Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Bieber’s Heavies Think They’re Above The Law In ‘Misunderstanding’
GYRATING period, Justin Bieber, has caused a near riot before setting his dastardly henchmen on the cops. Yep, you heard. Bieber is some kind of lunatic who thinks he’s above such small things as the law.
You see, what happened was Justin Bieber was launching his women’s fragrance (us neither. He’s also got a range of lady nail varnish out as well. Next week, Bieber sanitary towels) at Macy’s in New York City and it all went off. In the rumpus, Bieber was knocked to the ground, which made at least three people laugh.
Naturally, Bieber couldn’t just wave at his dangerous, death-threat sending fans from afar… he had to go and stir them up like a madman feeding hot screws to his rabid pitbull. The pint-sized singer deviated from previously agreed route he was supposed to take, making a man jump the barricade to help the hairless wonderboy.
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Posted: 24th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Helen Wood Makes The Case for Legalised Prostitution: Wayne Rooney Is Just The Tool (Photos)
HELEN Wood is the prostitute who claims to have shagged Manchester United player Wayne Rooney and an actor who took out an injunction agent her naming him in public.
The Lancashire lass is in conversation with the London Evening Standard. We can only wonder if she is planning move down South and the big time? This woman wants a career in the media. If we could afford her, we’d hire her pronto. The story begins:
Like many before me I am in bed with Helen Wood in a hotel room. Most famous for selling sex to Wayne Rooney (while his wife Coleen was five months pregnant) and enjoying another paid-for liaison with a film and television actor who’s name is unprintable because of an injunction, the ex-hooker is eating a prawn salad and drinking tea. Such a compelling story. Such an ordinary girl.
What did the journalist expect? Ordinary girls have sex for cash, too. It’s not just extraordinary girls. And what;s this about girls? Wood is 23. Is Rooney a boy at 25? Says Wood:
“I wasn’t working that night. We just talked our way into the party. We went to the toilet with Wayne to have a fag because, of course, he can’t go outside for a cigarette like everyone else. So we were having a chat with him and his brother and Wayne said did we want to come back to his. She [Coleen] was away. All the Man United wives and girlfriends would go away on a Thursday because that’s when the boys play. I used to see the same Man United footballer nearly every Thursday. That’s the night they all stay at The Lowry Hotel and that’s the night you see the escorts going in.”
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Posted: 24th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Face Of The Day: The Glastonbury Festival Bible Reader
GLASTONBURY 2011 gives us Our Face of The Day. While you were watching the Master Musicians of Joujouka on the Pyramid Stage, she was reading TheBible..?
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Chrissy Iley Tallk Bravely To Andrea Corr: Wallow In This
ANDREA Corr, formerly tabloid favourite Andrea Phwoar of The Corrs, is talking to Chrissy Iley in the Telegraph. Iley is not afraid to be brave in the face of fame:
Now 36, she’s as gorgeous as ever, svelte and smiling in a Vera Wang top with flawless skin and sparkling eyes.
And then it got braver:
She is coming up to her second wedding anniversary to Brett Desmond, a hedge-fund manager and son of the Irish billionaire Dermot Desmond, whom she married (in front of celebrity guests including Bono) at a golf club in County Clare.
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Kerry Katona’s Integrity Is Compromised
KERRY Katona will now use her OK! Diary to explain why she is no longer with CAN Associates a marriage made in supermarket own-brand heaven:
“On a professional level my career was taking a direction hay I didn’t want, and on personal level I felt like my integrity had been compromised.”
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Posted: 24th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Louis Walsh And The Spectre Of Gay Sex At A Westlife Concert
LOUIS Walsh is making the kind of front-page news headlines even the cynical PR manipulator at the X Factor could surely do without. Yesterday, the Sun yelled:
“Louis Walsh probed over ‘sex attack on man in loo’”
Looking beyond the tastefulness of a pun made at the expense of alleged sexual assault victim, we were confronted by the shock of Walsh being the subject of a story on his private life. Up until now, Walsh was the man who needed no super-injunction. (Today, the Daily Mail leads with “LAY OFF LOUIS; the Mirror has a sad looking Walsh saying “I’M DEVASTATED“). The media has left him well alone. The man who looks like what would happen if Frank Sidebottom was kidnapped by head hunters and his shrunken noggin stuck atop a spring and placed on the parcel shelf of a family hatchback as it motored down a cobbled road only existed on the telly.
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Posted: 24th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Trudie Styler’s Dinner For Mum: Lake House Table And Chef Jane Martin’s ‘Shameful’ Treatment
TRUDIE Styler, Bromsgrove native and high-flying greenie also known as Mrs Sting, has a range of dinners out. Ready meals. Says her Lake House Table website:
We know there are times when you don’t have the inclination or the energy to cook from scratch if you’ve had a long working day, yet you’d still like great tasting food. So we created Kitchen Suppers.
