Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Robert Pattinson Wants To Bother Everyone With His Awful Singing
PERPETUAL bore and Twilight death-hunk Robert Pattinson has said he wants to reignite his music career. Did you not know he had a music career? Yes! He totally bought an acoustic guitar and likes singing his dreadful songs that sound like he’s got his genitals caught in a mangle.
See, before he stood very, very still and emoted one off into the faces of Twlighters, the incredibly tedious actor played in a band, like loads of misguided chumps! But this is Robert Pattinson, so it is more special, RIGHT?!
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Posted: 9th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Brigitte Bardot Mourns Suicide Ex Husband
REMEMBER when Brigitte Bardot was nothing more than a brilliant nymph who didn’t care much for wearing clothes and ached of Gallic cool? Remember those days? The days before she started being an animal rights activist and… uh… mentalist who said dodgy things about Muslims. Yeah. Those were good days.
Bardot seemingly likes animals more than the world of Islam, criticizing slaughter procedures of sheep while saying things like “…my country, France, my homeland, my land is again invaded by an overpopulation of foreigners, especially Muslims” as well as calling homosexuals “fairground freaks”.
Well, now she’s going to have to mourn a human for a change after reports broke of her ex-husband, Gunther Sachs, killing himself. It has been suggested that he shot himself.
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Posted: 9th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
The Dusty Springfield Memorial: Featuring The Robin Gibb Celebrity Funeral Service
TO the unveiling of the blue plaque in Aubrey Walk, Kensington, that honours singer Dusty Springfield. And who but Bee Gee Robin Gibb was there to do the honours?
Last week we saw Gibb at the unveiling of the statue to Bomber Command. Today, he’s there to open another memorial. Is he for hire? Does he also attend the planting of headstones for the less famous?
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Princess Diana’s Unlawful Killing Appeals To The Usual Suspects
THE Princess Diana conspiracy film is called Unlawful Killing. It’s created by Keith Allen, dad to Lily Allen, and funded by Mohamed Al Fayed, father to Dodi Fayed.
If the trailer is a fair reflection of the whole, the film is big on sideways eyes and making one plus one equals whatever you want it to. Allen says:
Unlawful Killing is not about a conspiracy before the crash, but a provable conspiracy after the crash.
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The Ricky Gervais Interview: Whatever Happened To Him?
IN August 2002, Anorak’s Ed Barrett met Ricky Gervais. Whatever happened to him? (Not Ed – he’s here.)
RICKY Gervais is a friendly-looking chap in his mid-thirties. He speaks in a soft-but-jaunty voice with a distinctive Reading accent. Until recently he was known chiefly for his appearances as a comedian on The Eleven O’Clock Show and as host in Meet Ricky Gervais – a respectable enough CV, but nothing to suggest that he would soon become indelibly stamped on the memory of a generation of TV viewers. All that changed this year, though, when he grew a neat goatee beard, acquired a cheap suit and a medium-priced tie, and unleashed David Brent on an unsuspecting world.
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Posted: 9th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
David Hasselhoff To Do Lovejoy’s Hamlet
DAVID Hasselhoff, famous for being a cloying dad who ran on the beach with a red handbag and chatting to a smug car, is judging Britain’s Got Talent.
We know him as the otherworldly Hollywood-type who serves to make Simon Cowell, whom he is replacing for a while, look rugged and natural of face.
But The Hoff wants to connect with us, and tell us that he knows the UK is about more than just sarcasm, damp and regret.
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Posted: 6th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Blake Sheldon Totally Doesn’t Hate The Gays
COUNTRY superstar, Blake Sheldon, has been accused of being a stinkin’ homophobe. Of course, what with him being a country and western singer, roughly 99.7% won’t be at all surprised at the notion of a God fearing dust bowl balladeer not being too fond of the gays.
However, Blake Sheldon is a modern, groovy kinda Stetson wearer and everyone has got him all wrong.
See, Sheldon is still taking his spurred boots from his mouth after he reworked some of Shania Twain’s lyrics on twitter, leaving “The Voice” coach apologising so frequently that he’s begun to look insincere.
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Up John Gielgud’s Arse With Dame Helen Mirren
SHOWBIZ Quote Of the Week is supplied by Dame Helen Mirren in her apparent tribute to the late Sir John Gielgud:
“He did Arthur, he did Peter Greenaway’s Prospero’s Books. He did Caligula. He wasn’t up his own arse.”
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Posted: 6th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Did Brando, Taylor and Jackson Work For Al Qaeda?
CELEBRITY news of the week was that after 9/11, not only were Osama bin Laden’s days alive numbered, but Elizabeth Taylor, Marlon Brando and Michael Jackson got in a car for a road trip out of New York. They made it to Ohio. We are not told who drove.
A source told Vanity Fair:
“These three towering icons of American pop culture planned their escape, afraid that they would be the next target. Unable to fly, they drove out of the city.”
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Posted: 6th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Sara Buys Is Our Nominative Determinism Hero Of the Year
YOU might well wonder what kind of person attends the launch of Equire’s monthly magazine at Sketch, an eatery in London? Hungry ones, we’d wager. We expected little. But among the faces of the ubiquitous liggers – Lily Allen (nice teeth), celebrity actress Jaime Winstone, Abbey Clancy (making backs this year’s body part) and Jameela Jamil – there was Prince’s William’s step-brother (fresh out of his wedding doggy bag) and his wife…Sara Buys.
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Posted: 6th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Mel Gibson’s Ex Is Now Saying That He Didn’t Domestic Violence Her One On The Face
LAST seen with a stuffed beaver sewn to his hand, Mel Gibson has had a troublesome year or so, facing allegations of being a anti-Semite, accusations of being a racist for dropping the N Bomb in Those Tapes as well as being alleged to have battered his ex-gal, Oksana Grigorieva.
