Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
T In The Park 2011 ( Photos): Beyonce Knowles Showcases The Thighs
T IN The Park 2011 – in photos. Having introduced the fans to her genitalia at Glastonbury, Beyonce Knowles showed her thighs. Bit by bit each part of Beyonce takes centre stage. By the time she in her 70s, we’ll be ready for her pancreas…
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Jennifer Aniston In Trouble For Gay Slur: Because Homophobia Is Good Box Office Unlike Racism
UH-OH! Jennifer Aniston is in a bit of trouble at the moment. No, it’s nothing to do with those thousands of episodes of Friends where she nearly had the whole world’s eye out thanks to a lack of bra under her vest, but rather, she’s said a homophobic slur.
Naturally, she’s isn’t some raging gay-basher, but rather, it is something she’s said in character.
Aniston plays a seductive dentist (sigh) called Dr Julia Harris in the new film, Horrible Bosses. In it, she tells her dental assistant:
“You’re starting to sound like a little faggot there, Dale.”
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Posted: 8th, July 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comments (4)
Privacy Loving Alicia Silverstone Shows Off Her Bear Child In OK!
“I LOVE my privacy,” says Alicia Silverstone in OK!.
She introduces us to her new child. He’s named Bear Blu. The father is called Christopher Jarecki. And they are using “ethical principals to adapt to family life”.
Says Alicia:
“At night he sleeps on my chest or my husbands.”
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Posted: 8th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole And Simon Cowell Are Going To Kiss And Make-Up
HATE! That’s all that has floated between Cheryl Cole and Simon Cowell since the Girls Aloud singer got unceremoniously dumped from X Factor USA. Paula Abdul was in there, stirring the pot and making things worse like some horrific teen-film snide.
Of course, this might not be strictly true. Cheryl may have understood completely and thought “these things happen at work sometimes. C’est la vie.” Are we suggesting that this whole fall-out was a construct of the media? Heaven forfend!
If that’s the case, the story must be running out of juice because now it’s rumoured that the pair are burying the hatchet and going to play nice again after nearly two whole months of cutting ties with each other.
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Posted: 8th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Tom Ford Sucks Up To China By Saying Chinese Shoppers Are ‘All Slim’: British and Americans All Fat
TOM Ford tells Time Out Hong Kong that he is not fan of the big booty boys and gels:
“Americans are too fat. And in London they are starting to get fat too. So I have to say that if we have to talk about race system and nationalism, I find it refreshing that everyone [who is] Chinese is slim.”
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Posted: 8th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Iron Lady: Meryl Streep’s On Course For Margaret Thatcher’s Oscar
THE Irony Lady will tell the story of Margaret Thatcher’s rise to power in the manner of The King’s sepech. Maggie has speech issues. But she overcomes them with an iron fist and the mane of bullet hard hair – hair that, incidentally, that caused a young Marxist named Donald Trump to sit up and say to his comrades: “That’s the look for me. Whenever she drops a string of that thread – you go geddit!”
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Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2 Premiere Photos: Emma Watson’s Golden Egg
THURSDAY night in drizzly London and time for the Premiere of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2. This the last outing in the Potter roles for Rupert Grint (sure to be heralded as the New Dennis Waterman), Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe. For some reason JK Rowling came dressed as camellia bush. You have expected the feathered Watson to sit beneath her mistress’s skirts and crack out an egg. (There’s your prequel, JK. Call me – I have ideas…)
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Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2 Premieres Photo: The Fans Queue In London
THE fans are queuing in London for the final instalment of Harry Potter, the character from children’s books that took adult literacy to new levels. The final film is called Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2. In it… Well, you know what happens. If you like Potter, you will already have read the book. Although the film does have one twist – when Pippi Longstocking makes a surprise appearance…
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Shia LaBeouf May Well Have Ruined Megan Fox’s Marriage, Which Is Nice Of Him
IT’S one thing to turn up the controversy when you are promoting a movie, but this was really low. True, she probably shouldn’t have fooled around with him in the first place, but it was definitely not his place to go parading the information around for the whole world to hear.
Let’s get you up to speed. In a recent interview for the new Transformers movie, star Shia LaBeouf revealed that he had a fling with his former costar Megan Fox whilst they were filming the first two movies. Nothing serious mind you, just a little cavorting to get the chemistry juices flowing. Of course, this was shocking news, especially to Brian Austin Green, her husband, who she was dating at the time.
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Posted: 7th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Kerry Katona Is Not Shagging Neville Hendricks: Also Not On Drugs, Not Dating And Not Acting
KERRY Katona tells OK! that she only speaks to the magazine “I TRUST“. The obvious questions are:
Horse & Hounds? Argos Mail Order? No. It’s OK!.
Trust with what? Her kidzzzz? Her stash? (No. Kerry is off the drugs.) Well, get a load of that front-page headline: “THE TRUTH ABOUT ‘MY AFFAIR’ WITH MY EX-MANAGER CLAIRE’S FIANCE.”
