Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Adele Is Amy Winehouse In A Fat Suit: Wino Gives The Fans What They Want In Belgrade (Video)
AMY Winehouse has been giving the fans what they demand in Belgrade. The hacks accuse Wino of disappointing the punters by being drunk and behaving badly on stage. Pah! She gave ’em what they wanted.
Amy, as we know, is sober, a fantastic dancer, an entertainer who gives her all to the show, a raconteur, the epitome of manners who knows the correct way to eat soup in the company of her pals at the golf club, and a rare talent. But Wino is a flaccid, spinning mess of dribble and goo. It’s her act. And she is stuck with it. Such is the clamour for wrongness and sensation that Wino outsells Amy – massively.
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Posted: 19th, June 2011 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)
Cheryl Cole Moves In With Ashley Before Quitting The UK (Photos)
CHERYL Cole has moved back in with Ashley Cole. Can it be that the nation’s sweetheart with the fists of fury (and love) and doggy tattoo is once more with her former husband, the pukacious (surely rich? ed) Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole?
The News of the World says the ex-X Factor judge has “spent the night with him at the £5million marital home in Godalming, Surrey“. The headline thunders:
“CHERYL MOVES BCK IN WITH ASH”
As ever, these super-injunction thing newspapers use an unnamed source to fill in the gaps:
“They were saying what a special night it was. They were mucking about like old times just playing pool, smoking and having a few drinks. There wasn’t any awkwardness between the two of them and they seemed very comfortable together.”
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Posted: 19th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Frank Lampard And Christine Bleakley To Host Sofa-Based TV Chat Show
FRANK Lampard and glistening Christine Bleakley are engaged. We looked on as Frank brought his pink T-shirt and future wife through Terminal 3 at Heathrow Airport after returning from Los Angeles.
You see, readers, Frank is not always kissing the badge on his Chelsea top. He is sometimes kissing the vapid Bleakely. She and others, like Kate Garraway and the teeth-melting Fiona Philips, have proven that anyone with a mouth and arse can present a sofa-based telly show.
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Posted: 18th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
RIP Seth Putnam: You Lived by Your Own Rules
RIP Seth Putnam, you were a leading light in the band Anal Cunt. You were only 43.
Seth Putnam also played with Executioner and Satan’s Warriors, Angry Hate, Post Mortem, Shit Scum, Upside Down Cross, Adolf Satan, and Vaginal Jesus.
His aim was “to get the most offensive, stupid, dumb, etc name possible“. (He might have tried Genesis but it was taken.)
Songs included: You Were Pregnant So I Kicked You In The Stomach, I Lit Your Baby On Fire, I Sent Concentration Camp Footage to America’s Funniest Home Videos, I Intentionally Ran over Your Dog and Women: Nature’s Punching Bag.
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Posted: 17th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Crystal Harris Dumped Hef Over Other Women, Remarkably
IMAGINE the shock that rocked Crystal Harris’ mind when she discovered that Hugh Hefner – a man world famous for being surrounded by scantily clad women 24/7 in the Playboy Mansion, as well as founding a magazine that is also filled with naked gals – had other women in his life.
Harris, a professional derober herself, said that she “didn’t feel comfortable” knowing Hefner had these other women knocking around.
Seriously. She only realised this when they were on the brink of marriage. Amazing.
Apparently, Crystal had second thoughts about the whole Getting Hitched To Mumm-Ra thing because of issues surrounding monogamy and only said yes to his marriage proposal because he asked with a crew of cameramen. Monogamy issues! Here, we have a man who only has one erection left in his life because the sudden movement of blood will almost certainly kill him.
She told US TV show Entertainment Tonight:
“I wasn’t the only woman in Hef’s life. I didn’t feel comfortable in my heart knowing that and getting married to him, because a marriage is between two people. That’s not what our relationship was.
“It happened so fast. Hef asked me to marry him in front of three cameras and a photographer. I thought it was something I wanted.”
