Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
65th Edinburgh International Film Festival Delivers The Most Pretentious Press Release Of The Year
THE 65th Edinburgh International Film Festival is going to be just great. You should enjoy it if you like films and don’t let the god-awful press release put you off:
The blueprint for the 2011 Festival is here. Want to know more…?
On Monday 7 February, the 65th Edinburgh International Film Festival’s Artistic Advisors Mark Cousins and Lynda Myles delivered ‘EIFF65: Our Suggestions’: the first fruits of their rethink of the Festival. It has been an exciting few days here at Filmhouse, HQ of the Festival.
The Blueprint came in the form of note from Mark and Lynda to ‘Dear EIFF Colleagues and Friends’. It outlines a radical evolution of the form and content of the Festival, and reinvigorates the Festival as a primary cultural destination and territory for audiences in Edinburgh, Scotland, the UK and internationally. The Blueprint names the first tranche of Guest Curators, invited to dream what the Festival will and can be, to use film and the fabric of one of the world’s most beautiful and potent cities as a canvas, or screen.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, February 2011 | In: Film | Comment (1)
Top Man CTRL MX: Mark Ronson, The View, Lykke Li And The Joy Formidable
WE went to the CTRL Top Man CTRL MX, in Stoke Newington, north London, to see Huw Stephens and James Buckley line up Mark Ronson, The View, Lykke Li and The Joy Formidable. New music is not on the telly. It’s not on Britain’s Got Talent and the X Factor. It’s not on desperate youth telly, that aide to marketing tat to the kidz. It’s on the internet and in clubs.
10197966
Katy Perry Owes It All To Georgina Baille
KATY Perry is singing on a swing at the Grammys. Behind her are photo of her wedding day to Russell Brand. Whatever can it mean?
Read the rest of this entry »
Justin Bieber Fans Attack Esperanza Spalding
WHEN Esperanza Spalding won the prize for Best New Artist at the Grammy Awards, Justin Bieber fans ripped off their pull ups and tossed them at the screen.
They then went on Wikipedia to see who this crusher of dreams was. One got to work and edited the entry to include the phrase: “GO DIE IN A HOLE.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Peter Andre’s Sole Custody Of The Kidzz: Katie Price Warms
WILL sentimental pop acorn Peter Andre win sole custody of his children? The rumours are that he’s filed a Family Court application to get the kidzz: Junior Pete and Princess TenaLadyMe, the new Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball.
Anorak’s eyebrow has been raised more times than Hugh Hefner’s housecoat ever since Pete and Katie met in the jungle. How ironic that the man who sang Mysterious Girl should marry a woman with all the mystery of small dog sat by a pile of poo.
Nothing is a mystery. It’s not even a half decent rhetorical question. Here’s Katie on that burn on TenaLadiiii’s back:
“At that time she was with my mother and my sister and had (unbeknown to my sister) followed my sister to retrieve pyjama’s (sic) left to warm.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 14th, February 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Baftas 2011: Winners And Helena Bonham-Carter’s Rain In Photos
BAFTAS 2011: Helena Bonham-Carter takes the metal face for the Best Supporting Actress, received for The King’s Speech. Outside London’s Royal Opera House, it’s raining. Will the mask make a decent umbrella? Or will it have stopped raining by the time Bonham-Carter ends her acceptance speech?
Others also have faces…
10184905
Lindsay Lohan Endorses The Revolution In Egypt
LINDSAY Lohan allows almighty god to pick up her hand and text a message to the people of Egypt (now ruled by the freedom loving Army) and all mankind:
Congratulations to the people of Egypt. Your voices were heard and you proved that peaceful demonstrations are possible and effective
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 12th, February 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Katy Perry’s Trunk Call
KATY Perry: And still we wait for the day her husband Russell Brand discovers God. And while we wait, Katy talks about sex and how she and Russell are at it. She tells Elle:
“We’re not like the stereotypical joke of a married couple. I’m married to Russell Brand – I don’t just have sex once a week!”
