Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Charlize Theron Thinks That Marriage Is For Idiots
MARRIAGE? That’s for idiots. Why on Earth would anyone want to get something as precious and fragile as love and get the government and church involved? You’re just asking for trouble. And Charlize Theron agrees.
The actress thinks that long-term commitment, not marriage, is the priority for her in a relationship. She can afford stupid rings and is the centre of attention wherever she goes, so sod dressing up like a meringue and throwing a party that is, essentially, the same as a funeral, but the star of the show actually gets to enjoy the post-gig drink.
Theron says:
“I really want for myself a long-term relationship, and I have been in long-term relationships. That’s the kind of union that I want. The actual ceremony is not something that is important to me, but I see the importance for other people.”
“I treat my relationships like marriages, I really do. [Marriage was] “never something that was important.”
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Posted: 1st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Kate Moss Marries Jamie Hince In Southrop: Photos
KATE Moss is not helping the police with their enquiries into the death of Christopher Shale and Pete Doherty is locked up – which means she is free to marry Jamie Hince at St Peter’s Church, Southrop. Such is the level of occasion that anyone wishing to enter the collages of Little Faringdon, Oxfordshire and Southrop, Gloucestershire, will need to present credentials to police.
Says Gloucestershire Constabulary:
“The bride and groom have agreed to pay towards additional policing in order to reduce the impact on the taxpayer.”
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Posted: 1st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Aaron Carter Says That Michael Jackson ‘Gave Me Cocaine’
REMEMBER Aaron Carter? Of course you don’t. He’s a nobody. He’s a failure from Dancing With the Stars, the brother of a Backstreet Boy and once released a bunch of awful, awful cover versions in the hope of becoming a baby sensation like Justin Bieber.
These days, he’s just a thing with muscles that occupies perfectly good space.
That said, Carter was once in the affections of Michael Jackson, which is nice and innocent isn’t it?
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Posted: 1st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Giorgio Tuma – In The Morning We’ll Meet Review
AAH British summer evenings. Flying ants, pesky kids up way past bedtime, irritating car alarms. What more could you wish for? Well how about a soundtrack that conjures up images of trysts on golden Spanish beaches and the view from rolling Tuscany hills? Yep your summer evenings in 2011 should belong to the Italian Giorgio Tuma whose new album In The Morning We’ll Meet is available on CD via Elefant as well as Spotify.
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John Galliano Heralds New Range Of 1980s Slogan T-Shirts
JOHN Galliano is the Jew-face Jew-face hater telling the court in response to his being accused of Anti-Semiticism:
“I never had these views all my life. These are not the sentiments of John Galliano.”
“In that video I see someone who need help, who is very vulnerable. It is a Shell of John Galliano, pushed to the edge.”
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Posted: 1st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole And Ashley Cole’s Baby Proves There Is Life After Death (Photos)
CHERLY Cole is back with Ashley Cole and minds return to TV psychic Derek Acorah. In February 2010, he saw visions of Cheryl Cole and her Chelsea footballer. He told us what a spirit guide had told him:
“Before the end of 2010, Cheryl and Ashley will be committed to a baby. It will be born in 2011.”
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Posted: 1st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Petra Ecclestone And James Stunt Are At Home In Hello! – Belgravia, LA And An Interview To Cherish
PETRA Ecclestone wants to show off the things she keeps in her Belgravia mansion. She’s talking to Tamara Beckwith, who lives in the area. Having saved a few quid on travel costs, Hello! settles down to meet the daughter of Bernie Ecclestone and sister to Tamara Ecclestone, who was only recently showing us her things in her massive Chelsea house.
Petra is sat on a deep sofa with her lover, a “privately wealthy” man called James Stunt. He’s 26. He has a name to conjure with. He appears to have stopped off on his way to a 1980s fancy dress party. James is possibly going to that do as a hateful Thatcherite estate agent whose been poured into a suit and forgotten to sway “when”.
