Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Megan Fox Fears Catching Mental Illness From Marilyn Monroe Tattoo (Photos)
MEGAN Fox tells Italian magazine Amica, that she has rid her body of a tattoo celebrating the life and times of Marilyn Monroe:
What is happening to your Marilyn?
I’m removing it. It is a negative character, as she suffered from personality disorders and was bipolar. I do not want to attract this kind of negative energy in my life.
Dr Fox is able to diagnose a dead person. Poor Marilyn – first death – now this. By the way, Che Guevara had anger issues; Gandhi was feared anorexic; and Mohammed Ali has Parkinson’s Disease. Anyone with these tattoos on their person is lining themselves up for a life of hurt. You are what you tattoo. Think on.
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Posted: 23rd, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Kate Winslet Stars In Ground Breaking Romance With Eve Branson: Necker In Flames (Photos)
RICHARD Branson’s island is the subject of a tabloid bidding war. The tycoon’s massive house on Necker (now twinned with Tottenham) – the humbly named Great House – has been hit and lit by lightning as the region was smashed by Hurricane Irene.
The star of this made-for-TV movie is handsome Oscar-winning actress Kate Winslet , who plays herself carrying Branson’s 90-year-old mother Eve to safety.
Dim the lights and set the set the sex scene to “controversial” and “ground-breaking”, as the Daily Mail writes:
…courageous Miss Winslet acted like a true Hollywood heroine as she swept his 90-year-old mother Eve into her arms and helped carry her to safety as the mansion crumbled around them.
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Posted: 23rd, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Troll Kid: The Best Thing To Emerge From Kim Kardashian’s Pointless Wedding
WE know that you don’t care a hoot about Kim Kardashian’s wedding to hoop bothering Kris Humphries. We know that you couldn’t care less about who made her dress, how much her ring cost and whether she had sodden tuna rolls at the reception buffet.
This is why we’re effectively ignoring it all in favour of showing you some cheeky kid who got on the news coverage of the wedding by pulling a variety of brilliantly puerile faces.
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Posted: 23rd, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Did Trying To Stop The X Factor Trigger The London Riots?
THE Diesel store in Manchester is using the riots to some degree of good. Others were not so amusing and used the riots to promote themselves:
One press release was issued with the name of X Factor winner Joe McElderry to the fore:
“Joe McElderry found himself in the middle of the London riots yesterday, August 8, while filming anew music video . The talented singer was working ‘right in teh m iddel of Hackney’ on a video shoot and experienced first hand the severity of the situation”.
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Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Joan Collins On Being Raped By Her Future Husband And Fat Titless Chinamen In Shift Dresses
JOAN Collins has written a book: The World According To Joan. It’s being serialised in the Mail. Joan and the Mail are natural bedfellows:
On dresses:
“All women look awful in shift dresses, even Nicole Kidman. You’ve gotta be totally titless for them to work.”
On Maxwell Reed:
“I only married him because I was so embarrassed that he had taken my virginity… I was 18 going on 13, that is how young people were in the Fiftiess… Maxwell picked me up at Hyde Park Corner Tube station in a powder-blue Buick. It was amazing for me. He was my favourite movie-star. I remember I was wearing a black skirt and a polo neck, with a yellow jacket. He took me to a place called the Country Club in Hanover Square. We walked up lots of stairs to a small, candle-lit apartment where he asked me what I wanted to drink and gave me a rum and Coke. It was a Mickey Finn. I was drugged. You must think I am a moron. Oh, this is such a horrible story. He said: ‘I am going to have a bath,’ which I thought was very strange. He then said: ‘Take a look at this book, I think you will find it interesting. Of course, it was full of disgusting, pornographic photographs. Now, any smart girl today would have got out of there and run down those stairs faster than a speeding bullet, but not little innocent, stupid Joan Collins, who stayed there and looked at the book. The next thing I knew, I was on the sofa and that was it. Then I was throwing up into a bucket.”
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Posted: 21st, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Lindsay Lohan And Daughter Dina Work The Kim Kardashian Wedding: Photos
WHEN Kim Kardashian got married to her first husband, eyes wondered – and then watered before being scorched bone dry – to the guests Lindsay Lohan and her mother Dina.
Wedding always make women think of their own romances – and the Lohan sisters kindly offer hope to men that you don’t need to go as far as a Russian dating website to find the love of your dreams.
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Posted: 21st, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Rihanna At The V Festival: In Photos
RIHANNA has been performing at the V Festival. Fans will love the photos. The rest of you won’t be all that bothered – unless you like attractive women dry humping the stage…
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Simon Cowell Brain Freeze: Puts Faith In Science Over God And The X Factor
IT’S the X Factor. Time, then for the show’s mainstays to attract media attentions. Here’s Simon Cowell talking to GQ about being cryogenically frozen:
“It’s an insurance policy If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. But if it does work, I’ll be happy. If it’s possible – and I think it will be – why not have a second crack? Does that sound crazy? I think it’s a good idea. I have a feeling that if I don’t do it, I could regret it in 300 years.”