Meanwhile, Hugh, currently the same age as the Great Pyramids in Cairo, has been getting over his heartbreak by watching romcoms at the Playboy mansion with the other Playmates living there.
It’s depressing isn’t it?
Meanwhile, Hugh’s ex, Kendra Wilkinson, thinks the smut mogul needs “time to breathe” after the break-down of his nearly-marriage.
She said:
“I’m leaving him alone right now. He needs time to breathe and grieve. Obviously I feel really bad for him and the situation.”
She then presumably walked away into the night, laughing her tits off at his misfortune.
Claire Sinclair Photos: Playboy’s Playmate Of The Year
Hugh Hefner On Dead Fish, Bunny Tales And Urine : Photos
Carol Needham On Playboy And Page 3: How A Legend Was Made
Every Single Playboy Photo Ever Published: Kelly Brook To Marilyn Monroe
MUST READ: What’s It REALLY Like To Have Sex With Hugh Hefner?
Karissa And Kristina Shannon’s Naked Playboy Pictures
Henfer And The Shannon Twins: Putting The Jail In Jailbait
Hope Dworaczyk Is Playboy’s 3D Centrefold: Pictures (NSFW)
Posted: 17th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Katie Price Aims To Break Record For Hosting Biggest Roomful Of Mugs
KATIE Price and Kerry Katona will one day appear on nostalgic telly shows. The pair, their tiny faces pinched into a points from being pulled tight behind their ears, their adapted breasts dispensing gin and tonic from the nipples, will flash back to these heady days when they talked about their “lettuces” on the magic box.
Katona has adopted a new schtick with her Karia law, a form of Sharia law in which footballer like Ryan Giggs gets castrated and woman who sleep around have their vaginas sewn up.
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Posted: 17th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kerry Katona Dropped By CAN Associates Wants Ryan Giggs Castrated: Karia Law 4 UK Now!
CAN Associates are no longer repressing Kerry Katona, that face of own-brand ketchups. Poor Kerry. She’s tried to carve herself a niche in the celebrity Petri Dish. There was her showing on Dancing On Ice and her efforts to set up a version of Sahria law in the UK. Oh, yes, indeed. In her latest OK! column, Katona makes this observation on Manchester United player Ryan Giggs:
“…because they [footballers] earn so much money they think they can put there bits in any woman walking! It’s wrong and Ryan should be castrated. If I was his wife I’d punch his sister-in-law!”
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Posted: 17th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Curves Watch: Because Curves Are The Media’s New Fat
CURVES Watch: Anorak’s look at women talking about their “curves’ in the media. It’s the new “fat” – because being fat is so very wrong… From today:
“Hoping for a fitness DVD deal? Josie Gibson shows off her curves on the beach” – Daily Mail
Hayley Hasselhoff: “I appreciated my curves from a young age” – OK!
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Posted: 17th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Jasmine Orienta Lloyd Webber: Lloyd Webber Names Daughter After Leyton Orient
YOU may have missed the news that Julian Lloyd Webber, cello playing brother to Andrew Lloyd Webber, a man who always looks like he’s missing a lily pad, has named his daughter Jasmine Orienta Lloyd Webber. The name is tribute to his beloved Leyton Orient FC.
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Posted: 17th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Christina Hendricks Is Literally Smoking Hot As She Sets Herself On Fire
THERE has been a by-law passed that you absolutely MUST fancy Christina Hendricks from Mad Men. Not necessarily fancy her all the time, but rather, fancy her when she’s in her Mad Men clothes. If you’re a woman who doesn’t fancy women, then you must, by law, appreciate the fact she has those ubiquitous ‘curves’.
You must. Or face the death penalty.
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Posted: 16th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Joss Stone Kidnap Plot: Police Spot Two Black Men From Manchester In Rural Devon
THE two men arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to commit grievous bodily harm and conspiracy to commit robbery against the singer Joss Stone are Junior Bradshaw, 30, and Kevin Liverpool, 33. We spotted them at Exeter Magistrates’ Court.
