Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Digging deep for Scarlett Moffatt’s topless photos
They are, says the Daily Star, the topless pictures Scarlett Moffatt does not want you to see. They are the “sizzling pictures” topless Scarlett Moffat hoped had been “lost for ever”.
We are invited to see Scarlett go “completely topless in unearthed pics”. But how far into the earth did the Star have to dig to retrieve photos of topless Scarlett? One day after the papers were full of news that Scarlett, winner of last season’s I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, is to front a spin-off show, we learn that in 2013 she went “completely topless” on MTV’s Beauty School Cop Outs.
In case you missed it, in July 2016 the Mirror showed photos of topless Scarlett Moffatt getting a televised spray tan on the show. “Gogglebox star Scarlett Moffatt snogs Jeremy McConnell before stripping naked in jaw-dropping footage,” declared the paper.
That same month the Sun thundered: “The incredible moment Scarlett Moffatt snogs Jeremy McConnell and strips NAKED.”
But what about Scarlett being embarrassed by her “raunchy” past? Well, in June 2014, the Star told readers: “Gogglebox babe Scarlett Moffatt will flash her boobs for every England World Cup goal.” Said demure Scarlett: “I will flash my boobs for each goal.”
One month later, Scarlett told Star readers: “I’ve seen threesomes on the bar’ Gogglebox Scarlett exposes ‘soft porn’ of Magaluf mayhem.” Said Scarlett: “I’ve been working in Magaluf over the last two months now and have seen first-hand the crazy shenanigans that happen most nights. Yet to the tourists downing alcohol like water and spreading their legs more often than you lose coppers, it’s not that big a deal.”
The pictures are less the hidden photos Scarlett didn’t want to see than they are the topless photos that get an airing whenever the reality TV star scores a new job.
Posted: 17th, April 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
The F-rating doesn’t give an F-word about movies
The movement towards creating explicit codes of behaviour for every aspect of life – especially the messy bits about sex – welcomes the Internet Movie Database (IMDb), which is now using the ‘F-rating’ to signal films of a feminist type. This is “so [viewers can choose films that fairly represent women on screen and behind the camera.” It is “applied to all films which are directed by women and/or written by women and/or have significant women on screen.”
That part about ‘significant women’ opens up a few issues, not least of all when it comes to grot movies, especially the girl-on-girl sort. The F-rating might not be the best guide to family entertainment or indeed anything approaching entertainment of any strain. But, then, the F-rating is not about films; it’s about educating the masses and turning people – wonderfully complex humans – into quotas. The official F-rated website explains the vision:
‘The stories we see on screen need to be told by a broad spectrum of people to represent our diverse culture. Without change, we will train the next generation to only recognise white males as the protagonists and the ones in control of the cameras, scripts and budgets. As well as equality on screen and behind the camera, more female film critics from diverse backgrounds and ethnicities need to be welcomed into the industry so that opinion and feedback is balanced.’
It’s certainly not about viewers, many of whom are women. It’s about gender. The thinking is that female film fans go to the cinema not to seek escapism but to reaffirm their identity. You’re not watching them; you’re looking at yourself. But you’ve already got free use of Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook to gawp at idealised filmic versions of yourself, so why spend good money on watching a narcissistic film?
Note 1: If equality is the mantra, then the IMDb could look at itself. According to Wikipedia, the IMDb ‘originated with a Usenet posting by British film fan and computer programmer Col Needham entitled “Those Eyes”, about actresses with beautiful eyes.’ Col is a white male – and since he flogged the site to Amazon, a very rich one.
Note 2: Amazon is owned by Jeff Bezos, a rich white male. Amazon Inc. has 7 ‘Officers’. All are white. One is a woman. Amazon has 11 directors – 9 of whom are male. Should businesses get an F-rating, too – and if so would the IMDb warrant one?
Posted: 15th, March 2017 | In: Film, Money, Reviews | Comment
Mary Berry’s ‘shocking and appalling’ TV dinner
Big news in the Telegraph, wherein TV cook Mary Berry is causing viewers of her show to gasp and gag. The paper tells us:
Mary Berry’s bolognese recipe leaves viewers ‘shocked and appalled’ because of its unusual ingredients
What did she put in the sauce? Her face? Terry Waite’s urine? The Queen Mum’s ashes? What was so vile that it upset Fleet Street’s last broadsheet organ?