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Posted: 21st, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Imogen Thomas Has Six Sessions With Abs: Photos Of A Twitter Role Model
IS Imogen Thomas setting herself up as role model? On Twitter, the strumpet who knew Ryan Giggs, tells one and all:
“Abs coming… 6 sessions and I’m feeling the best ever… Girls you can do it… trust me.”
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Posted: 21st, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
V Festival 2011 On Photos: Jessie J Is Her Own Worst Critic
TO the V Festival 2011 in Chelmsford, Essex. We took loadsa photos. The stand out shots are of woman sat on the shoulders of men. They women always do the same movement with their hands (side to side in the manner of a vera Lynn sing-along). They also annoy everyone around them, and Jesse J pulling a face like someone listening to what she hopes is her second hit. Ian Watkins, of Lost Prophets, looks like he’s heard it, too…
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Angelina Jolie Forgoes Relief Plane And Hires A Virgin Train To Glasgow
BRAD Pitt is filming World Wart Z in Glasgow and his lover Angelina Jolie, went up to see him on a train – a Virgin Pendolino from Euston to Glasgow. She hired it. The whole thing.
Others might have gone by car or bus – but not Jolie. By the way, Jolie and Pitt have a Toyota Prius; just doing their bit to save the environment.
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Posted: 19th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Victoria Beckham Advised To Have Breast Implants On Her Back
HOW sick is Victoria Beckham? The Mirror says Sticky Vicky is so sick that she can’t hold her baby. Vicky’s slipped-disc is front-page news. The evidence of Vicky’s sickness speaks for itself:
SICK: Vicky has NO tattoo of Harper on her body
SICKER: Vicky has NOT released a range of Harper Seven mum ‘n’ baby cosmetics
SICKEST: Vicky has yet to beam a photo of Harper onto the face of the Sun
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Posted: 19th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
How Gwyneth Paltrow Foiled The 7/11 Bombers – A True Life Sliding Doors Tale
JUST as Anorak was thinking how it could make Gwyneth Paltow appreciate herself more – and we were coming up short – a woman called Lara Lundstrom tells The Morton Report that on September 11, 2001, Gwynnie saved her life.
“It was one of those mornings that felt good, you had a little skip in your step. What the heck – I always cut across 7th Avenue. Then all of the sudden a silver Mercedes SUV came barreling down towards me. I stopped and they screeched to a halt. Then it developed in to one of those classic who-goes-first situations. It got ridiculous. Then I made eye contact with the Mercedes driver. OMG it was Gwyneth Paltrow.”
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Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Beautiful Helen Mirren Doesn’t Like Ugly Young People Getting Plastic Surgery
EVERYONE fancies Helen Mirren. Even the gayest of gay men kinda fancy her. She’s just achingly beautiful, despite being older than three Mumm-Ras.
And so, when it comes to looks, you could be forgiven for thinking that she can bugger off when it comes to judging people because she’s been blessed with a very appealing face.
But that’s what she’s doing… and it’s still impossible to hate her. Basically, she can’t understand why young people have cosmetic surgery to alter their ”pure” beauty. In fact, she thinks its “horrific”, which isn’t emotive at all.
She says:
“The only thing I don’t like on young people is plastic surgery.
“The purity of youthful beauty is so fantastic to me that it’s horrific when young girls get fake things.”
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Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Former East 17 Singer Brian Harvey And The Day The Police Arrived To Change His Meter – Video Epic
BRIAN Harvey will now show you around the front of his house in Walthamstow, London, East Seventeen. Yeah, it’s the former East 17 Singer Brian Harvey. The video is entitled ‘Brian Harvey And The Day The Police Arrived To Change His Meter‘. It is brilliant:
Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Salma Hayek’s Nuance Takes Years Off Your Camera Lens
SALMA Hayek is fit. She has great hair, wonderful thruppeny bits and not a single line nor imperfection on her face. And you too can look like Salma thanks to her range of cosmetics called Nuance. In Allure magazine, we learn:
Hayek has worked for her astonishingly young-looking skin. “My career has given me a lot of experience to be under pressure of having to be beautiful, and having to look for tricks to make it work,” says the actress. Now, Hayek has taken those tricks (she’s been applying “creams” her whole life, she says) to develop a beauty line, Nuance…
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Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Photos Of Brad Filming World War Z In Glasgow: The Americans Are Coming To Take Us Away
BRAD Pitt was spotted filming World War Z near George Square, Glasgow. Before we spotted Mr Angelina Jolie, we spotted the US-style police car on the street. Was this, we thought, the introduction of hardcore US policing that David Cameron had mooted for his Bullingdon Britain? Would we be shot in the face for jaywalking? Thankfully, not yet – the rains came and the big American zebra crossing washed away. And then we spotted Brad. And we knew that things were going to be OK – especially if he adopted us. C’mon Brad – pick a Scottish kid and take him to America. C’mon, Big Man, wadda yer say..? You can’t live of deep-fried crickets for ever. You need a Mars Bar…battered…
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Gerard Depardieu Decides To Take A Wazz On A Flight, Which Is Understandable
WHAT would you do if you really needed to go to the toilet, but you found yourself stuck on a plane that wasn’t moving? You’d ask a steward/ess if you could go to the ‘rest room’ for ‘a rest’ wouldn’t you?
