike, and Master Gee – to record improvised raps over a rhythm track adapted from Chic’s “Good Times.” The three rappers became the Sugar Hill Gang, the record was “Rapper’s Delight,” and it reached #4 on the R&B charts. That session arguably was the birth of rap and hip-hop. Later, the label would sign Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, who recorded “The Message” and paved the way for gangsta rap. So, yeah, that “mother of hip-hop” moniker was justly deserved.
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Jessica Alba Explains How Daughter (Shaven) Haven Got Her Name
JESSICA Alba has a new daughter called Haven Garner Warren. OK! magazine pops over to take a gander. Talk turns from how tidy Alba’s home is to how Haven got her name:
Cash picked her up and said she came right into the world in her ‘safe haven’…
“When I delivered Haven she was born still inside the amniotic sac, which is rare. The doctor had never seen anything like it before. He grabbed the nurse and said: ‘Look at this!’ I was in the middle of pushing and he told me to hold on a minute and not to push! He was wearing basketball shorts and a T-shirt and said: ‘Oh I have to get my scrubs on for this!’ The sac burst on its own after she came out. It was a trip.
When I was in recovery we still hadn’t chosen her name. Cash picked her up and said she came into the world in her ‘safe haven’ and it clicked right then for both of us.”
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Posted: 28th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Roman Polanski Acknowledges That He Probably Shouldn’t Have Sex With 13 Year Old Girls
IT must be difficult being faced with a supposedly genius filmmaker, especially when he’s got a penchant for having sex with minors.
This was the trouble faced by Ewan McGregor and Kate Winslet, who have both starred in films of Roman Polanski lately, and gushed about how clever he is in print, neatly sidestepping any awkward questions about ALL THAT.
However, oddly, the French-Polish filmmaker is now the one chattering away about it all and has, at long last, managed to mention the thing everyone’s been muttering about for aaaaaaaaaaages.
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Posted: 28th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
The Only Way Is Essex Features An Abortion As Entertainment
THE Only Way Is Essex’s Lauren Goodger appears on the cover of OK! to assure readers:
“I’ve aborted Mark’s baby”
Anorak has been wondering what to buy little Vajazzel when she was born to Mark Wright and Lauren, but know thanks to the announcement, we know not to bother. At the start of the last series of TOWIE, Mark and Lauren got engaged. Now at the start of another series on the lives and loves of Jade Goody’s children – who consist entirely of orangey-pink depilated bowels saying whatever they like with no purpose – Mark and Lauren have split up. What are the odds?
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Posted: 28th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Michael Jackson Is Not Dead: But Micheal Jackson Is
A READER writes on the Michael Jackson ‘murder’ trial and the case against Dr Conrad Murray.
Dear Anorak, are you working on the case?
I could not help but notice that when Dr Murray’s defence attorney Ed Chernoff got to his feet he put up a poster board asking:
“How did Micheal Jackson get to this point?”
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Posted: 28th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Elizabeth Taylor’s Jewels In Photos: The Crown Jewels of Hollywood And Other Golden Eggs
ELIZABETH Taylor’s jewels are on sale. You can bid for them at a show called The Crown Jewels of Hollywood at Christie’s, the auctioneers, on December 13-14. The bangles are big, flashy, real and include a 33.19 carat rock. Princess Margaret, once of the Royal family and thus an expert in the gauche, said it was “vulgar“. Taylor slid it onto the finger of the Queen’s sister and uttered, “It doesn’t look so vulgar now, does it?”
François Curiel, Christie’s international jewellery director, oozes:
“She possessed an expert’s eye for craftsmanship, rarity, quality and history. She collected the best pieces from the best periods.”
He;s the expert. You might say that she was minted, feted and wooed, and among the tons of gems and shiny stuff that came into her possession managed to garner some prize specimens.