The truth soon arrives in the shape of wine and cream.
It’s shocking and appalling stuff to all those Telegraph reader who didn’t read the paper’s 2016 story that the Italian Academy of Cooking’s official recipe for bolognese contains white wine and milk. Also in 2016, the Telegraph’s Zanthe Clay told us that adding dairy to your bolognese is ‘considered de rigeur in dairy rich Emilia Romagn’.
So that’s three articles in the past six months on cooking bolognese with white wine and ream. For those readers still shocked and appalled by Mary Berry’s pasta, the paper adds yet another story by way of a follow up: ‘White wine and cream in spag bol? 10 other classic dishes you’ve been cooking all wrong.’
Chances are you’ve been cooking them wrong because you don’t read the Daily Telegraph, which like an over-cooked dinner is repeating long after its use-by date.
Posted: 7th, March 2017 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment
Celebrity Weed Farm: BGT dancer inspires new TV show
Remember Stavros Flatley, the chubby fella from Britain’s Got Talent, whose dance with his chubby son scored them a job on Sugar Free Farm with Ann Widdecombe, Alison Hammond and Gemma Collins, a show which proved that shovelling shit was not just for TV’s executives? Well, the boy, who the Sun bills as ‘the chubby young lad’ (CYL), is the subject of the paper’s front-page headline: ‘Stavros Flatley Drugs Bust.’
Police ‘have said’ marijuana plants have been found at a North London flat allegedly ‘owned’ by CYL. The Sun calls it a ‘cannabis factory’ and values the plants at £56,000. Yeah, that’s what we thought, too. Forget the lo-cal farm. Legalise weed and put celebs to some profitable use.
Posted: 6th, March 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Pamela Anderson and Julian Assange’s leaky love affair
Former Playboy model and swimsuit-clad floatation aide Pamela Anderson is, reportedly, staying in with WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange. You wonder if being indoors at the Ecuadorean embassy in London since 2012 has dulled Assange’s taste buds and ambitions. The story goes that Assange knew Anderson was the girl for him when she delivered a vegan cheeseburger and Pret a Manger nibbles.
So are they dating? It’s hard to tell. No-one’s leaked any emails between them – Julian, one rule for you, eh… – so Pammy has been forced to speak to the Press. She told Grazia: “It’s very difficult to talk about when you’re under surveillance” – otherwise know as talking to a magazine. “He’s a great guy,” added Pam, speaking clearly into the hidden microphone. “I don’t want to say anything about whether there’s a romance. So, let’s say we’re just good friends.”
Julian’s been talking, too, telling Australian radio: “I mean, I like her, she’s great… I’m not going to go into the private details… She’s an attractive person with an attractive personality… She’s no idiot at all – she’s psychologically very savvy.”
What we want, of course, is for the love to bloom and marriage to erupt; for the couple to tie the knot and step out on to the balcony and toss something fragrant into the crowd, like a sex tape or one of Pammy’s half-eaten vegetarian baps.
Posted: 17th, February 2017 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The media hounding of ‘dishevelled’ Tara Palmer-Tomkinson: an ill woman is not fair game
Sad news that Tara Palmer-Tomkinson has died at just 45 years of age. Anyone able to make a living form having fun must have something about her. Today the tabloids are full of kind words about the ‘tragic’ (Sun) socialite and Prince Charles’s goddaughter. News is that T P-T had been suffering from a brain tumour. Since January 2016, T P-T had been receiving treatment for a non-malignant growth in her pituitary gland.
So how did the Press focus on the seriously ill woman? Well, aside from the BBC featuring her in a list of ‘Who is the most pointless celebrity?’, the Press saw her as fair game – ever when she was ill. In March 2016, she told the Telegraph: “I’ve been destroyed by the things people have said.”
DISHEVELLED Tara Palmer-Tomkinson stepped out in London wearing torn clothes and clutching a wad of cash. The socialite looked like she was wearing torn clothes as she struggled to carry her shopping bag.
‘Spotted’ is tabloidese for being photographed by a paparazzo. She was seen lifting a large, heavy bag. In her hand was a small ‘wad’ of notes, as many as two or three. Her torn clothes were nothing of the sort (see below). She looked both clean and smartly attired.
