Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
For Missoni Life Is A Scatter Cushion, Literally
MARGHERITA Maccapani Missoni is the “ambassadress” of Italian fashion label Missoni. In an age where no man or woman is an island, rather a nation with ambassadors, we enter the other world inhabited by the Missonis.
Highlights of the interview are:
MMM: “I feel a bit like the keeper of the brand’s essence. It’s difficult to explain in one sentence. I’ve learnt to be a Missoni. It’s something that’s mine, that belongs to me. I’ve grown up seeing the world through those eyes, through an aesthetic.”
Hello!: “Which is why you’ve become the ambassadress, the chosen one…”
MMM: “As for my friends, they were scattered all over the place. But now I’ve got a cushion of friends I can fall back on and bounce off”…
Living among so much soft furnishing can do that to you…
Posted: 1st, February 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)
Jacqui Ainsley (Guy Ritchie’s Lover) Talks About Her Private Life In Hello!
JACQUI Ainsley is the lover to Guy Richie, former husband to Madonna. She’s in Hello!, talking about Guy’s pyjamas, her “organic” move into his home, their cooking and watching telly together, her learning Hebrew, her godson…
Says Hello!:
“Both Guy and Jacqui are intensely private…”
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Posted: 1st, February 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
The Secrets Of Cheryl Cole’s Happiness Are Revealed
CHERYL Cole smiles from the cover of Hello! magazine. Readers are invited to read on and learn “THE SECRETS BEHIND HER HAPPINESS”?
Anyone want to guess? Is it her money? Is it her fame? Is it sycophantic press unwilling to alienate Simon Cowell and thus happy to buy into the marketing and see in Cole all manner of non-existence qualities to admire?
Well, on page 58, we learn that the secrets to Cheryl Cole’s happiness are… Simon Cowell, a “slower pace of life” and Derek Hough.
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Posted: 1st, February 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Amy Childs Is In Caprice’s Knickers: Photos
AMY Childs is the news face, chest, legs and buttocks of Caprice’s lingerie. Caprice, who used to be seen in her own eponymous range of knickers, says Childs got into hers on account of her looks:
“She has amazing big Bambi eyes, healthy curves and an incredible tush.”
Healthy curves would be the false breasts?
Posted: 1st, February 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Charlie Sheen’s Cocaine Teeth Give Kacey Jordan A Lift
WHAT news of low-profile-seeking Kacey Jordan, 22, the newest porn star to emerge from Charlie Sheen’s stables? Kacey has news of Sheen’s teeth:
“They’ve fallen out from partying. He kept saying ‘f****** porcelain teeth – they’re c**p’. He said he had to get gold teeth. We all know it’s the drug use.”
And there was us thinking it was typical Hollywood stuff for a star to have fake teeth. We now know that those American smiles are the product of alleged cocaine abuse.
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Posted: 31st, January 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Elton John Show Off Zachary At Gnomeo Premiere: Photos
TO the premiere of Gnomeo and Julie (it is as it sounds – gnome meets lover; gnome losers lover; gnome impales himself on fishing rod barb). The film is produced by news dads Elton John and David Furnish, they of the censored sperm shake. This might well be the future for Elton.
New celebrity mums and dads are fond of turning their soft hands to the creative arts and bringing us ranges of clothing and books so that we plebs can dress our sprogs like better looking and more talented babies. We can read our kidzzz the same stories, perhaps while impersonating the famous writer and thus increase the chance, however miniscule, that our child will not grow up to resent our inability to get them record deal and a modelling contract with Chanel.
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Posted: 31st, January 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Katie Price Sleeps With A Minder To Keep Alex Reid Away: Inflatable Doll On Stand By
KATIE Price was so desperate not to dry hump Alex Reid that she ordered a security guard to sleep across her bedroom door and so bar the Walking Toffee Crisp from gaining entry.
It’s a wonderful tableau. We see the ambulatory cross-dressing night light pacing the halls, desperate to feel the hard chill of his wife’s body. We see Jordan in her bed. From outside her boudoir, a neon strip of orange light seeps out.
A cry breaks the tension. It’s Princess TenaLadyMe, Katie’s daughter. She wants her mummmmeeeeeeeeiii. Will Katie dare to open the door, so affording Reid a window of opportunity for a quick cuddle, or maybe even a spooning?
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Posted: 30th, January 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Coronation Street: Samia Smith And Will Thorp Star In Tabloid Masterclass
CORONATION STREET stars Samia Smith and Will Thorp are reported to be in a romance. It’s front-page news in the NoTW, which has been sitting on the story for a month. The story began with the Sun saying Thorpe was “comforting” Smith. They had formed a “solid relationship”.
Now we learn:
“She is smitten with him and he is obsessed with her. They believe they will be together forever.”
Is that right? Do two actors who have been married and parented children think they will together forever? Did they say that? No. Because none of the players will talk to the tabloid, all we have is an unnamed “source”.
Our Corrie source said: “They left their partners and within weeks admitted they were a couple. But both are adamant that nothing went on between them until after they had left their families. There are three young children involved in all of this and it is so sad.”