As opposed to Toilet Dinners, or where it you poor fools forage for your grub. Trudie has more to say:
“My key philosophy is fresh, natural, healthy ingredients, as unprocessed as possible. Eating consciously, and being aware of the provenance of the food we eat, is equally important — as is having ethically farmed, humanely reared animals… I think it is important for people to eat together as families and to occasionally connect with each other at the meal table and without the distractions of TVs, computers and mobile phones.”
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Posted: 23rd, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Jackass V Westboro Baptist Church The Movie: Starring Ryan Dunn And Satan’s Red Hot Anal Probe
WHEN Jackass member Ryan Dunn, the folks at the Westboro Baptist Church brought the might of their carefully considered opinions to bear on his funeral. A vote was taken, straws were broken and arcane incantations made to the gods of PR hell were made. And, lo, it came to pass the WBC will protest at the service. As the news goes:
The radical Westboro Baptist Church has announced plans to protest the funeral of “Jackass” star Ryan Dunn.
The Kansas-based organization, known for its stance against homosexuality and its protests at military funerals, sent out a press release touting that Dunn “is in hell.”
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Posted: 23rd, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kim Kardashian Not Mistaken For The Back Of A Bus
HATS off to the Daily Mail for concocting the most flaccid story ever on Kim Kardashian based on a single paparazzi photo of the one-woman content factory walking in the street. The headline tells us:
“Watch out! Kim Kardashian’s encounter with a bus”
News is not that Kim’s kaboose has been mistaken for the back of a bus, rather:
The millionaire reality star – who is normally chauffeur-driven – was pictured crossing the road in Beverly Hills while coming in close proximity to a bus.
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Posted: 23rd, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Glastonbury 2011 Photos: U2 – ‘Shite, Arse, Tax Dodgers’
GLASTONBURY 2011 in photos: The graffiti says U2 are “shite, arse , tax dodgers”. We offer this without comment…
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Posted: 23rd, June 2011 | In: Music | Comments (8)
Vegetarian And Contrarian Morrissey Likes Lady GaGa’s Meat Dress
MORRISSEY is, as you may have guessed by his constant bleating, a vegetarian. He’s so staunchly vegetarian that he actually makes people decided to eat only meat, just on the off-chance it could irritate him. Constant haranguing never stopped people from doing what they do, rather, only provokes them to do more as an act of snidery.
Mozza has, in the past, walked out on shows because the smell of festival burger vans was making him feel sick, which is a bit rich when you consider that the overriding smell of a festival is faeces and badly rolled joints.
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Posted: 22nd, June 2011 | In: Music | Comments (2)
Bono’s Cock Drives Me Nuts: Headline Of The Week
TAKE Bono – Mr G9; the man speaks on behalf of the citizens of the world, including rock stars who are seeking peace, Nirvana and tax breaks – and add a cock…
Posted: 22nd, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Glastonbury 2011 In Photos: Fans, Bands, Survival Skills Muddy Bogs
GLASTONBURY 2011: In Photos: The mud. The fans. The bands. Hideous toilets that the UN would condemn. A stranger in your tent, or yurt if you’re a thirtysomething stood in a muddy field with your mates, their mates and someone’s kid called Rufus who was taken out of school early to get a life experience. Squalor. Seasoned campaigners with wheelbarrows. The aching realisation that the plastic dickheads in the liveried camper trucks and the rooms in guest houses got it right. The low of getting sopping wet to the bone marrow and the high of not caring. The chance to be one of the mob up for a good time. The fantastic music and the student with his bongo drums. The mix of the good and the bad. And the good tipping the balance…
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Katie Price Stars In Carry On Jordan With Leandro Penna As The Au Pair
KATIE Price says Leandro Pena is “gorgeous“. The last time we saw Jordan’s sole mate (sic), he was talking about dying beneath the wheels of a bus. This week, OK! introduces a picture of Leandro lying beneath Katie Price. His hairless heaving he-vage is exposed through an open white shirt. His head is tossed to one side. Katie is on top. Her trousers are already off. Katie looks like she is about to have her way with him, slap his bum and tell him to pop the kettle on.
Leandro is now living at Katie’s place. She’s moved him in. And life at Chez KP is great. Says Katie:
“Harvey hasn’t wanted to go on the trampoline for a year, yet the other day he was like: ‘Leo, trampoline!’ I was like: ‘Leo, go go go…”
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Posted: 22nd, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Paris Hilton Splits Up With Cy Waits, Which Is Frankly Tragic For Everyone On Earth
TRAGEDY! When the feeling’s gone and you can’t go on, it’s a tragedy. You know how it is. The pain of a break-up is incredibly difficult to bear as you lie in your bed, yearning for that big empty space to be filled again. The pan which you cooked meals for two becomes redundant as you being your tear-filled life with microwaveable meals for one and sleepless nights, wondering if love may ever gambol through your heart again.
Until then, the despair envelopes your entire being, leaving you feeling lost, hurt, betrayed and staring blankly into an unforgiving middle distance, once occupied by your dreams and happiness.
And these complex feelings of lost love will almost certainly be felt by two of the world’s greatest minds – Paris Hilton and Cy Waits.