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Posted: 6th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Marilyn Monroe Was A Skinny Half-Person: Data Reveals Truth (Photos)
HOW voluptuous was film star Marilyn Monroe? Ok, ok! In keeping with the curent tend for the world “curves” – how big were Monroe’s curves?
Virginia Postrel knows. The answer is: not very.
We should never again hear anyone declare that Marilyn Monroe was a size 12, a size 14 or any other stand-in for full-figured, zaftig or plump. Fifteen thousand people have now seen dramatic evidence to the contrary. Monroe was, in fact, teeny-tiny. The 15,000 were the visitors who turned out over eight days to oooh and aaah at the preview exhibit for the June 18 auction of Debbie Reynolds’s extraordinary collection of Hollywood costumes, props and other memorabilia.
The two comments heard most often in the crowded galleries were (to paraphrase), “Wow, they were thin” and “It’s such a shame. These things should be in a museum.”
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Posted: 6th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Simon Cowell Witnesses The Extent Of Paula Abdul’s Lunacy
IT must take a hell of a lot to shock Simon Cowell. He’s worked in the music industry for years and has to deal with Louis Walsh all the time. He’s probably seen horrors that would make a soldier cry. However, he obviously has a limit… and that is Paula Abdul.
It’s said that the music and TV mogul has had to actually ask Abdul to stop “embarrassing” him by ordering her dog a meal and mineral water when they eat together.
That’s right. Paula Abdul gets her stupid chihuahua – Tulip – to sit at the dinner table, and eat with the humans. Of course, the easiest course of action would be to simply throw Tulip onto the nearest griddle and swallow it down in one.
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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Jessica Alba’s Spy Kids 4D Smells Of Dad’s Fantasies And Used Tissues In Aromascope (Gifs)
JESSICA Alba stars in Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (aka Spy Kids 4). It follows Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (aka Spy Kids 3) Without irony, the film will be first to use Aromascope, a technology that lets punters in the cinema smell odours and aromas from the film.
What odour do you think Spy Kids 4 smell of? Here’s a clue:
The film revolves around twins Rebecca and Cecil who cannot get along with their stepmother, Marissa Cortez Wilson (Jessica Alba), who married their father, Wilbur Wilson (Joel McHale), a spy-hunting reporter. Unknown to the twins, Marissa is a retired spy for the OSS (Organization of Super Spies, but in the Spy Kids Adventures novel series, the agency is called the Office of Strategic Services) which has since become the world’s top spy agency and former headquarters of the now-defunct Spy Kids division.
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Gwyneth Paltrow Says Marriage ‘Isn’t Perfect’ While Pointing At Stupid Chris Martin
SURPRISE! Being married to Coldplay’s Chris Martin isn’t all its cracked up to be! For starters, just imagine him walking around the house singing to himself. You’d either cut your ears off with pinking shears or take a screwdriver to this throat.
Of course, it isn’t that one-sided. Imagine the horror of having to deal with Gwyneth Paltrow crying every time she accepts absolutely anything from anyone, welling up and preparing teary speeches when offered a brew or whatever.
And so, it isn’t a surprise that Gwyneth says her marriage to Chris Martin isn’t as wonderful as wonderful can be, saying “it’s not perfect”.
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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
One Of The Kardashians Gets Called A Nasty Name In The Street By A Drunk, Which Is Fun
LOOKING at the Kardashian sisters, it isn’t easy to tell which one is which. They’re all kinda identikit women with the same haircut, the same dress sense, same initials and a penchant for galling attention seeking. Basically, the only way to tell them apart is to grade them by sexual attraction, varying from ‘okay’ to ‘get back to me at the end of the evening’.
Kourtney Kardashian is somewhere between the two poles, being the sister that isn’t as famous as Kim, but certainly not as unattractive as Khloe.
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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Vinnie Jones and Jason Statham Open Fish And Chip Shop: The Pickled Egg And Battered Sausage
VINNIE Jones and Jason Statham are to open fish and chip shop in LA. Ho-ho. No, readers. They’ve not been invited to cut the ribbon on a chippie. They are opening their own eatery.
This begs two questions:
Would you buy food from a man who warms his hands on Paul Gascouigne’s testicles and bites noses?
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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Cher Lloyd’s Swagger Jagger Is Dire: But Is It Terrible Enough To Be A Hit?
CHER Lloyd is that boil washed Cheryl Cole tribute act who arrived on the X Factor with her unsympathetic backstory and Romanian playground styling. Cher survived the freak zone, the crying zone and the hate zone. She is now in the beyond parody zone, the star of a video and a song that, as one commentator puts it, explains why kids should stay in school. It also explains what Cheryl Cole’s legacy to the entertainment business is.
You can call her a crappy singer of crappy songs dressed in crappy clothes in a crappy video. But let no man say Cher Lloyd is not true to her word. As she said:
“You haven’t seen the last of me, definitely not. I’m going to use this as my platform and I’m going to make sure I’m the biggest goddamn thing to ever come out of The X Factor.”
