Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
How Elizabeth Taylor Brought About The End Of Humanity: Video
ELIZABETH Taylor once tried to bring about the end of humanity. She told us to wear a condom every time we had sex. She did. And you should too:
Posted: 23rd, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Kerry Katona Seduces Dan Foden Into The Celebrity Petri Dish
KERRY Katona opens her mouth in the manner of Nookie Bear trying out a new fist on the cover of OK!, cuddles two of her kidzzz and tells us:
“MY NEW MAN DAN IS FIT & SUCCESSFUL – I DON’T WANT TO SCARE HIM OFF”
Dan is Dan Foden, who you might have seen as a lovelorn contestant on Saturday night TV show Take Me Out.
Can it be that the celebrity Petri Dish is so inter-mingled that even ZZZ-listed celeb blood is required to stop celebrity children being born with names like Keith and Tracey?
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Posted: 23rd, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Peter Andre And An Extraordinary Live-In Hair Stylist
PETER Andre simpers from the cover of OK! magazine. His face illustrates the news:
“I CAN’T BELIEVE I LIVE WITH THAT POISONOUS WOMAN”
Who’s that then?
“As Peter Andre’s nanny is jailed OK! takes a look at other extraordinary moments in the singer’s life”
Wouldn’t being jailed be an extraordinary moment in the nanny’s life?
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Posted: 23rd, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Teenage Cancer Trust Comedy Night Does Not Present The Death Of Jeffery Archer
ANORAK hates stand-up comedy. The only two shows we ever saw were poor man’s Sid James, Arthur Smith, hosting a gig at Jongleurs (horrible humour; room full of boozed-up estate agents), and Jerry Sadowtiz, who seduced us to the cheap seats on the back of a sketch called “The Death of Jeffrey Archer”, in which two Glaswegians spot Archer in his jail cell and spend a long, long time telling him how he is going to die at their hands. But that was it.
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Posted: 22nd, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Rebecca Black To Perform For Rebels In Libya: Gaddafi Pays
REBECCA Black’s dire tune in praise of Friday has been downloaded 2million times.
And not all purchases have been made by Arab despots keen to keep their people off the street by blaring the thing from Tannoys.
Friday is fun, fun, fun. Well, not for you Jewish kids. But for everyone one else it is. It. Is. FUN!
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Mel B Show Off Her Pregnancy Bump To A Thrilled Victoria Beckham
POOR old Mel B. There is the former spice Girl announcing her pregnancy to the word via the front page of Hello! and the editors decide that to make the magazine sellable she needs to share the cover with an equally large shot of Victoria Beckham.
Inside the mag, and a few pages after sources have told us that Sticky Vicky is delighted to be pregnant, we meet Melanie Brown and Stephen Belafonte. We also see Mel’s previously born children, Angel and Phoenix, both seemingly named after cartoon characters from 1980s children’s telly.
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Posted: 22nd, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Charlie Sheen Is Now A Terrible Tattoo
HOW will you remember Charlie Sheen when his nuclear meltdown has ended?
A small stain on the sheets from browsing his goddesses?
A realisation that Two And A Half Men, the show you never watched before you heard of Sheen, is The Odd Couple & A Brat?
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Posted: 19th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Jet Harris RIP: Cliff Richard Had A Sex Life
JET Harris RIP. You were born Terence Harris. you were one of The Shadows, Cliff Richards’ backing group. The other claim to fame is that Cliff had an affair with your wife, Carol Costa.
Jet left the band in the early 1960s. Cliff became a pop preacher…
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Katie Price And Leandro Penna Smooch In The Queen’s Box At Cheltenham
KATIE Price, aka Jordan, has usurped Her Majesty the Queen’s Royal box (fnar). So reports the Daily Star in the front-page screamer entitled:
“QUEEN JORDAN UNSEATS ROYALS – she hijacks Her Maj’s box at races”
Anorak sees an image of Jordan running off with said box, spraying it orange and sticking some peonies in it. Keen to erase the image from mind, we read on:
Katie Price was the queen of celebrity as she partied in the royal box at Cheltenham yesterday. Horse-mad star Katie Price watched the Gold Cup race with new boyfriend Leandro Penna, 25.
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Posted: 19th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Daily Mail And Nicola McLean’s Upskirt Shot: Photos And Pixels
IN a story about a night out with CAN Associates’ bright clientele Nicola McLean, Amy Childs, Mel B’s sister (!) Danielle Brown and Kerry Katona, the Mail featured a photo that can be described as revealing. You can see it here. The Mail first pixelated the image up McLean’s skirt and then removed it from its website entirely.
Is this a sign of editorial debate at the Mail?
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Posted: 18th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Orlando Bloom Goes Mountain Biking On An Orange
WE went to Selfridge’s to sniff the scented air around the actor Orlando Bloom. He’s the face of Boss Orange Aftershave. To give you a clue as to what it smells of, bloom wore a comfy jumper, black lace ups and sat in a leathery chair. Add to this the Bloom’s acting oeuvre as the pirate prince of the Caribbean and the smell is like the officer’s quarters in a submarine. Splendid stuff.
Orlando tells Elle:
“I wasn’t really a ‘fragrance guy’ before, but Boss Orange is so easy to wear. It adds another dimension to my personality. I wouldn’t have done it if it didn’t fit my personality; it’s so easy going, you can go mountain biking in it if you want!”
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Posted: 17th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Myleene Klass And Nadya Suleman: Separated At Birth
DEAR Anorak, while looking at a Twitter photo of a pregnant Myleene Klass plastered in white substance thoughts turned to memorable night with the Friends Of Charlie Sheen rugby XI and Octomum Nadia Suleman.