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Posted: 22nd, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
La Toya Jackson Claims That Michael Was Murdered Like A Mad Conspiracy Theorist (Photos)
MURDER! That’s what Officer La Toya Jackson is crying at the moment about the untimely passing of her very dead brother, Michael Jackson.
What would make her say such a thing? A quest for the truth? Or is it to promote her new new autobiography, ‘Starting Over’? We don’t need to answer that do we? So what is La Toya ‘David Icke’ Jackson claiming then? Bizarrely, she seems to be suggesting that he was murdered for his music catalogue.
La Toya says that Michael feared that there were people who wanted him dead so they could steal his music estate.
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Posted: 21st, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Barely Known Actor From Green Mile Gains Notoriety For Being 51 And Marrying 16 Year Old Beauty Queen
YOU may not know the name Doug Hutchison and indeed, may look at his face and think ‘Uh… maybe… was he in… wait… no… that’s someone else. Go on, what has he done?’ Well, if by ‘done’ you mean ‘roles as an actor’, then he was in The Green Mile and Lost.
However, if you mean ‘done’, as in, ‘gone and married a 16 year old beauty queen’, then Doug is your man! You see, he’s gone all Jerry Lee Lewis and decided to hitch up with someone he legally can’t have sex with in loads of US States.
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Posted: 21st, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Lauren Pope And Kirk Norcross Get Matching Nose Jobs: TOWIE Stars Get New Holes
LAUREN Pope and Kirk Norcross, of TV’s The Only Way Is Essex, have had matching nose jobs at London’s Highgate Hospital. But what is beneath the bandages and splints?
Anorak thinks the pair have actually had their noses removed. He has had a vagina implanted in the centre of his face to better connect with his metrosexual side and facilitate a ‘quick one’, and she’s opted for the coin slot…
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Posted: 21st, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Dominic West Slams Factory Farming In Article That Showcases All That Is Wrong With Journalism
ALL you needed to know about the state of newspapers, the Sunday Telegraph, reporting on the environment. Ahem:
Wire star Dominic West fears Britain will take up ‘shameful’ US-style factory farming Dominic West, the television and Hollywood actor, has warned Britain is moving towards a ‘shameful’ system of factory farming that will destroy the countryside and create a new breed of superbugs.
The Eton-educated actor, who stars in hit television series the Wire and films including 300 and Centurion, said US-style ‘mega farms’ that house thousands of pigs are springing up around the country.
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Posted: 20th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Stella Mouzi Photos: Gibson Isn’t Racist Or Woman-Hating Because He Has A New Not-White Girlfriend, So There
OKAY, Mel Gibson may well have dropped the N-bomb on his ex whilst wishing a raping on her and, yeah, he may have come across rather Anti-Semitic that time… and yes, fair enough, he may well have looked like a woman loathing lunatic when he confessed to slapping Oksana Grigorieva in a police report, but you’ve got it all wrong.
See, the beaver-handed maniac has a new girlfriend. Who gets a girlfriend if they hate women? And she’s not all-American either. She’s a Greek gothic model called Stella Mouzi. So he can’t be racist can he?
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Posted: 20th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Donald Trump Flies Into Aberdeen: Muslim Hair Flies Around Looking For Target
DONALD Trump has been allowed into the UK to inspect his new golf course at the Menie estate in Aberdeenshire – despite the fact that some people still cling onto the nutty notion that he is locked in a war for racial supremacy with his Muslim hair – hair that experts says has “Gone West”.
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Posted: 20th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Ryan Dunn, of Jackass, Dead at 34
URGH. This is rubbish news to relay. The most likeable of the Jackass crew, Ryan Dunn, has died in a car crash in Pennsylvania early this morning, according to reports.
The story was confirmed with Bam Margera’s mother, Bam of course, being Dunn’s cousin and Jackass colleague.
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Posted: 20th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole Is On A Fame Support System
CHERYL Cole has been talking. The woman upon whom all manner of non existent attributes are bestowed is reaching out via her official website. The words are beyond parody:
Hi my Gorgeous ones.
It’s me! I wanted to talk to you all direct, and first and foremost thank you all for your continued love, unbelievable LOYALTY and support and remind you that I love you all to bits.
Where do i start? I have had the weirdest past few weeks (nothing unusual there though.) I wouldn’t even know how to begin to tell you all about it.
What I do know for certain is that I have the BEST, most unbelievable people out there, who I feel so lucky to call my support system.
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Posted: 20th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Emma Roberts Is Related To Co-Star Julia Roberts: It’s Talent Not Nepotism That Opens Doors In Hollywood
EMMA Roberts is an actress. Her aunt is Julia Roberts, also an actress. Another aunt is Lisa Roberts Gillan, Julia’s sister, and another actress. Her dad is Eric Roberts, Julia’s brother, and an actor.
Emma Roberts tells PopEater:
In the beginning did everyone accuse you of nepotism because of your dad and aunt?
A lot of people think that and they talk about nepotism which I think is so ridiculous considering it’s obviously not true, because I’ve auditioned for so many things and never gotten the part. Also it’s like, you know, maybe someone can get you one part but they can’t really get you ten parts.
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Posted: 19th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