The former IT girl’s top appeared to be ripped and it’s unknown why she was holding so much money in her hand. She was snapped trying to carry a heavy bag of what looked like magazines.
Again. Her clothes were not ripped. And taking photos of an ill woman trying to lift a heavy bag when you could be helping her is not what one might call gallant.
Over in the Mail, which dedicates 3 pages including its front page to the ‘fun-loving IT Girl’, the coverage was no less harsh.
Could Tara, who wore a pink Chanel playsuit that drew attention to her toothpick legs, be taking her fitness regime too far?
Reclusive Tara Palmer Tomkinson looks gaunt in a hoodie and low-slung joggers as she steps out with sister
Becky Freeth used insight to tell readers T P-T was wearing ‘a designer hoodie to keep her warm’.
The Mail also got hold of the same photos as the Sun. Unlike the Sun, which featured 6 photos of T P-T minding her own business in a London street, the Mail went with eight:
PICTURE EXCLUSIVE: Dishevelled Tara Palmer-Tomkinson struggles with a heavy shopping bag as she steps out clutching a wad of cash
Tragic, indeed.
Posted: 9th, February 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
David Beckham and Danny Cipriani: you can’t be victim if you’re famous
Is it a crime to be famous? This week, two stories about blackmail have occupied the Sun’s front page.
The first is the matter of messages hacked from a server that handles David Beckham’s emails. The hackers wanted money to make the ‘leaks’ go away. The company being targeted complained and the emails were delivered to a site that specialises in ‘leaked’ material.
In a few emails, David Beckham allegedly uses industrial language to complain about his lack of a knighthood. He comes out of it badly. But he’s the victim, right? We love the chatter and the details, but surely we can agree that he’s a victim of an apparent crime?
We love to learn that Beckham obtained a high court injunction in December 2016 blocking the emails’ publication in the Sunday Times – a waste of money and effort given that overseas organs published the stuff online. One Romanian outlet detailed Beckham’s ‘angry pursuit of a knighthood’, which included, as the Guardian notes, the former footballer allegedly calling the gong-givers “a bunch of cunts” after he was overlooked for the honour.
It’s all a good read. We can an insight into Beckham’s non-choreographed activities. But he’s the victim.
The second story is on Danny Cipriani, a rugby player. He was blackmailed by a stripper he impregnated. The story goes that he agreed to give her some money for a termination but then failed to cough up. Lisa Murphy, for it is she, had the abortion. When she was forced to miss work, due to health complications, she asked him for money, which again he did not pay. Murphy and her colleague, Violet Smith, 29, then threatened to go to the papers with the story, namely to The Sun on Sunday. Cipriani called the police.
And how does the Sun cover the story?
Is the law different if you’re famous?
Posted: 8th, February 2017 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
What its like to have sex with Simon Cowell, by Alicia Douvall
A small word of thanks to Alicia Douvall, the pneumatic ‘cosmetic surgery addict’ giving full throat to the Daily Star’s front-page screamer, yeller and ‘oh-my-god-yes’ about ‘MY ELEVEN TIMES A NIGHT WITH SIMON COWELL’. Eleven times a night doing what? you ask. Botox injections? Colonic irrigation? No. Sex.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Sorry, luv, maybe next year.
On page 5, Douvall says Simon Cowell is ‘sensitive and domineering’ in the sack. He ‘ would analyse my performance like a judge on a TV show’. He is also unforgettable because Douvall claims she shagged the old eyeball licker in 2001. Like a try-hard X-Factor contestant , Douvall can’t move on.
Says Douvall, Simon Cowell “knows how to get inside a woman’s head”. Penis first? Or is there some other method?
Whatever the technique, we should thank Douvall for restoring the once tabloid mainstay of celebrity shags to the front pages. We’ve missed it.
Posted: 8th, February 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Beyonce’s womb becomes an other venue on Jay Z’s arena tour
Beyonce and Jay Z are getting a divorce, announces the National Enquirer on its front page. What are the details? Well, it’s worth $1bn and it ‘EXPLODES!’. A clue as to why the showbiz stars are apparently splitting is hinted at in the teaser: ‘Love child sparks vicious court fight.’