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Posted: 17th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Greatest Movie Gifs Ever
ANORAK presents the greatest movie gifs ever. Can a single moment of film capture the essence of the whole? Yes. (Give them time to load – they’re worth it.)
Posted: 16th, March 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Katie Price, Leandro Pena: Alex Reid Pops The Questions
KATIE Price has been banging her Jordans into Leandro Pena, a smooth-skinned Argentinean with Ken doll hair and teeth the colour of a Bing Crosby wet dream.
This site gives a short history of Pena – and thanks to Google translate, he sounds intriguing:
Apparently, the Spanish network Univision Penna hired to star in a fictional U.S. “They knew that people wanted to have a personality Chopard America at the Oscars and I was recommended to me. It’s that simple, “explained the model, who seems to have been touched by the magic wand.
When he’s not examining Katie’s exit wounds, Leandro is being commented on by a “source” close to Alex Reid, the current Mr Katie Price last seen living in her shoe cupboard:
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Posted: 16th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kerry Katona’s Fight With Elen And Kate: MacArthur And Middleton Unharmed
WANT to hear about Kerry Katona’s “FIGHT WITH KATIE AND ELEN”. OK! magazine has news on its cover.
Would that be Katie Middleton and Elen MacArthur, famed yachtswomen?
No. It turns out to be Katie Price, formerly a client of PR firm Can Associates, who now represent Price’s former husband Peter Andre, and Elen Rivas, also a client of Can Associates and Andre’s current lover.
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Posted: 16th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Twitter Tw*ts: Paloma Faith Muses On Nuclear Energy And Japan
PALOMA Faith reacts on Twitter to the Japanese disaster and that nuclear issue:
Just saw the photos of japan disaster in the metro. Its just shocking. And what a worry all that nuclear energy. Why was it even invented?
Let us pray…
Posted: 16th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Josie Gibson’s Abortion Car Crash
JOSIE Gibson, the Big Brother winner, is on the cover of OK!. alongside her are the words:
“JOSIE ALONE – ‘HE FORCED ME TO HAVE AN ABORTION’”
Inside we get:
“I made a lot of mistakes in my past and one thing is for certain, I ain’t going back for anyone.”
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Posted: 16th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Rebecca Black Will Now Sing The World’s Most Terrible Pop Song
REBECCA Black sings the world’s most annoying, vacuous, dumb song- ever. I lasted 1 minute and 41 seconds. You..?
Posted: 16th, March 2011 | In: Music | Comments (3)
Peaches Geldof: The Hard-Nosed Face Of Vapid Youth
POOR old Peaches Geldof. She’s the rich rebel who arrived at the swingers’ orgy to find mum and dad handing out towels. She’s in the news because her name has been linked with a dress, allegedly, no longer at the Three Amigos store in Camden Town. The talk is of a “misunderstanding” and alleged shoplifting.
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Posted: 15th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
RIP Smiley Culture: Police Officers Investigated For Dead Reggae Star
RIP British Smiley Culture, aka David Emmanuel. You were 48 when the dirty Babylon knocked on the door of your drum in Warlingham, Surrey.
The Independent Police Complaints Commission is investigating the death that followed a raid by the Metropolitan Police.
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Justin Bieber Plays London’s 02 With His Flies Undone: Photos
JUSTIN Bieber was at London’s O2 venue. When the countdown clock struck Bieber Time, the Violet Elizabeth Bott and Little Jimmy Osmond love child arrived on stage with his flies undone. Hey, don’t be too harsh. Firstly, he’s a popstar and soon all the cool kids will be doing it. Secondly, “Look, ma, no pull ups!”
He then played an acoustic guitar as he flew in a caged heart. The kidz loved it. Mum and dad wondered why they spent £15 on a programme. Enjoy the photos:
Jim Davidson’s Black Friends Don’t Sound Like Chalky Any More
JIM Davidson is tlaking about racism on Newsnight:
“I think we’ve moved on now. I don’t think racism exists like it did in the 1970s. For instance, I wouldn’t do Chalky now because all my black friends don’t have West Indian accents.”
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Posted: 14th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Greatest Cheryl Cole Story Ever, As Told By The Daily Star
HAS the Daily Star Reporter delivered a story that sums up the world of celebrity and its relationship with Cheryl Cole, a woman who hyped abilities exceed her actual qualities by a factor of 36 to 1 (fact!)?
DEFIANT Cheryl Cole has again ended all contact with football star husband Ashley.
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Posted: 14th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kerry Katona’s Sag: Curry Kills The Dream
KERRY Katona’s wish to disappear moves one pace back towards the curry house. The Star’s Susan Hill tells us:
Troubled Kerry has been scoffing Chinese takeaways and beef curries after starving herself for months for the skating show. Her weight has crept up to eight- and-a-half stone and she has gone from a slinky size 8 to a curvy 10.
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Posted: 13th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
David Beckham Over The Moon About Victoria’s Baby Girl: Pregnancy Photos
VICTORIA Beckham is having a girl. The bid for the naming rights has yet to be open. But while we await for baby Vida In Association With Taffeta Placentas (we’re right – you know it) says Day-vid:
“Obviously, we’re very lucky to be expecting again, and this is the first time I’m going to say it: It’s a little girl. We’re still in shock. Obviously, having three boys, you kind of expect another one, so finding out a little girl is in there is surprising, but, obviously, we are over the moon. Our three boys are happy and excited, and Victoria is doing well.”
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Posted: 12th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