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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Music | Comments (8)
Hollywood Is Dead: Angry Birds Movie Is Considered
HOLLYWOOD is not in rude health. People can’t be bothered going to the cinema in quite the same numbers as they once did. Quite right too as cinemas are the most joyless places on Earth with their smell of disinfectant and outrageously priced snacks.
The worst element of the movies is the films shown themselves, often being turgid, generic fluff dribbled out to saps paying a tenner-a-pop, for which they’re supposed to be grateful.
And the latest nail in cinema’s coffin is the announcement that we could very well be treated to a feature length version of the irritatingly addictive Angry Birds game.
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Anna Massey: A Life In Photos
RIP Anna Massey. You were the lonely spinster Edith Hope in Hotel du Lac, Mrs Danvers in Rebecca (1979) and Maggie Thatcher in Pinochet in Suburbia. You were also married to Jeremy Brett . He was Sherlock Holmes for a time. This was your life in photos:
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FILE - In this July 26, 1971 file photo, British film producer and director Alfred Hitchcock, right, discusses filming with actress Anna Massey, one of the stars of "Frenzy", in Covent Garden Market, London. Massey, an acting dynasty member whose roles ranged from lonely spinsters to Margaret Thatcher, has died at 73. Massey's agent, Pippa Markham, says she died Saturday, JUly 2, 2011, after a battle with cancer. (AP Photo/Leonard Brown, file)
Posted: 4th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Pregnancy Is Proof Of God’s Love For Humanity: Photos
CHERLY Cole (a “nation’s sweetheart” who failed to be the “nations’ sweetheart”) and Ashley Cole (Chelsea and England footballer allegedly into kinky vomit-fuelled sex (see photos below)) are having a baby. Just two national newspapers lead with the news:
“We want kids together,” announces the Daily Mirror.
“Cheryl & Ash’s baby love,” says the Daily Star.
As Anorak raiders know, TV psychic Derek Acorah relayed news from the spirt world that 2011 would be the year of the Little Cole. It thus followed that the Cole Baby would be confirmation of life after death.
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Posted: 4th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Talks Knickers And Teasing Lips (Photos)
TO help counter claims that she’s more than Megan Fox’s hot pants with an English accent, Transformers’ film star and model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley tells GQ magazine about her inspiration, the suffering and life story she draws upon to give depth to her lines:
“I got teased because of my lips.”
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Kerry Katona Is Not Pregnant And Living By A Drugs Dealer In Warrington
KERRY Katona is “desperate“. Not our judgement but that of the News of The World which says “DESPERATE Kerry Katona is back with her Take Me Out ex Dan Foden and is moving to Warrington to be near him“. Desperate might become Kerry’s epithet, a word that leads her name – see “rubber-faced comic” Rowan Atkinson; “troubled” Britney Spears’; “lying” Tony Blair; “nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl Cole and so on…
As for Kerry and Dan being back together, you may recall back in April 2007, when she said:
“It’s still early days with Dan and it’s so nice to keeping it all to myself!… I’m just keeping it quiet for now and enjoying it.”
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Posted: 3rd, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Cheryl Cole Does Lap Dance For Ashley Cole: Mum Joan Approves (Photos)
CHERLY Cole and Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole have proven life after death – and now they prove their love for one another at Chezza’s 28th birthday party>
A source tells the NoTW:
“Cheryl even did a sexy lap dance for Ashley and stroked his face. But the clincher came when Ashley’s fiercest critic, Cheryl’s mum Joan, took him by the hand and led him over to her daughter. That was the final seal of approval.”
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Posted: 2nd, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Daily Express Does PR For Mohammed Al Fayed’s Princess Diana Murder Film
PRINCESS Diana is dead. Were she alive (rolls eyes up towards twitching curtains on the fabled Six Floor of the Harvey Nichol’s department story, London), she would be 50. Newsweek has heralded the event by turning Diana into a melange of sun-parched skin, Botox and Twitter twatishness.
An explosive new film which claims Princess Diana was murdered on the orders of the British Establishment has been banned in the UK, prompting allegations of a cover-up.
Unless the makers of Unlawful Killing cut 87 scenes from their hard-hitting documentary, it cannot legally be screened here.
It’s Keith AThe Express sticks with the conspiracy of her murder. The headline yells:
“PRINCESS DIANA DEATH FILM COVER-UP”
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Salma Hayek, Linda Evangelista And Francois Henri Pinault’s His ‘n’ Hers Baby Range (Photos)
CAN it be that Salma Hayek’s billionaire husband Francois Henri Pinault is the father of four-year-old Augustin James, son of 1980s model Linda Evangelista’s son? The New York Post says he is. And this is interesting because Hayek also has a four-year-old child by the CEO of Yves St Laurent and Gucci, a daughter called Valentina.
Back in 2007, Evangelista’s DNA Model Management, said it was “untrue” that Pinault was the daddy.
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Posted: 1st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