Odd, then, that the Sun leads with news that Beyonce is expecting. Is she the one with the love child? No. This pregnancy is heralded not only by a veiled Beyonce cradling her stomach, her face serene, her buttocks clad in knickers the colour of the Virgin Mary’s shawl, but also by Jay Z, who points to yonder star and says he and she are “blessed”.
‘Sun Doctor’ Carol Cooper, who hasn’t treated the happy couple, sees fit to opine that at 35 years old Beyonce faces “a few extra risks” – but overlooks the effects of any stress triggered by the NE’s news that ‘aspiring rapper Rymir Satterthwaite, 23’ thinks Jay Z’s his dad. Rymir’s demanding Jay X takes a DNA test
But before the test is taken and the results are known, judgement has been passed. “Beyonce’s turned a blind eye to Jay Z’s past affairs,” says an unnamed source, “but this is the straw that broke the camel’s back. She’s ready to slap him with divorce papers!”
Is Jay Z Rymir’s mother? Did Jay Z impregnate Rymir’s mother, Wander? Is Beyonce’s womb just one more arena on the couple’s global stadium tour?
Posted: 2nd, February 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Rory McGrath’s sex and crimes play second fiddle to his ‘phenomenal’ wife
The tabloids focus as much on Rory McGrath’s blameless wife Nicola as they do on the “TV star” (Sun) found guilty at Huntington magistrates’ court of harassing a former mistress.
“Wife stands by comedian,” says the Express front-page. “Incredible forgiveness of TV comic Rory’s wife,” says the Mail on it front page. “Astonishing forgiveness of allen TV star Rory’s wife,” the Mail adds over two more pages.
“Wife’s pain as McGrath is guilty of terrorising ex.. but he grins as he dodges jail,” says the Mirror on is front page, words below a picture of Nicole being kissed on the head by her wayward husband.
He is “smiling Roy McGrath”. She is “tearful Nicola”. Over pages 4 and 5, McGrath’s crimes are laid out. He “followed his victim in the street and she saw him in bushes. He threatened to send explicit pics to her husband.”
But it’s Nicola the tabloids look to for an angle. McGrath’s lawyer gives them grist for the mill by telling the court: “Their relationship is healing and [Nicola’s] ability to be magnanimous and understand his conduct is nothing short of phenomenal.”
Alison Phillips (Mirror) looks at Nicola and attempts reads her mind. “She may forgive but can she forget?” she wonders. We doubt it. But Nicola McGrath is 61 and maybe with time and old age she’ll forget where she put her glasses and that her husband was shagging a younger woman for years and then harassed her after she broke up with him. “This tragic situation is far from over,” oozes Phillips with cod sympathy.
Only the Sun focuses on McGrath. He is alone on the cover. “TV RORY STALKED SECRET LOVER,” runs the headline. There is no mention of Nicola, who played no role in his crimes. Over pages 4 and 5, readers get “Stalking hame of Besotted Love Cheat Comic.”
And that’s it. The Sun gets it. The man’s to blame. Why he wanted sex with a much younger woman and she wanted sex with a famous man is hard to fathom. Why the criminal’s wife is still with him is her own business.
Posted: 27th, January 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Police ‘holding George Michael’s body’ as tabloid investigation continues
George Michael’s body is being “Held By Police”, says the Star. “Funeral is on hold over drug mystery,” adds the teaser.
That this is front-page news might lead readers to suspect and expect the story is a big one. But the rest of it appears on page 15, providing a clue to the story being less than the headline promises.
It’s not the police who have George Michael’s body. It’s the coroner. And Darren Salter, for it is he, is waiting for the results of toxicology tests carried out on the singer. The tests are to ascertain if drugs were a factor in the singer’s death.
This is not unusual. The Ministry of Justice tells us: “After the post-mortem examination the pathologist will send a report to the coroner. The report will give details of the examination, of any tissues and organs retained, and any tests, such as for drugs and blood alcohol level, which have been carried out to help in finding out the cause of death. Sometimes the pathologist’s report may not be available for several weeks.”
But George Michael was star. So in tabloid land his death must be clouded in mystery.
The Sun quotes a “source”. “The investigation is now picking up a bit of speed,” says the unnamed figure. “Officers from the Major Crime Unit have begun asking questions of those who were in the area at the time George died and the day before. They want to build up an idea of what George’s last seven days were like and who came and went.”
Or as Thames Valley police put it: “Mr Michael‘s death is still being treated as unexplained but not suspicious.”