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Posted: 16th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comments (4)
Justin Timberlake Is A Filthy Dope Fiend Who Likes Sticking Drugs Up Himself
SEXY back? Justin Timberlake is more likely to be indulging in blow-backs after he admitted that he “absolutely” smokes marijuana.
So there you go. Timberlake is nothing but a wretched stoner who is wheeling out the same ol’ line of ‘it helps me to switch off and relax’. Aye, and eat two thousand packets of Cheetos while giggling at monkey’s pissing in their own mouths in YouTube videos.
He said:
“The only thing pot does for me is it gets me to stop thinking. Sometimes I have a brain that needs to be turned off. Some people are just better high.”
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Posted: 16th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
LIz Hurley Is Divorced From Arun Nayar: This Was Her Wedding (Words & Photos)
ELIZABETH Hurley is now divorced from Arun Nayar. Anorak recalls when they married in a event that went on and on and on and on…
ELIZABETH Hurley and Arun Nayar are “MORE IN LOVE THAN EVER”.
LIZ Hurley has worn all manner of dresses in a career that has spanned parties, premieres and personal appearances.
And now she is preparing to wear some more clothes, adding maternity gowns to a CV that already includes dresses with safety pins, white jeans and bikinis.
The Mirror says that Liz plans to have a baby with boyfriend Arun Nayar. And what’s more she and he are to marry.
“I cannot reveal to you the exact date but it is very close,” says Liz in Italian Vanity Fair magazine.
DAY 2
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Posted: 16th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Kerry Katona Delivers Her The Only Way Is Essex Love Story Masterclass
KERRY Katona’s OK! diary reaches a peak this weeks as she consider news of her relations ship with Can Associates stablemate, James ‘Arg’ Argent, the leading eyebrows and man most likely to lead a Spandau Ballet tribute act on The Only Way Is Essex. The whole Can gang have been in Marbella. Says Kerry:
“This week I’m absolutely lived and I want to make it clear that the stories about me and Arg from the Only Way Is Essex are absolute rubbish!”
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Posted: 15th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Joss Stone Escapes Being Taken To Manchester – Fiat Drivers Arrested
JOSS Stone is fine. The singer of urban songs who lives in Devon has not been kidnapped by two men from Manchester. Two Northern men did not try to reconnect her with her musical roots. But they have been arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to rob the singer.
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Owain Yeoman Is Peta’s Dumb Animal Of The Month: Anthony Bourdain, Foie Gras And Cooking Fortnum & Mason’s Goose
OWAIN Yeoman has created a “crime scene” hazard tape and chalk body outlines of geese outside Fortnum & Mason’s. If he coloured it in and added a pond, we’d toss him some spare change. But Yeoman is not after cash for his art – he wants to make an orchestrated point in public. The Mentalist star is doing it for PETA in a protest against the store’s sale of foie gras.
He holds a sign declaring:
“F&M: Investigate Compassion – Ban Foie Gras”.
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Posted: 15th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Sean Bean Gets Stabbed Outside Pub In Row Over His Bird, Which Is So Very Northern
LORD of the Rings star Sean Bean (pronounced Shaun Baun) has been stabbed. No really. He’s been stabbed with some glass by a man who intended to stab him with some glass. This isn’t one of those misleading stories where you’re vaguely told something and it transpires that you were being lead up the garden path.
Bean was involved in something of a scuffle outside a North London pub at the weekend. Sean was smoking a fag (not a euphemism) with his chum April Summers. She’s an ‘adult actress’ and many suspect that she’s the new beau of Bean after he got a divorce from his wife not too long ago.
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Posted: 15th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Petra Ecclestone And James Stunt Buy Candy Spelling Massive Home for LA Grand Prix: Photos
PETRA Ecclestone, 22, daughter of Formula One action figure Bernie Eccleston, beloved of James Stunt and sister to shrewd Tamara Ecclestone (owner of new £45m home in inner city Kensington Palace Gardens – ““For me, ‘spoilt’ means ruined, and I don’t feel ruined”) has bought Candy Spelling’s massive home. It was for sale at $150m.
