Morrissey: Norway’s Anders Breivik ‘Nothing Compared To [Colonel Sanders] Actions of KFC’

MORRISSEY says that mass murderer Anders Behring Breivik should have killed chickens if he wanted to look truly bad.

Before a show in Warsaw, Poland, the miserabilist opined:

“We all live in a murderous world, as the events in Norway have shown, with 97 dead. Though that is nothing compared to what happens in McDonald’s and Kentucky Fried Shit every day.”

Anorak

Posted: 28th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)

Angelina Jolie’s Celebrity Colonialism: A Video To Cherish

ANGELINA Jolie is not like you and me. She heads to far-flung exotic destinations to bring light and rare opportinities for tourism.

Poverty enables Jolie to feel good and look better. The Third World is a chance for Jolie to explore herself. Thanks Africa. Thanks Syria.  Thanks for being there.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

The Skin I Live In Photos: Grace Jones Gives Good Face

TO The Skin I Live In screening at Somerset House, London, which opens the Film 4 Summer Screenings. If Pedro Almodovar’s film looks as good as Grace Jones, it’ll be a hit. The plot is:

A brilliant plastic surgeon (Antonio Banderas), haunted by past tragedies, creates a type of synthetic skin that withstands any kind of damage. His guinea pig is (Elena Anaya) a mysterious and volatile woman who holds the key to his obsession.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Lauryn Hill Has Sixth Child, But No More Music And Seeks Privacy On Twitter

REMEMBER when Lauryn Hill was one of the most thrilling popstars on the planet. She could rap like a champ and had a voice that came straight outta Soulsville. Basically, she was the Fugees. When she went solo, she only went about making one of the finest LPs ever cut to wax.

And then she vanished like a big selfish baby.

While we all cowered around our copies of Doo Wop (That Thing), she went and pushed out Zion David-Nesta, Selah, Joshua, John and Sarah with on/off beau, Rohan Marley.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 27th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Amy Winehouse & Me: Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace V Dignified Kelly Osbourne Smack Down

IN today’s edition of Amy Winehouse & Me, Big Brother product Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace goes head to head with Kelly Osbourne in an I Knew Her Best Celebrity Smack Down. Horgan-Wallace on ITV’s This Morning to confide:

“The papers are saying the last time I was with her we were drinking. In fact the last time I was with her was in her house, in her kitchen, we were drinking tea and having a girlie gossip as I would with any friend. Just talking about guys…

“It’s devastating. I’m heartbroken anyway, losing Amy. I just want her back. But to have this thrown at me, and all the internet hate that I’m getting now.”

Sheesh! Where’s the perspective, people?

Anorak

Posted: 27th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Amy Winehouse’s Inappropriate Tribute Of The Day: The Big Brother Cross Of Christ

AMY Winehouse is dead. A shrine to her memory in London’s Camden Square is growing ever bigger. The contest is on to spot the most inappropriate tribute.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Crystal Harris Is A Massive Liar Says Hugh ‘Rubbish In Bed’ Hefner

SURPRISED as you were about Crystal Harris dumping Hugh Hefner days before their wedding, there was always something vaguely odd about their relationship. Maybe it was the fact Hef was this famous guy and she came from nowhere. Maybe it was the 3025 year age gap?

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 27th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Amy Winehouse And Me: Lady Gaga Remembers The Singer She Never Met

AMY Winehouse And Me: Lady Gaga remembers a star she never met:

“I was nobody when she was first coming out. I would be on the street and people would go ‘Amy’.”

Anorak

Posted: 27th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Amy Winehouse: A Reader Apology – Exclusive To All Media

OLD MR ANORAK is just returned from the media’s WIMO working breakfast – Winehouse…In My Opinion – and would now like to present a joint statement on the matter of Amy Winehouse.

OVER the past years, readers may have fallen into the trap of perceiving Amy Winehouse as an overrated drug-addled, skank-haired, bone-thin, promiscuous, tattooed junkie whose only chance of achieving credibility in pop music was to drop needed to drop dead and join the “27 Club”.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (13)

Michael Jackson’s Trial Won’t Have Video Thanks To Worried Businessmen

WHILE Michael Jackson’s relatives cash-in on the interest surrounding the imminent trial of Dr Conrad Murray and his magical propofol, everyone has eyes squarely on the courtroom.

Will it be televised? Will Jackson’s naked body be displayed on air (you can titter, but this is a genuine possibility)? Will Dr Conrad Murray ever get anything close to a fair trial thanks to constant media coverage and opinion?

Either way, raw film footage of Michael Jackson rehearsing a planned concert in the days before his death isn’t going to be shown to the jury after a ruling from a Los Angeles judge, which is bad news for the prosecutors.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 26th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)

Amy Winehouse’s Funeral Is Infected By Media Intrusion

AMY Winehouse was buried at Edgwarebury Cemetery today. We have been sent lots of photos of mourners wearing yarmulkes.

Mark Ronson, Nick Grimshaw, Kelly Osborne and lots of other faces were there for prayers. They knew her.

Ronson is forever bound to Winehouse on the excellent Valerie. His silence has been dignified – at odds with the showbiz twats who seek to piggyback on Winehouse’s dead body and emote in Twitter and TMZ about the Wino they never really knew.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)

How Michael Jackson And Corey Feldman Triggered 9/11

COREY Feldman, 1980s child actor, tells OK! magazine about his spat with former pal Michael Jackson. It kick starts a conspiracy theory:

OK!: “Rumour has it that you guys were stuck in New York on September 11 — and while Michael managed to get his pals Marlon Brando and Elizabeth Tayor to safety, he left you behind. Is that true?”

Anorak

Posted: 25th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

The 27 Club: After Amy Winehouse Here’s A Guide To Who’s Next?