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Posted: 28th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Michael Jackson’s ‘Murder’: Jacko Died Too Rapidly To Close His Eyes
MICHAEL Jackson ‘murder’: Anorak’s look at Dr Conrad Murray’s trial in the news:
The front pages:
The Sun: “JACKO LEFT TO DIE”
King of Pop ‘abandoned by his doctor’
Jury shown death pic as trial starts
Daily Mail: “JACKO’S FINAL DRUG BINGE”
Daily Star: “Shock of Jacko’s drug hell”
Daily Mirror: “JACKO: The Trial”
The Times: “Perfect storm of drugs killed Jackson trial is told”
The Show:
A CHILLING recording of Michael Jackson’s drugged voice was heard by his shocked family yesterday at the start of his doctor’s manslaughter trial. His feeble ramblings were played minutes after Dr Conrad Murray appeared in court charged with killing him with an overdose.
Jacko’s parents Katherine, 81, and Joe, 82, his siblings Janet, 45, La Toya, 55, Tito, 57, Randy, 49, and Jermaine, 56, listened in stunned silence. he singer sounded confused and lost as he mumbled to the medic in a recorded phone call: “We have to be phenomenal.
“When people leave this show, when people leave my show, I want them to say: ‘I’ve never seen nothing like this in my life. Go. Go.’” He was talking about 50 concerts at London’s O2 Arena that fans say drove him over the edge before his death at 50, on June 25, 2009. – Daily Star
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Posted: 28th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)
Nancy Dell’Olio Knows You Find Her Fascinating
NANCY Dell’Olio tells Hello!:
“There has to be a reason why I’ve been the centre of attention for the past ten years in this country.”
Indeed. But what is it? We would ask Madeleine McCann or Princess Diana. We might ask Osama bin Laden or Tony Blair. But instead we ask ourselves? Why?
“People probably find something very fascinating or interesting about me and I’m quite pleased about that.”
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Posted: 27th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Michael Jackson ‘Murder’ Trial: Day 1 Photos
PSST! Want to see Michael Jackson’s dead body? You never saw dead Elvis. But you can see photos of dead Jackson. He’s on show at the Criminal Justice Center in Los Angeles funfairs, where Dr. Conrad Murray, Jackson’s personal physician when the pop star died is on trial for involuntary manslaughter. Was Wacko Jacko Wackedo Jacko? If convicted, Murray could get four years in prison and the loss of his medical license. He says he’s innocent. You say: who cares – it’s on with the show…
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Posted: 27th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Gifs Of The Day: Featuring Ryan Reynolds’ Exciting Trouser Tent
WHAT is going on with Ryan Reynolds’ trousers? It’s picture 4 – and it is SFW:
Posted: 27th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
John Barrowman Brings Torchwood Raunch To The Krankies Glasgow Pantomime
IN readiness for pantomime season, we went to Glasgow to see a teaser for Robinson Crusoe And The Caribbean Pirates (It’s Johnny Depp?! Oh no it isn’t!) starring John Barrowman (Torchwood) and The Krankies (husband and wife Ian and Janette Tough).
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Posted: 27th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Rock In Rio 2011 In Photos: Rihanna Pinches Katy Perry’s T-Shirt
IT’S the Rock In Rio festival of music, starring Katy Perry, Rihanna, Stevie Wonder, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Metallica, Slipknot, Guns N’ Roses and Coldplay. You can’t but notice that the women are offering a porn pastiche of modern life: Rihanna gropes her own arse; Katy Perry works her chest; the men get the T-shirts…
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Bill Cosby, Wearing A Bill Cosby Jumper, Jumper
WILL the last person to leave switch the internet off? Why? Because the most memeymeta headf*ck thing has been created and surely nothing will ever top it.
And so, it doesn’t involve stupid cats, irritating unicorns or purposefully awful grammar which can haz sausij roll or whatever.
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Posted: 26th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Can Tom Selleck’s Moustache Make Everything Better? Video Experiment
CAN every film be made better with Tom Selleck’s Moustache? Let’s see…
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