Petra, of course, was recently in the news on account of her mother’s decision to spend $150 of her $734m divorce settlement from Bernie on Aaron Spelling’s 123-bedroom cottage in Los Angeles.
Says Tamara:
“Petra is far from what you might imagine a spoilt little rich girl should be.”
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Posted: 30th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Richard Blackwood Is Impresssed By The Special Richard Blackwood
RICHARD Blackwood is telling Guardian readers “What I see in the mirror”.
I see a warm, generous person. I am not about negativity, I am about positivity. I try not to allow the dark side of life dictate to me…
My style says, “He knows what he’s doing, he’s very confident, he’s here to win.”
I am 6ft and I train practically every other day. I don’t drink or smoke, and I have never taken any form of drug. People see my figure and think that I eat healthily all the time…
…as time went on and I saw my career take off, the idea solidified for me that maybe I am blessed, I am special. So, a couple of years ago, I got a tattoo of the word “blessed” on my neck. I am not fazed by age, because I don’t feel I’ve wasted any of my years.
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Posted: 29th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Harrison Ford Thinks Shia LaBeouf Is A ‘F**king Idiot’
WHEN Han Solo speaks, the world better listen. And Harrison Ford is serving up some truth pie as he points out that Shia LaBeouf is a ”f**king idiot”.
Now, apart from the fact it is quite obvious that Shia is a monumental berk, what prompted the Bladerunner star to say such a thing?
Well, it appears that Indiana Jones isn’t happy that LaBeouf said that he had ”dropped the ball” while filming Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull.
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Posted: 29th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Peter Andre Risks Ridicule By Appearing On TV – And…
PETE Andre “risked ridicule” by appearing on TV, according to the Star.
True, no doubt – but what’s ‘news’ about that?
This time, however, there was indeed a novel aspect to the risk. The TV channel in question was QVC, and the gregarious Greek was offering his new single Perfect Night for £3.99 (including postage and packing).
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Posted: 29th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Aged Princess Diana Appears With Duchess Catherine On Newsweek’s Magazine Cover: Photos
QUEEN of our hearts, Princess Diana, appears on the latest issue of Newsweek, photoshopped together with Duchess Catherine. That’d be Kate Middleton to you, who is waltzing around with one of Diana’s rings on. Anyway, the thought of the two together isn’t that strange as Diana would’ve been Middleton’s mother-in-law had she not careered into the inside of a Paris tunnel.
However, what is causing a kerfuffle is the fact that Newsweek have ‘shopped Diana’s image so it looks old. It would appear that whoever did the hatchet job hasn’t ever seen a 50 year old woman before, making Diana look like a regal Mumm-Ra.
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Posted: 29th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Charlie Sheen To Die Painful, Horrible Death Now That He’s Newly Single
TIGER BLOOD! That’s right, the meme-on-legs that is Charlie Sheen is of very little currency to us all now that he’s a crashing borebag. Months ago, when he was thrashing a knife around, punching furniture, tooting drugs and trying to have sex with everyone, he was fun (in a Watching Someone Nearly Die In A Formula One Crash Way).
Now, he’s tedious.
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Posted: 28th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Face Of The Day: Gwyneth Paltrow Snaps At Glastonbury (Photos)
AT the Glastonbury Festival 2011, in the pit before Beyonce Knowles’ stilted feet, Anorak’s Ninja snapper Yui Mok was spotted by Gwyneth Paltrow. She snapped. If she wants to show us the photo, we’re ready…
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Posted: 27th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lady GaGa Slammed Over Japan Wristbands: Pseud Sued
LADY GaGa is so relevant that the people Japan are relying on her to pull them through a post-tsunami slump. The fan of the British class system is staging a benefit concert in Tokyo. She wants impoverished Westerners to help the booming East by holidaying in the land that sells electric gadgets and cars you can no longer afford. Right now, she’s in Tokyo:
“I can’t say enough to people all over the world that the majority of Japan right now, Japan in general, is very safe. It’s fine to come here. It’s beautiful… The most important thing, and the best thing, we could do for Japan right now.