Posted: 27th, January 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Madonna waves the hand sanitizer on kid-scouting mission to Malawi
Madonna is going to adopt more children. Yeah, that’s what we thought. But Barron Trump seems pretty happy where he is. No, Madonna is going to adopt two children from Malawi.
Madge is stocking up on antibacterial gel and looking through profiles. (In 2009, Madonna, who has already adopted two children from Malawi, waved her bottle of sanitizer out the limo window as she high-tailed it away from the Home of Hope orphanage.)
The Star says Madonna has flown to the country on a private jet to “thrash out the deal”. The paper says the singer was seen carrying a child from the court, believed to be one of the two she wants to adopt”. Rumours that the child was first baptized in the paddling pool that marks the approach to a public swimming pool are wide of the mark. The smart money is that the child was dunked in a sheep dip.
But hold on. At the end of the Star’s reports” MADGE I’LL ADOPT TWO MORE KIDS”, we hear from Madonna, who says, “The rumours of an adoption process are untrue.”
Such are the facts.
Posted: 26th, January 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
George Michael’s ‘suicide’ lover seen wearing sandals and socks
The post-mortem on George Michael’s body failed to establish a cause of death. There will be further tests. The police are not treating it as suspicious.
But the tabloids know why George Michael died. “Tragic George ‘Killed Himself’,” states the Star’s cover story. “Singer ‘wanted to die’.”
You might think George Michael’s life anything but tragic. Feted, celebrated, admired and adored by many, the singer was a superstar. The Star writes a narrative allegedly fed by a Twitter account apparently linked to Fadi Fawaz, Michael’s boyfriend, who, as the Times notes, found the singer “lying peacefully” in bed at his 16th-century cottage in Goring-on-Thames, Oxfordshire.
The paper broadcasts the tweets: “the only thing George wanted is to DIE”; “he tried numbers of time to kill himself many times…”; “and finally he managed…” All troubling. And then below a picture of Fadi walking the Star supplies the caption: “Fadi claims he is hacking victim”.
The Sun, which also leads with the story of a tweet, says Fadi Fawaz’s profile has been “quickly deleted”.
He says he didn’t send those tweets.
The Mirror wrings more from “the mystery”. In “Final hours of pop legend” the paper thunders : “GEORGE’S LOVER: I SLEPT IN MY CAR AS HE DIED ALONE.” Farwaz tells the paper: “I did not send those tweets.” The Mirror then says, “It is unclear why he spent the night apart from his 53-year-old lover”. Farwz says, “I fell asleep in my car and I never saw him that night.”
For those of you seeking more official action, it’s worth noting what else the Mirror reports: “Fadi was pictured buying coffee on Christmas Eve from a shop near George’s home… He was wearing sandals and socks.”
Were his feet hacked? Or is it now fashionable to dress like a summering vicar on a Norfolk beach?
The mystery continues.
Posted: 2nd, January 2017 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
All the facts on Simon Cowell’s Caribbean Christmas
What’s Simon Cowell up to these days? The Mirror told readers on December 6: “It’s a Cowell family Christmas as Simon ditches harem of ex’s to spend Xmas with Lauren and Eric.” Bethany Minelle had the inside track on Cowell’s crimbo.
Simon Cowell has already organised his Christmas relaxation this year – and for once he won’t be spending it on a yacht filled with glamorous ex girlfriends.
The Mail’s Charlotte Griffiths agreed, noting on December 4:
Simon’s ‘harem’ has been dealt a devastating blow after the X Factor tycoon ditched his playboy image and told them: Sorry, Christmas is cancelled.
And so to today’s new in the Daily Star. In “Simon soaks up fun”, we read: “Simon Cowell relaxed on a luxury yacht with a bevy of babes, including his partner and his ex.” Simon “frolicked” with current flame Lauren Silverman, their son Eric, his former lover Sinitta and “pals”.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 20th, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
There’s No One Quite Like Piers Morgan: Cruz Beckham and deprived kids attacked over cynical stunt
David and Victoria Beckham “pimped out Cruz for Xmas,” declares the Daily Star. The 11-year-old has released a Christmas single. And morning TV presenter Piers Morgan is aghast. Morgan says the “sickening” and “cynical” single is a “tool” to “boost Brand Beckham”.