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Posted: 30th, January 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Cheryl Cole and Ashley’s Secret Dates: Chelsea Players Hope For Love Affair
CHERYL Cole And Ashley Cole have been “secretly meeting” in “dates“. The NoTW says the divorced couple have been meeting at their old marital home. The paper conjures up this gem:
Insiders at his Chelsea club say Ashley thinks he can win her back despite cheating on her with FIVE women. “It’s the talk of the training ground,” said a source.
All the Chelsea footballers, kit men, managers, Roman Abramovich and the youth team are talking about Chezza and Ash.
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Posted: 30th, January 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Katie Price Moves For Regime Change in Retail: Victoria Beckham Revolted
“JORDAN V Posh – IT’S WAR.” So declares the Daily Star, choosing to ignore the brewing conflict in Egypt and focus on affairs closer to home.
The domino effect in the Middle East may crash into the domino from East Sussex and meet in a huge tsunami of silicon breast milk. What news of the Tangerine Revolution?
KATE Price has declared fashion war on her old enemy Victoria Beckham by launching her own clothing range. The model will debut her new budget-price collection next month in a bid to rival Posh.
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Posted: 29th, January 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Barbara Streisand’s Home Shopping Mall: Photos
BARBRA Streisand’s home features shops. Yeah, Barbara Streisand is Emily from Bagpuss.
Of course, this being Malibu, California, Streisand very possibly has her own cash for her own shops; currency that, given the strength of the dollar, might well be the new benchmark of value.
Want to look about Bab’s shoppe? Here you go:
Posted: 28th, January 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole’s Tattoos: Nation’s Sweetheart Becomes Mrs Colewort (Photos)
CHERYL Cole wants to show you her new tramp stamp tattoo, a new version of her old tramp stamp tattoo. News is that the new version will link up with a tattoo that wraps about Cole’s thigh. It might then be linked to that “Mrs Cole” tattoo that sits on the back of Cheryl’s neck, the one that provided reassurance to former husband Ashley Cole in yoga class and other doggy pursuits.
It’s a huge media debate.
The Sun hears from Dr Sean Lanigan, who sees a scare story. You should not copy Cheryl Cole:
BRITAIN is facing a tattoo timebomb as more women than ever decide to copy stars like Cheryl Cole by “getting inked”…
So think carefully or you could add weight to the old saying: “Tattoo in haste, repent at leisure”.
That old saying sounds a lot like a new saying.
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Posted: 28th, January 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Endhiran Is The Most Expensive Cheap Film Ever
ENDHIRAN (The Robot) is the ultimate Indian film of all time. It’s the most expensive film in the history of in Indian cinema. And yet they producers and talent has made it look so very cheap.
It is mind boggling:
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Posted: 28th, January 2011 | In: Film | Comments (5)
Chantelle Tagoe’s Louboutin Museum Is A Sign Of The Armageddon
CHANTELLE Tagoe dates Emile Heskey, Midlands football’s transferrable battering ram. Their home boasts an air hockey table, six bedrooms and a “football area”.
But Tagoe particularly likes her walk-in wardrobe and dressing room “with brown snakeskin-effect walls and cubby holes so that Chantelle can showcase her extensive collection of handbags and shoes.”
Showcase to OK! magazine and the coachloads of tourists who pass through her dressing of a given afternoon.
Says Chantelle of her collection:
“Louboutins are like pieces of art on your feet!”
You can get the same effect by wearing Anorak’s Tate Modern entry Vomit In Sock, or doodling a picture of a dead shark on your Converse, or wearing two dead sharks – one on each foot; or two on one foot to be really edgy. (If you can’t find sharks use battered cod.)
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Posted: 27th, January 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
EastEnders: Cheryl Fergison Tells Of Her Love For Yassine El Jamouni
EASTENDERS actress Cheryl Fergison (she plays ‘Evver Trotter) has found love. Or as OK! puts sit in an interview:
“After years of searching for the man of her dreams, a successful and wealthy but lonely and lovelorn actress is finally swept off her feet by the man of her dreams – a Moroccan goat herder almost half her age.”
Yassine El Jamouni, for it is he, was not on a mountain top tending his flock when love scout Cheryl approached. He was online. Cheryl explains this and more:
Cheryl: “Yassine is not a goatherder.,..”
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Posted: 27th, January 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Lady Gaga’s Perfume Smells Of Semen And Blood
LADY Gaga’s first scent will smell of blood and semen.
The bottle will, presumably, resemble a used condom, as found on the floor of a South African jail…
Posted: 27th, January 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Elton John’s Gay Family Photos Censored By Anti-Gay Christians In Arkansas
ELTON John and David Furnish’s baby Zachary is not acceptable viewing for the people of a Harps supermarket in Mountain View, Arkansas. The US magazine in which they showcase their child to the planet has been encased in a protective sheath, known locally as a “family shield“.
So, who are the leaders of Harps?
Kim Eskew, President & COO:
Kim and his wife Karen live in Springdale and are members of First Baptist Church of Springdale.