Well, small joy for Gibbo as Oksana has dropped her allegations of domestic violence against the actor while she attempts to settle their hilariously ugly and public custody battle.
Is anyone thinking or future trainwreck, baby Lucia in all of this? Who cares?
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Posted: 5th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Norwejian Ninja Is Our Film Of The Year
NORWEGIAN Ninja is here. At last! King Olav’s force for invisible warfare is behind you!!!
The biog boasts: “The true story of how Commander Arne Treholt and his Ninja Force saved Norway during the Cold War.”
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Hugh Laurie’s Album In The Blues Style, For America
HUGH Laurie has performed at the Union Chapel in north London. He’s recorded an album in the New Orleans blues style. It’s called Let Them Talk…
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Posted: 5th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
OK! Tracks Down The Royal Dress Designer Who Isn’t Really
“AT HOME WITH THE ROYAL DRESS DESIGNER” is a chance for OK! readers to meet Caroline Castigliano. Only, she didn’t design Kate Middleton’s wedding dress. Sarah Burton did.
But Caroline did design the dress worn by Alice van Cutsem when she married Nicolas in 2009. If that is not enough, Caroline says she designed dresses for “two or three of the guests at the wedding”. Two or three? Who knows.
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Posted: 4th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lady GaGa Bans Ice Cubes And Eats Like A Dullard
SOMETIMES it feels like Lady GaGa single handedly revived pop. With that, it is fair to say she’s the current queen of pop culture, which gives her the chance to turn into a self-aware kook. God knows we need some oddballs in music at the moment, especially given that rock music is currently riddled with men who are about as thrilling as a post-match interview with Michael Owen.
So with that, GaGa has decided to ban ice-cubes from her concerts.
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Public Enemy’s Flava Flav Arrested By “Rookie Ass Cop”
IT isn’t unusual to hear news of a rapper getting arrested. In fact, its such a frequent occurrence that some think there’s something of a police conspiracy against wealthy black men (exemplified by Mos Def, here).
However, in some cases, you suspect stupidity may have a hand in it. Step up, class clown, Flava Flav.
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Robert Pattinson And Reece Witherspoon Attend UK Premiere Of Water For Elephants – Pictures
R PATZ, Reece Witherspoon and Anorak’s favourite celebrity attendee Hofit Golan attend UK premiere of Water For Elephants in London:
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Posted: 3rd, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Eurovision 2011: Blue Are Now A Cartoon
BLUE, the UK entry into the Eurovision Song contest, have been turned into a two cartoon.
Yep, yeah the early middle-aged boybanders have been transformed into a 2D outfit. What are the odds?
As MEN put sit soberly:
Joining an elite group of acts like The Jackson 5 and The Beatles.
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Mariah Carey Wants Everyone To Guess Her Twins Names
MARIAH Carey is, of course, more mental than a tree filled with talking toasters. She became pregnant with twins, which left the universe considering implosion briefly. Could the human race stand Mariah gloating about her working ovaries? Could we collectively take the cloying praise bestowed on her little bundles of disappointments?
One person who doesn’t care about our feelings is Mariah Carey who, for some inexplicable reason, wants us all to guess the names of her newborns, who were brought into the world while Carey was listening to one of her own albums.
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Posted: 3rd, May 2011 | In: Music | Comments (3)
Def Leppard Tribute Act Wants One-Armed Flame Retardant Drummer
SITUATIONS Vacant: Pyromania, the “hottest” Def Leppard tribute band in Dallsa are looking for a one-armed drummer:
“Must have flame retardant kit & stick.”
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Katie Holmes Settles With Rag That Accused Her Of Being A Druggie
JUST because Katie Holmes married Scientology poster-boy Tom Cruise, it doesn’t mean she’s on drugs. The taking of drugs explains a lot of erratic behaviour, but Katie is keen to point out that, if you think she’s a bit of a lunatic, she’s like that of her own free-will.
And this whole drug thing has seen the actress settling a defamation claim with US celebrity magazine, Star, after they falsely suggested that she was constantly ripped to her tits on good quality drugs.
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Posted: 29th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Paris Hilton And Boyfriend Attacked By Nut Job
PARIS Hilton, a woman of no fixed talent, is doing rather well on the stalker front. In fact, one of them is so keen on her that he keeps punching her boyfriend.
For you see, the man known as Cy Waits shouldn’t be with Paris, despite the fact she is willingly going out with him. Rather, she is destined to marry a bug-eyed nutter called James Rainford. Why? Because he says so.
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Posted: 28th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Steven Tyler Took American Idol Job To Irritate Aerosmith Bandmates
RUBBER duck faced, No Frills Mick Jagger – Steven Tyler – has been talking about his decision to take the American Idol gig. It seemed a strange decision to stick a supposed wild man of RAWK on the judging panel for a show that, in essence, churns out obedient pop singers, waiting for the zeitgeist to hit them, rather than create it. So, apart from cold hard cash and attention, what were Tyler’s motives?
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Posted: 27th, April 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
RIP Poly Styrene: ‘Oh Bondage, Up Yours!’
RIP Poly Styrene, aka Marianne Elliot Said. Cue the nostalgia. But Poly was not always accepted. She was once the anti-fashion rebel. She was the screeching voice of X Ray Spex, a band that if you blinked you missed. But they mattered. At their pomp, the punk bands were everything the Establishment hated.
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Kerry Katona On Keeping Private Dan Foden Private
KERRY Katona on being Kerry Katona in this week’s OK! – with Dan Foden:
“It’s still early days with Dan and it’s so nice to keeping it all to myself!… I’m just keeping it quiet for now and enjoying it.”
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Posted: 27th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