Consider it boosted. On page 3, there’s more on Cruz and his new manager, a bloke called Scooter who also manages Justin Bieber.
The Mirror leads with “Too young?”, inviting readers to consider if the world needs another child singing sensation with a Christmas hit. Wasn’t the St Winifred’s School Choir’s seasonal smash hit There’s No One Quite Like Grandma enough?
Over pages 14 and 15, the Mirror asks, “Is it too soon for Cruz Beckham to be a Spice Boy?”
As the Mirror considers the 11-year-old’s career to date – miracle birth; being given a surname for a first name; growing hair; 7 times table – deep in the story we learn that Cruz is doing it for charity. Proceeds from his song will help disadvantaged young children.
Would you see Cruz silenced and the bairns go without? It’s not about him. It’s about them. Although it might really be about Piers Morgan.
Posted: 8th, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Scarlett Moffatt: the fix, the fake, the OK! wedding and shoes you can see your titties in
Now that Scarlett Moffatt is a bonafide celebrity on account of her victory in I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!, instead of just a ‘normal’ young woman watching them on the Gogglebox telly, the tabloids set about here. Over pages 4 and 5, the Star labels Scarlett a “Fake”. “Lift selfies show champ was milking it big time,” says one headline. “Queen Scarlett Faked Her Fear,” thunders another.
Scarlett Moffatt and Vicky Pattison have “kicked off a fierce rivalry” we’re told. How so? “Last year’s winner [that’s Vicky] was blasted for ‘plonking’ the crown on new queen Scarlett’s head.” And that’s not all. At the after show party Vicky and Scarlett “were not snapped together”.
Having positioned two young women as catty rivals – plus ca change – the Star then turns to the fakery. “Apparently pictures of Scarlett in a lift prove she was faking it when she told her “celebrity pals throughout the show she had a phobia of confined spaces”. You might argue that being “sealed inside a coffin like space” and “covered in creepy-crawlies” is not quite the same as pouting in a lift. But Scarlett is quoted as having said: “I feel I can do this because I might finally be able to go in lifts.”
Like Tom Cruise’s lifts, what goes up, will eventually come down, so we get news that this is “the latest in a string of claims that the show was fixed in her favour.” You mean it’s edited? You mean it’s not a fly on the gonads slice of life? You mean focusing on the single young woman gets more viewers than listening to the sixty-something bit-part EastEnders actor moaning at the needy middle-aged bloke off the mid-morning property show?
I mean would Danny Baker be subject to the Sun’s front-page headline, “I’ll spend winnings on caravan and new boobs”? Says Danny, sorry Scarlett: “Now thats I’ve lost weight, and my titties are cleaning my shoes, I would like them lifted to where they are meant to be.” All over Page 3?
And on the Mirror’s Page 1, where the boring bloke whose girlfriend shagged John Terry (allegedly), sorry, Scarlett is talking of her fantasy “Willy Wonka wedding”. She wants a wedding just like Jordan and Peter Andre’s do. Yeh, she wants OK! to pay for it.
Of course Scarlett was installed as ITV’s preferred winner. The rest of them were a mixture of man-children, TV-creations with lower profiles than a soup spoon and dullards. As the Sun says, out of 500 visits to the Bush Telegraph room, “whip-smart” Scarlett made 104 of them. She talked to us. And we enjoyed listening to her.
Posted: 6th, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Tabloids | Comment
Scarlett Moffatt on her way to marriage, a first million and tabloid fame
Ant is delighted
“Find out what Scarlett Moffat will not next,” says the Daily Star on its front page. Judging by the picture of the Googlebox star and now I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! winner in her bra and knickers, we’d says ‘put some cloths on’ or ‘catch a cold’. On page 4 and 5, Scarlett is a “Celebridey”. Aha! She’s going to get married!
Scarlett Moffatt is “heading down the aisle”, says the paper in an “exclusive”. Well, it is to anyone not following Luke Crodden, Scarlett’s boyfriend, on twittter, and didn’t see him tweet: “I think I wanna marry you @ScarlettMoffatt.” If that was a proposal, it’s one Scarlett didn’t see on account of her being in a televised jungle clearing with neither phone signal nor phone.