The church is part of the Southern Baptist Convention.
The church believes that:
Homosexual is a chosen behavior not a discovered sexual orientation.
A child is set up as a result of poor parenting to make them more likely to choose to become homosexual.
Homosexuals can convert to heterosexuality through prayer, becoming saved.
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Posted: 27th, January 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
The Oscars 2011: The Nominations (Including Jessica Alba And Twilight)
THE 2011 Academy Award nominees are not Jennifer Aniston (nominated for the Razzie for Worst Actress for her role in The Bounty Hunter) The Last Airbender (nine Razzie noms – we saw it; it is deserving), Twilight stars Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart, and Jessica Alba, who has four nominations for Worst Supporting Actress.
Best Film:
Black Swan
The Fighter
Inception
The Kids Are All Right
The King’s Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter’s Bone
Best Supporting Actor
Christian Bale, The Fighter
John Hawkes, Winter’s Bone
Jeremy Renner, The Town
Mark Ruffalo, The Kids Are All Right
Geoffery Rush, The King’s Speech
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The Justin Bieber Doll Is All Dolls To All People: Photos
YOU can buy a singing Justin Bieber dolly. Toy Justin doesn’t weep, pray, eat and poop, but it does sing One Less Lonely Girl when you press a button on his face.
Younger fans will like waving it; older fans will like waving it; dogs will enjoy chewing it; perverts will enjoy keeping it in the box in the hope that one day it is collectable and becomes worth actual money; boys will get pins and ram them into Justin’s puppy dog eyes.
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Was Piers Morgan Right About British Soldiers Abusing Iraqi Prisoners?
PIERS Morgan, currently on US TV knocking them dead with his interviewing on CNN,, is the subject of a correction from the Associated Press:
In a Jan. 6 story, The Associated Press reported CNN anchor Piers Morgan’s claim that his interview with then-British Prime Minister Gordon Brown turned the tide of Gordon’s election campaign in his favor. While Brown got a boost in the polls after the interview, the story should have noted that he subsequently lost the 2010 election to a Conservative Party-led coalition.
One thing not being apologised for is Morgan’s relationship with the “fake” photos of Iraqi prisoners being abused by British soldiers that hastened his exit from the Daily Mirror.
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Posted: 25th, January 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (6)
Kevin Smith Buys Red State: Stoned Masturbating Demographic Waits For Download
KEVIN Smith bought his film Red State for $20. He is now in control of the marketing – see stories about his buying own film for $20.
Says Smith:
I never wanted to know jack shit about business. I’m a fat, masturbating stoner. That’s why I got into the movie business. I thought that was where fat, masturbating stoners went. And if somebody had told me at the beginning of my career, you’re going to have to learn so much about business, finance, amortization, all that shit, monetization, I would have been like, ‘Fuck it. I’m just going to stay home and masturbate. That’s too much work, man.’ It took seven years for Clerks, a movie that cost $27,575, to go into profit.
He makes a point well. The film industry so so laughably earnest. The televised AGMs are moribund and cheesy; the film industry gongs are given out with a gravitas and sense of worthiness the Three Wise Men would have found ” a bit much”.
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Kerry Katona, Kevin Greene And Dancing On Splice: The Spurned Wife Talks
KERRY Katona, current blade wielder on the televised celebrity cull Dancing On Ice – having shilled for Iceland Kezza is now living in the freezer – is having a “red-hot romance with the hunky Royal Marine” Kevin Greene.
Or as the Star puts it:
In an exclusive interview with the Daily Star Sunday, Kerry revealed how hunky Dan [Whiston]… and her son Max, two, were the only men in her life.
The NoTW goes on to talk about Katona being a victim of her bi-polar medication and estranged husband Mark Croft.
The NoTW states:
He skated back into her affections after his marriage failed, and they have been together for several weeks.
Got that? His marriage failed. Then he got with Kerry. A source pops up to confirm:
“She fell for him in a big way – she walked out of her marriage after meeting him. She is delighted to have finally got her man but she is desperate to keep it secret.”
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Posted: 23rd, January 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Manic Street Preachers Rock The Brixton Academy: Photos
FACE of the Day: Nicky Wire of The Manic Street Preachers performs at the O2 Brixton Academy in south London. Even his tears are made of gold. Yep. That’s the way you do it…
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Iggy Pop’s Stomach Makes A Sad Face
IGGY Pop’s torso is making a face. It’s not a pervy and homer Simpson’s face. It’s is merely a window on the soul.
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Posted: 22nd, January 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Kate Winslet’s Chocolate Fondant Dessert Is No Guarantee Of Sex
WHEN Hello! asked: “Has Kate [Winslet] stuck up a new romance with Orlando?”, we met Orlando Searle. A photo of the actor showcased a hirsute man with a future as Sean Connery’s stunt chest. But Hello’s source had eyes only for the dinner Winslet was eating in his company at a “cosy lunch”:
“Kate enjoyed oysters and a chocolate fondant dessert – she was eating the food of love.”
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Posted: 21st, January 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