AMY Winehouse has died. The media chatter is of the “27 CLUB”, a fabled place where true pop stars die at the age of 27. Winehouse was 27. Jimi Hendrix was 27. Jim Morrison was 27. Orish Grinstead was 27. You see – all real stars die at 27. The media is never wrong, opportinistic or in bad taste.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

Amy Winehouse Shrine Photos: Fans Tributes In Cans, Fags And A Bottle Of Malibu

AMY Winehouse’s body was picked up by the Floyd & Sons Funeral directors and taken from her Camden Square home.

In the London Square are two shrines to Winehouse. One is clean and floral – although whoever thought it was fitting to mark Winehouse’s passing with a teddy might question the relevance (we suggest pulling its head off and looking inside).

Anorak

Posted: 24th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Amy Winehouse And Me: A Singer’s Entertaining Death (Photos)

AMY Winehouse is dead. The pop star – the first British singer to win five Grammy awards – was only 27.

The news is full of how she has joined the “27 Club” of musicians who have died: Rolling Stone Brian Jones (drowned in a swimming pool in 1969); Jimi Hendrix (choked to death in 1970 after mixing wine with sleeping pills); singer Janis Joplin (suffered a suspected heroin overdose the same year); Doors star Jim Morrison (heart failure in 1971); Nirvana front man Kurt Cobain (shot himself in 1994); and Orish Grinstead (Kidney failure). Grinstead was a member of ’90s R&B group 702. But you knew that.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Amy Winehouse RIP: Photos Of A True Star

AMY Winehouse is dead. Even the inevitable can shock and sadden…

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Amy Winehouse leaves City of Westminster Magistrates Court in London after her court appearance.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (9)

Arnold Schwarzenegger Won’t Be Supporting Shriver, Despite Their Son Being Nearly Dead

IT’S bad enough that Arnold Schwarzenegger had it away with the maid and worse still that he didn’t use contraception, leaving him with a secret love child which he kept under wraps for over a decade. Then, Arnie’s wife – Maria Shriver – found out and his marriage, understandably, dissipated into the ether.

So you’d think that Arnold would be willing to pay his way to his family by way of apology, right?

WRONG.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 22nd, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Lindsay Lohan Too Broke For Psychological Treatment

WHAT does Lindsay Lohan do again? We can’t honestly remember. Is she some kind of clown? Either way, she’s constantly in the press for bad behaviour and reports of her brain capsizing like a champ.

After a series of brushes with the law, she’s been in-and-out of court more times than the Apple patent chaps. And now, being sued by a rehab worker who says LiLo twisted her arm a bit, she’s going through it all again.

And, while there, it appears that she’s let on she’s broke. According to her lawyer, Lohan can’t afford court-ordered psychological treatment.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 22nd, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jade Goody’s Hacked Phone And Other Big Brother Bullshit

THE Daily Star introduces readers to the launch of Big Brother on Channel Five – owner: Richard Desmond, who also owns the Daily Star – with front-page news that “TRAGIC JADE’S PHONE WAS HACKED”.

Was Jade Goody’s phone hacked? Did journalists or people working for the News of The World hack Jade Goody’s phone? We don’t know. They might of. Maybe.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (14)

Britney Spears Getting Sued For Picking Her Nose And Farting Loads

ANORAK readers are, on the whole, disgusting pigs. So are we writers of this esteemed online publication. We all sit around eating our bogeys, winding off in our ill-fitting trousers covered in sex stains and generally making everyone else feel wholly adequate.

However, we’re all in good company as it transpires that Britney Spears is an absolute pig of a human.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 21st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Matt Damon Says The Incredibly Fortunate Brad Pitt Is Like A Prisoner

PEOPLE may say Matt Damon’s voice in a stupid voice all the time thanks to Team America, but he’s a happy chap. He’s got famous friends, loads of money and is surprisingly self-effacing and bright. Not many people in Hollywood can have that said about them.

And, most importantly, Damon is able to maintain a pretty normal life, unlike most of his peers. This is perhaps due to his largely forgettable face.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 20th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

J Lo And Marc Anthony Split Over Infidelity, Jealousy And More!

WHILE a failed marriage must be very upsetting and distressing for those involved, its a whole heap of fun for those watching from the sidelines. Divorces don’t even have to be celebrity-based for us to hoot and howl at them, but it is all the sweeter when it does have famous people crying in it.

And of course, the big celebdivorce is Jennifer Lopez (still refusing to let everyone see her getting spanked in that sex video, the big spoilsport) and Marc Anthony.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 20th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Alize Lily Mounter Is Miss England 2011: Photos Of Glory

AND the winner of the Miss England 2011 is… Alize Lily Mounter, 22. Miss Mounter is 22. She has a Hungarian mother, English father, and was born in Wales, and currently lives in Kensington, London.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Lady GaGa Says Cocaine Is The Devil, Devil Said To Be Hurt By That Comment

WHILE talking to Howard Stern, Lady GaGa decided to talk about drugs. Now, this is a woman who once said that she used to toot blow from a copy of the Bible that she had in her apartment.

So drugs are cool, right Little Monsters?

Howard Stern asked:

“When you talk about getting high, I mean, you were doing some hard core drugs, you were into coke and you loved Ecstasy…”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 19th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Demi Lovato Isn’t Courting Ryan Phillipe, Right? Now Get Lost

LADIES and gentlemen, here we have one of those magical anti-news stories. It’s commonplace for tabloids and glossy rags to tell you things that aren’t happening, so we’re going to join in.

The big non-news is that Ryan Phillippe and Demi Lovato are not dating. We’ve gone to great lengths to find out something that isn’t happening.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 19th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)