What happens if that flight attendant say “Non.”
Well, if you are called Gerard Depardieu, you’d flop your old chap out and take a long, drunken piss in the aisle of the plane. That’s exactly what you’d do because that’s precisely what has happened on an Air France flight.
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Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)
Madonna, Brahim Zaibat And Crew Arrive In London (Photos)
MADONNA was spotted at Heathrow Airport today. She was with her boyfriend Brahim Zaibat (pronounced ‘jailbait’). He’s 24. The Mail says she’s eight year’s older than Brahim’s mum. The Mail hates Madonna for getting old. The Daily Mail is fortunate, of course, because it was born aged 59 and having been dipped in vinegar never ages. Also there were her children David Banda and Mercy James, who she adopted in bought of celebrity colonialism for La Isla Bonita.
By the way, if you can spot which one is Brahim, well done…
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Posted: 16th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jack Tweed Escapes Life Imprisonment Again: Mr Jade Goody Sentenced For Assault (Photos)
JACK Tweed has been sentenced for punching a man in the back of his head outside the Deuces Bar and Lounge, in Chigwell,
Tweed has been given a 18-month supervision order and 100 hours of unpaid work. He will also attend a programme (not televised) to help him stop breaking the law. And he will pay costs of £625.
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Posted: 16th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
AC/DC Introduce Range Of Highway To Hangover Wines
FIRST Cliff Richard and now AC/DC. One day all hard rockers and harder livers will have their own range of wines.
One day , when drugs are legalised, Keith Richards can bring his range of pre-rolled spliffs to the marketplace. and Pete Doherty can reawaken and rebrand the Humphrey straw.
For now, though, we look at AC/DC The Wine. You can choose from Highway to Hell cabernet sauvignon, Back in Black Shiraz, Hells Bells sauvignon blanc, and You Shook Me All Night Long moscato (“perfect for lady rock fans”). This is refreshingly unpretentious booze. The novelty wines are “styled for maximum enjoyment, whilst working your way through your catalogue of AC/DC albums”.
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Jessica Alba Turns Her Family Into A Swiss-Italian Bank
JESSICA Alba’s newest daughter is named…Haven. She is sister to Honor and daughter to Cash. Rumours that the actress is sponsored by a Swiss-Italian bank are thought to be wrong…
Posted: 15th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
David Starkey Sees A Jamaican Armada: Henry VIII Was A Black Homicidal Maniac
I’M sorry to see that ‘historian’ Dr David Starkey is in the Twitter stocks for his metaphorisation of black skin for criminality. His problem is that he has never to my knowledge written a history of a black homicidal maniac. If only Elizabeth I or her dad Henry VIII – his favourite book and TV topics – had been black he might now be metaphorising white skin for criminality: strange how chance, circumstance and schooling play a part in our avowed certainties and comforts.
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Posted: 15th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (8)
More Stupidity On The Riots From Russell Brand And Those Dominant Turks Poles And Bengali Muslims
RUSSELL Brand knows why the rioters rioted in London, Manchester and Birmingham. No, its not because rioting is what rioters do – it’s deeper than that. We have already begun compiling our big lists of reasons for the riot. Brand’s input is useful. He tells Guardian readers that it was not mindless violence:
I should here admit that I have been arrested for criminal damage for my part in anti-capitalist protest earlier in this decade. I often attended protests and then, in my early 20s, and on drugs, I enjoyed it when the protests lost direction and became chaotic, hostile even.
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Posted: 14th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comments (4)
Imogen Thomas Calendar 2011 In Photos
IMOGEN Thomas – the Big Brother stumpet linked to taciturn non kiss ‘n’ tell merchant Ryan Giggs, of Manchester United – has been keeping her head down and getting on with work – as a glamour model for her new calendar.
Posted: 14th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