Read the rest of this entry »
Kesha Weeps Glitter From Every Orifice: Mariah Carey Yet To Respond
KESHA has laid down the gauntlet to Mariah Carey, while evoking unfortunate images of sexual deviant Gary Glitter. While Carey starred in Glitter, Kesha weeps glitter stuff from every hole of her being:
“If you come and see a show of mine, there is no shortage of glitter. By the end, everyone from the back of the auditorium to the very front is covered and potentially choking on glitter. I am shooting glitter from glitter guns and out of every orifice in my body.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 11th, February 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Lindsay Lohan’s Lying Mum Dina Never Brought Her Up To Lie
LINDSAY Lohan, on trial for felony grand theft, takes to Twitter to tells us that you can blame God but do not blame her mum and dad:
“Was on the phone with my sister & this movie Greenberg is on, i heard my voice which was odd- and ryhs ifans is watching Just My Luck in the movie- made me laugh.. i just want to be on set again, and left alone to just work! fyi- i would never steal, in case people are wondering. I was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal… also, what i wear to court shouldnt be front page news. it’s just absurd. god bless xox L”
Hey, God does his own blessing. Unless the Lord of Creation is taking time out from Lohan’s jewellery case and picking out her outfit to write some Twitter stuff.
But what about Liohan’s claim abut mum setting a good example and not lying or stealing?
The elder Lohan said she sometimes introduces herself as her daughter’s personal assistant. She even once lied about her identity to George Clooney.
“I don’t want them to know I’m her mom,” she said. “It’s a whole ‘nother demographic. People just go dark.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 11th, February 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Student Fees Idiot Charlie Gilmour Hitches A Ride To Court With Prince Charles
UNIVERSITY place berth blocker and member of the Sados (Sons and daughters of stars) Charlie Gilmour has been to Westminster Magistrates Court. Charlie – journalist / model / hand-stitched knob – was charged with violent disorder during a student fees protest.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 11th, February 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Famous Faces Who Never Got A Girlfriend: A Gallery Of Hope (Maybe)
DID the chubby young Russell Brand, Cristiano Ronaldo and Justin Timberlake ever grow up to get a girlfriend? In this gallery, we look at the faces of the young man and what he became.
Let’s see in our gallery of hope (maybe)…
Spotter: urlesque
Posted: 11th, February 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
London Critics’ Circle Film Awards 2011: Photos
THE 31st annual London Film Critics’ Circle Awards in photos: To the BFI Southbank with Colin Firth (The King’s Speech), Helena Bonham Carter, Aaron Sorkin, Rosamund Pike, Sam Taylor-Wood, Will Poulter, Olivia Williams, Kristin Scott Thomas, Mike Leigh, Thomas Turgoose, Peter Wight and Will Poulter.
10167593
Lindsay Lohan: Did God Steal The Bracelet?
WHATEVER Lindsay Lohan does is “part of God’s plan”. The defence used by suicide bombers, Glenn Hoddle and every Oscar winner will do for Lindsay Lohan.
The actress is a victim and plaything of the Lord of all Creation. Dina Lohan has it on good authority that this is so. Says she:
“All good. God has a big plan.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 10th, February 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Peter Andre And Katie Price Burn For Princess
PETER Andre cradles his daughter’s head to his chests. His eyes are closed, rapt in ecstasy.
OK!, on whose cover the religious icon features, says Peter is fighting with Katie Price over Princess TenaLadyMiiii, their child, for it is she.