The 57,000-square foot Los Angeles mansion built by the late TV producer Aaron Spelling (Charlie’s Angels, Dynasty, Starsky and Hutch). It will stage the new LA Grand
Prix on the mezzanine floor.
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Posted: 14th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Soulja Boy Was Hacked When He Did A Racist All Over The Facebook Gays
DESPITE the fact Soulja Boy can’t even hold the vaguest of notes while performing his odd, skewed take on rap-pop, he became something of a sensation. He got his swag on and everyone else forgot to utilise the primary function of their ears.
Soulja Boy, for those half a dozen people who still care, is also famous for getting involved in numerous ‘beefs’… that doesn’t mean he’s opened up a kitchen, rather, he likes slagging people off. And the latest people to face his ire are The Gays and Whitey.
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Posted: 14th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Mildred Baena Presents Joseph, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Secret Son He Never Knew (New Photos)
MILDRED Baena, the woman who while working for Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver, was impregnated by the Sperminator, presents their son Joseph to Hello!.
Joseph is 13. Mildred is 50. She has five children. She worked for the Schwarzenegger family for 20 years. Her mother also worked for them. Her sister still does. Mildred says she is not being paid for the interview.
Here are highlights of her interview:
When told that his dad was Arnie, Joseph replied, “Cool!”
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Posted: 14th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Selena Gomez Gets A ‘Being Brave’ Sticker In Children’s Hospital: Bieber Fans Pray For Her Death
DID you hear about Selena Gomez being rushed to hospital suffering from feeling pukous and having a eye-melting headache? Are you a demented Bieber fan who has been sending death-threats, cheering that she might die and that, in fact, your little voodoo doll actually worked?
Good for you. You must be thrilled, despite the fact Bieber still won’t ever take his miniature arousal anywhere near you because you’d inevitably kill his lust by constantly screaming at him.
Anyway, Gomez, has been getting lots of medical attention and it is thought that she has a combination of food poisoning and exhaustion. Everyone is looking at Beliebers as potential poisoners.
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Posted: 13th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Justin Bieber And Chris Brown Team Up To Really Hate Women Together
TOGETHER, Chris Brown and Justin Bieber have an amazing loathing for womankind. Sure, they may croon their paeans to the boobier sex, but they both quite obviously loathe them.
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Posted: 13th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comments (3)
Sir Bruce Forsyth – A Life In Photos And Backing Britain
BRUCE Forsyth is now Sir Bruce Forsyth. Sir Bruce, as he will be known, has had a good career in showbiz. But the highlight must be his part in the protest movement, I’m Backing Britain. In 1968 Tony Hatch and Jackie Trent put together a tune that Bruce Forsyth would give full throat to:
I’m Backing Britain,
Yes I’m Backing Britain.
We’re all Backing Britain today.
The feeling is growing,
So let’s keep it going,
The good times are blowing our way.
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Posted: 13th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (17)
Isle Of White Festival Photos: Brilliant Pictures Of The Fans In The Sun And The Mud
THE Isle of White Festival in photos… Did you survive the sun and then the rain? Did you slide in the mud soup and giggle – then travel for hours in the dried stink? Did you dress in a plastic burka and brave the wether? Did you sit on the beach and hope that the sun would last? If you did, you ought well be in our big gallery of photos. You know what the strs look like – this is what you looked like…
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Posted: 13th, June 2011 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)
Jennifer Lopez Sings In A Fallopian Tube At Capital FM’s Summertime Ball: Photos
THE Capital FM’s Summertime Ball was staged in a rainy Wembley Stadium, London. Still Nicole Scherzinger did her best to humidify the air with a legs akimbo show; much like Jessie J, who will do for the shabby white sock what Clark Gable did for the vest. Enrique Iglesias got off with fan on stage. JLS sang down the phone. The Wanted channelled the drippiness. Lisa Snowdon gave us a George Clooney-eye view. And Jennifer Lopez sang in a fallopian tube.
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