The Mirror, which also leads with Scarlett, says she’s in line for a £1m deal. In an “exclusive” Halina Watts, says Scarlett has “revealed her big plan for the future – to team up with Ant and Dec. Imagine handing out with those boys all day and having a laugh,”says Scarlett, exclusively in the Mirror. “I’d love it.”
That’s not all that exclusive to Daily Star readers who read the exact same dream on November 22, then billed as her “threesome” with Ant and Dec. Scarlett fans will have read that before when she said it in her book published last April.
Exclusive – Daily Mirror December 5 2016
Not exclusive – Daily Star November 22, 2016
Over in the Star, we read that Scarlett is due to earn £1m in endorsements and TV deals. As well she might. Last year’s I’m A Celebrity winner Vicky Pattison told the Mirror in March 2016: “I’ve just about hit the 7-figure mark for the first time. But I’m being wise with my money. I’ve been very well advised and I’m turning myself into a bit of a property tycoon.”
Find out what Scarlett does next by visiting her local estate agency.
Posted: 5th, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Stinking rich Lady Gaga endorses the ‘Happy To Be Poor’ revolution tour
Stage school kids and pushy parents, listen up. Stop sharpening your elbows and start smiling beatifically.Lady Gaga has arrived in London. And she has a message, as told in the Guardian:
Singer says money and celebrity have been put on a pedestal, and the happiest people are in the poorest parts of the world
And stinking rich, super-celebrated, fame-hungry Lady Gaga, whose every outfit and manifestation seems to be the product of a focus group, should know.
Lady Gaga has denounced the evils of money and fame as she promoted her new album on the roof of one of Britain’s biggest shopping centres.
Lady Gaga looked down on the masses and told them to be as happy as pigs in the brown stuff. She might even envy you. Only recently Lady Gaga was so upset she touched a rubbish truck outside Trump Tower. The Guardian holds its nose and writes:
The singer, who has an estimated net worth of more than $250m (£200m), performed for an audience of competition winners at Westfield shopping centre in Shepherd’s Bush, west London, on Thursday night.
The revolution will be endorsed.
Posted: 3rd, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment
On Daily Mail migrants from Barcelona and Andrew Sachs
In its front-page farewell to Andrew Sachs, known chiefly for his work as Manuel, the well-intentioned and hapless Spanish waiter in Fawlty Towers, the Mail juxtaposes the actor’s portrait by the news “MIGRANT NUMBERS HIT NEW RECORDS”.
The Mail fails to say how many migrants hail from Barcelona.
PS: Andrew Sachs was born in Berlin in 1930.
Posted: 2nd, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Peter Andre introduces his new baby boy – a six-footer from Bicester
Pop acorn Peter Andre smiles from the cover of OK! magazine. Above him hangs the legend: “IT’S A BABY BOY.” You might think Pete and wife Emily’s newborn child would need no clarification that he was a baby. Had Emily given birth to a teenager, say, or an OAP, it would be remarkable.
But you’d be mistaken. Emily tells us that “baby boy” is the full title because, “The nurse told us that this baby is super tall already – we could have a six-footer!”
Get knitting, grandma!
Of course, Pete is nothing if is not precise and tweets to his followers that he is “rocking”, and maybe even cradling, cuddling and snuggling.
Peter and OK! then combine to offer their thanks (prices on application) to Musgrove Park Hospital in Taunton, Somerset, for hosting the birth, Storksak for designing Pete’s “dad bag” for overnight stays, Exeter’s Mamhead House, where Pete and Emily married in 2015, and Braxton Hicks for the contractions.
We then learn that the nickname for Pete’s daughter Princess is ‘Bister’, which given the product placement in the article we took to be spelled Bicester in honour of the designer shopping outlet in Oxford.
No firm word on the latest baby’s name yet, but Pete says he favours “traditional English names”, like James, Arthur, Oscar, (TK) Max, George (at Asda), John Lewis…
Posted: 1st, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
I’m A Celebrity: Ola Jordan in tabloid sex toy pregnancy shocker
The Daily Star has news on Ola Jordan, the former Strictly Come Dancing hoofer now being portrayed as a sex goddess, as her her contract with high-street seller of martial aides. On its front page the Star tells readers “randy dance babe” Ola “leapt straight into bed” with her husband “minutes” after getting voted off I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.