The rumours are of Princess having a “three-inch burn on her back, said to have been caused when the toddler ran into a sauna.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 10th, February 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Playmobil Do Joy Division: The Tops Motion Transmission
JOY Division are still performing, as they once performed on BBC2’s Something Else in 1979 . Sean Bonner has more on the PlayMobile stop motion wonders……
Spotter: Boing Boing
Posted: 10th, February 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Music Producers Guild Awards 2011: Photos And Gary Numan’s Peep Show
THAT’S not Super Hans from Peep Show at the Music Producers Guild awards, at Cafe de Paris in central London. It’s 1980s car enthusiast Gary Numan. The do awards prizes to the music producers, engineers, mixers and re-mixers who spin hits from hyped pap, raw talent and enthusiasm.
Read the rest of this entry »
Track of the day: The Strokes – Under Cover of Darkness
Aah yes, The Strokes. The band, whose debut album was championed by everyone from Noel Gallagher to Kate Moss and whose dirty guitar riffs and whiney vocals inspired a generation of new bands, are back.
And that probably won’t mean too much given that their second album – Room On Fire – was a real stinker and the third First Impressions of Earth only marginally better.
However Under Cover of Darkness, their first single in five years, is a real return to form. All the bits that made them so lovable in the first place are there but bizarrely they have jumbled around in a song that contains about three choruses and eight mini guitar solos.
If this is anything to go by their fourth album could be a corker.
Kim Kardashian Defies The Hair: The Bottom Photos
KIM Kardashian might make Elizabeth Taylor wonder who she is and why she’s famous, but we know. Once upon a time, fame was all about the hair. Kim’s hair is on a wax strip. But her talent is behind her.
Posted: 10th, February 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Boy George And Josh Weller: The Next Big Thing
PHOTO of the Night: Boy George joins Josh Weller on stage for encore at Jazz Cafe, Camden, London, at The HMV Next Big Thing concert. It’s not all about Britain’s Got Talent...
10163618
Lindsay Lohan’s Dress Is A Courtroom Expose: Photos
LINDSAY Lohan is back in court. Already this month Peter Doherty and Jack Tweed have been back in court. Doing court is what the celebrities do.
Lohan is in court accused of stealing a sad looking $2,500 gold chain. In court, she needs to balance the entertainer with the gravitas of the scene. She dresses clingy and pouts. If TV cameras were allowed in jail cells, Lohan would take prison in her stride, passing her days flirting and dabbling. Stick in a dimmer switch and you’ve got yourself a TV mini-series right there.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 10th, February 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Miley Cyrus Side Boobs For Marie Claire: Photos
MILEY Cyrus continues her transformation into a middle-aged divorcee in a photoshoot for Marie Claire. Cyrus shows a hint of side boob, a face that says box-fresh Carmen Electra 1989 and clothes from Dynasty Juniors. Miley is 18 and appears to believe that now an adult she should dress like a woman of the world working a cruise ship for a man.
Posted: 10th, February 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Baftas 2011: Emma Watson’s Head On A Stick
Orange BAFTA staff member Aimee Hall lays out heads on sticks marking the seating plan at the Royal Opera House, in Covent Garden, London, ahead of the Orange British Academy Film Awards, which takes place on Sunday February 13, 2011.
Kim Kardashian Washes Off Her Nose: Photos And History Play
EVER lie awake at night wondering what a chat between Victoria Beckham and Marie Curie, or Florence Nightingale and Kerry Katona, or Elizabeth Taylor and Kim Kardashian would go like?
Someone at Harper’s Bazaar did. And they hooked up the Hollywood legend with David Gest’s pal Taylor and recorded the chat for posterity. To avoid confusion , Kardashian dresses up as a Cleopatra on her way to a Russian oligarch’s pool party.
Before Liz is ready for the walking assp, Kim wants to confide in us. Come closer:
“I worked out once. I gained like 10 pounds. All the papers were like, Kim’s pregnant! I ate the nuts on the street corner, the hot dogs, the street meat. It was not a joke.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 9th, February 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Ever Imre Checks Out Alanis Morrissette’s Overbite
ALANIS Morrissette and Mario ‘MC Souleye’ have presented their child, a baby son called…Ever Imre to the users of Facebook, and now to you.
Read the rest of this entry »