We hear you, GaGa (Japanese for La-La).
The singer received a certificate from the commissioner of the Japan Tourism Agency on Thursday, thanking her for her support and money-raising efforts.
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Posted: 27th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Cheryl Cole And Ashley To Mate In Josef Fritzl’s Old House After Boating Serial Killer Strikes
DID you know that Cheryl Cole is in fear for her life? The Daily Star does. It says on its front page that the woman now back with Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole is in danger:
“CHERYL FEARS FOR HER LIFE”
Like us, you cynics think the Star is about to report on how Chezza is fearful of losing her lifestyle. But you’d be wrong. The Star pushes the envelope of fact and fiction. Laura Neil tells us:
CHERYL COLE has cancelled a holiday with ex-husband Ashley after learning a serial killer is on the loose.
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Posted: 27th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)
Beyonce Knowles’ Freddie And The Dreamers Dance At Glastonbury: Photos
WASN’T Beyonce Knowles just terrify. as she sang and danced at Glastonbury, one of Somerset’s sledding music festivals? She was. Anorak loved the bit where she showed us her Fame Wall – you know, those photos of restaurant owners and staff stood by famous people, like snooker legend John Parrot, Jimmy Savile, and in Beyonce’s case, her husband, Jay Z, and Barack Obama. The other highlight was Beyonce doing The Freddie, the move made famous by Freddie & The Dreamers. It’s always good when a top act does a dance any drunken fool can do at the wedding of work’s Christmas do. Thanks Beyonce. For caring. you knocked us bandy – literally…
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Posted: 27th, June 2011 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comments (4)
Rachel Weisz And Daniel Craig’s Wedding – Photos
RACHEL Weisz and Daniel Craig are married. We, readers, are on the brink of a new British acting dynasty. They just need to breed.
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Posted: 27th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Glastonbury 2011: Christopher Shale’s Death Is More Entertaining Than The Wombles
GLASTONBURY 2011 – Day 3: Christopher Shale’s death is entertaining the voracious media. The Oxfordshire Tory’s demise – his body was found in a toilet – is the biggest show in town. And it might just save Glastonbury from the shame of featuring The Wombles. Not The Wombles – the anarchists. The actual Wombles, the OCD freaks of Wimbledon Common. Cynics might get the feeling Glasto needed a spot of controversy deeper than Mike Batt’s Wombsemble…
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Posted: 26th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comments (5)
Reunited With Ashley, Cheryl Cole’s Vagina Rides The Door Knob Of Love: Pregnancy, Photos And A Career BOAST
CHERLY Cole has moved back in with Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole – back into their big house in Surrey. It’s the six-bedroom Georgian property near Godalming the Coles paid £3.55 million for. The place is called… Hurtmore. It was called Hurtmore before “nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl and her flying fists moved in.
And who can hurt more that Our Chezza? Ever since Cheryl punched a black toilet attendant in the face, her core brand values have been hurting and caring. As she watched adolescents sob on the X Factor and squashed their dreams by saying these amateur singers were not good enough to be the next Cheryl Cole, her brand of caring has been force fed to the masses in much the same way geese buy into the foie gras industry.
Cheryl Cole did not fight for her love to Ashley because it was not a love worth fighting for. So, some shock to read in the NoTW:
DEFIANT Cheryl Cole has confessed she’s still in love with serial love rat Ashley and told him: “I should never have divorced you.”
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Posted: 26th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
People Killed Michael Jackson For Fame And Money Says La Toya Jackson In New Book: Truth For Sale
LA Toya Jackson. use her new book, Starting Over, to tell readers that there were darks forces seeking to profit from Michael Jackson, to milk him until he was drained of colour, cash and life itself.
Two years ago, Jackson died. He was 50. But if add up his different body parts and take an average, experts say he was only 15. Dr. Conrad Murray is charged with involuntary manslaughter. He might well be charged with child murder. Murray is accrued of giving Jackson an overdose of anesthetic propofol and assorted sedatives. He says he is innocent. In September, the show hits the courts.