Like most of you, we thought pot-eviction the celeb were duty bound to chat with Ant and Dec. Maybe it was foursome? As we wonder what foe son just off camera, over pages 4 and 5 we see Ola and hear her reveals all about the sex – “He did get a kiss and a cuddle.”
But that’s not all. The Star has how it”exclusively revealed that Ola was set to become a mum after her jungle stint and last night the star confirmed the news.”
Wow! She went into the jungle knowing she was pregnant? Er, no. Says Ola: “Yes I would like to be a mum one day.” Best give those “sex toys” a rest, love. They don’t come pre-loaded.
Posted: 30th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
The Arsenal star and Little Mix singer’s secret dates at The Emirates
The Sun has news that Perrie Edwards, a singer with X-Factor products Little Mix, has been on “dates” with Arsenal footballer Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. Apparently, she watched Arsenal play Spurs from Alex’s “personal box at the Emirates’ Stadium”. Perrie sat in the wingback seats at the Emirates library after browsing the club shop.
We then learn that Perrie is “keen to keep the relationship quiet”. An unnamed source hammers this point hime by opining in the national tabloid: “They don’t follow each other on social media as they know a connection might give the game away.”
Better to sit in the player’s own box amid 60,000 other souls at a televised football match to keep it on the hush-hush.
PS: This is how the Sun followed up its scoop:
Rose Hill writes:
LITTLE Mix’s Perrie Edwards showed that she was fully over her ex Luke Pasqualino – by wearing her new man’s team colours as she hit the stage in Italy.
Here’s the replica Arsenal strip Perrie wore:
Arsenal play in red and white. Edwards is wearing red and black.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 25th, November 2016 | In: Arsenal, Celebrities, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Kanye West: linking poor mental health to violence is dangerous
Kanye West is “troubled”. So says the Daily Mirror’s front page. West, aka Mr Kim Kardashian, has been “taken to hospital in cuffs for safety”. He is “reportedly on suicide watch…after suffering a psychotic breakdown”.
Police reports are cited. West’s doctor Michael Farzam “placed the rapper in a ‘5150 psychiatric hold'”. A what? Hollywood Life explains:
The California Welfare and Institutions Code has a Section 5150, which authorizes a physician or qualified officer to involuntarily confine (in Kanye’s case, hospitalize) an individual who is thought to have a mental disorder that renders them a danger to him or herself or others.
TMZ says West is undergoing “psychiatric evaluation”. People says he’s in the hospital for “sleep deprivation”.
Sad, indeed, that what looks like a personal crisis should be front-page news. Mental health is not something to treat lightly. Which brings us to the Sun, which thunders on its cover: “PSYCHOTIC KANYE IN ‘ASSAULT’.”
Over pages 8 and 9 we read of Kanye West apparent “nervous breakdown”. He is “OUT OF CONTROL”. There are claims he attacked a staff member in a gym. Kanye was taken to hospital “for his own health and safety”.
Having linked failing mental health with alleged acts of violence, we get to the speculation. “Friends of Kim” claimed the strain of their marriage may have led to his breakdown”. These “friends” says Kim and Kanye have been “bickering constantly”. Maybe having pals like that drove him over the edge?
Of course, what all papers mean to say is that mental health is no joking matter. We wish Kanye West well.
Posted: 23rd, November 2016 | In: Celebrities | Comment
I’m A Celebrity threesome shocker: Scarlett Moffatt has Ant’s in her pants
Can you trust front-page headlines? The Daily Star’s cover story is that Ant and Dec have been in a “threesome” with “Jungle Scarlett”. Life moves pretty fast for Ant and Dec, the TV duo who just yesterday were triggering a “race storm” with “sensitive” Australians. Todays it’s a threesome with Scarlett, whose full name and title is “camp President Scarlett Moffat”.
Over two pages of I’m A Celebrity news, readers scan for sign of the threesome. And in the small print on page 5, we find it. Scarlett Moffat, “star” of TV’s Gogglebox “reckons she should team up with Ant and Dec as a Geordie trio”. For sex, right? For a threesome?
No. Scarlett made her views known not in the I’m A Celebrity jungle, rather in a book, in which she opined: “Imagine handing out with those boys all days and having a laugh.”
Yeah, just imagine that. Although if you’re a Daily Star reader, you’re most likely blown 30p imagining so much more.
Posted: 22nd, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