In the meanwhile, agent La Toya Jackson enlarges on her investigations so far:
“This is definitely something that was premeditated, that they had planned to do, and they planned to take my brother out, and my brother knew it, and that’s why my brother told me repeatedly, repeatedly and repeatedly, that this was going to happen to him. He explained to me, `It’s because of my catalog.”‘
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Posted: 25th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment
Glastonbury 2011 Photos: The U2 Tea Party, Sarah Palin, Pole Dancers And Welly Henge
GLASTONBURY Day 2: The rain continued to fall, giving everyone watching the show back home some sense of joy and relief that the BBC had dispatched 274 members of staff to cover the event in the kind of forensic detail Sherlock Holmes would applaud. In our great Photos of Day 2, you will sew Bono, Mr G9, singing songs in front of big neon messages of mottos you can fit on a T-shirt and the names of places they like, or remembers in his prayers.
In the crowd, a few members of pro-tax protest group Art Uncut inflated a 20ft balloon emblazoned with the words “U Pay Your Tax 2”. The balloon was removed by security. Taxes have no place at a big corporate music venue. It’s the last taboo. If Europe needs a Tea Party movement to hook up with Sarah Palin’s supporters in the US, U2 are shoo ins for the official protest song.
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Posted: 25th, June 2011 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)
RIP Peter Falk: A Life In Photos
RIP Peter Falk. You were Columbo. Your catchphrase was “Just one more thing…” The thing was always the key thing that snared the baddie and served justice. Like many actors associated with just one huge hit, you were an excellent actor well cast in a great role. This was your life – in photos…
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Posted: 24th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)
Glastonbury Day 2 2011: Shady Wayne Rooney And Neon Coleen Blend In (Photos)
FACES of The Day: Wayne Rooney and Coleen Rooney have been blending in backstage at the Glastonbury Festival in Somerset. Wayne has been blending in with the people who wear sunglasses in the rain. Coleen has been blending in with the vat of Strongbow Cider in the Scrumpy Bus. If she falls in, unless she flashes the whites of her teeth, we might never see her again…
Take care, Coleen. You’re ok… Just a little bit further…
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Kim Kardashian Would Like You To Glare At The Insides Of Her Bum Please
HAVE you heard the one… well, two about Kim Kardashian having implants in her buttocks to make it more, y’know, buttocky? That’s the rumour that has dogged Kim K for years now, and so, to prove she’s in possession of a completely real arse, she’s x-rayed it and shared it with the world.
As a dare from her sisters Khloe and Kourtney (who, collectively, are less famous that the very arse-cheeks they were displaying to the world) the soon-to-married star of no fixed talent got someone to photograph the inside of her backside in an attempt prove people who don’t believe in Kim’s bum wrong.
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Posted: 24th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Supreme Court Closer Than Ever To Sanctioning Anna Nicole Smith’s Vulva-Shaped Theme Park (Photos)
UP in Heaven, where Anna Nicole Smith lives on God’s knee and every man is an ancient billionaire on his last legs, there is much wailing and and gnashing of teeth. Smith’s estate has lost an appeal to get a slice of her dead husband’s fortune.
J Howard Marshall left most of his cash to E. Pierce Marshall, his son. Smith, who married the 89-year-old when she was 26, got nothing but the flakes of dried skin on her bed sheets and a lingering smell of boiled cabbage. She was displeased. She said Marshall had promised to give her $300m as fair reward for their 14 month-long marriage – the kind of shag-to-cash ratio that Coleen Rooney should note.
Then Smith went and died three years ago. She bequeathed the allegedly promised $300m to her heirs. She might also have revealed news that the City of New York had promised to give her a statue, the Queen Mother had left her her teeth and gin bottle collection and Princess Diana’s last words were “Anna, to you the warm knickers and rights to my signature perfume and inflatable doll”. But one thing at a time. Smith’s estate wants more than the $7m she got from Marshall in gifts.
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Posted: 24th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
